What do plumbers, garbagemen,and economists all have in common?

They all deal with gross domestic product.

A geologist, physicist and an economist are marooned on a desert island with nothing to eat.

A can of soup washes ashore. They ponder how to open it. The geologist says, ‘Let’s smash it open with a rock.’ The physicist says, ‘Let’s heat it up and blow it open.’ The economist says, ‘No, no. You guys will lose most of the soup. Let’s just assume we have a can opener.’

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two economists are walking through the woods and walk past a pile of bear shit.

The First Economist says to the Second Economist, "I'll pay you $100 to eat that pile of bear shit". The Second economist does and they continue their walk. They walk past another pile of bear shit and the Second Economist says to the First Economist, "I'll pay you $100 to eat that pile of bear shit...

How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. The invisible hand will do it for them

An economists left leg is on fire and his right leg is frozen...

He says "on average I'm perfectly fine".

The CEO at Euro A Bank Ltd got economists thinking when he said:

"A cyclist is a disaster for a country's economy. He does not buy a car and does not take out a car loan. Does not buy car insurance. Does not buy fuel. Does not send his car for servicing and repairs. Does not use paid parking. Does not become obese.
Yes - and he stays well, damn it !! Healthy p...

What do you call an economist who sells fake paintings online?

An E-con artist.

How many economists are needed to run a country?

It doesn't matter, because nobody listens to them.

Assuming this is funny.....

A physicist , chemist and an economist are shipwrecked. They have retrieved a box full of canned food but they don't have a can opener. The physicist
says "let's determine an angle at which if the can is thrown we can get it opened up"
The chemist chips in "let me think what metal is used to ...

Vocabulary

Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
Auditor - Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
Banker - The fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)
Ec...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two economists are on a walk in the park

As they're walking, they come across a pile of dog shit. One economist says to the other, "If you eat that dog shit, I'll give you $50". The second economist thinks for a minute, then reaches down, picks up the shit, and eats it. The first economist gives him a $50 bill and they keep going on their ...

A man is laying in the hospital, waiting to be the first person in history to receive a brain transplant...

A doctor comes in and says "Congratulations! But unfortunately since this is a new procedure your insurance isn't going to cover it all. So we're going to give you 3 choices for brains and you can decide which you can afford"

The man says to the doctor "Ok, what are they?"

The doctor s...

It costs you nothing to be nice

and that's why economists say it's worthless

Why is it so hard for economists to go gluten free?

Because their food preferences are very sticky.

A mathematician, a scientist, and an economist walk past a field of cows.

The mathematician says "Those cows are brown on this side."

The scientist says "Those are brown cows."

The economist wrinkles his brow, nods, and says "All cows are brown."

Another deserted island joke...

A chemist, a physicist, and an economist are shipwrecked on a deserted island, with only a book of waterproof matches, a set of flares, and a case of canned soup.

“All we have to eat is this soup,” said the chemist as he set of the first flare. “Let’s set the cans here, near the water, so th...

A physicist, a chemist and an economist are stranded on a desert island ...

... and all they have to eat are cans of food and they're discussing the best way to open them.

The physicist says, let's not overthink this - just bash them open with rocks!

The chemist says, "No, we need to create a fire anyway and we can simply use the heat to cause the cans to burs...

A carpenter, a tailor, a sailor, a priest and an economist were stranded on a desert island.

"I could chop down the trees and make a raft." Says the carpenter.
"I can stitch a few sheets into a mast."
Says the tailor.
"I can navigate the oceans with the help of the stars."
Says the sailor.
"I will pray for favourable winds and good luck."
Says the the priest.
All t...

An economist, a chaos theorist, and a statistician are trying to shoot a deer for dinner with a bow and arrow...

The economist assumes no wind, and misses five feet to the left. He hands over the bow to the chaos theorist, who overestimates the effect of the wind, and misses five feet to the right. The statistician pumps his fist in the air and exclaims: "We got him!".

An economist, a chemist, and a physicist are stranded on an island with nothing to eat but a can of beans.

The chemist says, "Hey, there's a small tide pool of salt water over there. If we set the can in it the salinity will cause the can to rust/disintegrate and we can eat the beans." The physicist laughed and said, " You moron, by the time the salt eats through the can, we will have died of hunger. We...

If you laid all economists in the world end to end...

they wouldn't reach a conclusion

There were two economists who were shipwrecked on a desert island.

They had no money but over the next three years they made millions of dollars selling their hats to each other.

An Economist went to a lingerie shop to buy a bra for his wife.

While he proudly announced to the Salesgirl that he is an Economist, he also confessed that only thing he knows about bra is 'how to unhook', and he really needed some expert help in making the purchase.



The Salesgirl asked, "Sir, you want a capitalistic, socialistic or democratic bra...

Abbott & Costello

COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America .

ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 7.8%.

COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?

ABBOTT: No, that's 14.7%

COSTELLO: You just said 7.8%.

ABBOTT: 7.8% Unemployed.

COSTELLO: Righ...

How many economists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know. They just keep going on and on about how the last one broke.

An engineer, a physician and an economist are in the middle of the desert with only a tin can. [long]

They are starving and far away from civilisation, but they have no way to open it.

The engineer says:
To open the can we need to build this specific machine! It will do the job quickly and efficiently!

The physician and economist mock him:
Yeah, right, we’re in the middle of the ...

A physicist, a chemist, and an economist are stuck on a desert island.

A can of beans washes up on shore, and they begin deliberating how best to open the can. The physicist starts calculating the height and force with which the can must be dropped to break it open, but the other two object as they will then have sand mixed with the beans. Next the chemist begins calcu...

An accountant and an economist are walking through a forest...

They encounter a frog.

"I bet you $100 you won't lick it," says the economist The accountant, daring, licks the frog and receives $100.

They walk further, see another frog.

"Lick this frog, and you get your $100 back!" says the accountant. The economist looks at his friend in th...

A Engineer, a Chemist and an Economist get stranded on a island.

From the ship that crashed, some canned food washed ashore.


The Engineer says “We need to open the cans with these rocks”


The Chemist says “We could blow the top off using a combination of these minerals I’ve found”


The Economist says “Ok, so let’s assume we have a c...

Two genius economists were arguing about how incentives motivate changes in behaviour

Chinese joke from the 1990s.

Two genius economists A and B were arguing about how incentives motivate changes in behaviour. They walked past a pile of dog dung, and A said to B:

“I’ll give you 50 million dollars if you eat that pile of dog dung!”

B thought about it, worked out i...

A historian and an economist are sitting on the porch of a nudist colony...

The historian asks, "Have you read Marx?"

The economist replies, "Yes, I think it's the wicker chairs."

Why did the Economist cross the road?

Because Marginal Benefit (MB) was greater than Marginal Cost (MC)

A broken clock is right twice a day.

Which makes it more accurate than economists.

An economist, an accountant and a lawyer decided to gamble....

And that's how stock markets came into existence!!!

Why was Noah a great economist?

He kept his stock afloat while everything else was in liquidation.

An economist was asked in a talk about how to solve 3 issues

"How would you solve the inevitable future problems of overpopulation, water and employment?"

"Well" he says, "In the future when the water get scarce, we will probably go to war so it can be secured, which will solve the employment problem, and the population should go down as well."

How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Someone else has do it, because the economist won't know if the bulb is recessed properly until it has already been turned at least 2 quarters.

a scientist, a physicist, and an economist...

a scientist, and physicist and an economist were trapped on a desert island. they had one can of beans but no can opener. the scientist said "lets assume that i smash the can with a rock then we could split the beans evenly," but the others said they would lose too much in the process. the physicist...

A physicist, an economist, and a mathematician decide to TP a house.

A physicist, an economist, and a mathematician decide to TP a house.

The physicist does some calculations and says, “We should buy 2-ply toilet paper in order to maximize kinetic energy.”

The economist thinks for a moment and replies, “But single-ply toilet paper would maximize the am...

How does an economist open a can of beans?

"Assume you have a can opener..."

An economist is walking down the street with a friend...

The friend points and says, "Hey, there's a twenty-dollar bill on the ground!" The economist says, "Can't be. If there was a twenty-dollar bill on the ground, someone would have picked it up by now."

Reaching the end of a job interview,

The HR asked a young economist right out of college, "What starting salary were you thinking about?" The economist answered "I was thinking about 125,000 a year, depending on the benefits".
Well how about, 5 weeks vacation, 2 weeks paid holidays, full mental and dental, a company car-lets say a ...

Teach a parrot the words supply and demand,

and you’ve got yourself an economist.

a group of mathematicians and a group of economists travel to a meeting by train...

a group of mathematicians and a group of economists travel to a congress by train

the economists all buy a ticket, the mathematicians buy a single ticket for their whole group

when the conductor comes around, the economists all show their respective tickets

the mathematicians on...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Economist joke, the only one I know and it's lovely

An Economist, a Chemist, and a Physicist are shipwrecked on an island with little food and water. Some canned food washes up and boy are they happy to see it, however, they are pretty upset that they don't have a can opener. The Chemist says, 'hey you know, there are all sorts of chemicals and shit ...

Two economists fall into a hole

they realize they are trapped, and so they come up with a plan. The first step in their plan is... assume a ladder.

True

You can lead a jackass to logic but you can't make them think.

If you laid all of the world's economists end-to-end they wouldn't reach a conclusion.

It is easier to tell a book by it's cover than without it.

If God meant for humans to fly He wouldn't have created so much traffi...

Grocery Economics

A man and his economist friend are having lunch.

the man mentions that he's noticed something strange when he buys groceries each week. "I always buy a tub of margarine, but I've noticed that, even though it's the same price every time, there's less margarine in the tub. I can't figure out ...

I cried because

Pessimist: of my ugly shoes until I met a man with no feet

Economists: the man with no feet saved so much on shoes

Minimalist: I can’t be as minimal cool as the dude with no feet

F*ckboy: I can’t say look ma, no feet!

Foot-fetish lovers:

An economics graduate student crosses the road.

An economics graduate student was crossing the road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "if you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." The student picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "if you kiss me and turn me back into a beauti...

Three men are on a train.

One is an economist, one is a logician, and the other is a mathematician.

They are riding into Scotland, as they pass a brown cow.

The economist says, "Look, the cows in Scotland are brown."

The logician says, "No, there are cows in Scotland of which at least one is brown"
<...

An old joke no one I know likes

Two economists are sitting on a bench. One says to the other "do you understand the economy?"

The other economist says "Let me explain, I'm an economist. It starts--"

The other interrupts "Oh no, I understand. I'm an economist too. We can both explain the economy, do you *understand* i...

A university committee was selecting a new dean.

They had narrowed the candidates down to a mathematician, an economist and a lawyer.

Each was asked this question during their interview: “How much is two plus two?”

The mathematician answered immediately, “Four.”

The economist thought for several minutes and finally answered, “...

Johnny steals a pencil

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher saying that he stole a pencil from his classmate. His father is furious.

"Johnny, you never never never never steal a pencil from a classmate. This is unacceptable. I can't believe you did this. You're grounded for two weeks. A...

Economic research

Economists are still trying to figure out why the girls with the least principle attract the most interest.

Abbott and Costello explain unemployment numbers

COSTELLO: So, there are two ways to bring unemployment down. Create more jobs, or... the easier of the two: just don't count them as part of the workforce!

ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like an Economist.

COSTELLO: I don’t even know what the hell I just said!

ABBOTT: Now you’r...

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