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Theorist Jokes

Why did the conspiracy theorist have such strong legs?

Because he spent so much time jumping to conclusions

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar

You can't tell me that's just a coincidence .

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Conspiracy Theorists Die...

...as they stand before God waiting to be judged, God tells them that they each may ask him one question they have always wanted to be answered and he would answer it.

One of the conspiracy theorists steps forward and asks “who was REALLY behind 9/11?”

Before God can answer, the seco...

Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher and political theorist,

but very few people know about his sister,

Onya, the inventor of the starter pistol.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two 9/11 conspiracy theorists are in a plane when it crashes

An instant later they find themselves in the afterlife, being judged by Almighty God Himself.

One falls to his knees, "I deplore you, all-powerful Creator of the universe! Before you judge me, I humbly beg you, reveal who was behind the September 11 attacks!"

God sighs. "Muslim extremi...

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven...

When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him. "Welcome. You are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully."

Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, "Did Bush do 9/11?"

God replies, "Bush did not plan the attacks. 9/11 was perpetrated...

Call me a nutter, a conspiracy theorist or as mad as a hatter, but did you know that if you take the first two letters from the title of every Harry Potter book, it spells out a secret message?!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb?

The real question is that who broke the light bulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?

edit.. thanks for the award kind stanger.

Have you heard about the new flatbread conspiracy theorists?

They're out to convince all naan believers.

Theorist vs Practitioner

Theorist learns the theories, but cannot build anything

Practitioner knows the results, but no idea how and why

I’m a combination of both theorist and practitioner.

I can’t build anything and no idea how and why

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the conspiracy theorist chick shave her pussy?

Because Bush did 9/11

A blind man and a conspiracy theorist walk into a bar

The blind man hits his head. This must have been a setup.

What do you call a constipated conspiracy theorist?

An anti-laxxer!

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar

Yeah, we're really supposed to believe that happens randomly?

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven.

He meets God and has the opportunity to ask him any question, so he asks who shot JFK. God replies that Oswald acted alone. The conspiracy theorist thinks, "damn, this goes deeper than I thought..."

A QAnon conspiracy theorist, a racist, and an anti-Semite walk into a bar.

Bartender says, "What'll you have, Congresswoman Greene?"

Why did the conspiracy theorist tell the radio repairman to take his time?

Because there was no rush

Anyone hear about the conspiracy theorist who died and went to heaven?

When he arrived, God stated that He grants all His children one question. The man promptly asked, "Who killed Kennedy?" God replied, "It was Lee Harvey Oswald, on the 6th floor, with his own gun, and he acted alone." The man thought for a moment then disappointingly replied "This goes higher u...

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Do your own research.

What do you call conspiracy theorists in a line?

Queue Anon

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven.

He proceeds through the Pearly Gates, and is confronted by God, in all his glory.

God - “With my everlasting knowledge, you may ask me any question, and I shall fulfill you with the answer.”

Conspiracy Theorist - “God, I have to know, who really assassinated JFK?

God - “well, t...

An economist, a chaos theorist, and a statistician are trying to shoot a deer for dinner with a bow and arrow...

The economist assumes no wind, and misses five feet to the left. He hands over the bow to the chaos theorist, who overestimates the effect of the wind, and misses five feet to the right. The statistician pumps his fist in the air and exclaims: "We got him!".

Two (more) conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven.

Now that they have the chance to ask any question of God, one of them asks "Do vaccines cause autism?"
God responds "No you fools. I gave humanity the key to save yourselves from countless deaths and so much suffering."

The conspiracy theorist gulps and turns to his friend....

Conspiracy theorists are like, “If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...”

It’s a government surveillance drone.

Mommy mommy I wanna grow up to be a conspiracy theorist!

Prove it

What did the giraffe say to the conspiracy theorist?

Nothing, giraffes aren't real.

Never start fights with flat earth theorist!

They’ll always go over the edge

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So two conspiracy theorists go to heaven

2 conspiracy theorists end up in heaven. They're at the gates and they see Jesus.

Jesus tells them that they can ask him any question they want. So they basically ask "who did 9/11?"


Jesus replies a "bunch of pissed-off terrorists"

The conspiracy theorists are shocked....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three conspiracy theorists are sitting at a bar.

“Man, I can’t believe NASA thinks we’d eat up that moon landing bullshit,” one of them says.

“I know, right?” says another. “Everyone knows deep down that it was fake.”

“The moon is way too far away for anybody to realistically land on!” the third one interjects. “If they could do it, ...

What did the conspiracy theorist say when they saw frankensteins monster?

it’s aLIE!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to Heaven and sees God.

When he gets there, God says, “I’ll tell you any secret you’ve ever wanted to know.”

The conspiracy theorist says “How did Jeffrey Epstien die?”

God says “He killed himself in his prison cell.”

The conspiracy theorist says “...shit, this goes higher than I thought”

Can conspiracy theorists win a Nobel Prize?

They already have a Theory of Everything.

What's a conspiracy theorist's favorite track and field event?

Sheeplechase.

I just don't understand how conspiracy theorists make outrageous claims

5G must have really fried their brains.

What do you call a old economic theorist?

A Economizer!

A priest, a philosopher, and a conspiracy theorist walk into a bar...

They sit down at a table and the priest says "God created all things!"

The philosopher says "But who created god?"

And the conspiracy theorist says "I think we're all just inside a computer and we're put into this exact situation by some weirdo as a sick joke!"

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Two conspiracy theorists die and go to Heaven.

When they arrive, they ask Saint Peter if they can ask God a question. He agrees, and soon they find themselves in front of God.

"God," asked one of the conspiracy theorists, "who caused 9/11?"

"9/11 was caused by a group of God-hating individuals who wanted to sow terror and fear thro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a Jewish conspiracy theorists biggest fear?

The Illumi-nazis.

😂Thought of this while driving yesterday...so it’s original as far as I know

Whats worse than 10,000 conspiracy theorists?

1 real conspiracy.

Someone asked me if I was one of those conspiracy theorists"

I replied, "why, who are you working for?"

I think it would be pretty simple to send 5G conspiracy theorists to space

Just tell them there's Zero G

Why didn't the conspiracy theorist make his irreverently named pet sleep outside?

Because 9/11 was an inside dog.

What did the drowning number theorist say?

logloglogloglogloglogloglogloglog

What can conspiracy theorists never explain?

They say that 9/11 was an inside job...
but planes fly OUTSIDE.

Can't explain that

Conspiracy theorists, I hope you're right...

I hope the illuminati run this country, they seem like a safe bet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two conspiracy theorists are flying on a plane to a convention when it crashes.

They find themselves before God and tell him "We are but humble men, and for all our life we have sought the truth. You are all-knowing, so you know all the answers."

"What is your question?"

"We would really like to know who was really behind the 9/11".

"Osama bin Laden and the...

A good-natured conspiracy theorist wakes up and realizes that he's died in his sleep and gone to heaven...God appears and says "welcome my son, as a reward for your virtuous life, I can answer one question for you about any topic you'd like with absolute certainty..."

The man thinks for a second and asks God "who actually killed JFK?"

God's eyes roll back in to his head for a minute while he scours the divine historical record. After a moment, he returns to normal and says "Lee Harvey Oswald."

The man replies "Wow! This goes way deeper than I though...

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

Wait, I can explain everything!

Where do conspiracy theorists keep their ideas?

In a skeptic tank.

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(Note: I just made up this joke earlier today. I'm not 100% sure the joke is obvious; feel free to suggest a better wording!)

My favourite band used to be The Conspiracy Theorists, but they split up.

It was the government's fault.

A conspiracy theorist turns to his friend, nudges him and asks, "Hey, did you hear about 7/11?"

"...I heard it was a part-time job."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Conspiracy theorists on Facebook on this joyous day of days.

These guys were brainwashed by the government to cover up Lincoln's murder because Kennedy's assassin really hated marathons. Especially the ones run by Disney every year because he was a nazi and everyone knows nazis are hiding on the dark side of the moon purposely keeping weed from being legalize...

I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist here, but are we truly to believe that the Titanic sunk after being hit by an iceberg?! Do they think we're stupid fools!?

I've been throwing lettuce at the window for hours now and it hasn't even scratched, let alone put a hole in it.

A conspiracy theorist who doesn't believe in Zeus walks out into a field during a thunderstorm wearing his tinfoil hat to test his theory.

Needless to say, he was shocked when he learned the truth.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In light of recent discoveries, I made a joke

A conspiracy theorist died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter told the conspiracy theorist “You may ask me one question, and I will reply honestly.”

The conspiracy theorist thought for some time and asked “Did Hitler escape death in WWII and move to Argentina, where he still r...

A bar in Texas was struggling

To get customers. The owner, Dwayne, was talking to his friend, Bud. Bud suggested he change the bar's name to something that people would want to get into. He thought and thought until finally he said "Hunter Bidens Laptop!". So he changed the name of the bar and called all the news organizations i...

How many Ancient Egyptians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Oh! You're a conspiracy theorist too?

I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist,but I can't be the only one that noticed they are developing a vaccine for the Corona virus just in time...

To see if anti vaxxers are right .

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four physicists travel together on a train...

Four physicists travel together in a train: a Russian, a French, and an American experimentalist, and an American string theorist. Soon the Russian physicist opens his briefcase, pulls out a bottle of fine vodka and four small glasses, fills the glasses, and throws the bottle out the window.

...

The JFK files will be released today.

If there's anything that satisfies conspiracy theorists' curiosity, it's files released by the government.

I don't believe in conspiracy theories

I think conspiracy theorists are secretly working together to brainwash us

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