UPJOKE
breakriftseparationbreachbusttearsnapbreakagefractureschismdisintegrationfissureseverancerivefalling out

Rupture Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The First Lady was touring a hospital one day.

During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

"Oh my GOD!" screamed the First Lady. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a s...

A young doctor an an old doctor were standing in a hospital, trying to out-diagnose each other.

The competition was heating up, and the next correct diagnosis would be the winner.

Just then an old man hobbles by, walking carefully with short, shuffling steps. He has an IV tower with him and appears to be leaning on it for support.

The young doctor snaps his fingers and says “I g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dr. Watson is performing an autopsy. Holmes ask if he’s found the cause of death.

Watson: It would appear the decedent had a bowel obstruction. It caused a rupture in the intestinal wall, creating a septic condition and ultimately, death.

Holmes: Wait, John, are you saying he died of...

Watson: No Shit, Sherlock.

A cloud, a lake and a mountain are having an argument...

>A cloud, a lake and a mountain are having a big argument, they are all yelling claiming each one is the greatest form of nature alive.

>To settle this, they come up with a little challenge: Who can kill the most humans with a single action.

>The cloud goes first.

>W...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is touring a hospital to see how they operate

before potentially donating a large sum of money. The director giving him the tour is taking him around and showing him all of the different rooms. As they're walking, they run into a man who's masturbating. The director apologizes to both the masturbating man as well as the potential donor. Once th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex is like Indian food

It can taste good, but also rupture your anus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Queen of England take a diplomatic trip to the United States....

While there, she visits one of New York's best hospitals. As she is being shown around the hospital by a doctor, she comes across a man furiously masturbating in the hallway. The queen turns beet red and exclaims, "Doctor! Do you see what that man is doing?" The doctor looks then very nonchalantly s...

A magician performed aboard a cruise liner...

...and his act kept getting ruined by the captain's pet parrot.

The parrot kept going, " *squawk* It's up his sleeve!" or, " *squawk* It's under his hat!"

One day the parrot did his usual nonsense. " *squawk* He's hiding it in his coat!" The magician whipped out a gun and tried to sho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A millionaire dies and leaves a large sum of money to the hospital that treated him so well before death...

Upon completion of the new wing bearing his name, the widow was invited for a tour. The chief of medicine himself escorted the widow explaining the various parts of the facility as they went.

As they passed, the widow glanced into a room and gasped in shock. Through the open door she saw a p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An inspector is taking a tour of a hospital when. NSFW

She walks past a room with a man vigorously masturbating. The lady asks the doctor giving the tour what the hell is going on in there. The doctor explains to the woman that the man has a condition where his semen reproduce rapidly, and that if he does not do this every couple of hours his testicles ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hilary Clinton is touring a hospital in Upstate New York...

When the hospital director and her passed the room of a man who was furiously masturbating. "What is the meaning of this?" she demanded.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Clinton, but that man has a rare disorder where his testicles swell up with semen rapidly and he must ejaculate a few times a day or risk se...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me and Leroy

A old southern,slow-talking' truck driver answers an ad in the paper for an OTR position. He goes into meet with the supervisor. The supervisor knows they need drivers bad, so he cuts off the entire interview and says:

Supervisor: "Look, if you can pass your certification test, the job is you...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.