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Astrophysicist Jokes

What did the dyslexic astrophysicist say to the civil rights activist?

Black Matter Lives

What happened when the astrophysicist lost a competition?

He got a constellation prize.

A man is laying in the hospital, waiting to be the first person in history to receive a brain transplant.

A doctor comes in and says "Congratulations! But unfortunately since this is a new procedure your insurance isn't going to cover it all. So we're going to give you 3 choices for brains and you can decide which you can afford."


The man says to the doctor "Okay, what are they?"

<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was the astrophysicist so into ebony porn?

Because he's spent his life looking for black holes.

[astrophysicist's joke] Yo mamma so fat

that you can see what's behind her.

a graphic designer, an astrophysicist, a dentist and an electrician walk into a bar

it was queen and they were playing their first gig

Not all astrophysicists are bad.

I'm sure at least one of them's a really Feynman.

What did the popular astrophysicist's father say to him after his cleat came undone at soccer practice?

"Kneel in the grass and tie, son."

Did you hear about the astrophysicist that upset the Godfather?

He woke up with a horsehead nebula in his bed.

Some first year uni students come home in the holiday for a surprise maths test of 'What's 2 + 2?'

The engineer says 'well it's 3.75, but given the situation we can round it to 5'

The mathematician goes and works for a while, then comes back saying 'I don't know what the answer is, but I know one exists'

The astrophysicist says 'rounding to the nearest million the answer would be 0'...

A guy on a speed date with a woman

Guy: Hello! I am John. Nice to meet you.

Girl: Nice to meet you too!! I am Jane. What do you do for a living, John?

Guy: I am an Astrophysicist.

Girl: OMG!! That's so cool. I am a Gemini..

(Happened in real life, so can't take credit for it)

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Neil DeGrasse Tyson is now being investigated for sexual misconduct.

But is it really all that surprising that an astrophysicist pulled a Spacey?

If you like Saturn so much

Then why don’t you become an astrophysicist and engineer, study it in depth, design new craft to fly there and examine the planet, write multiple research papers, give regular talks and become the worlds leading expert on Saturn.

After years of research and exploration, an Archaeologist discovered an ancient book...

The book was said to answer any question asked of it. Being a professional, the archaeologist took the book back to his prestigious university, which was home to several leaders of certain fields. To research the book's power in a controlled manner, the archaeologist rounds up three of the universit...

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