Who is the leader of the corn army?

The kernal.

Corn makes everything better.

It's a-maize-ing like that.

What did the baby corn say to the mamma corn?

Where's popcorn?

Today is National Puzzle Day and National Corn Chip Day

I thought of a joke, but couldn't quite piece it together. Side note: corn chip puzzles are difficult to assemble but they taste good!

Thank goodness it's my first cake day!

Two corns in a field were telling each other corny jokes.

They were the laughing stalk of the field

Down at the farmers market and a man dress as a pirate was selling corn for 1$

It was a buccaneer

Why did the Chief go out and buy all the corn he could find?

Because he couldn't beat a Buccaneer.

I had a joke about what happens to corn in the digestive system.

But it's recycled.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy goes to a therapist. He says, "Doc, I live in constant fear that I'm a grain of corn and there's a giant chicken out there who wants to eat me."

Doctor says, "That's obviously absurd."

The doctor works with the man over the course of three years to finally convince him that he's not a grain of corn that a giant chicken wants to eat.

Finally cured, the man leaves. He's back the next day. The doctor says, "Why are you back."
...

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between Ted Cruz and a 300lb piece of festering shit filled with corn?

The corn.

Have you ever walked through a corn field?

It’s Amaizeing.

What did the ear of corn say to the cute puppy?

Aww Shucks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an epileptic corn schucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?

One schucks between fits.......




I'll see myself out......

Why did the corn cross the road ?

Because it was being stalked.

(sorry, that was bit corny.)

A carrot, some corn and a cucumber fell into the ocean.

They are all c foods.

Illinois has corn, Wisconsin has cheese, what does Michigan have?

Lead poisoning.

A corn farmer asked his field "are you listening?"

To which the field responded "I'm all ears"

What do you call Monty Python if it's filled with corn?

Del Monte Python

What did baby corn tell mamma corn?

Where’s pop corn?

From my 7 year old daughter.

Two farmers are standing in a corn field looking up at a full moon. The first farmer exclaims: "what a clear night! Hey! What do you think is closer; the moon or Australia?"

The second farmer turns to the first. "What a stupid question. Can you SEE Australia?"

Was shopping at the grocery store and I saw that an ear of corn was a dollar

A Buck an Ear?


That's Piracy, man.

They told me “I’m corny”, I said “of corns not”

I can’t be a comedian, you see.

Why are farmers growing corn?

Don't they know they can just buy it at the grocery store!

I complemented some corn the other day.

It smiled from ear to ear.

What do you call a single kernel of corn?

A uni-corn

1,200 candy corns will kill you!

Don't worry the world record is three!

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Three guys survive a plane crash in the desert. They wander for days, starving and thirsty. They finally come across a lone house and knock on the door, desperate for help...

A crusty old lady answers, and says she'd be happy to help if one of them will agree to satisfy her sexually first. After a quick discussion, one of the guys decides to take one for the team. He walks in to her bedroom while the other two wait outside the house. He tells her to close her eyes and op...

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

Two Soldiers

There were two soldiers in the army, they were best friends. It was war time and they were in battle. One of them started crying, "Oh my god, my legs!" His other friend worried, looked over, "What's wrong?" The other, "I dropped some corn syrup on it. "

Five minutes later, he yelled out, "I...

Why do pirates only eat corn on special occasions?

Arrrrr, cause' they cost a buccaneer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Love is like corn dog

Bitches would only want my weiner if I got the bread

What did the farmer say to the corn that was being difficult?

Go shuck yourself.


What did the mom say to her child walking through the cornfield?

Watch out for stalkers.


Sorry for all the corny jokes.

Feed a man corn and he will eat for a day

Teach a man to grow corn, he will kill your people and steal your land

I was going to tell a joke about a corn eyeball...

But it just keeps getting cornea and cornea

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Being accepted into the Baptist church requires a tough test.

The minister meets with three married couples who want to join the Baptist Church. The first couple are retirees from Florida, the second couple are in their early 40s, and the last couple are newlyweds, having been married only 3 weeks. "We have developed a small test for those who want to join, I'...

Three women meet at the pearly gates

After dying, three women end up at the pearly gates and are questioned by St. Peter. He asks if they believe they are worthy of entering heaven; to which all answer that they are but they don’t know if someone is waiting for them on the other side.

St. Peter let’s them choose between the unk...

A man and his wife are saying their goodbyes as he is nearing death.

"my love" he says "I have to confess to you before I die. I've been unfaithful. We've been married for nearly fifty years and and once, only once, after we had been married for several years, I strayed. Please forgive me!"

The wife moves from his side and goes to the hope chest at the end of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys chatting at the bar....

One says, "I committed an embarrassing faux pas this morning. Went to the travel agency to buy some plane tickets. The young girl had the most spectacular breasts and I accidentally asked for two plane-titties" His mate replies, "Oh yes. I did the exact same thing this morning. Went to ask my w...

How much does a settler in the Old West have to pay for corn?

$3.14 an ear.

What does a corn become when it joins the military?

Colonel

What's the difference between a chickpea and an ear of corn?

I've never paid $20 to have an ear of corn on my face

Why did the manager fire the corn?

Cause he was sleeping on the cob!

Who is the master of corn religion ?

The pope corn

Sitting with my shoes off next to a warm campfire eating corn chips.

Tostitos

What did mammy corn say to baby corn when daddy didn't come home?????

Wheres popcorn.

Sorry for the corny joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gingerbread house (long)

Me and my good friend John went camping one time, but after we left our campsite for a walk we got lost. After two weeks of walking around the forest, trying to find our way out, or at least something to eat, we stumble onto a little meadow with a gingerbread house in the middle.

As you can i...

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says,"I need you to come over and help me with this jigsaw puzzle..."

Her boyfriend asks,"What's it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says"According to the picture on the box it's supposed to be a rooster."So her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. When she lets him in she takes him to the table where she has all the pieces sprea...

What does corn use to get on the internet?

The cobweb.

What do you call someone who keeps smashing boxes of corn flakes?

A cereal killer.

Why did Mike Tyson plant marijuana instead of corn?

He was afraid he'd eat all of the ears.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW. I picked up a girl in a bar the other night and we went back to her place.

We started making out and getting naked. I went down and started munching on that pussy and got a piece of corn in my mouth. I didn’t think to much of it, just threw over my shoulder and went on eating. Then I got a green bean in my mouth. I like green beans, I just ate it and went back down. Th...

When life gives you...

...High Fructose Corn Syrup, Citric Acid, Ascorbic Acid, Maltodextrin, Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Magnesium Oxide, Calcium Furmarate, Yellow #5, Tocopherol and less than 2% natural flavors...

...Make lemonade.

What does corn have in common with good friends?

You know you’ll see them again

Two corn cobs walked down the street,

One was then hit by a car. At the hospital, the doctor said to the other corn, “I have good news and bad news,”

“Good news is your friend is going to pull through.”

“Bad news is he’s going to be a vegetable”

I haven't seen this one here before

Late one Friday night, John visits the brothel. As he walks in, he is greeted by all the usual faces.

"Hey John, back again?"

"Johnny boy. Must be payday."

So on and so forth.

Then the Madame of the house spots him and hurries over.

"Mr. John. How lovely to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are shipwrecked on an island... (long)

They decide to explore the island to look for food as they are quite hungry. After a while of searching they find a cabin hidden in the middle of the woods and there's smoke coming from the chimney.

The first man tells the second he'll go knock and check it out and that the other should stay ...

A guy is cooking up some corn on the cob and he's not too sure how long it cooks for

So he plays it by ear.

Chickens are stronger than humans.

Don't believe me? Let's see you pick up a piece of corn with your pecker.

Why was everyone letting the corn tell them what to do?

He was the kernal.

just witnessed a chicken try and pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,

ImPeck-able

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three couples are trying to get married.

Three couples are trying to get married at the same church. There is a young couple, a middle-aged couple, and an elderly couple. The three couples meet with the priest and discuss when they can get married.


"If you wish to get married in my church, you must all go one month without havi...

Corn is the Houdini of food.

It disappears one day and reappears the next.

What do you call a millennial in a corn field.

Lost. They're definitely lost.

What did the corn say when it was being followed?

“I’m being stalked!”

I told the corn he wasn't fat, just a little husky.

He didn't know how to take the compliment tho I guess it went against the grain.

A dog is running awa

A dog is running away from a farm.
The pig asks him why?
The dog replies, "this family doesn't want me man, I'm out"
The pig says what do you mean, the humans always pet you, they take you in walks, you have free reign over the farm. To which the dog replies, "not even pig, all I get for ...

I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish

Almost everyone eats corn

Courtesy of my four year old

Q: What do baby corns call their daddy?

A: Popcorn

Not enjoying your corn at KFC?

Blame the kernel.

What does corn say when it's frustrated?

Aw shucks!


(Yes, I know this joke is very corny)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the corn say to his therapist?

How can a family with so many ears not hear my cries for help?

Jo, a farmer is one day working in his field.

He is hoeing the ground when suddenly he comes upon a ancient oil lamp. He picks it up and a Genie comes out. The Genie says: "You may wish 3 wishes, but whatever you wish, your worst enemie gets it double."


Jo is happy as can be and wishes for a million dollars. He gets it, but his enemi...

I got a new job today selling corn to pirates.

A buck an ear.

She had a yeast infection so bad

I stuck a hotdog up her and it came out a corn dog.

Thing about corny jokes...

Some can be a real EAR full, but a few of them really POP

What happens if you castrate a corn cob?

It becomes a eunuchcorn.

Where do you throw corn?

In the corner

What do you get when you put 1 tsp each of almonds, oats, corn flakes, and raisins in a bowl?

A muesli/measly serving.

Snuck up on a corn stalk

Pretty easy when they have no ears

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My relationship with corn is perfect.

It'll never turn to shit.

What did the corn farmer say after he had a particularly good harvest?

There’s polenta more where that came from!!

What do you call the children of the corns father?

Pop corn.

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