Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar

You can't tell me that's just a coincidence

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So two conspiracy theorists go to heaven

2 conspiracy theorists end up in heaven. They're at the gates and they see Jesus.

Jesus tells them that they can ask him any question they want. So they basically ask "who did 9/11?"


Jesus replies a "bunch of pissed-off terrorists"

The conspiracy theorists are shocked....

Two (more) conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven.

Now that they have the chance to ask any question of God, one of them asks "Do vaccines cause autism?"
God responds "No you fools. I gave humanity the key to save yourselves from countless deaths and so much suffering."

The conspiracy theorist gulps and turns to his friend....

A priest, a philosopher, and a conspiracy theorist walk into a bar...

They sit down at a table and the priest says "God created all things!"

The philosopher says "But who created god?"

And the conspiracy theorist says "I think we're all just inside a computer and we're put into this exact situation by some weirdo as a sick joke!"

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Conspiracy theorists in a nutshell

Im kinda scared for the year 2020, because 2+0+2+0 = 4. which is the exact number of nipples Hitler would've had if he had 2 extra nipples

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A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven and sees God..

When he gets there, God says, “I’ll tell you any secret you’ve ever wanted to know.”

The guy says “Finally.. Alright, who killed JFK?”

God says “It was Lee Harvey Oswald, all along, that’s who shot him. He acted alone.”

The guy says “...shit, this goes higher than I thought”

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Two Conspiracy Theorists Die...

...as they stand before God waiting to be judged, God tells them that they each may ask him one question they have always wanted to be answered and he would answer it.

One of the conspiracy theorists steps forward and asks “who was REALLY behind 9/11?”

Before God can answer, the seco...

Call me a conspiracy theorist but I think the Titanic was sunk by terrorists...

Definitely an isisberg.

What soda do conspiracy theorists stock up on ?

Dr.prepper

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Three conspiracy theorists are sitting at a bar.

“Man, I can’t believe NASA thinks we’d eat up that moon landing bullshit,” one of them says.

“I know, right?” says another. “Everyone knows deep down that it was fake.”

“The moon is way too far away for anybody to realistically land on!” the third one interjects. “If they could do it, ...

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A JFK conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven

When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him. "Welcome. You are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully."

Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, "Who really shot Kennedy?"

God replies, "Lee Harvey Oswald shot him from sixth floor ...

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven.

He proceeds through the Pearly Gates, and is confronted by God, in all his glory.

God - “With my everlasting knowledge, you may ask me any question, and I shall fulfill you with the answer.”

Conspiracy Theorist - “God, I have to know, who really assassinated JFK?

God - “well, t...

Two 9/11 conspiracy theorists are in a plane when it crashes

An instant later they find themselves in the afterlife, being judged by Almighty God Himself.

One falls to his knees, "I deplore you, all-powerful Creator of the universe! Before you judge me, I humbly beg you, reveal who was behind the September 11 attacks!"

God sighs. "Muslim extremi...

Never start fights with flat earth theorist!

They’ll always go over the edge

Where do conspiracy theorists hate to sleep?

Debunk beds.

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What is a Jewish conspiracy theorists biggest fear?

The Illumi-nazis.

😂Thought of this while driving yesterday...so it’s original as far as I know

A conspiracy theorist walks into a bar

^At ^least ^that's ^what ^*they* ^want ^you ^to ^believe

A conspiracy theorist was struck by lightning.

Coincidence?

A conspiracy theorist who doesn't believe in Zeus walks out into a field during a thunderstorm wearing his tinfoil hat to test his theory.

Needless to say, he was shocked when he learned the truth.

I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist here, but are we truly to believe that the Titanic sunk after being hit by an iceberg?! Do they think we're stupid fools!?

I've been throwing lettuce at the window for hours now and it hasn't even scratched, let alone put a hole in it.

Whats worse than 10,000 conspiracy theorists?

1 real conspiracy.

What do you call a old economic theorist?

A Economizer!

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

We may never know the truth.

A string theorist cheats on his wife, but she walks in on them

He jumps out of the bed and shouts "I can explain everything!"

What did the giraffe say to the conspiracy theorist?

Nothing, giraffes aren't real.

My favourite band used to be The Conspiracy Theorists, but they split up.

It was the government's fault.

Why didn't the conspiracy theorist make his irreverently named pet sleep outside?

Because 9/11 was an inside dog.

Why do conspiracy theorists make terrible landscape gardeners?

They're too obsessed with inside jobs.

There are a bunch of flat earth theorists...

...They are all over the globe.

An economist, a chaos theorist, and a statistician are trying to shoot a deer for dinner with a bow and arrow...

The economist assumes no wind, and misses five feet to the left. He hands over the bow to the chaos theorist, who overestimates the effect of the wind, and misses five feet to the right. The statistician pumps his fist in the air and exclaims: "We got him!".

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Two conspiracy theorists are flying on a plane to a convention when it crashes.

They find themselves before God and tell him "We are but humble men, and for all our life we have sought the truth. You are all-knowing, so you know all the answers."

"What is your question?"

"We would really like to know who was really behind the 9/11".

"Osama bin Laden and the...

How many general-relativity theorists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate space.

Conspiracy theorists, I hope you're right...

I hope the illuminati run this country, they seem like a safe bet

What can conspiracy theorists never explain?

They say that 9/11 was an inside job...
but planes fly OUTSIDE.

Can't explain that

What did the drowning number theorist say?

logloglogloglogloglogloglogloglog

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Conspiracy theorists on Facebook on this joyous day of days.

These guys were brainwashed by the government to cover up Lincoln's murder because Kennedy's assassin really hated marathons. Especially the ones run by Disney every year because he was a nazi and everyone knows nazis are hiding on the dark side of the moon purposely keeping weed from being legalize...

Where do conspiracy theorists keep their ideas?

In a skeptic tank.

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(Note: I just made up this joke earlier today. I'm not 100% sure the joke is obvious; feel free to suggest a better wording!)

How many Ancient Egyptians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Oh! You're a conspiracy theorist too?

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In light of recent discoveries, I made a joke

A conspiracy theorist died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter told the conspiracy theorist “You may ask me one question, and I will reply honestly.”

The conspiracy theorist thought for some time and asked “Did Hitler escape death in WWII and move to Argentina, where he still r...

The JFK files will be released today.

If there's anything that satisfies conspiracy theorists' curiosity, it's files released by the government.

I don't believe in conspiracy theories

I think conspiracy theorists are secretly working together to brainwash us

Four physicists travel together on a train...

Four physicists travel together in a train: a Russian, a French, and an American experimentalist, and an American string theorist. Soon the Russian physicist opens his briefcase, pulls out a bottle of fine vodka and four small glasses, fills the glasses, and throws the bottle out the window.

...

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