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Rumors Jokes

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Did you hear the rumors about butter?

Never mind, I don't want to spread it.

I've heard rumors acid is dangerous.

Pretty sure they are baseless though.

A guy boards an airplane to Detroit and makes his way to his seat where he notices the guy sitting next to him looks very worried. He asks him if he's afraid of flying.

"No, my company is moving me to Detroit. I've heard terrible things about Detroit; I'm worried about my family."

The guy tells him, "Look, it's not at all like the rumors. I've lived in Detroit my whole life. Find a nice home in a nice suburb, get your kids into a decent school, the community...

The Sargent in Iraq was hearing troubling rumors about his men.

That evening he called them all out of their rooms and had them standing in a line.
"I been hearing some terrible things, men" he yelled.
"Apparently some of y'all have been going around with someone named Fatima!"
"I will not tolerate this kind of debauchery on my base, you hear me?!"
"...

Unconfirmed rumors that The Rock has been injured while on location in Namibia

I guess Dwayne's down in Africa.

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Hey, I heard some rumors about your buttchecks

And I just want to know who spread them

Letter from 7 to 6

Dear 6,

Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you two do some pretty nasty things together.

Sincerely,
7

Priest calls a town meeting about rumors of ghosts... (long)

In a small rural town rumors start to spread that people are seeing ghosts, so the new and inexperienced priest hears about these rumors and decides to call a town meeting to get to the bottom of these rumors. After everyone arrives the priest then starts the meeting with a question: "Who here has s...

I keep hearing that there are rumors going around that I am bulimic!

Just the thought of that makes me want to puke!

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A man was taken to court by several people for spreading scandalous rumors about their sex lives

The judge asked the man, "Do you have anything to say in your defense?"

"Well your honor," responded the man. "I grew up on a very small land mass in the ocean and its just a part of our culture."

Not satisfied, the judge asked, "What culture could you possibly belong to that would lea...

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China’s lack of transparency on virus is fuelling rumors: US experts

It’s basically all this he said Xi said bullshit.

Why don't you tell rumors in a Botox Clinic?

Nobody raises an eyebrow

I never wanted to believe the rumors about my company’s tech department being abusive until I had to have them come fix an issue with my office computer.

And then IT hit me.

What do you call a camel that loves to divulge in rumors?

A dramadarie queen

If the rumors about Apple manufacturing a driverless car...

Then I can't wait to drive into the middle of the Atlantic ocean!

Lots of rumors that Trump is a functional illiterate, but it's Fake News...

He's tremendously dysfunctional, big league. Ok? Ok.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rumors are that Harry Styles is BiSexual according to a recent interview

I hear they're going to change the name of the band to 'Both Directions'

There are rumors that Tesla is considering on a stretched, three row version of their Model X SUV. The project is on Musk's desk waiting for a decision on whether to go forward.

Their next car is Elon gated.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Vatican has dispelled rumors that the Pope is resigning because he's a pedophile.

They claim he just got a little behind at work.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good circle of tight frien...

Two cows are standing in a field.

One of them says, "There's been rumors going around about a 'Mad Cow Disease.' Do you think it's real?"

The other cow says, "I don't care! I'm a helicopter!"

Hoping to get over the pandemic this year...

It's been pretty bad since the world caught covid 19 in 2019. I've been hearing rumors about the possibility of new variants all over the news. Let's hope we don't catch 22 this year.

Minister Shoigu

There are rumors in Moscow, that minister Shoigu commited suicide. One concerned Russian called Moscow radio station and asked if he really commited suicide and if they knew what were his last words. The answer was: "Minister Shoigu really committed suicide and his last words were: Comrades do not s...

A crocodile is walking to the Roman Colosseum, where a gladiator duel is scheduled to take place.

Along the way, he runs into a serial killer.

The crocodile, being a crocodile, is unconcerned and promptly proceeds to devour her alive before continuing on his merry way to the Roman Colosseum.

He makes it there just fine, and enjoys a gladiatorial match for the ages- a feast for the ...

Two of my favorite jokes by my favorite comedian

"Me and girlfriend..... we’re not together anymore. She's got a new boyfriend now. They just moved in together. Actually, I’ve heard rumors that he's abusive, which kinda makes me want to go over there with a baseball bat...... and then blame it on her boyfriend."

"My girlfriend has the great...

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A Japanese transfer student named Kiyosuke wanted to lose his virginity before graduation

He transferred as a senior student, and high school graduation was near.

Because of his Asian physique, all the girls from school don't find him particularly attractive. Two months ago, one of his classmates, Sarah, found out that he is very fond of anime; so she spread malicious rumors about...

I have a conspiracy theory...

The government is spreading false rumors that aluminum-foil hats protect your brain from being scanned. aluminum foil is actually an antenna that allows them to get a better signal.

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