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Hernia Jokes

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A man goes in for hernia surgery

After the operation, the doctor meets him in the recovery room.

"Sir, the operation was successful but I have bad news. We accidentally removed your testicles during the surgery."

The man was immediately furious.

"You bastards! You dumb idiots! I'll kill you for this!"

T...

I don't want to fail my hernia exam ....

But my test tickles.

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The Gym (at 40) - Try and read this without laughing out loud!

Dear Diary

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

Called ...

Pill commercials nowadays be like

“After just one use, derpatine fixed my knee pain and I can run again!”

“Consult a doctor if you’re experiencing any headaches, nausea, muscle pain, blurry vision, nasal congestion, loss of sight, kidney failure, hernia, heart attacks, strokes or knee pain after using derpatine”

Yussuf Swannekamp, mayor of Whistlestop Minnesota, was running for re-election.

Polling showed a dead heat between Swannekamp and his opponent, La Hernia, with 53 votes for each candidate. Swannekamp had to find another vote if he was to stay in office. On the edge of town lived a deranged tree worshipper named Kilmer Boles, who had never voted. So Swannekamp went to the librar...

A friend came over to help move some furniture but ended up with a hernia

And now it looks like he's just going to hang out for the rest of the day.

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A man wins an online contest but enters the wrong email address to access the code.

He realizes that his account is on yahoo instead of gmail and now someone else has received the code to access the $5000 prize. He drives to his office disheartened and asks his secretary if he should just send an email to the account requesting the person to forward the code. Then his frustration i...

11 jokes from the world's oldest joke book

1. A Student Dunce Goes Swimming

"A student dunce went swimming and almost drowned. So now he swears he'll never get into water until he's really learned to swim."

2 An Intellectual Visits a Friend

"An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man...

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A Physical at the Doctor

A man is at the Dr. getting a physical and she tells him to take off his pants to examine him.

Dr: OMG, what is wrong with your knees!?
Patient: Kneasles.
Dr: Don't you mean measles?
Patient: No it's kneasles, disease of the knees.
Dr: ummm ok, well take off your socks so I can ex...

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Steve goes to see his doctor

Steve goes to his doctor for a checkup after a hernia repair. The doctor says to him, "Well Steve, it looks like your operation was a success, everything is looking normal and you should be fully healed in about 6 weeks. However, due to the nature of your condition, you must not lift anything heavi...

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A man goes to the doctor complaining of abdominal pain.

While examining the man's abdomen, the doctor asks "Have you been doing any strenuous activity recently?"

"Well," the man replies, "I'm in the process of moving twelve pallets of cinder blocks for a shed I'm building."

"I see. Well, it looks like that's given you a pretty bad hernia. W...

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The curious doctor

I haven't seen this one here so hopefully it's not a repost...

A man goes in for a physical and when he drops his pants for the hernia check the doctor sees the patients balls are brown. Concerned, the doctor asks politely "Sir, did you know your balls are brown?"

Perturbed, the patien...

What did the irritated man say to his inguinal hernia?

"Get off my nuts!"



(ps. I made this joke up yesterday... i am having hernia surgery tomorrow, and i lol'd so hard at myself that i about caused a second one to pop out)

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