I took a vitamin supplement in hopes to look much younger.

Didn't work at all. :( I think this "B 12" slogan should be banned as false advertising!!

What's a Canadian's favorite vitamin?

Eh

I was eating a cheeseburger when I was confronted by a vegan.

The vegan said I should give up killing and eating cows, he said I should start eating vegan. If prepared right, you will get more vitamins and enjoy it more.

At the end of the day, he was right, cooked properly, he was delicious.

Went to the vitamin shoppe for some energy supplements.....

And the sales rep is telling me about b vitamins, he goes :
"You got your b-12 your b-6, have you taken these vitamins previously "?
I asked:
"You mean like b-4"?

What vitamin do you take if you’re absentminded?

Potassi... ummm.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is an old joke my cousin told me. It never fails to make me smile :-)

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagno...

What is the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?

I've never heard a vitamin.

This is my first post here I think this is how I need to post this.

Doctor have finnaly dicided what has the most vitamins, pharmacy.

What's the best vitamin for friendship?

B1

Shout out to the random guy on the street that told me this joke!

If a health food salesman comes to your door ...

... Vitamin!

("Invite - him - in")

... never mind.

Did you know, flintstone vitamins are not sold in all but one city in the United Arab Emirates? The citizens refuse to eat them.

But Abu Dhabi do.

Why don't snakes like Vitamin C?

Because it's an anti-hisstamine.

My doctor was making fun of me for being low on B vitamins...

He's giving me a complex.

B5, B12, C, And E show up at your door... Whattya do?

In-Vitamin

I figured out why I’m so tired!

For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the w...

Three expectant mothers are in a doctors waiting room...

They are sitting there quietly knitting jumpers for their babies. After a while they start to chat, and ask each other what supplements they are taking for their babies. The first says "I'm taking calcium so my baby has strong teeth and bones". The second says "I'm taking Vitamin B so my baby grows ...

What do you call a vitamin that improves your eyesight?

Vitamin c.

A bumblebee, a spelling bee and a vitamin B got in a fight

The vitamin B1

I told my roommate you get enough vitamin C in your diet without needing supplements.

The next morning, I noticed he was still taking Vitamin C with breakfast.

"Why are you taking that?" I quizzed him.

"What do you mean?" was his response. Feeling the need to revisit our previous discussion, I reminded him,

"It's fruitless".

What is the best Vitamin for friendship?

B1. Because no one wants to be friends with a guy in a metabolic coma due to a thiamine deficiency.

Everyone knows you synthesize vitamin D from UV rays and that's fine...

So how come whenever I say, "I love getting the D from my sun," people always freak out?

What do you say when you don't have enough vitamin D?

Vitamin d-ficient.

From my 91 year old grandpa

Q: What is the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?
A: You can't hear a vita-min.

What is the best vitamin for a Christian?

B1

Why couldn't the effective vitamin supplement achieve true happiness?

He was too super fish oil.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few originals (hopefully) by me.

I read an article the other day that said women named Rachel are 10x more likely to get pulled over by the police...

Another terrible example of Rachel profiling.


_______


What do you call a dinosaur that is attempting to get his girlfriend to try new things in the bedr...

I went to the doctor to tell him one of my concerns

I went to the doctor to tell him one of my concerns. After telling him, he asked if I had stutter. So I told him "No, I'm only worried about the vitamin d deficiency!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In hard times, a young woman turns to prostitution...

For obvious reasons, she tries to keep this hidden from her only relative, her old grandma.

One cold evening, the brothel that the prostitute works in is raided by police. All sex workers are forced to wait in a line outside to show identification and documents.

As luck would have it, ...

A man gets pulled over by a cop

The cop goes up to the man's window and informs him that he appeared to be swerving a bit.

"Son I just need you to do a quick breathalyzer test."

"I can't do that, officer, I have severe asthma. If I blow into that tube, I could risk an attack."

"Alright, then just come down to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three pregnant women are sitting in the waiting room of a doctor's office, knitting to pass the time.

The first one pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and take one. The other two ask what it was.

She says, "Calcium. Strong bones for baby and mommy!"

Satisfied, they all return to their knitting.

A few minutes later, the second one pulls out a bottle of pills and takes one. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three pregnant women...

Are sitting in the OBGYN office knitting baby sweaters.

The first woman reaches into her purse and pulls out a small pill. She states "this is folic acid, it's an important vitamin for development of my baby," then resumes her knitting.

The second woman reaches into her purse, pulls ou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three pregnant women are sitting around the waiting room the their OBGYN...

Three pregnant women are sitting around the waiting room at their OBGYN knitting jumpers for their expected babies. One woman reaches into her purse and pulls out a handful of pills and Swallows them. The other mothers look at her with disapproval stares and she says, "Oh no, these are just prenatal...

Two very active seniors

Two very active seniors (Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89), living in The Villages, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way, they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter, "Are you ...

Learning letters

"I would like vitamins for my son,” a mother said. “Vitamin A, B or C?” the pharmacist asked. “It doesn’t matter,” the mother replied. “He can’t read yet.”

Condoms galore

Nike Condoms: Just do it.


Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.


Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.


Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.


Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.


Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: T...

Three Pregnant Ladies

Three pregnant women were waiting in the doctor’s waiting room for an antenatal check-up and were all knitting garments for their respective babies.



Suddenly the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one.

<...

Why do carrots make your sight better?

Because they have Vitamin See.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grandpa feels like a horse!

A Grandpa is talking with his grandson.

Grandpa: I'm tell you boy, since I take these vitamins, I feel like a HORSE!

Grandson: Oh yeah Grandpa, you and Grandma are "getting busy"?

Grandpa: No, but I can walk and poop at the same time...

My doctor must be a very visual person,

Whenever I have a cold he holds out my medication and says "vitamins, see".

It’s the cold and flu time of year

Or as I like to call it, Vitamin C-son.

What should you do if a nutritionist knocks on your door?

Vitamin!

(Note: this only works with an American accent).

If olive oil is made from olives and coconut oil is made from coconut what is baby oil made from?

Mineral oil, Aloe Vera Extract, Vitamin E, Fragrance and false advertising.

What do you do when health nut shows up to your house?

You vitamin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two greyhounds walk into a bar after a race

They sit down at the bar ask for a drink and start talking. Tommy looks at frank and says, "I don't know what it is frank. Ive just been having the worst luck at the track. It seems that no matter what I do I just cant finish better than 3rd. I've tried meditation, yoga, vitamins and nothing wor...

The guys that taught me every medicine joke I know just arrived at my doorstep.

I decided to in-vitamin.

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