UPJOKE
vitamin cmultivitaminscurvyvitamin avitamin dnutrientantioxidantsfolic acidlemonfatproteinantioxidantcitruslimesupplements

What's a Canadian's favorite vitamin?

Eh

I have a vitamin deficiency

Don't worry. It's B-9

I thought my vitamin might be cancerous

Fortunately, the tests showed it was B-9

What’s the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?

You can’t make a vitamin

-RIP Benny Hill

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A man complained to his friend

A man complained to his friend "My elbow hurts I better go to the doctor." "Don't do that," volunteered his friend "there's a new computer at the drug store that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a doctor. All you have to do is put in a urine sample, deposit $10, then the computer wi...

What vitamin do you take if you’re absentminded?

Potassi... ummm.

I discovered the cure for blindness.

Vitamin See

Why don't snakes like Vitamin C?

Because it's an anti-hisstamine.

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Vitamins for Aging Guys

When you are telling your wife's physical therapist that you recently started taking Multivitamins for [Aging] Men as a "dietary supplement", don't call them "Male Enhancement pills."

Learn From My Fail

Went to the vitamin shoppe for some energy supplements.....

And the sales rep is telling me about b vitamins, he goes :
"You got your b-12 your b-6, have you taken these vitamins previously "?
I asked:
"You mean like b-4"?

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What kind of Bees produce milk?

There is no creature for which this is more true than the honey bee. Amazingly, queen bees are genetically exactly identical to worker bees. But they’re fed a different diet from worker bees their whole lives, from the time they are tiny larvae, until the day they die. This different meal plan cause...

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Three expectant mothers are sitting in the doctor's office, knitting... [warning: offensive!]

\[I once killed a party with this joke. You have been warned!\]

Three expectant mothers are sitting in the doctor's office, knitting.

The first mother puts down her knitting, picks up her handbag, pulls out a bottle of pills, takes one, then resumes knitting. She sees the other two mot...

What's the best vitamin for friendship?

B1

Shout out to the random guy on the street that told me this joke!

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Doctor walks into a restaurant to try some new dishes

"Hello, what do you like to have today?" Asked the waitress

"Just give anything" said the doctor.

The waitress brings out a double cheese burger with fries.

The doctor took a bite and dislikes it.

"The burger is full of grease, too much fat and fries are just extra carbs...

What do you call a vitamin that improves your eyesight?

Vitamin c.

What is the best Vitamin for friendship?

B1. Because no one wants to be friends with a guy in a metabolic coma due to a thiamine deficiency.

Young couple at doctors office

Young couple visits doctor seeking advice,

"Sir you gotta help us, we tried everything to have a baby, we tried vitamins, we tried changing positions, we tried every different day of the month, we searched internet for pregnancy advice, but we just can't seem to have any luck with it, we need...

Jacob, age 92, and Beth, age 89, are excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a chemist. Jacob suggests they go in.


Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"...
The pharmacist answers "Yes".


Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
...

I told my roommate you get enough vitamin C in your diet without needing supplements.

The next morning, I noticed he was still taking Vitamin C with breakfast.

"Why are you taking that?" I quizzed him.

"What do you mean?" was his response. Feeling the need to revisit our previous discussion, I reminded him,

"It's fruitless".

A bumblebee, a spelling bee and a vitamin B got in a fight

The vitamin B1

I was eating a cheeseburger when I was confronted by a vegan.

The vegan said I should give up killing and eating cows, he said I should start eating vegan. If prepared right, you will get more vitamins and enjoy it more.

At the end of the day, he was right, cooked properly, he was delicious.

From my 91 year old grandpa

Q: What is the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?
A: You can't hear a vita-min.

My doctor was making fun of me for being low on B vitamins...

He's giving me a complex.

Everyone knows you synthesize vitamin D from UV rays and that's fine...

So how come whenever I say, "I love getting the D from my sun," people always freak out?

What is the best vitamin for a Christian?

B1

Yesterday I saw a marine mammal swim along the coast holding a glass of orange juice in it's flippers.

Turned out to be a Vitamin C-lion

I have found that I have been happier since I switched from coffee to orange juice.

My Dr. explained that it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars but I really think it’s the vodka.

Why did pirates eat oranges?

For the vitamin SEA

I periodically see my doctor and our conversations go like this...

Doc: your diet isn't great. Don't you think you should try to easy off on the salt?

Me: Na

Doc: you really should. You might develop respiratory issues and have trouble breathing.

Me: O

Doc: and try eating more fruits. They'll give you more vitamins and minerals

Me...

A man gets pulled over by a cop

The cop goes up to the man's window and informs him that he appeared to be swerving a bit.

"Son I just need you to do a quick breathalyzer test."

"I can't do that, officer, I have severe asthma. If I blow into that tube, I could risk an attack."

"Alright, then just come down to ...

Why couldn't the effective vitamin supplement achieve true happiness?

He was too super fish oil.

What’s the best way to cure blindness?

Vitamin C

I figured out why I’m so tired!

For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the w...

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In hard times, a young woman turns to prostitution...

For obvious reasons, she tries to keep this hidden from her only relative, her old grandma.

One cold evening, the brothel that the prostitute works in is raided by police. All sex workers are forced to wait in a line outside to show identification and documents.

As luck would have it, ...

B5, B12, C, And E show up at your door... Whattya do?

In-Vitamin

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A few originals (hopefully) by me.

I read an article the other day that said women named Rachel are 10x more likely to get pulled over by the police...

Another terrible example of Rachel profiling.


_______


What do you call a dinosaur that is attempting to get his girlfriend to try new things in the bedr...

Three expectant mothers are in a doctors waiting room...

They are sitting there quietly knitting jumpers for their babies. After a while they start to chat, and ask each other what supplements they are taking for their babies. The first says "I'm taking calcium so my baby has strong teeth and bones". The second says "I'm taking Vitamin B so my baby grows ...

Three Pregnant Ladies

Three pregnant women were waiting in the doctor’s waiting room for an antenatal check-up and were all knitting garments for their respective babies.



Suddenly the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one.

<...

If a health food salesman comes to your door ...

... Vitamin!

("Invite - him - in")

... never mind.

I went to the doctor to tell him one of my concerns

I went to the doctor to tell him one of my concerns. After telling him, he asked if I had stutter. So I told him "No, I'm only worried about the vitamin d deficiency!"

Learning letters

"I would like vitamins for my son,” a mother said. “Vitamin A, B or C?” the pharmacist asked. “It doesn’t matter,” the mother replied. “He can’t read yet.”

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Three pregnant women...

Are sitting in the OBGYN office knitting baby sweaters.

The first woman reaches into her purse and pulls out a small pill. She states "this is folic acid, it's an important vitamin for development of my baby," then resumes her knitting.

The second woman reaches into her purse, pulls ou...

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Three pregnant women are sitting around the waiting room the their OBGYN...

Three pregnant women are sitting around the waiting room at their OBGYN knitting jumpers for their expected babies. One woman reaches into her purse and pulls out a handful of pills and Swallows them. The other mothers look at her with disapproval stares and she says, "Oh no, these are just prenatal...

Why do carrots make your sight better?

Because they have Vitamin See.

If olive oil is made from olives and coconut oil is made from coconut what is baby oil made from?

Mineral oil, Aloe Vera Extract, Vitamin E, Fragrance and false advertising.

Why is eating honey so healthy?

It contains a lot of vitamin Bee

My doctor must be a very visual person,

Whenever I have a cold he holds out my medication and says "vitamins, see".

Condoms galore

Nike Condoms: Just do it.


Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.


Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.


Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.


Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.


Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: T...

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Grandpa feels like a horse!

A Grandpa is talking with his grandson.

Grandpa: I'm tell you boy, since I take these vitamins, I feel like a HORSE!

Grandson: Oh yeah Grandpa, you and Grandma are "getting busy"?

Grandpa: No, but I can walk and poop at the same time...

I had a crush on my Dietitian

But then i found out she was Vitamin

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