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Astronomer Jokes

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We were looking up at the sky and my astronomer friend said, “Do you know what a white dwarf is?”

Me: Yes. I think his name is Peter Dinklage.

Why don’t astronomers like Orion’s Belt?

They view it as a waist of space.

Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go round the earth for 24 hours, so they called it a day.

I'm sorry.

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The Astronomer

An astronomer on an extended lecture tour became weary of delivering the
same lecture night after night.  He confided this state of mind to his
chauffeur as they were driving to their next destination.  The chauffeur
expressed a similar boredom in his line of work.
     "I've got it!" sa...

There was this astronomer.

He browsed r/jokes everyday and after a while he realised that the same jokes were posted over and over again.

He decided to start posting one joke a day, after his morning astronomy sessions.

His jokes were always well received and every so often one of his jokes would reach the fro...

How can you tell a developer from an astronomer?

You ask them what does JWT stands for

An astronomer is drinking Bud Light with another astronomer and asks “How many of these do you think it’ll take for me to get drunk?”

The other astronomer replies: “Approximately 6.5 light beers”

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What does a proctologist and an astronomer have in common? .

When they look at Uranus, it is always on it's side.

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What’s a similarity between an Astronomer and a Prostitute?

Their action begins when it’s dark!

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What do astronomers and queer-friendly Hollywood studios have in common?

They like to star gays.

How do astronomers organize a party?

They Planet!

Why was the astronomer so good at finding new planets?

He was out standing in his field

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What type of supplements do bodybuilding astronomers use?

Ass-steroids.

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Lock an astronomer in a basement...

and they'll go star craving mad.

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A mathematician, an Astronomer, and a idiot go to heaven

They reach heavens doors to see God talking to the Devil. God turns to the three and says, “So Heaven is a little backed up right now and we can’t take everyone, so I struck a deal with the devil by asking him a question he can’t solve”

The Mathematician goes first says, “I need a chalkboard”...

Swedish astronomer Andres Celcius died in 1744 at the age of 43

Though his rival, Fahrenheit, was convinced he was 103.

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Astronomers detected radio signals from the same source 1.5 billion light years away.

And I can't get the fucking WiFi connection in my room

Why did the astronomer take a steak to the bathroom?

Because he wanted a meatier shower.

What does an astronomer barber do?

Eclipse.

What is the difference between an astronomer and an astrologer?

About 50 IQ points.

Can you name a grateful astronomer?

How about Neil Degracias Tyson?

What's an astronomers favorite food?

Mercurry

Why was Sir Edmund Halley the funniest astronomer in history?

Because the joke is always in the comets

What do you call an astronomer with the stomach flu?

A gastrophysicist

Why did the astronomer use two hams to row his boat?

He liked meaty oars.

Pick up line for astronomers

Baby, the universe starts with "U" "N" "I"

An astronomer, a physicist, and a mathematician in Scotland

An astronomer, a physicist, and a mathematician are on a train headed for Scotland. As they cross the border, they see a black sheep. The astronomer cries out, “All sheep in Scotland are black.”. The physicist says,”Some sheep in Scotland are black”. The mathematician raises his eyes heavenward and ...

Why did the astronomer break up with his girlfriend?

He just needed some space.

Why did the dyslexic, Russian astronomer hate the revolution?

He was following the Tsar.

Miracle cure

A plumber, a violinist, an astronomer and a redneck*, all suffering from various infirmities, were sitting in a convalescent home when suddenly an angel appeared. The angel spoke to them:

"I have come to give you the gift of health! Mr. Plumber, what is your ailment?"
The plumber answered...

What do you call an astronomer who isn't good at pronunciation?

A "skyentist."

TIL Zero and its operation were first defined by Hindu astronomer and mathematician Brahmagupta in 628

Thanks for nothing

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Why did the astronomer put his dick in the telescope?

To line it up with Uranus

Do you know why astronomers named the planet "Saturn?"

It just had a nice ring to it.

What is a Mexican astronomer's favorite food?

A Quasar-dilla.

I feel like the world really missed an opportunity by calling people that study the sky astronomers

They should’ve called them skyentists.

I saw a job posting for an Astronomer and it sounded pretty stress free.

I’d just do a bunch of light reading all day.

Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?

for meatier showers.

So 2 astronomers decided to throw a party

They sit down for lunch and one of them says: ok, let's planet

What do you get when astronomers play tic-tac-toe?

Exoplanets

Thought that one up myself.

Whenever I see an Astronomy discovery it reminds me of this joke

An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician were on the train from London to Edinburgh, as they passed the Scottish border they saw a black sheep.

'Ah ha' said the astronomer 'from that I can deduce that in Scotland all sheep are black'

'No' said the physicist 'we can deduce that in...

Self confidence boost didn't quite work so well

So me and my dad were talking about my school and he said:

"You're good at school but bad with self-confidence."

Me: "ok"

Dad: "Wayne Rooney was good at football (soccer for the Americans, I'm English) but bad at school

Stephen hawkings was good at being an astronomer bu...

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Hemorrhoids

Did you know that astronomers don’t get hemorrhoids?

They get ass-teroids.

Cancer is nice

Said the degenerate astronomer

An old man went to a dinner party with his wife and 3 friends. He then called his wife universe at the party.

The three friends were surprised at the weird pet name and decided to guess the reason behind it.

The first friend was a romantic and said maybe he calls her that because their love must be as big as the universe.

The second friend was a scientist and said maybe he wants their marriage...

The one to your dumb friend...

A guy sees an ad on the window of a store with the words "Selling brains". Curious, he walks in and asks the shopkeeper what kind of brains he's selling.

Shopkeeper: "I've got Einstein's brain who won a Nobel Prize and discovered the Universe's secret equation. He was the world most brilhant ...

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