My linguist friend hates all languages with accents, slashes, or any funny symbols over Latin letters.

He was born a critic, he lived a critic, but he will *never* diacritic.

What did the cunning linguist say to the angry german?

Why so sour, Kraut?

What kind of Shoes do Linguists wear?

Converse

A philosopher says to a linguist, “What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?”

The linguist replied, “They’d be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.”

The Ivy-league Linguist

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.

However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negati...

I'm no linguist, but all Germans really appreciate memes.

They always say 'feeling dank'

Rod and Keith, two linguists, are chatting about life...

Rod and Keith, two linguists, are chatting about life when Rod slips in a linguistic pun. Keith is not impressed and points out why the pun was so bad. The conversation continues and Rod tries to deftly insert another pun. Again, without even cracking a smile, Keith starts pointing out all the flaws...

What is a linguist's least favorite kind of bread?

Whole Wheat.

What is a linguist’s favorite kind of beer?

An IPA.

A philosopher, a linguist, and a physicist were asked, "Which of your three fields is the most useful?"

The philosopher said, "What do we mean when we use the word 'useful'?"

The linguist said, "What do *you* mean when you use the word 'useful'?"

The physicist laughed and said, "The answer can be inferred by the uselessness of the other answers."

I was hit on by a linguist the other day

She asked me to conjugate, but I had to decline.

A group of linguists at the key note of a conference

They started chanting "Speech! Speech! Speech! ..."

What do you call a world renowned linguist?

A figure of speech.

I shared a shuttle ride today with a linguist heading to Turkey to study Tuva throat singers. (No joke!) I was reminded of this joke: Two linguists were walking down the street. Which one was the expert in contextually-indicated deixis and anaphoric reference resolution strategies?

The other one.

What do you call an American linguist, philosopher, cognitive scientist, logician, political commentator, social justice activist, and anarcho-syndicalist advocate who doesn't eat ham?

NO-HAM CHOMPSKY

Why do guys tell jokes when trying to pick up women?

Because ladies love cunning linguists

The mad old King

Once upon a time there was a King who was quite mad, through and through.
So mad in fact, that he would kill every daughter his wife bore as he only wanted sons.
He lived in a huge castle right next to the sea.

The kingdom that this King ruled over stretched far and wide. All the good...

If you have ever heard Trump's grammar while he speaks

You'd know that he's no cunning linguist.

Two chemist go to a bar

They sit at the counter and one chemist orders for his buddy.
“I’ll have a glass of H20, and he’ll have a glass of H20 too.”

The bartender is noticeably confused and looks to the gentlemen at the end of the bar.

The linguist replies. “Water you looking at me for?”

You hear about the new super hero that is also a politician?

He can communicate in every language..

He is..

The Cunning Linguist

Eating your family is wrong, but eating your wife isn't.

This sounds wrong, but I'm no cunning linguist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a Pet Shop.

He says he is looking for the best pet, a "companion".
The seller says "I have a parrot, a very smart one, he speaks in English, Spanish and German, and he knows some physics and mechanics"
The client, surprised, asks for the price, the seller says 500 USD.
The client, still hyped for the p...

I took a girl home last night after telling her I was good with my mouth...

We stayed up all night chatting, she eventually stormed off and I'm not sure why, maybe she doesn't think I'm the cunning linguist I claimed after all?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The best poet

All the world's finest poets, writers, bards and linguists were gathered in a competition to determine the best among them. After a week of competing, the finalists left standing were a rabbi and an Australian shepherd. Their final task was to improvise a rhyme containing the word 'Timbuktu'.
...

The silver-tongued lover can always make a woman blush...

... because they're a practiced, cunning linguist.

An anti-semantic walks into a synagogue.

The linguists in the group are offended and leave.

"Complete" or "Finished"?

**Here's your English lesson for the day!**

**"Complete" or "Finished"?**

No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the difference between "complete" and "finished." However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, and attended by some of the bes...

Someone explain the joke

The linguist's husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed. He said, "Why, Susan, I'm surprised." She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, "No. I am surprised. You are astonished."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The United Kingdom and their wide variety of fucks.

Two men are at the bar, making some idle conversation. One of the men is a linguist, and decides to tell his friend an interesting story.

"Hey, man! Did you know that, in the UK, each country has its own version of 'fuck?'"

His friend replies, "I haven't heard of that before, man. What...

What's the best way to get a Punjab in India?

Hire a cunning linguist.

Bubba n' Buford IV

Law enforcement officers in east Texas must also be linguists on occasion just to communicate. Take the time Bubba n' Buford were pulled over outside of Madisonville and the officer walked up and simply said "You boys have any ID?". Now that would seem a simple, clearly understood request...but no...

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