Who is the leader of the corn army?

The kernal.

Two corns in a field were telling each other corny jokes.

They were the laughing stalk of the field

What did the baby corn say to the mamma corn?

Where's popcorn?

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A horse and a chicken were walking down a country road when they saw some corn in a ditch just across the road.

The horse walked over to eat the corn.

Before he got to the corn, he became stuck in the mud. For all his trying he could not get out of the mud.

So he tells the chicken "Hey, go over to that farm house and get some help to get me out of this mud.”

When the chicken gets to the f...

Why did the corn cross the road ?

Because it was being stalked.

(sorry, that was bit corny.)

What is the difference between corn on the cob and corn off the cob?

Now that I have your ear- there is no punchline. This has all just been a corny set up.

Which kind of corn holds the highest position in the catholic church?

Popecorn

I saw a pirate selling corn.

Buccaneer.

What Did the Little corn ask his mama corn?

mom wheres Popcorn

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What is the difference between an epileptic corn farmer and a prostitute with explosive diarrhea?

One of them shucks between fits.

A bit of corn tries to get into heaven

St Peter asks
"what was your job?"
"I was a Kernel before I got popped" it answers.
"in what army?" st Peter asks
And the corn answers in a husky voice: "the one that stalks maizes and takes ears".

I'm not sorry, just a little corny.

Most people associate Frankie Valli with the Four Seasons, but how many of you are familiar with the song he wrote about the native corn of the Southeast United States?

It was called "Maize of Georgia," and it's a hit.

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Guy goes to a therapist. He says, "Doc, I live in constant fear that I'm a grain of corn and there's a giant chicken out there who wants to eat me."

Doctor says, "That's obviously absurd."

The doctor works with the man over the course of three years to finally convince him that he's not a grain of corn that a giant chicken wants to eat.

Finally cured, the man leaves. He's back the next day. The doctor says, "Why are you back."
...

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

Corn makes everything better.

It's a-maize-ing like that.

A farmer and his corn

A farmer was trying to impress a girl so he put an ear of corn in his pants. The girl got excited and went to unzip his pants. She sees the corn and is confused. The farmer says, well it ain’t gunna shuck itself.

A corn farmer asked his field "are you listening?"

To which the field responded "I'm all ears"

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Two 5 yr old twin brothers are laying in bed one night discussing how to act more grownup around mom and dad.

Suddenly one of the brothers says, "why don't we curse like grownups"? The other brother says, "great idea, what should we say". "I'll curse like daddy and say Aw Hell". "Oooh, good one I'll say You bet your sweet ass like mom says". They decide to surprise their mom the next morning at breakfast an...

What does Iowa corn and Iowa football have in common?

They're both better that what Nebraska has to offer.

Down at the farmers market and a man dress as a pirate was selling corn for 1$

It was a buccaneer

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My favorite joke

I went to go visit my friend Chuck on his farm out in Greater Minnesota, and he's showing off his barn, crops, and livestock. When we get to the swine corral, there's an enormous boar... with three wooden legs.

So I ask him, "why does that pig have three wooden legs?"

"Well, Steve, tha...

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The dirtiest joke my Grandma ever told me.

A mother puts her two sons to bed, before they fall asleep.

The older brother tells his little brother, "I think it's time we started cussing."

The younger brother asks, "Well what are you going to say?"

The older brother responds, "I'll say, Hell."

The younger brother sa...

What did the ear of corn say to the cute puppy?

Aww Shucks

Two farmers are standing in a corn field looking up at a full moon. The first farmer exclaims: "what a clear night! Hey! What do you think is closer; the moon or Australia?"

The second farmer turns to the first. "What a stupid question. Can you SEE Australia?"

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Here It Is! The Poopie list!

Ghost Poopie--The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie--The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie--The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unw...

What do you call a single kernel of corn?

A uni-corn

Illinois has corn, Wisconsin has cheese, what does Michigan have?

Lead poisoning.

I complemented some corn the other day.

It smiled from ear to ear.

What did the farmer say to the corn that was being difficult?

Go shuck yourself.


What did the mom say to her child walking through the cornfield?

Watch out for stalkers.


Sorry for all the corny jokes.

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What’s the difference between Ted Cruz and a 300lb piece of festering shit filled with corn?

The corn.

Why did the Chief go out and buy all the corn he could find?

Because he couldn't beat a Buccaneer.

Today is National Puzzle Day and National Corn Chip Day

I thought of a joke, but couldn't quite piece it together. Side note: corn chip puzzles are difficult to assemble but they taste good!

Thank goodness it's my first cake day!

What do you call Monty Python if it's filled with corn?

Del Monte Python

Have you ever walked through a corn field?

It’s Amaizeing.

I had a joke about what happens to corn in the digestive system.

But it's recycled.

What did baby corn tell mamma corn?

Where’s pop corn?

From my 7 year old daughter.

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on itallian bread, make with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the sa...

Solid gold toilet.

I walked in on a man using a solid gold toilet.

"How many karats is that, sir?"

"None, but there is a lot of corn."

A blonde woman called her brunette friend. "I'm doing a jigsaw puzzle at my apartment, but it's way too hard for me!"

"What's the jigsaw supposed to be?" asks the brunette.

"According to the box," says the blonde, "it's supposed to be a rooster."

When the brunette arrives at the blonde's apartment, she looks at the puzzle pieces. Then she look at the box. Then she says to the blonde, "I'm afraid you w...

A carrot, some corn and a cucumber fell into the ocean.

They are all c foods.

The Corniest joke ever

What corn soldiers are you?

We’re kernels!

They told me “I’m corny”, I said “of corns not”

I can’t be a comedian, you see.

Why do pirates only eat corn on special occasions?

Arrrrr, cause' they cost a buccaneer

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Love is like corn dog

Bitches would only want my weiner if I got the bread

I was going to tell a joke about a corn eyeball...

But it just keeps getting cornea and cornea

3 Un Jokes of the day

What did one Frenchmen say to the other? I don't speak French and would like to know.

A Bear walks into a bar and the patrons leave slowly noticing the situation could be potentially dangerous.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor in the tall corn; Where is my Tractor....

The Illiterate Farmer

A group of learned professors chose to spend a relaxing vacation at a remote farm - far from the maddening crowd of the city they lived in.

Their host was a simple farmer who had never seen the inside of a school.

The professors were astonished to see the order and discipline by which ...

What's the difference between an oak tree and a tight shoe?

One makes acorns, the other makes corns ache.

Was shopping at the grocery store and I saw that an ear of corn was a dollar

A Buck an Ear?


That's Piracy, man.

Sitting with my shoes off next to a warm campfire eating corn chips.

Tostitos

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One day, a recently married man goes to the attic of his new home to put a few things in storage.

While he is there, he notices a large steamer trunk sitting in the corner. When he tries to open it, he finds it is locked. Puzzled and curious, he calls his new bride up to the attic and asks her about the trunk.

She tells him that it is hers and that it only contains some personal things. ...

Why are farmers growing corn?

Don't they know they can just buy it at the grocery store!

What vegetable is the best singer?

Corn, because it's always in hominy.

A blonde calls her husband who is at work

"Honey, I need your help. I just bought a puzzle at walmart and I really don't know how to solve it. It's so hard that I can't even combine two pieces."

"That's annoying my love. Does the box say how many pieces it has?"

"No, it doesn't say."

"Is there at least a picture of the ...

Feed a man corn and he will eat for a day

Teach a man to grow corn, he will kill your people and steal your land

What does a corn become when it joins the military?

Colonel

Why did the manager fire the corn?

Cause he was sleeping on the cob!

Who is the master of corn religion ?

The pope corn

Why did Mike Tyson plant marijuana instead of corn?

He was afraid he'd eat all of the ears.

1,200 candy corns will kill you!

Don't worry the world record is three!

A German man on his first trip to America decides to see New York City.

As he's wandering around the smell of corned beef and fresh baked rye bread draws him into a Kosher deli. The man sits at the counter, eyes the menu and says, "I vood like to try ze bagel and ze lox." In a thick accent.

On his first bite he's throughly enjoying his food and pipes up to the gu...

What does corn use to get on the internet?

The cobweb.

What did mammy corn say to baby corn when daddy didn't come home?????

Wheres popcorn.

Sorry for the corny joke.

What's the difference between a chickpea and an ear of corn?

I've never paid $20 to have an ear of corn on my face

What did the corn say when it was being followed?

“I’m being stalked!”

A farmer purchased a new oxen to help plow his field.

The animal hadn’t been well-tamed and the farmer struggled to keep the beast under control. One day, the oxen freaked out and started tearing through the field, dredging up all of the seeds and plants that they had already sewn into the soil. The farmer’s corn and soybean plants were all destroyed. ...

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Three guys survive a plane crash in the desert. They wander for days, starving and thirsty. They finally come across a lone house and knock on the door, desperate for help...

A crusty old lady answers, and says she'd be happy to help if one of them will agree to satisfy her sexually first. After a quick discussion, one of the guys decides to take one for the team. He walks in to her bedroom while the other two wait outside the house. He tells her to close her eyes and op...

A guy is cooking up some corn on the cob and he's not too sure how long it cooks for

So he plays it by ear.

just witnessed a chicken try and pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,

ImPeck-able

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3 men in a desert...

3 men had been crawling through the dry hot desert for 14 days and nights.
They were buggered, had enough.
One of them spotted a tree in the distance. Upon getting closer there was a house.
They jumped up and ran over.
It was the first civilisation they had seen for weeks.
And wh...

Why was everyone letting the corn tell them what to do?

He was the kernal.

What does corn have in common with good friends?

You know you’ll see them again

Two corn cobs walked down the street,

One was then hit by a car. At the hospital, the doctor said to the other corn, “I have good news and bad news,”

“Good news is your friend is going to pull through.”

“Bad news is he’s going to be a vegetable”

What do you call a millennial in a corn field.

Lost. They're definitely lost.

I told the corn he wasn't fat, just a little husky.

He didn't know how to take the compliment tho I guess it went against the grain.

What happens if you castrate a corn cob?

It becomes a eunuchcorn.

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Why, what, who?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does...

One day, a blonde woman was driving her car through the countryside when she decided to listen to the radio.

The only available station was a comedy station that kept telling blonde joke after blonde joke, which made the blonde very annoyed.

She turned off the radio and decided to look at the scenery to calm herself down, but then she saw something even more infuriating. Another blonde woman was sit...

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Three Couples

Three couples are trying to get married at the same church. There is a young couple, a middle aged couple, and an elderly couple. The three couples meet with the priest and discuss when they can get married. "If you wish to get married in my church, you must all go one month without having sex," say...

Corn is the Houdini of food.

It disappears one day and reappears the next.

I saw someone at the grocery store who angrily stabbed a box of corn flakes, and the flakes went everywhere.

The person was arrested for being a cereal killer.

A man and his wife are saying their goodbyes as he is nearing death.

"my love" he says "I have to confess to you before I die. I've been unfaithful. We've been married for nearly fifty years and and once, only once, after we had been married for several years, I strayed. Please forgive me!"

The wife moves from his side and goes to the hope chest at the end of ...

What does corn say when it's frustrated?

Aw shucks!


(Yes, I know this joke is very corny)

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What did the corn say to his therapist?

How can a family with so many ears not hear my cries for help?

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