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Vitamin Jokes

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Did you know Viagra is a vitamin ?

It helps build strong bones.

What's a Canadian's favorite vitamin?

Eh
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A man gets pulled over by a cop

The cop goes up to the man's window and informs him that he appeared to be swerving a bit.

"Son I just need you to do a quick breathalyzer test."

"I can't do that, officer, I have severe asthma. If I blow into that tube, I could risk an attack."

"Alright, then just come down to ...
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What do Japanese monsters drink for vitamin C?

Kai-Juice!


(My mom came up with that one.)

What’s the difference between Vitamin C and your mother’s sister wetting her pants?

One's an antioxidant and the other's an auntie accident.
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Why don't snakes like Vitamin C?

Because it's an anti-hisstamine.
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What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?

I've never made a vitamin.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My young son saw me taking Viagra and asked what it was...

So I replied, "It's just a vitamin I have to take every once in a while."

My wife said, "You really shouldn't lie to the boy..."

I said, "you're right honey." So I knelt next to my son and said "This is the pill Daddy needs because Mommy is getting old."

I thought my vitamin might be cancerous

Fortunately, the tests showed it was B-9
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What vitamin do you take if you’re absentminded?

Potassi... ummm.
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What’s the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?

You can’t make a vitamin

-RIP Benny Hill
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Went to the vitamin shoppe for some energy supplements.....

And the sales rep is telling me about b vitamins, he goes :
"You got your b-12 your b-6, have you taken these vitamins previously "?
I asked:
"You mean like b-4"?
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I told my roommate you get enough vitamin C in your diet without needing supplements.

The next morning, I noticed he was still taking Vitamin C with breakfast.

"Why are you taking that?" I quizzed him.

"What do you mean?" was his response. Feeling the need to revisit our previous discussion, I reminded him,

"It's fruitless".
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What is the best Vitamin for friendship?

B1. Because no one wants to be friends with a guy in a metabolic coma due to a thiamine deficiency.
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I discovered the cure for blindness.

Vitamin See
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I have a vitamin deficiency

Don't worry. It's B-9
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What's the best vitamin for friendship?

B1

Shout out to the random guy on the street that told me this joke!
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A bumblebee, a spelling bee and a vitamin B got in a fight

The vitamin B1
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My nutritionist showed up at my door unannounced!

I didn’t ‘vitamin.
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What do you call a vitamin that improves your eyesight?

Vitamin c.
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What is the best vitamin for a Christian?

B1
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Everyone knows you synthesize vitamin D from UV rays and that's fine...

So how come whenever I say, "I love getting the D from my sun," people always freak out?
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Why couldn't the effective vitamin supplement achieve true happiness?

He was too super fish oil.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vitamins for Aging Guys

When you are telling your wife's physical therapist that you recently started taking Multivitamins for [Aging] Men as a "dietary supplement", don't call them "Male Enhancement pills."

Learn From My Fail

Three Pregnant Ladies

Three pregnant women were waiting in the doctor’s waiting room for an antenatal check-up and were all knitting garments for their respective babies.



Suddenly the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one.

<...
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I have found that I have been happier since I switched from coffee to orange juice.

My Dr. explained that it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars but I really think it’s the vodka.
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Young couple at doctors office

Young couple visits doctor seeking advice,

"Sir you gotta help us, we tried everything to have a baby, we tried vitamins, we tried changing positions, we tried every different day of the month, we searched internet for pregnancy advice, but we just can't seem to have any luck with it, we need...
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In hard times, a young woman turns to prostitution...

For obvious reasons, she tries to keep this hidden from her only relative, her old grandma.

One cold evening, the brothel that the prostitute works in is raided by police. All sex workers are forced to wait in a line outside to show identification and documents.

As luck would have it, ...

Why did pirates eat oranges?

For the vitamin SEA
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Three expectant mothers are sitting in the doctor's office, knitting... [warning: offensive!]

\[I once killed a party with this joke. You have been warned!\]

Three expectant mothers are sitting in the doctor's office, knitting.

The first mother puts down her knitting, picks up her handbag, pulls out a bottle of pills, takes one, then resumes knitting. She sees the other two mot...

Did you know blind people are more likely to get scurvy?

They don’t get enough vitamin see.
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Yesterday I saw a marine mammal swim along the coast holding a glass of orange juice in it's flippers.

Turned out to be a Vitamin C-lion
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My doctor was making fun of me for being low on B vitamins...

He's giving me a complex.
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A joke older than Internet

One day Joe complained to his friend, ‘My elbow really hurts. I guess I should go to the doctor.’

His friend advised ‘Don’t do that. There is a computer at the drugstore that will diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will dia...

What’s the best way to cure blindness?

Vitamin C
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WHY I AM SO TIRED

For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies.
Now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million.
104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work...
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If a health food salesman comes to your door ...

... Vitamin!

("Invite - him - in")

... never mind.
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B5, B12, C, And E show up at your door... Whattya do?

In-Vitamin
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I went to the doctor to tell him one of my concerns

I went to the doctor to tell him one of my concerns. After telling him, he asked if I had stutter. So I told him "No, I'm only worried about the vitamin d deficiency!"
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Learning letters

"I would like vitamins for my son,” a mother said. “Vitamin A, B or C?” the pharmacist asked. “It doesn’t matter,” the mother replied. “He can’t read yet.”
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It’s the cold and flu time of year

Or as I like to call it, Vitamin C-son.
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Three expectant mothers are in a doctors waiting room...

They are sitting there quietly knitting jumpers for their babies. After a while they start to chat, and ask each other what supplements they are taking for their babies. The first says "I'm taking calcium so my baby has strong teeth and bones". The second says "I'm taking Vitamin B so my baby grows ...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three pregnant women...

Are sitting in the OBGYN office knitting baby sweaters.

The first woman reaches into her purse and pulls out a small pill. She states "this is folic acid, it's an important vitamin for development of my baby," then resumes her knitting.

The second woman reaches into her purse, pulls ou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three pregnant women are sitting around the waiting room the their OBGYN...

Three pregnant women are sitting around the waiting room at their OBGYN knitting jumpers for their expected babies. One woman reaches into her purse and pulls out a handful of pills and Swallows them. The other mothers look at her with disapproval stares and she says, "Oh no, these are just prenatal...

Why is eating honey so healthy?

It contains a lot of vitamin Bee
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Why do carrots make your sight better?

Because they have Vitamin See.
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If olive oil is made from olives and coconut oil is made from coconut what is baby oil made from?

Mineral oil, Aloe Vera Extract, Vitamin E, Fragrance and false advertising.
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Why did the 1920's gangster get scurvy?

NYAH, 'CAUSE HE DIDN'T TAKE HIS VITAMIN, SEE!
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I had a crush on my Dietitian

But then i found out she was Vitamin
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What should you do if a nutritionist knocks on your door?

Vitamin!

(Note: this only works with an American accent).
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The guys that taught me every medicine joke I know just arrived at my doorstep.

I decided to in-vitamin.
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