This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man owned a small ranch in Montana,

One day the labor department got a tip he wasn’t paying proper wages to his employees so they sent an investigator to find out what’s going on.

“Please tell me how many employees you have and how much you pay them”, the investigator asked the rancher.

The rancher replied, “my ranch ...

French investigators aren’t sure how the fire started. But Quasimodo said:

Perhaps flying water tankers could be used to put it out.

How did Investigators know that princess Diana washed her hair that morning?

They found her head and shoulders in the passenger seat

My friend always tells everyone that he's a private investigator,

but within our group of friends we know he's just a gynecologist.

A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator.

The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. The investigator then follows the wife around. A few days later, the husband finds a note on his car's windshield. He opens it and it reads: *"Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follo...

What did investigators find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?

Head & Shoulders

A terrorist struck a local farm, setting off explosives inside the farmer's prized steer, blowing it to smithereens, but apparently committing no other mischief. The crime scene investigator had these words at the press conference...

"Abominable. Simply abominable."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man, suspicious that his wife has been cheating on him hires a private investigator to follow her.

One night she tells her husband that she’s going out to see her mother.

The private investigator springs into action and follows her to the local bar. The private investigator then calls the husband and lets him know where she is.

Angry, the husband decides to load up his revolver, dr...

What do you call an Alligator in a vest?

Investigator.

Private investigator

(At a fancy diner with wife and her friend)
Wife's friend: So, what do you do for a living?
Me: I'm a private investigator
Wife: Kieth, you're allowed to say gynecologist
Me: People are eating, Linda!

I enrolled to online Private Investigator Course but they are not answering...

I'm not sure if they just ignoring me or this is my first case...

What do you call a Private Investigator who is bad at his job?

A Defective!

An Investigator would also be a good name for a crocodile with tons of venture capital.

FYI, i know the difference between the two but it doesn't sound right with a word echo.

I'm the leader of a group of shoddy private investigators.

I'm a directive defective detective.

Computer Hacking Investigator Job Interview

A guy went for an interview at a big IT company for the position of "Computer Hacking Investigator"

The boss asked him:

So, what makes you suitable for this job?

Well, he replied, I hacked into your computer and invited myself to this interview.

I've got a friend who's a female private investigator.

Or gynecologist, as she likes to be called.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Recently I hired an ex-military police private investigator to find out where my mom was going at night.

After several days without a reply from either of them, I went to my mother's to investigate.

I walked into the house to hear screaming and rushed into her room only to discover my investigator in bed with her.

I was disgusted. Not by them, but by myself. After all, I should've known...

I hired a private investigator but he spent two days staring at my hedges

Turned out he was a privet investigator.

Prince's housekeeper of 30 years was offered a job as a crime scene investigator.

She was considered highly qualified due to her decades of experience dusting for Prince.

A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory

And once all the mess has been cleared up, an inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement.

"Okay Mr. Milly Terry," says the investigator, "you were near the scene, what happened ?"

"Well, it's like this. Old Hugh Cumber was in the mixing room, and I saw hi...

What do you call an alligator that solves crimes and day trades on the side?

An Investigator

Facebook Friends . . .

I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.

Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom.

I give them pictures o...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a hired investigator who's a jerk only when he's alone?

A private dick.

What does a P.I. and a gynocologist have in common?

They are both private investigators.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Private Investigator

"Mr. Johnson, I've been doing some digging, and your wife has been having sex with another man for about two weeks."

"What?! My wife died three weeks ago."

"Yeah. I SAID I've been doing some digging."

-----

Credit to MrProsserDreamsOfWar

A man is pulled over by a rookie cop...

When the cop approaches the window, the man produces his papers then says “I’m sure you’re going to ask about the body in the trunk since you obviously smell the weed.” The cop nearly fell back, but before he could utter a word, the man said “just be careful, the knife is under my seat.” The rookie...

Czechoslovakian Lion Tamer

The most famous traveling circus employed a Czechoslovakian lion tamer who trained two lions, one male and one female. One day, the lion tamer disappeared without a trace. The circus, not wanting to involve the police, hired a private investigator to research.

"We believe the lion tamer was e...

Interesting Title Here

Pun time!!

Q: What do you call dental x-rays? A: Tooth pics.

Q: What do you call a group of babies? A: An infantry.

Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? A: He pasta away.

Q: Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? A: Because they lactose.

Q: What do yo...

Mad-Dog’s Lady

A rough pack of tough bikers were out for a scoot in the hill country in central Texas. Pulling into Austin, they saw a beautiful girl about to jump off Pennybaker bridge. Mad-Dog, their leader, gave the hand signal to pull up. Mad-dog, a big burly man with skin like leather, a handle bar mustache,...

What’s the difference between a hired detective and a Gynecologist?

Ones a Private Investigator, the others a Privates Investigator

A man is murdered in a dessert factory.

The defendant is clearly guilty, but the investigators struggle to find the murder weapon to properly incriminate him. Where could it possibly have been hidden? The lead investigator is at a loss, when one day he suddenly jumps from his desk as it comes to him.
“The proof is in the pudding!”

BMW raided over emissions scandal /r/news

Investigators discovered huge stockpile of uninstalled turn signal controllers.

50 of the LEAST offensive jokes I know

1. What's a pirate's favorite letter? "**Arrrr!**" "No. Ya'd think so, but me first love be the C"
1. Why wasn't 6 excited that 7, her boyfriend, won her a prize at the fair? Because 711492.
1. Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
1. Why d...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was a string of murders recently in Madrid

Every week, on a Sunday, a body of a prostitute would be found disemboweled in an alley way. After a few weeks, the local investigators determined it was indeed a serial murder. Further investigation showed that each murder occurred exactly a kilometer away from a seedy inn, known for having an abra...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A sneaky question in a Police interrogation.

Investigator: "Now there's a couple of things I want to know; who's the murderer and what's the square root of -1?"

Suspect: "It is i."

Investigator: "Gotcha bitch!"

Billy Joel's house has burned down. apparently due to a faulty game console.

Investigators say the fire was caused by a faulty game console. However, Mr Joel has claimed that Wii didn't start the fire.

Trolley conductor

There is a town, in this town there is a massive trolley business. They have the best trolleys and they make the most money. They make their money by not paying people very much, people like George.

George was a trolley conductor for many years and he lived paycheck to paycheck. Part of his j...

Will Smith was found guilty of murder.

Investigators say they found fresh prints at the scene.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator!


Want to hear a joke about butter? [OK]
Well I butter not tell you, you might spread it.


does anyone have any more "dad jokes" similar to these?

What do you call a reptile detective ?

An investigator

Sorry

Subreddit for these type of jokes?

Is there a dedicated subreddit for joke like these?

What kinda of bee can't make up it's mind? A Maybe

What do you call and alligator who's a detective? An investigator.

A hole has been found in the outer wall of a nudist camp. Foul play suspected...

Investigators are looking into it.

looking for puns for my mourning grandmother

Hello r/jokes,

My 89 year old grandmother, Tash Tash, loves puns. My grandfather died on Friday and Tash Tash could a laugh. What are some of your favorite puns that I can share with her? A recent favorite of hers goes like this:

**What do you call and alligator in a vest?
An inv...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Is funny because joke does not work in Russian.

Guy is loading missile onto truck at silo in Siberia sometime in middle of night. He stops to take shit in freezing cold.

Next day, investigator leans over shit and says "It would appear thief took *two* ICBM"

My favorite Jewish joke in the history of the world.

A young American computer expert read some books on the early Zionists who came to Israel and worked hard just to develop a bit of farm land. They gave of their sweat and toil so that there should be a fertile country for us. He was impressed with their unselfish toil and decided to immigrate to Isr...

What do you call two detectives tracking down a ghost?

Pair-a-normal investigators.

Police headquarters was broken into last night. All the toilets were stolen.

Investigators have nothing to go on.

As seen on a masonry truck

Cement shop robbed, police investigators find no concrete evidence

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A few I picked up...

JOKES!

A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "five drinks please"

What begins with a " C" ends with a "T" has a "U and a "N" in it, is hairy on the outside and wet in the middle.

Coconut

What do dentists call their X-rays?

Toothpicks

Dir...

Two men get into a car wreck...

Both men are all right and meet to exchange information. The older man offers the younger man a drink to calm his nerves while they wait for the insurance investigator to arrive.

"Thanks for that drink, sir," the younger man says, emptying the little bit left in the bottle. "That was pretty...

What do you get if you cross an alligator with Sherlock Holmes ?

An Investigator.

What do you call an aligator that likes to wear vests when no one else is around?

A private investigator.

My 6 year old niece told me this one.

What do you call an alligator who likes to wear vests?

(•_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

An investigator

The worker at the match factory.

This guy works in a match factory on the assembly line.

One day he has an epiphany, the next day he marches up to the presidents office.

*"I figured out how to save you millions"* he says.

*"For my idea I want 1 million dollars, if you implement it and it works you have to p...