Waited until the end of the halftime show...

To tell my kids that The Weeknd was over.

Why did the Kansas City Chiefs play so bad after halftime?

They were still blinded by the lights

Super Bowl Halftime

At halftime it's Maroon 5 Patriots 3 Rams 0

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I wasn't the only one in my house who was offended by the overly sexual nature of this year's Super Bowl Halftime Show.

Even my teenage son ran to his room so he wouldn't have to watch it.

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Halftime

A husband and wife were settled in bed watching some tv. Moments later the husband farted and quickly said: "7-0."
The wife, competitive indeed proceeded to answer with some gas of her own and answered: "7-7, tie game."
A few minutes later the wife relieved herself again and stated, "14-7, I...

I really enjoyed this year's halftime performance.

I had enough time to take my dog for a decent walk.

An American politician attends a football game...

This was last season so the stadium was packed with fans, completely sold out. He's minding his own business, enjoying the game when, during the 2nd Quarter, he hears someone in a nearby section shouting, "Steve! Hey, Steve!"

The politician stands up, looks around, but doesn't see anyone he ...

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The Tale of Kevin Bopper

Back in high school there was this kid named Kevin Bopper. He was... strange, to say the least. He was that quiet kid with long, greasy, dandruff-ridden hair, a face full of acne, and wore a leather jacket- you know the type. The thing that made him stand out, however, was his weird fixation on traf...

It's almost halftime at the Super Bowl...

... And a man in the third row at the fifty yard line has been wondering why there is 3 empty seats in front of him. Finally he taps a man on the shoulder who is sitting beside the seats.

"The biggest game of all year and these people didn't show up! How insane is that!?" He asks.

"Ac...

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An old man and his wife are in bed.

After lying silently for a few minutes, the old man farts and says, “Seven points.”

His wife rolls over and says, “What in the heck are you talking about?”

The old man answers, “I’m playing fart football!”

A few minutes later the wife farts and says, “Touchdown! Tie score.”
<...

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My dad’s favorite

Two rednecks were at a football game. During halftime, a dog ran out on the field, sat down, and started licking its butt. The first man looked at it and said, “I wish I could do that.” The second man frowned, looked at the dog, looked at his friend and said “That dog’d bite you!”

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An older man and his wife are laying in bed

At one point the man farts and says "touchdown, 7 points". The wife looks at him confused and says "what was that?" the old man replies "i farted and got a touchdown. Its 7-0, I'm winning." the wife, thinking shes caught on, then farts and says "touchdown, tie game".

The old man after a few ...

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So a newlywed couple is in bed after their wedding day when...

The husband lets out a massive fart and the wife says " What was that?"
The husband responds "A game. Im winning 7-0" later the wife lets out a fart and says "7-7!"
The wife follows up with another poot and claims the score 14-7. Finally the the husband fart so explosively that he shits the be...

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Fart football!

So a husband lays down next to his wife for sleep. She turns over and *FLEERP*[fart noise] the husband jumps from being startled and exclaims "what the hell was that?!" the wife shoots back, " touchdown and an extra point! 7 points!"
The husband not to be out done, leans over and *FWAAERP* "touc...

A football manager signs his new star...

A manager for a football club signs his new star, a centipede. It’s the debut game for their new club and all the other players are out on the field when the match starts. The team starts conceding goals and is down 5-0 at half time.

During the break, the manager substitutes the centipede o...

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A husband and wife were laying in bed

The old man farted and the old lady yelled, "What was that?!" "We're playing football, I just scored six points!" ,yells the man. The old lady won't let him win so she out lets a squeaky teaser. "Six points," says she, "the game is tied." ...and goes back to her knitting. Well, the old m...

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A joke for the next time you and your partner are farting in bed.

A man and his wife were lying in bed reading.

The husband farts and says "Fart football, that's a touchdown!"

The wife looks back, rips a fart, and says "we're tied!"

The husband looks back, rips a little one, says "field goal! I'm up by three!"

The wife rips another big ...

Second half centipede

The animals and the insects were always competing as to which group was greater. The insects argued that they were greater in number and more diversified. The animals argued they rat were more highly developed and had greater abilities.
To prove which group was greater they agreed to have a foot...

My kinesiology professor likes to tell jokes in class that he hears from other professors, friends or family. This was today's gem. Warning, there's a lot of lead-up, but that's just how my teacher seems to tell jokes.

So there was a football game in the jungle between all of the big animals and all of the small animals, to see who was the best and would get the best spots at the watering hole. In the first half of the game, the small animals were getting obliterated--they couldn't gain a single yard on the big an...

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Old Fart Football

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, "Seven points!"

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"
The old man replied, "It's fart football."

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score!"...

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An eldery couple are in bed one night...

Out of nowhere the husband farts and says. "1-0." The wife asks him what he was doing, and the husband replies that they are having a contest to see who can fart more in bed. The wife, not to be outdone, lets one rip and says, "1-1." A few minutes later the wife is able to let another one out and sa...

animal football

The animals were bored.

Finally, the lion had an idea. "I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I've seen it on T.V."

He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to the field...

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