UPJOKE
historyegyptologistprehistoryarcheologistanthropologistanthropologygeologyexcavationethnologyenglandbronze ageeuropestratigraphyartifactcivilization

Archaeologist Jokes

Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?

Because he only dated mummies.

What did the archaeologist find

He won't tell me but he said it's groundbreaking

I recently started dating an archaeologist.

It just goes to show that they will date anything.

Why do archaeologists get all the girls?

Because they have the best dating techniques.

My archaeologist friend was looking sad at work, so I asked him if there was something wrong

"Of course there is!" He said.

"My work is in ruins!"

How did the two archaeologists fall in love

Carbon dating.

Archaeologists in Egypt have unearthed a tomb containing a mummy covered in chocolate & nuts.

Excited they believe it is the remains of the long lost Pharaoh Roche.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do archaeologists collect used tampons?

They like to figure out what period they came from..

A team of British archaeologists dug to a depth of 15 feet and found an intricate network of copper wires.

From this, the team concluded that the Britain was advanced enough to have telephone connections in their cities 150 years ago.

In response to this, American archaeologists started their own expedition. They dug up to a depth of 20 feet and found an even more expansive network of copper wires...

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have.

The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Protestant archaeologist uncovered Jesus Christ’s tomb.

And he discovered inside it remains, which beyond any reasonable doubt belong to Jesus Christ himself. The archaeologist understands that this could be catastrophic for Christian faith, since this means that there wasn’t any Resurrection of Christ. He’s in desperate need of advice, and so he decides...

Archaeologists recently discovered a tomb

When they dug the remains up they saw that the skeleton had a fine layer of chocolate on it and after months of intense research they discovered that it was the remains of the famous Pharaoh Rocher.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you piss off a female archaeologist?

Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from.

After 20 years of dating an Archaeologist, it’s finally over

She was always digging up the past.

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel...

and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least. After examining it, he called Abe, the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem.

"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed....

What did the archaeologist say to the other archaeologist?

I got a bone to pick with you

Why did the archaeologist ask a diamond out to dinner?

Because of his enthusiasm for Carbon-Dating.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they found…

A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they found a cave with the symbols of a woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish and a Star of David on the wall.

Pointing to the first drawing,
the head of the team declared: “This indicates these people were family oriented and held women...

Why do archaeologist lead sad lives?

Because their career lies in ruins.

Three archaeologists met in a seminar.

The British said: we dug very deep and found sculpted animal bones. This proves that my ancestors invented art.

The German said: we dug very deep and found a plate-size disk showing the solar system. This proves that my ancestors invented astronomy.

The Italian said: we dug very deep a...

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year..

..British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, a team of American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 fe...

John the archaeologist is digging under a theatre and discovers 5 pots of gold coins...

Ecstatic, he tells his lead archaeologist

"Graham, I've found 3 pots of gold coins!"

"What's that John? You've found 2 pots of gold coins?"

"That's what I said, a whole pot of gold coins!"

How do you know you have a crush on an archaeologist?

You just dig them

How is working at McDonald’s like being an archaeologist in Athens?

Either way, you end up smelling like ancient grease.

Did you go to the party the archaeologists were having because they discovered the lower leg?

I heard it was the real shindig.




I'm sorry

Why do lazy archaeologists love deep penetrating radar?

Because they can just LIDAR and take it.

What song does an archaeologist listen to when their work site is closed?

No Diggity

TIL most archaeologists are women

Due to their natural ability to dig up the past

An archaeologist goes to search for some ancient ruins.

He trekked through the desert for 5 hours, but at last he found them.

Looking at the wall, he saw a stone engraving indicating there was fresh water only a short walk away.

The archaeologist then said "That's a relief!"

I thought I'd be a successful archaeologist

turns out my career is in ruins.

An group of archaeologists gathered to find the leg bone of an ancient man

It was a real shindig

Why do females make the best archaeologists?

Because they absolutely love digging up everything that has happened in the past.

My friend is an archaeologist...

He was complaining about not having any money. Dunno what he's talking about, though. He is an archaeologist and he's surprised that his career lies in ruins?

Soviet archaeologists discover an ancient man in the ice in the Ural

In the 70s, a Soviet professor and two of his students are conducting an excavation in the Ural Mountains. They discover a well preserved man in the ice and they dig him up. He is wearing some primitive clothes, a stick and some unknown artefacts and they soon start arguing which age he is from. Wh...

An archaeologist was digging in the desert outside Jerusalem...

An archaeologist was digging in the desert outside Jerusalem, when he found a crude sarcophagus. On opening it, he discovered a mummy completely intact. On further investigation, he determined that he must have this mummy inspected by professionals, so he called a museum in Jerusalem and told the cu...

What did the hipster from Pompeii say to the archaeologist who discovered him?

"I was into volcanic ash before it was cool."

My archaeologist co-worker tried to blackmail me the other day

Turns out he got a lot of dirt on me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are there so many female archaeologist?

Bitches love digging up the past

Two archaeologists are excavating an ancient Egyptian tomb

Suddenly both archaeologists let out loud farts in unison. They turn to each other and one says, “Hmm, it seems that we have a Tutankhamen”

What's the difference between an archaeologist and a grave robber?

The robber does the crime, then does the time. The archaeologist does the time, then the crime.

I went to an archaeologist’s party where we were excavating a lower leg bone.

It was quite the shindig.

An archaeologist and his gorgeous new intern are in the lab checking the levels of carbon-14 in a skull they found.

The archaeologist's jealous wife walks in and demands to know what's going on. "Honey, it's nothing! We're just dating!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My ex girlfriend is like an archaeologist

...always digging up useless shit from the past

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend is an archaeologist and found a used tampon during one of his digs

He doesn’t know what period it’s from

French archaeologists found ancient copper cables under Paris...

They came to the conclusion that the French had telecommunications way back in the Copper age. Infuriated by this, the British published a paper saying they found Bronze cables under London and came to the conclusion that they had telecommunication technology way before the French.

After hear...

An archaeologist notices his partner appears to be nibbling a fossil...

Curious, he walks over and asks, "What you got there?"
"Not sure", replies the fellow, "But you have got to try-a-lil'-bite!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think my wife may be an archaeologist

Because she loves digging up old shit

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada...

And he's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, *stunningly* beautiful alley he's ever come across. It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love...

Archaeologists have been searching around ..

Archaeologists have been searching around The Great Pyramids, and have come across a mummy covered in hazelnuts and chocolate. After more research it has been discovered it was the late Pharaoh Roche

Archaeologists are the ultimate hipsters

They love all that underground stuff.

Archaeologists say that Roman cement was stronger than it is in modern times...

I need to see some concrete evidence

An archaeologist was in Jerusalem when he discovered a slab of rock with five figures on it: the Star of David, an ox, a shovel, an owl, and a woman.

"This is really fascinating," said the archaeologist. "This tells me a lot about ancient Hebrew culture. The Star of David tells me, of course, that they were a very religious people. The ox tells me that they used domesticated animals, such as oxen, to plow the fields. The shovel tells me that they...

As a Dyslexic Archaeologist, I have to let you know:

I have never found any evidence that supports Ovulation.

An archaeologist was preparing to take a flight to some ancient Norse ruins.

Right as he left his house, he was mugged.

His cab was stolen.

His girlfriend called and said that they should see other people.

On his way to the airport, there was a terrible accident that caused him to miss his flight.

When he made it to the airport, he was selected fo...

Archaeologists in Rome have recently come across the remains of Brutus.

After some careful measurements, they've found that his height was quite astonishing - he was 98 inches tall!

Caesar even once said to him, "*8' 2", Brute?*"

Archaeologists discovered an ancient city in Iraq.

According to the archaeologists, ancient Iraqis looked like skeletons, lived underground, and walked lying down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In China, archaeologists recently discovered the oldest known statue of a penis...

...carbon dating estimates it came from the Dong Dynasty.

After years of research and exploration, an Archaeologist discovered an ancient book...

The book was said to answer any question asked of it. Being a professional, the archaeologist took the book back to his prestigious university, which was home to several leaders of certain fields. To research the book's power in a controlled manner, the archaeologist rounds up three of the universit...

Archaeologist digging in a pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in Chocolate and hazelnuts

And believe it to be Pharoaoh Rocher

An Archaeologist Found an Ancient Vase at a Dig Site...

and as he began to inspect the runes carved in it, he started dusting it off, and a genie came screaming out of it in rage.


"**Who disturbs my slumber**! I have been asleep for thousands of years, and *you* dare to wake ***me***? I should kill you where you stand!"

The archaeologis...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Archaeologists have found a tampon in the desert

They’re trying to work out what period it came from.

Archaeologists have found a hidden chamber in Tutankhamun's tomb

Archaeologists have found a second mummy inside Tutankhamun's tomb. The mummy appears to be covered in chocolate and hazelnuts. Experts believe it is the remains of Pharaoh Rocher.

A team of Swiss archaeologists discovered a new tomb in the middle of the Egyptian desert

They uncovered the tomb, and entered its dark cobweb-filled caverns. After digging and digging, they reached the center of the tomb, a burial chamber filled with treasures.

And at the center of the chamber, a sarcophagus made of pure gold. And once they opened it, they found an unnamed body, ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.