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How do you piss off a female archaeologist?

Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from.

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A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they found a cave with the symbols of a woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish and a Star of David on the wall.

Pointing to the first drawing, the head of the team declared: 'This indicates that these people were family oriented and held women in high position. The donkey shows that they were intelligent enough to use animals to till the soil. The shovel means that they were able to forge tools. Even further ...

A team of British archaeologists dug to a depth of 15 feet and found an intricate network of copper wires.

From this, the team concluded that the Britain was advanced enough to have telephone connections in their cities 150 years ago.

In response to this, American archaeologists started their own expedition. They dug up to a depth of 20 feet and found an even more expansive network of copper wires...

An group of archaeologists gathered to find the leg bone of an ancient man

It was a real shindig

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have.

The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

Archaeologists have discovered the tomb of a previously unknown pharaoh.

When they opened it, the mummy was covered in chocolate and nuts. The hieroglyphics identified him as Pharaoh Roche.

How is working at McDonald’s like being an archaeologist in Athens?

Either way, you end up smelling like ancient grease.

What did the archaeologist say to the other archaeologist?

I got a bone to pick with you

Why do females make the best archaeologists?

Because they absolutely love digging up everything that has happened in the past.

How do you know you have a crush on an archaeologist?

You just dig them

Why did the archaeologist hate his life?

His career was in ruins.

I thought I'd be a successful archaeologist

turns out my career is in ruins.

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An archaeologist and a skeleton are best friends.

They go everywhere together, they do everything together, they live in the same house, they eat the same food. However, whenever the archaeologist goes to relieve himself, he asks the skeleton to leave the bathroom. One day, the skeleton asks him, "Why do you always ask me to go outside when you pee...

It's no fun being an archaeologist.

Everybody you try to date is long dead.

Archaeologist digging in a pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in Chocolate and hazelnuts

And believe it to be Pharoaoh Rocher

British archaeologists have issued an exciting new Brexit update today.

By digging 96 feet below the Westminster.

I recently started dating an archaeologist.

It just goes to show that they will date anything.

How did the two archaeologists fall in love

Carbon dating.

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.


The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

Archaeologists in Egypt have unearthed a tomb containing a mummy covered in chocolate & nuts.

Excited they believe it is the remains of the long lost Pharaoh Roche.

Two women archaeologists are down in Mexico excavating an ancient Mayan burial ground looking for some remains to take back to their museum.

Unfortunately, everything they run across is badly decomposed. One of the two says, "We don't seem to be having much luck."
The other replies, "Keep on digging, honey, a good Mayan is hard to find!"

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Why do archaeologists collect used tampons?

They like to figure out what period they came from..

Why do archaeologists get all the girls?

Because they have the best dating techniques.

Archaeologists recently discovered a tomb

When they dug the remains up they saw that the skeleton had a fine layer of chocolate on it and after months of intense research they discovered that it was the remains of the famous Pharaoh Rocher.

Heard about the Egyptian tomb stuffed full of wafer, nuts & chocolate?

Archaeologists think it was Pharaoh Rocher.

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In China, archaeologists recently discovered the oldest known statue of a penis...

...carbon dating estimates it came from the Dong Dynasty.

Why do lazy archaeologists love deep penetrating radar?

Because they can just LIDAR and take it.

Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?

Because he only dated mummies.

What did the hipster from Pompeii say to the archaeologist who discovered him?

"I was into volcanic ash before it was cool."

Two archaeologists are excavating an ancient Egyptian tomb

Suddenly both archaeologists let out loud farts in unison. They turn to each other and one says, “Hmm, it seems that we have a Tutankhamen”

As a Dyslexic Archaeologist, I have to let you know:

I have never found any evidence that supports Ovulation.

Archaeologists in Rome have recently come across the remains of Brutus.

After some careful measurements, they've found that his height was quite astonishing - he was 98 inches tall!

Caesar even once said to him, "*8' 2", Brute?*"

What's the difference between an archaeologist and a grave robber?

The robber does the crime, then does the time. The archaeologist does the time, then the crime.

What do you call a jewish archaeologist?

Torah the explorer.

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A Protestant archaeologist uncovered Jesus Christ’s tomb.

And he discovered inside it remains, which beyond any reasonable doubt belong to Jesus Christ himself. The archaeologist understands that this could be catastrophic for Christian faith, since this means that there wasn’t any Resurrection of Christ. He’s in desperate need of advice, and so he decides...

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My friend is an archaeologist and found a used tampon during one of his digs

He doesn’t know what period it’s from

After years of research and exploration, an Archaeologist discovered an ancient book...

The book was said to answer any question asked of it. Being a professional, the archaeologist took the book back to his prestigious university, which was home to several leaders of certain fields. To research the book's power in a controlled manner, the archaeologist rounds up three of the universit...

I went to an archaeologist’s party where we were excavating a lower leg bone.

It was quite the shindig.

An archaeologist was preparing to take a flight to some ancient Norse ruins.

Right as he left his house, he was mugged.

His cab was stolen.

His girlfriend called and said that they should see other people.

On his way to the airport, there was a terrible accident that caused him to miss his flight.

When he made it to the airport, he was selected fo...

What song does an archaeologist listen to when their work site is closed?

No Diggity

Why did the archaeologist's wife leave him?

Because he was always digging stuff up from the past

French archaeologists found ancient copper cables under Paris...

They came to the conclusion that the French had telecommunications way back in the Copper age. Infuriated by this, the British published a paper saying they found Bronze cables under London and came to the conclusion that they had telecommunication technology way before the French.

After hear...

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I think my wife may be an archaeologist

Because she loves digging up old shit

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Archaeologists have found a tampon in the desert

They’re trying to work out what period it came from.

Archaeologists say that Roman cement was stronger than it is in modern times...

I need to see some concrete evidence

Why did the archaeologist ask a diamond out to dinner?

Because of his enthusiasm for Carbon-Dating.

Archaeologists have been searching around ..

Archaeologists have been searching around The Great Pyramids, and have come across a mummy covered in hazelnuts and chocolate. After more research it has been discovered it was the late Pharaoh Roche

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My ex girlfriend is like an archaeologist

...always digging up useless shit from the past

Archaeologists found Beethoven furiously erasing his music

When asked what he was doing Beethoven responded "I'm decomposing"

An archaeologist was digging in the desert outside Jerusalem...

An archaeologist was digging in the desert outside Jerusalem, when he found a crude sarcophagus. On opening it, he discovered a mummy completely intact. On further investigation, he determined that he must have this mummy inspected by professionals, so he called a museum in Jerusalem and told the cu...

Archaeologists discover the remains of a slave-worker under famous statue in Giza

Reports claim he died of Asphinxiation

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New study reveals that women actually make better archaeologist.

They're always digging up old shit.

A dog walks into a natural history museum

Asking for a piece of the new dinosaur exhibit to prove an important theory

In return the dog offered what looked like a tiny black speck encased in amber

The research assistant was visiting from Ireland and was very much out of his intellectual depth. Not wanting to seem ignorant, the...

Archaeologists are the ultimate hipsters

They love all that underground stuff.

An Archaeologist Found an Ancient Vase at a Dig Site...

and as he began to inspect the runes carved in it, he started dusting it off, and a genie came screaming out of it in rage.


"**Who disturbs my slumber**! I have been asleep for thousands of years, and *you* dare to wake ***me***? I should kill you where you stand!"

The archaeologis...

Me and my new girlfriend are both scientists, archaeologists to be exact...

.. we're carbon, dating.

Archaeology

Archaeologists recent found the oldest known jawbone, some 200,000 years old. They determined it is female.





They know it's female........because it's still moving!

An archaeologist notices his partner appears to be nibbling a fossil...

Curious, he walks over and asks, "What you got there?"
"Not sure", replies the fellow, "But you have got to try-a-lil'-bite!"

Archaeologists are incestuous people,

they date their mummy's

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I was just wondering how different professions have given us words and phrases that mean sex, sexual positions or related to sex

Carpenter or other handy man - screw, bang, pound, nail, lay, grease, hose, pile, hammer, pipe

Sportsmen - score, hit, home run, game, ball, balls deep, knock it out

zookeeper or animal lover - hump, bone, beast, doggy style, monkey love, ram, raw dog

singers and other musical -...

(real news) Chinese archaeologists have discovered the country's oldest mathematics document, written on bamboo more than 2,200 years ago!

Even more amazing - one of the answers is wrong.

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year..

..British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, a team of American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 fe...

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The fighting needs to stop

An archaeologist and 2 historians are sitting next to each other on a plane. The archaeologist took off his shoes. One of the historians asks the archaeologist to get him a coke. He says yes and when he gets up the historian spits in his shoe. When the archaeologist got back the other historian ask...

I've been working as an archaeologist in Iraq for a number of years now...

I've really been enjoying my time there and feel my work in the field is bringing a small amount of joy to the lives of citizens who have known great violence and terror.

I was recently working in a separatist region of the country, on a dig. All of a sudden we discovered a dinosaur fossil th...

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