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A man owned a small ranch in Montana,

One day the labor department got a tip he wasn’t paying proper wages to his employees so they sent an investigator to find out what’s going on.

“Please tell me how many employees you have and how much you pay them”, the investigator asked the rancher.

The rancher replied, “my ranch ...

My wife is a forensic crime scene investigator, but she refuses to get pregnant.

No one puts baby in a coroner.

I walk up to my friend, the private investigator...

Me: Did you ever figure out that password you were trying to crack? I never get to hear about your job.

Him: It's case sensitive.

A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator.

The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. The investigator then follows the wife around. A few days later, the husband finds a note on his car's windshield. He opens it and it reads: *"Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follo...

What do you call an Alligator in a vest?

Investigator.

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A man, suspicious that his wife has been cheating on him hires a private investigator to follow her.

One night she tells her husband that she’s going out to see her mother.

The private investigator springs into action and follows her to the local bar. The private investigator then calls the husband and lets him know where she is.

Angry, the husband decides to load up his revolver, dr...

What did investigators find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?

Head & Shoulders

My friend always tells everyone that he's a private investigator,

but within our group of friends we know he's just a gynecologist.

I enrolled to online Private Investigator Course but they are not answering...

I'm not sure if they just ignoring me or this is my first case...

A terrorist struck a local farm, setting off explosives inside the farmer's prized steer, blowing it to smithereens, but apparently committing no other mischief. The crime scene investigator had these words at the press conference...

"Abominable. Simply abominable."

I'm the leader of a group of shoddy private investigators.

I'm a directive defective detective.

Private investigator

(At a fancy diner with wife and her friend)
Wife's friend: So, what do you do for a living?
Me: I'm a private investigator
Wife: Kieth, you're allowed to say gynecologist
Me: People are eating, Linda!

What do you call a Private Investigator who is bad at his job?

A Defective!

French investigators aren’t sure how the fire started. But Quasimodo said:

Perhaps flying water tankers could be used to put it out.

What did the investigator say to his colleague at the bomb site?

Edit: Wow, this blew up!

Prince's housekeeper of 30 years was offered a job as a crime scene investigator.

She was considered highly qualified due to her decades of experience dusting for Prince.

An Investigator would also be a good name for a crocodile with tons of venture capital.

FYI, i know the difference between the two but it doesn't sound right with a word echo.

I've got a friend who's a female private investigator.

Or gynecologist, as she likes to be called.

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Recently I hired an ex-military police private investigator to find out where my mom was going at night.

After several days without a reply from either of them, I went to my mother's to investigate.

I walked into the house to hear screaming and rushed into her room only to discover my investigator in bed with her.

I was disgusted. Not by them, but by myself. After all, I should've known...

Computer Hacking Investigator Job Interview

A guy went for an interview at a big IT company for the position of "Computer Hacking Investigator"

The boss asked him:

So, what makes you suitable for this job?

Well, he replied, I hacked into your computer and invited myself to this interview.

I hired a private investigator but he spent two days staring at my hedges

Turned out he was a privet investigator.

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What do you call a hired investigator who's a jerk only when he's alone?

A private dick.

Ketchup telegram

During the early 1900s the Heinz ketchup company was struggling to meet the increased demand for their product. They had invested heavily in factories and infrastructure but nothing seemed to increase their output of ketchup.

The CEO decides to hire an investigator from Germany who is well kn...

11, 12, 13, 14, and 15 get into a fight and 13 gets murdered.

The police arrive and start the murder investigation. But almost immediately, they release 12, 14, and 15. Everyone is surprised at how quickly and efficiently the police conducted the investigation. A press conference was held and the police were asked how they cracked the case.
The Chief Inv...

Adam Libnitzki(32) got struck by lightning.

02, Jul, 2019 | Sunday

This Sunday morning was a melancholic event in the Libnitzki family, As the 32 year old father of three children aged 2,3 and 16 years old was found dead due to a lightning strike. The grieving wife informed the reporters that her husband was a loved man and was a well ...

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Private Investigator

"Mr. Johnson, I've been doing some digging, and your wife has been having sex with another man for about two weeks."

"What?! My wife died three weeks ago."

"Yeah. I SAID I've been doing some digging."

-----

Credit to MrProsserDreamsOfWar

Why did the two ghost hunters fail at their job?

They were a pair o' normal investigators.

What do you call an alligator that solves crimes and day trades on the side?

An Investigator

Facebook Friends . . .

I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.

Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom.

I give them pictures o...

A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory

And once all the mess has been cleared up, an inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement.

"Okay Mr. Milly Terry," says the investigator, "you were near the scene, what happened ?"

"Well, it's like this. Old Hugh Cumber was in the mixing room, and I saw hi...

What does a P.I. and a gynocologist have in common?

They are both private investigators.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Browns Anthrax Scare

Cleveland, OH Monday, September 3, 2018 – Anthrax Scare At FirstEnergy Stadium

Cleveland Browns football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field.

Coach Hue Jackson immediately suspended practic...

What’s the difference between a hired detective and a Gynecologist?

Ones a Private Investigator, the others a Privates Investigator

Interesting Title Here

Pun time!!

Q: What do you call dental x-rays? A: Tooth pics.

Q: What do you call a group of babies? A: An infantry.

Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? A: He pasta away.

Q: Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? A: Because they lactose.

Q: What do yo...

So there was a murder the other day...

A man by the name of Juan Gonzalez was killed, and there was almost no evidence left behind.

The local police called in the FBI because they couldn’t find a single lead.

The FBI investigator comes to the crime scene and has the case solved almost immediately.

“He was killed w...

A man is pulled over by a rookie cop...

When the cop approaches the window, the man produces his papers then says “I’m sure you’re going to ask about the body in the trunk since you obviously smell the weed.” The cop nearly fell back, but before he could utter a word, the man said “just be careful, the knife is under my seat.” The rookie...

A man is murdered in a dessert factory.

The defendant is clearly guilty, but the investigators struggle to find the murder weapon to properly incriminate him. Where could it possibly have been hidden? The lead investigator is at a loss, when one day he suddenly jumps from his desk as it comes to him.
“The proof is in the pudding!”

Mad-Dog’s Lady

A rough pack of tough bikers were out for a scoot in the hill country in central Texas. Pulling into Austin, they saw a beautiful girl about to jump off Pennybaker bridge. Mad-Dog, their leader, gave the hand signal to pull up. Mad-dog, a big burly man with skin like leather, a handle bar mustache,...

BMW raided over emissions scandal /r/news

Investigators discovered huge stockpile of uninstalled turn signal controllers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a string of murders recently in Madrid

Every week, on a Sunday, a body of a prostitute would be found disemboweled in an alley way. After a few weeks, the local investigators determined it was indeed a serial murder. Further investigation showed that each murder occurred exactly a kilometer away from a seedy inn, known for having an abra...

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A sneaky question in a Police interrogation.

Investigator: "Now there's a couple of things I want to know; who's the murderer and what's the square root of -1?"

Suspect: "It is i."

Investigator: "Gotcha bitch!"

Will Smith was found guilty of murder.

Investigators say they found fresh prints at the scene.

Billy Joel's house has burned down. apparently due to a faulty game console.

Investigators say the fire was caused by a faulty game console. However, Mr Joel has claimed that Wii didn't start the fire.

Trolley conductor

There is a town, in this town there is a massive trolley business. They have the best trolleys and they make the most money. They make their money by not paying people very much, people like George.

George was a trolley conductor for many years and he lived paycheck to paycheck. Part of his j...

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What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator!


Want to hear a joke about butter? [OK]
Well I butter not tell you, you might spread it.


does anyone have any more "dad jokes" similar to these?

looking for puns for my mourning grandmother

Hello r/jokes,

My 89 year old grandmother, Tash Tash, loves puns. My grandfather died on Friday and Tash Tash could a laugh. What are some of your favorite puns that I can share with her? A recent favorite of hers goes like this:

**What do you call and alligator in a vest?
An inv...

What do you call a reptile detective ?

An investigator

Sorry

A hole has been found in the outer wall of a nudist camp. Foul play suspected...

Investigators are looking into it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is funny because joke does not work in Russian.

Guy is loading missile onto truck at silo in Siberia sometime in middle of night. He stops to take shit in freezing cold.

Next day, investigator leans over shit and says "It would appear thief took *two* ICBM"

Police headquarters was broken into last night. All the toilets were stolen.

Investigators have nothing to go on.

My favorite Jewish joke in the history of the world.

A young American computer expert read some books on the early Zionists who came to Israel and worked hard just to develop a bit of farm land. They gave of their sweat and toil so that there should be a fertile country for us. He was impressed with their unselfish toil and decided to immigrate to Isr...

What do you call two detectives tracking down a ghost?

Pair-a-normal investigators.

As seen on a masonry truck

Cement shop robbed, police investigators find no concrete evidence

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few I picked up...

JOKES!

A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "five drinks please"

What begins with a " C" ends with a "T" has a "U and a "N" in it, is hairy on the outside and wet in the middle.

Coconut

What do dentists call their X-rays?

Toothpicks

Dir...

Two men get into a car wreck...

Both men are all right and meet to exchange information. The older man offers the younger man a drink to calm his nerves while they wait for the insurance investigator to arrive.

"Thanks for that drink, sir," the younger man says, emptying the little bit left in the bottle. "That was pretty...

What do you call an aligator that likes to wear vests when no one else is around?

A private investigator.

My 6 year old niece told me this one.

What do you call an alligator who likes to wear vests?

(•_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

An investigator

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