WHO investigators wanted to talk to the Wuhan scientists.

When they arrived to Wuhan Institute of Virology CCP officials informed them that unfortunately all the scientists have died after eating poison mushrooms.



WHO investigators were suspicious so they demanded that they exhume the bodies of dead scientists and check if they really died ...

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A man was dragged into a white van in the middle of the street

He finds himself in an interogation room where he is being accused with treason, and he must tell on his accomplices. The man is definitely innocent. After a few hours the investigators bring this big Russian guy , Igor, and tell him to go down to the basement and fuck the guy in the ass until he co...

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An old fisherman suspected his wife of cheating, so he hired a private investigator...

This is a long one, so bear with me.

The fisherman and his wife lived in Saint John’s, Newfoundland and he made his living by going out into the ocean to net cod under the watchful eye of his captain.

In those days, the best fishing was to be found far out on the banks very far from...

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Sherlock Holmes and Watson are called to investigate a murder at a quarry one day...

When they arrive at the scene of the crime, it's already been taped off and other investigators are there. Holmes and Watson push their way to the front as they typically do and start going to work.

"Holmes, look at this, what is it?" Watson asked.

"Why that's the butt end of a cigar o...

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

Investigator

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Two guys in a Learjet

Two guys in a Learjet are crossing the Rocky Mountains when the engines fail and the plane is going to crash.

As they are falling to their certain death, the pilot calmly reaches to his pocket and pulls out a shiny pink lipstick. He puts the lipstick on, then tears the steering wheel out of t...

Thankfully it's not another virus we have to worry about.

The police have found a large number of dead crows on the 101 just north of
Ventura early this morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu
A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed
the problem was NOT Avian Flu.
Th...

TIL I learned that Bono from U2 holds the record for most private investigators hired to recover a lost heirloom.

To this day he still hasn't found what he's looking for.

The investigator was awoken by the rookie opening his office door...

He shuffles in, manilla folder in hand.

*"Another murder case?"* he'd ask.

The rookie would nod, sliding the file over to the investigator.

Upon opening it, thousands of crows filled the room.

I told the insurance investigators that they can't rule in my act of god claim.

I want to consult with priests instead.

Investigator to trainee helicopter pilot: "So you survived the crash. How did it happen?" Pilot: "Flying too high. I was shivering. Too cold." "Then what?"

"Then (pointing to the rotor) I switched off the fan."

A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator.

The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. The investigator then follows the wife around. A few days later, the husband finds a note on his car's windshield. He opens it and it reads: *"Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follo...

My wife is a forensic crime scene investigator, but she refuses to get pregnant.

No one puts baby in a coroner.

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A guy is flying in a hot air balloon and is lost

So he lowers himself over a field and shouts to a guy on the ground:

"Can you tell me where I am, and which way I'm headed?"

- "Sure! You're at 43 degrees, 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north; 123 degrees, 8 minutes, 12.8 seconds west. You're at 212 meters above sea level. Right now, you'r...

I walk up to my friend, the private investigator...

Me: Did you ever figure out that password you were trying to crack? I never get to hear about your job.

Him: It's case sensitive.

6ix9ine would be a great crime scene investigator

I’ve heard he’s great at identifying blood

I hired a private investigator to locate a high-paid athlete and send me a write up.

He found them. The report was profound.

Rudy Giuliani house was searched

So federal investigators searched Giuliano's house today. I thought they would find hair dye, but they didn't. I guess it ran.

My friend always tells everyone that he's a private investigator,

but within our group of friends we know he's just a gynecologist.

A terrorist struck a local farm, setting off explosives inside the farmer's prized steer, blowing it to smithereens, but apparently committing no other mischief. The crime scene investigator had these words at the press conference...

"Abominable. Simply abominable."

When an unpopular President completed his presidency, he wanted a special postage stamp issued with his picture on it.

He stressed that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released and the former President was pleased. But within a couple of days of the release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and he was furious. So he ordered an investigatio...

What did the investigator say to his colleague at the bomb site?

Edit: Wow, this blew up!

What do you call a Private Investigator who is bad at his job?

A Defective!

I'm the leader of a group of shoddy private investigators.

I'm a directive defective detective.

A teenage girl gives birth to twins and puts them up for adoption...

She never hears from them again except for the news that one baby was adopted by a Mexican couple, and the other was adopted by a couple from the Middle East.

Years later she hires a private investigator to track down her two adopted children, just so she can find out how their lives have bee...

I enrolled to online Private Investigator Course but they are not answering...

I'm not sure if they just ignoring me or this is my first case...

French investigators aren’t sure how the fire started. But Quasimodo said:

Perhaps flying water tankers could be used to put it out.

I've got a friend who's a female private investigator.

Or gynecologist, as she likes to be called.

Prince's housekeeper of 30 years was offered a job as a crime scene investigator.

She was considered highly qualified due to her decades of experience dusting for Prince.

Tragedy in the Finger Kingdom occurred today.

Most of the Royal Family was murdered. The King, the Queen, and both of their daughters were killed during a Royal Feast.

Investigators were able to find and arrest the culprit quickly. Apparently, he didn't get rid of the Finger Prince.

What did investigators find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?

Head & Shoulders

An Investigator would also be a good name for a crocodile with tons of venture capital.

FYI, i know the difference between the two but it doesn't sound right with a word echo.

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Recently I hired an ex-military police private investigator to find out where my mom was going at night.

After several days without a reply from either of them, I went to my mother's to investigate.

I walked into the house to hear screaming and rushed into her room only to discover my investigator in bed with her.

I was disgusted. Not by them, but by myself. After all, I should've known...

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Private Investigator

"Mr. Johnson, I've been doing some digging, and your wife has been having sex with another man for about two weeks."

"What?! My wife died three weeks ago."

"Yeah. I SAID I've been doing some digging."

-----

Credit to MrProsserDreamsOfWar

2.000 light bulbs stolen

Investigators still in the dark

After a fire, the corpse of a man is found in a burned-out warehouse. The investigation found that he first set a fire, ate an excessive amount of salt, then used a contraption to bury himself in tons more.

The investigators concluded that his self-preservation instinct must have kicked in.

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A man owned a small ranch in Montana,

One day the labor department got a tip he wasn’t paying proper wages to his employees so they sent an investigator to find out what’s going on.

“Please tell me how many employees you have and how much you pay them”, the investigator asked the rancher.

The rancher replied, “my ranch ...

Computer Hacking Investigator Job Interview

A guy went for an interview at a big IT company for the position of "Computer Hacking Investigator"

The boss asked him:

So, what makes you suitable for this job?

Well, he replied, I hacked into your computer and invited myself to this interview.

I hired a private investigator but he spent two days staring at my hedges

Turned out he was a privet investigator.

If a dog works hard investigating and helps catches criminals and listens to a cop, it's a Police Hound

but if the dog did the same thing but listened to a Private Investigator it's a Snoop Dog

The best private eye

I'm a top notch investigator, I always research everyone throughly. During the day I research their real life activities and understand who they are as a person I call this "Daytime recon" and when the sun goes down I check online to find out about who they are behind a screen and if they are a dang...

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