The 71+ Best Archaeologist Jokes

Why do archaeologists get all the girls?

Because they have the best dating techniques.

My archaeologist friend was looking sad at work, so I asked him if there was something wrong

"Of course there is!" He said.

"My work is in ruins!"

Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?

Because he only dated mummies.

A team of British archaeologists dug to a depth of 15 feet and found an intricate network of copper wires.

From this, the team concluded that the Britain was advanced enough to have telephone connections in their cities 150 years ago.

In response to this, American archaeologists started their own expedition. They dug up to a depth of 20 feet and found an even more expansive network of copper wires...

What do you call a jewish archaeologist?

Torah the explorer.

Archaeologists in Egypt have unearthed a tomb containing a mummy covered in chocolate & nuts.

Excited they believe it is the remains of the long lost Pharaoh Roche.

What did the archaeologist find

He won't tell me but he said it's groundbreaking

I recently started dating an archaeologist.

It just goes to show that they will date anything.

How did the two archaeologists fall in love

Carbon dating.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have.

The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

Archaeologists recently discovered a tomb

When they dug the remains up they saw that the skeleton had a fine layer of chocolate on it and after months of intense research they discovered that it was the remains of the famous Pharaoh Rocher.

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Why do archaeologists collect used tampons?

They like to figure out what period they came from..

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A Protestant archaeologist uncovered Jesus Christ’s tomb.

And he discovered inside it remains, which beyond any reasonable doubt belong to Jesus Christ himself. The archaeologist understands that this could be catastrophic for Christian faith, since this means that there wasn’t any Resurrection of Christ. He’s in desperate need of advice, and so he decides...

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How do you piss off a female archaeologist?

Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from.

What do an Archaeologist and Cancel Culture have in common?

They both love to dig up the past

I hate archaeologists

They always act like they have a bone in to pick

An archaeologist was in Jerusalem when he discovered a slab of rock with five figures on it: the Star of David, an ox, a shovel, an owl, and a woman.

"This is really fascinating," said the archaeologist. "This tells me a lot about ancient Hebrew culture. The Star of David tells me, of course, that they were a very religious people. The ox tells me that they used domesticated animals, such as oxen, to plow the fields. The shovel tells me that they...

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A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they found…

A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they found a cave with the symbols of a woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish and a Star of David on the wall.

Pointing to the first drawing,
the head of the team declared: “This indicates these people were family oriented and held women...

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel...

and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least. After examining it, he called Abe, the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem.

"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed....

John the archaeologist is digging under a theatre and discovers 5 pots of gold coins...

Ecstatic, he tells his lead archaeologist

"Graham, I've found 3 pots of gold coins!"

"What's that John? You've found 2 pots of gold coins?"

"That's what I said, a whole pot of gold coins!"

Why did the archaeologist ask a diamond out to dinner?

Because of his enthusiasm for Carbon-Dating.

An group of archaeologists gathered to find the leg bone of an ancient man

It was a real shindig

Why do females make the best archaeologists?

Because they absolutely love digging up everything that has happened in the past.

Why do archaeologist lead sad lives?

Because their career lies in ruins.

Three archaeologists met in a seminar.

The British said: we dug very deep and found sculpted animal bones. This proves that my ancestors invented art.

The German said: we dug very deep and found a plate-size disk showing the solar system. This proves that my ancestors invented astronomy.

The Italian said: we dug very deep a...

An archaeologist and his gorgeous new intern are in the lab checking the levels of carbon-14 in a skull they found.

The archaeologist's jealous wife walks in and demands to know what's going on. "Honey, it's nothing! We're just dating!"

Never marry an archaeologist.

They're always digging up the past!

Archaeologists have revealed how King Tut died

Records indicate he was found naked, with a rope around his neck.

They determined the cause of death was Auto Erotic A-sphinx-iation.

How is working at McDonald’s like being an archaeologist in Athens?

Either way, you end up smelling like ancient grease.

Did you go to the party the archaeologists were having because they discovered the lower leg?

I heard it was the real shindig.

I'm sorry

What song does an archaeologist listen to when their work site is closed?

No Diggity

The majority of archaeologists are women.

Because of their natural ability to dig up the past.

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.

The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

An archaeologist goes to search for some ancient ruins.

He trekked through the desert for 5 hours, but at last he found them.

Looking at the wall, he saw a stone engraving indicating there was fresh water only a short walk away.

The archaeologist then said "That's a relief!"

Archaeologists discover that Rome was in fact built in a day

Slackers everywhere suddenly feel a massive obligation to be more productive.

Soviet archaeologists discover an ancient man in the ice in the Ural

In the 70s, a Soviet professor and two of his students are conducting an excavation in the Ural Mountains. They discover a well preserved man in the ice and they dig him up. He is wearing some primitive clothes, a stick and some unknown artefacts and they soon start arguing which age he is from. Wh...

What did the hipster from Pompeii say to the archaeologist who discovered him?

"I was into volcanic ash before it was cool."

My archaeologist co-worker tried to blackmail me the other day

Turns out he got a lot of dirt on me.

My friend is an archaeologist...

He was complaining about not having any money. Dunno what he's talking about, though. He is an archaeologist and he's surprised that his career lies in ruins?

What did the archaeologist say to the other archaeologist?

I got a bone to pick with you

I thought I'd be a successful archaeologist

turns out my career is in ruins.

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My friend is an archaeologist and found a used tampon during one of his digs

He doesn’t know what period it’s from

Why do lazy archaeologists love deep penetrating radar?

Because they can just LIDAR and take it.

I went to an archaeologist’s party where we were excavating a lower leg bone.

It was quite the shindig.

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Why are there so many female archaeologist?

Bitches love digging up the past

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year..

..British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, a team of American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 fe...

An archaeologist was digging in the desert outside Jerusalem...

An archaeologist was digging in the desert outside Jerusalem, when he found a crude sarcophagus. On opening it, he discovered a mummy completely intact. On further investigation, he determined that he must have this mummy inspected by professionals, so he called a museum in Jerusalem and told the cu...

What's the difference between an archaeologist and a grave robber?

The robber does the crime, then does the time. The archaeologist does the time, then the crime.

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In China, archaeologists recently discovered the oldest known statue of a penis...

...carbon dating estimates it came from the Dong Dynasty.

An archaeologist notices his partner appears to be nibbling a fossil...

Curious, he walks over and asks, "What you got there?"
"Not sure", replies the fellow, "But you have got to try-a-lil'-bite!"

Archaeologists say that Roman cement was stronger than it is in modern times...

I need to see some concrete evidence

Archaeologist digging in a pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in Chocolate and hazelnuts

And believe it to be Pharoaoh Rocher

An archaeologist was preparing to take a flight to some ancient Norse ruins.

Right as he left his house, he was mugged.

His cab was stolen.

His girlfriend called and said that they should see other people.

On his way to the airport, there was a terrible accident that caused him to miss his flight.

When he made it to the airport, he was selected fo...

Why did the archaeologist’s wife divorce him?

He was carbon-dating behind her back

Two archaeologists are excavating an ancient Egyptian tomb

Suddenly both archaeologists let out loud farts in unison. They turn to each other and one says, “Hmm, it seems that we have a Tutankhamen”

British archaeologists have issued an exciting new Brexit update today.

By digging 96 feet below the Westminster.

French archaeologists found ancient copper cables under Paris...

They came to the conclusion that the French had telecommunications way back in the Copper age. Infuriated by this, the British published a paper saying they found Bronze cables under London and came to the conclusion that they had telecommunication technology way before the French.

After hear...

Archaeologists discover the remains of a slave-worker under famous statue in Giza

Reports claim he died of Asphinxiation

After years of research and exploration, an Archaeologist discovered an ancient book...

The book was said to answer any question asked of it. Being a professional, the archaeologist took the book back to his prestigious university, which was home to several leaders of certain fields. To research the book's power in a controlled manner, the archaeologist rounds up three of the universit...

As a Dyslexic Archaeologist, I have to let you know:

I have never found any evidence that supports Ovulation.

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My ex girlfriend is like an archaeologist

...always digging up useless shit from the past

Two women archaeologists are down in Mexico excavating an ancient Mayan burial ground looking for some remains to take back to their museum.

Unfortunately, everything they run across is badly decomposed. One of the two says, "We don't seem to be having much luck."
The other replies, "Keep on digging, honey, a good Mayan is hard to find!"

Archaeologists recently unearthed a computer dating back to prehistoric times

It had a jurassic pterobyte of storage space

A team of Swiss archaeologists discovered a new tomb in the middle of the Egyptian desert

They uncovered the tomb, and entered its dark cobweb-filled caverns. After digging and digging, they reached the center of the tomb, a burial chamber filled with treasures.

And at the center of the chamber, a sarcophagus made of pure gold. And once they opened it, they found an unnamed body, ...

Archaeologists in Rome have recently come across the remains of Brutus.

After some careful measurements, they've found that his height was quite astonishing - he was 98 inches tall!

Caesar even once said to him, "*8' 2", Brute?*"

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I think my wife may be an archaeologist

Because she loves digging up old shit

Why did the archaeologist's wife leave him?

Because he was always digging stuff up from the past

Archaeologists have been searching around ..

Archaeologists have been searching around The Great Pyramids, and have come across a mummy covered in hazelnuts and chocolate. After more research it has been discovered it was the late Pharaoh Roche

An Archaeologist Found an Ancient Vase at a Dig Site...

and as he began to inspect the runes carved in it, he started dusting it off, and a genie came screaming out of it in rage.

"**Who disturbs my slumber**! I have been asleep for thousands of years, and *you* dare to wake ***me***? I should kill you where you stand!"

The archaeologis...

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Archaeologists have found a tampon in the desert

They’re trying to work out what period it came from.

I've been working as an archaeologist in Iraq for a number of years now...

I've really been enjoying my time there and feel my work in the field is bringing a small amount of joy to the lives of citizens who have known great violence and terror.

I was recently working in a separatist region of the country, on a dig. All of a sudden we discovered a dinosaur fossil th...

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