TIL Zero and its operation were first defined by Hindu astronomer and mathematician Brahmagupta in 628

Thanks for nothing

What is the difference between an astronomer and an astrologer?

About 50 IQ points.

Why did the astronomer use two hams to row his boat?

He liked meaty oars.

Astronomers got tired after watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours...

So they decided to call it a day

What do you call an astronomer with the stomach flu?

A gastrophysicist

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Astronomers detected radio signals from the same source 1.5 billion light years away.

And I can't get the fucking WiFi connection in my room.

What's an astronomers favorite food?

Mercurry

Astronomers were tired of watching the earth spin

So they called it a day

What does an astronomer barber do?

Eclipse.

There was this astronomer.

He browsed r/jokes everyday and after a while he realised that the same jokes were posted over and over again.

He decided to start posting one joke a day, after his morning astronomy sessions.

His jokes were always well received and every so often one of his jokes would reach the fro...

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Why did the astronomer get arrested?

He tried to look at Uranus with a telescope.

An astronomers wife asks what she can do to make herself look younger

He tells her “the farther away you are the younger you look”

I feel like the world really missed an opportunity by calling people that study the sky astronomers

They should’ve called them skyentists.

Why don’t Astronomers like vegetable soup?

They prefer a meteor soup.

What do you call an astronomer who isn't good at pronunciation?

A "skyentist."

Pick up line for astronomers

Baby, the universe starts with "U" "N" "I"

Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go round the earth for 24 hours, so they called it a day.

I'm sorry.

Why was Sir Edmund Halley the funniest astronomer in history?

Because the joke is always in the comets

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A mathematician, an Astronomer, and a idiot go to heaven

They reach heavens doors to see God talking to the Devil. God turns to the three and says, “So Heaven is a little backed up right now and we can’t take everyone, so I struck a deal with the devil by asking him a question he can’t solve”

The Mathematician goes first says, “I need a chalkboard”...

I saw a job posting for an Astronomer and it sounded pretty stress free.

I’d just do a bunch of light reading all day.

A team of astronomers have been preparing for a meteor shower for weeks.

When the day of the spectacle came, onlookers looked up to the sky, but saw nothing different. When reporters confronted the head astronomer about this blunder, embarrassed, he responded "No comet."

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The Astronomer

An astronomer on an extended lecture tour became weary of delivering the
same lecture night after night.  He confided this state of mind to his
chauffeur as they were driving to their next destination.  The chauffeur
expressed a similar boredom in his line of work.
     "I've got it!" sa...

How do astronomers organize a party?

They planet.

An astronomer, a physicist, and a mathematician in Scotland

An astronomer, a physicist, and a mathematician are on a train headed for Scotland. As they cross the border, they see a black sheep. The astronomer cries out, “All sheep in Scotland are black.”. The physicist says,”Some sheep in Scotland are black”. The mathematician raises his eyes heavenward and ...

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Lock an astronomer in a basement...

and they'll go star craving mad.

Self confidence boost didn't quite work so well

So me and my dad were talking about my school and he said:

"You're good at school but bad with self-confidence."

Me: "ok"

Dad: "Wayne Rooney was good at football (soccer for the Americans, I'm English) but bad at school

Stephen hawkings was good at being an astronomer bu...

Do you know why astronomers named the planet "Saturn?"

It just had a nice ring to it.

What is a Mexican astronomer's favorite food?

A Quasar-dilla.

Can you name a grateful astronomer?

How about Neil Degracias Tyson?

Why did the astronomer break up with his girlfriend?

He just needed some space.

Why did the dyslexic, Russian astronomer hate the revolution?

He was following the Tsar.

Miracle cure

A plumber, a violinist, an astronomer and a redneck*, all suffering from various infirmities, were sitting in a convalescent home when suddenly an angel appeared. The angel spoke to them:

"I have come to give you the gift of health! Mr. Plumber, what is your ailment?"
The plumber answered...

So 2 astronomers decided to throw a party

They sit down for lunch and one of them says: ok, let's planet

Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?

for meatier showers.

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My dad's dad joke a few moments ago

My dad is a Navy Vietnam vet who is about to be a retired GM electrical engineer. He is retiring against his will because he has had three strokes, colon cancer, a pulmonary embolism, necrotic esophagus, renal failure, pneumonia, basically a medical shitstorm and he survived it all. In the process, ...

The one to your dumb friend...

A guy sees an ad on the window of a store with the words "Selling brains". Curious, he walks in and asks the shopkeeper what kind of brains he's selling.

Shopkeeper: "I've got Einstein's brain who won a Nobel Prize and discovered the Universe's secret equation. He was the world most brilhant ...

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