UPJOKE
circuit breakerbreakerssurfbreakbreachrupturebusterslambreakingfracturewavefuseshattercrumblydisintegration

What is the worst ice breaker?

The Titanic.

What did Denzel say to the thick wire entering his house’s circuit breakers box ?

Mah main...!!

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Breaker, Breaker

There was once a family of three ,a Mom named Shirley, a Dad named Rick, and a little Boy named Spencer. They owned a cat named Sprinkles.

It was a usual Tuesday morning, Rick went to work and Shirley was home with Spencer and Sprinkles. Per usual Shirley started her cleaning regiment, an...

Do you guys know any good ice breakers?

I just know that the Titanic is not a good one.

I'm new here and I just have to tell you all: "Titanic!"

--oh, wait that's not a good ice breaker

What did the admin say to a rule breaker?

Albania if you don’t stop

My breaker box wasn't functioning properly so I called 6 of my German friends over to see if they could fix it and they did! You know what they say...

Many Hans make light work.

Stone and Stone - Breaker

A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train. He had never seen them before, so he began:
“My name is Stone, and I’m even harder than stone, so do what I tell you or there’ll be trouble. Don’t try any tricks with me, and then we’ll get on well together.”
Then he ...

The ice breaker I used for my graduation speech today

What do you call the speed of an herbal beverage at any given time?

A. Veloci-tea

what is harry Potter's favorite ice breaker?

Scar Stories.

Instructions said to preheat oven at 180 degrees

Not sure i'll try this recipe again, turning the oven upside down was a real back breaker...

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A Newlywed Couple Waited for Marriage to Have Sex...

A couple wanted to wait to have sex until the night of their wedding. As the big day got closer the bride tells the groom she has a confession to make.

"I am as flat as a board. I'm sorry, I have been using the best padded bras on the market to make people believe I actually have breasts. I ...

An American, an Australian and an Irishman were on Sale of the Century

It was a close game, and it came down to a three-way tie breaker, so the host said "I want you to finish the song title, and spell it out for me. Old MacDonald had a What?"

The American, quick as a flash, hit his buzzer and said "Ranch. R-A-N-C-H".

"Good spelling, but that's the wrong ...

(Multiple Punchlines) One Should Never Make Fun of Someone Else's Bow.

1. They might not think it's friendly ribbon.
2. You should have the presents of mind to be polite
3. If they have an arrow, they might shoot you with it.
4. They might get angry and resort to violins.
5. In that situation, it's best to be curt, see?
6. Just say the bow wowed you.
...

This morning I slipped on a gum ball and landed on my face pretty hard.

Actually it was a jaw breaker

A man in Shanghai named Sam wakes up one morning to find...

A man in Shanghai named Sam wakes up one morning to find that his car, a Mustang, has had all the internal components removed, leaving only a hollow, useless shell. He calls the police and soon an investigative team arrives.


The lead investigator approaches the victim and says "It appear...

Two men were breaking into a high security software company...

They couldn’t get their code breaker to work for the back door, so, in a last desperate attempt to short circuit the security, one of them peed on the access panel.

It began smoking, a couple sparks flew, and boom, the back door clicked open.

They looked at each other, impressed and r...

The Titanic

The Titanic was God's way of talking to us.

Pity, it was such a bad ice-breaker.

Whenever I introduce myself, I always bring up the titantic.

It's just such a good ice breaker!

Chemistry joke.

A Chinese chemist took part in a chef competition in UK. His English was barely passable during the presentations, but his cooking skills were great, and he went on qualifying. In the last round, he got tied with another contestant for the first place. So an innovative tie-breaker was devised. Each ...

How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb?

*One to hold the bulb up to the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them, three to scream at the circuit breaker and belittle it for controlling power, and eight others to console the first four while they tweet about how problematic this traumatic experience has been for everyone.*

When I meet someone new I always try to start a conversation about the Titanic

Yes, I know. It's a terrible ice breaker.

What is a penguins favorite chewing gum?

Ice breakers, Hi my name (insert your name here)

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A rabbit needs to shit in the woods...

... but the animals have agreed in the sake of understandable issues not to crap all over the place where they live. And let me tell you they also appointed the local police-bear to watch out for any rule-breakers.

Still, the rabbit is feeling a very hard urge to let go a few of his brown dr...

I asked my wife what she thinks about the Titanic.

I think it wasn’t that good ice breaker.

Do you hear about the earthquake in Alaska?

Sorry, that’s a bad ice breaker.

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A joke my philosophy professor told me

So philosophers are known to have horrible jokes, and this one is no exception. I'm just posting this for any philosophers who may or may not appreciate it.

John has a date tomorrow with a pretty girl from his philosophy class. He's a nervous fellow and is worried about how to break the ice ...

A scientists gets stationed in Antarctica...

The scientist was stationed at a moderately sized outpost, but unfortunately for him, he did not know anyone there.

Later that evening, he decided to hit up the only bar in the area, hoping to meet some of the fellow scientists and crew stationed there.

While he is sitting at the bar, ...

Have you heard about the new mints?

They’re real ICE BREAKERS

Why should you never start a conversation about the Titanic?

Because that cruise ship is no ice-breaker.

I once tried greeting everyone I met by saying "titanic"...

Turns out it wasn't a very good ice breaker

Help me?

Alright, this one isn't a joke, but this is one of my favorite boards to lurk, and I need help. I'm giving a wedding speech tomorrow. I'm the groom. I really only have enough space in the speech for one joke. I want to insert it early in the speech, and have it be a great ice breaker. Nothing overly...

What jacket lays down the best farts

Wind breaker

Interviewer: Describe yourself in only 1 word

Me: Rule breaker

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In his first trip to Japan, the businessman...

...is very nervous about meeting his wealthiest client, Mr. Nakagawa, whom he will be playing golf with the day after he arrives in the country. He takes a cab from the airport to his hotel and heads to the bar to drink his nerves away. Over the course of countless cups of sake, he meets a lovely yo...

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A man finally get out of jail...

...after spending 28 years on the inside for multiple felonies. And just like any other male that hasn't touched a woman after 28 years, he wanted to get some ass. Unfortunately this guy had gotten taken to jail with only $40, so that is what he had when he was released.
Without wasting anytim...

Why should you never tell jokes on the ice?

The ice might crack up!

I use this at the beginning of conversations... it's a reall ice breaker.

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I accidentally bought a bicycle that has no seat

it's not a deal breaker but it's kind of a pain in the ass.

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Farmers and their Pig

Old, long winded, and immature. But, I always laugh at it

Three farmers had been competing at the state fair for several years now for the biggest pig contest. Each year though all three farmers would lose to a pig from another county. So, Farmer John calls farmer Brown and Farmer Dan over to...

Surf's up?

A Californian surfer visiting Australia was having a good time catching the breakers at resorts along the Gold Coast, but wanted a special experience. He wanted to surf a beach where nobody, or almost nobody, goes.

So he gets in the car, drives north. At the first remote beach he hits, he has...

When I first meet someone I always want to talk about that movie with Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio...

but the Titanic is a terrible ice breaker.

Did you hear about the polar bear on the news last night?

That one broke the ice.

Reddit I come to you with a request - Do you have any good ice breaker jokes? Better than the one I just used? This is because I have used that one for almost 3 years now and it might be wearing thin on it's life of being funny.

The only other one I have heard i...

Cliché: A guy is drinking in a bar.

He has quite a few drinks and the bar tender has to cut him off. The guy stumbles out of the bar very drunk. As he stumbling down the street he sees a nun passing by. Just as she is passing him he punches her square in the nose. While she is on the ground, he kicks her in the ribs several times. The...

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