UPJOKE
sweet corncerealgrainmaizepopcornstarchwheatcorn oilmexicoricecorncobgreen cornhominycropbean

Who is the leader of the corn army?

The kernal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horse and a chicken were walking down a country road when they saw some corn in a ditch just across the road.

The horse walked over to eat the corn.

Before he got to the corn, he became stuck in the mud. For all his trying he could not get out of the mud.

So he tells the chicken "Hey, go over to that farm house and get some help to get me out of this mud.”

When the chicken gets to the f...

Two corns in a field were telling each other corny jokes.

They were the laughing stalk of the field

A cob of corn finishes his service in the army and retires

as a Colonel in good standing among his field

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a corn farmer with allergies and a prostitute with diarrhea?

One shucks between fits.

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?

"Where's Popcorn?"

Why are corn farmers great at eavesdropping?

Because they have ears everywhere!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

. I picked up a girl in a bar the other night and we went back to her place. We started making out and getting naked. I went down and started munching on that pussy and got a piece of corn in my mouth.

.. I didn’t think to much of it, just threw over my shoulder and went on eating. Then I got a green bean in my mouth. I like green beans, I just ate it and went back down. Then I got a piece of asparagus in my mouth. That was to much. I hate asparagus. I looked up at her and said,”God damn woman, ar...

What did the broth say to the corn starch?

You thicken me.

A Blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He st...

How much does a pirate pay for corn?

A Buccaneer

How much do pirates pay for corn?

A buccaneer.



Nah, just kidding... they just steal it.

What is the difference between corn on the cob and corn off the cob?

Now that I have your ear- there is no punchline. This has all just been a corny set up.

what has ears but doesn't listen?

men.

credit: -my wife

a local farmer had gone into investigations

\-what do you feed your chicken ?

\- soy beans, he answered

\-soy beans ?! are you aware that there's a global shortage in soy beans, we'll give you a $100k fine and prepare yourself for further investigations



few days later,...

A corn farmer asked his field "are you listening?"

To which the field responded "I'm all ears"

Why can’t a farmer keep secrets on her farm?

Because the corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes and the beans stalk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy goes to a therapist. He says, "Doc, I live in constant fear that I'm a grain of corn and there's a giant chicken out there who wants to eat me."

Doctor says, "That's obviously absurd."

The doctor works with the man over the course of three years to finally convince him that he's not a grain of corn that a giant chicken wants to eat.

Finally cured, the man leaves. He's back the next day. The doctor says, "Why are you back."
...

Corn makes everything better.

It's a-maize-ing like that.

What do you call a single kernel of corn?

A uni-corn

What did the farmer say to the corn that was being difficult?

Go shuck yourself.


What did the mom say to her child walking through the cornfield?

Watch out for stalkers.


Sorry for all the corny jokes.

I complemented some corn the other day.

It smiled from ear to ear.

A farmer and his corn

A farmer was trying to impress a girl so he put an ear of corn in his pants. The girl got excited and went to unzip his pants. She sees the corn and is confused. The farmer says, well it ain’t gunna shuck itself.

Which kind of corn holds the highest position in the catholic church?

Popecorn

A bit of corn tries to get into heaven

St Peter asks
"what was your job?"
"I was a Kernel before I got popped" it answers.
"in what army?" st Peter asks
And the corn answers in a husky voice: "the one that stalks maizes and takes ears".

I'm not sorry, just a little corny.

Most people associate Frankie Valli with the Four Seasons, but how many of you are familiar with the song he wrote about the native corn of the Southeast United States?

It was called "Maize of Georgia," and it's a hit.

Illinois has corn, Wisconsin has cheese, what does Michigan have?

Lead poisoning.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Love is like corn dog

Bitches would only want my weiner if I got the bread

A carrot, some corn and a cucumber fell into the ocean.

They are all c foods.

Two farmers are standing in a corn field looking up at a full moon. The first farmer exclaims: "what a clear night! Hey! What do you think is closer; the moon or Australia?"

The second farmer turns to the first. "What a stupid question. Can you SEE Australia?"

What did the ear of corn say to the cute puppy?

Aww Shucks

Feed a man corn and he will eat for a day

Teach a man to grow corn, he will kill your people and steal your land

Sitting with my shoes off next to a warm campfire eating corn chips.

Tostitos

Why did the Chief go out and buy all the corn he could find?

Because he couldn't beat a Buccaneer.

Down at the farmers market and a man dress as a pirate was selling corn for 1$

It was a buccaneer

Today is National Puzzle Day and National Corn Chip Day

I thought of a joke, but couldn't quite piece it together. Side note: corn chip puzzles are difficult to assemble but they taste good!

Thank goodness it's my first cake day!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The dirtiest joke my Grandma ever told me.

A mother puts her two sons to bed, before they fall asleep.

The older brother tells his little brother, "I think it's time we started cussing."

The younger brother asks, "Well what are you going to say?"

The older brother responds, "I'll say, Hell."

The younger brother sa...

Was shopping at the grocery store and I saw that an ear of corn was a dollar

A Buck an Ear?


That's Piracy, man.

Why do pirates only eat corn on special occasions?

Arrrrr, cause' they cost a buccaneer

They told me “I’m corny”, I said “of corns not”

I can’t be a comedian, you see.

Why did Mike Tyson plant marijuana instead of corn?

He was afraid he'd eat all of the ears.

What does Iowa corn and Iowa football have in common?

They're both better that what Nebraska has to offer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between Ted Cruz and a 300lb piece of festering shit filled with corn?

The corn.

Have you ever walked through a corn field?

It’s Amaizeing.

I had a joke about what happens to corn in the digestive system.

But it's recycled.

What did baby corn tell mamma corn?

Where’s pop corn?

From my 7 year old daughter.

How much does a settler in the Old West have to pay for corn?

$3.14 an ear.

What’s the definition of suspicious?

Two nuns bobbing up and down in a corn field.

Who is the master of corn religion ?

The pope corn

I was going to tell a joke about a corn eyeball...

But it just keeps getting cornea and cornea

What do you call Monty Python if it's filled with corn?

Del Monte Python

What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?

A cereal murder.

Why are farmers growing corn?

Don't they know they can just buy it at the grocery store!

What does corn use to get on the internet?

The cobweb.

What does a corn become when it joins the military?

Colonel

Why did the manager fire the corn?

Cause he was sleeping on the cob!

What happens when corn traders in the commodity market indulge in greedy but lame practices to profit?

Corny capitalism

A blonde woman called her brunette friend. "I'm doing a jigsaw puzzle at my apartment, but it's way too hard for me!"

"What's the jigsaw supposed to be?" asks the brunette.

"According to the box," says the blonde, "it's supposed to be a rooster."

When the brunette arrives at the blonde's apartment, she looks at the puzzle pieces. Then she look at the box. Then she says to the blonde, "I'm afraid you w...

What does corn have in common with good friends?

You know you’ll see them again

What did mammy corn say to baby corn when daddy didn't come home?????

Wheres popcorn.

Sorry for the corny joke.

What happens if you castrate a corn cob?

It becomes a eunuchcorn.

I told the corn he wasn't fat, just a little husky.

He didn't know how to take the compliment tho I guess it went against the grain.

What does the Matrix 4 announcement and eating corn have in common?

I'm excited to see it once it comes out.

A guy is cooking up some corn on the cob and he's not too sure how long it cooks for

So he plays it by ear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a scarecrows favorite type of porn?

Hard corn

just witnessed a chicken try and pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,

ImPeck-able

What do you call a millennial in a corn field.

Lost. They're definitely lost.

Two corn cobs walked down the street,

One was then hit by a car. At the hospital, the doctor said to the other corn, “I have good news and bad news,”

“Good news is your friend is going to pull through.”

“Bad news is he’s going to be a vegetable”

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn.

The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw come on boy," the far...

What does corn say when it's frustrated?

Aw shucks!


(Yes, I know this joke is very corny)

Why was everyone letting the corn tell them what to do?

He was the kernal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the corn say to his therapist?

How can a family with so many ears not hear my cries for help?

I saw someone at the grocery store who angrily stabbed a box of corn flakes, and the flakes went everywhere.

The person was arrested for being a cereal killer.

What's the difference between a chickpea and an ear of corn?

I've never paid $20 to have an ear of corn on my face

Amazing Really

A man spills a new RNA virus on himself and immediately begins turning into corn. He rushes into the doctors office and says "help me doc, can you do something about it?!"

The doctor says, "I have a theory on what we can do".

The man says, "I'm all ears."

Corn is the Houdini of food.

It disappears one day and reappears the next.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.