Who is the leader of the corn army?

The kernal.

Two corns in a field were telling each other corny jokes.

They were the laughing stalk of the field

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A horse and a chicken were walking down a country road when they saw some corn in a ditch just across the road.

The horse walked over to eat the corn.

Before he got to the corn, he became stuck in the mud. For all his trying he could not get out of the mud.

So he tells the chicken "Hey, go over to that farm house and get some help to get me out of this mud.”

When the chicken gets to the f...

Why did the corn cross the road ?

Because it was being stalked.

(sorry, that was bit corny.)

What did the baby corn call his dad?

Popcorn.

(sorry if that joke was a little corny)

An elderly lady calls her neighbor and says,

"Please come over and help me. I have a puzzle and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's done?"

The little silver-haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

He decides to go over and help ...

How much do pirates pay for corn?

A buccaneer.



Nah, just kidding... they just steal it.

What is the difference between corn on the cob and corn off the cob?

Now that I have your ear- there is no punchline. This has all just been a corny set up.

Which kind of corn holds the highest position in the catholic church?

Popecorn

What Did the Little corn ask his mama corn?

mom wheres Popcorn

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What is the difference between an epileptic corn farmer and a prostitute with explosive diarrhea?

One of them shucks between fits.

A corn farmer asked his field "are you listening?"

To which the field responded "I'm all ears"

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

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Guy goes to a therapist. He says, "Doc, I live in constant fear that I'm a grain of corn and there's a giant chicken out there who wants to eat me."

Doctor says, "That's obviously absurd."

The doctor works with the man over the course of three years to finally convince him that he's not a grain of corn that a giant chicken wants to eat.

Finally cured, the man leaves. He's back the next day. The doctor says, "Why are you back."
...

Corn makes everything better.

It's a-maize-ing like that.

A farmer and his corn

A farmer was trying to impress a girl so he put an ear of corn in his pants. The girl got excited and went to unzip his pants. She sees the corn and is confused. The farmer says, well it ain’t gunna shuck itself.

I saw a pirate selling corn.

Buccaneer.

A bit of corn tries to get into heaven

St Peter asks
"what was your job?"
"I was a Kernel before I got popped" it answers.
"in what army?" st Peter asks
And the corn answers in a husky voice: "the one that stalks maizes and takes ears".

I'm not sorry, just a little corny.

Most people associate Frankie Valli with the Four Seasons, but how many of you are familiar with the song he wrote about the native corn of the Southeast United States?

It was called "Maize of Georgia," and it's a hit.

What do you call a single kernel of corn?

A uni-corn

A guy brings his new blonde girlfriend to a family dinner

His parents are devoutly religious and he was born and raised in the south, so he's nervous - he gave her some pointers beforehand so everything would go smoothly.

After having a lovely conversation where his parents have warmed up to his girlfriend, they sit at the table and dig in. The guy ...

What did the ear of corn say to the cute puppy?

Aww Shucks

Two farmers are standing in a corn field looking up at a full moon. The first farmer exclaims: "what a clear night! Hey! What do you think is closer; the moon or Australia?"

The second farmer turns to the first. "What a stupid question. Can you SEE Australia?"

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What’s a scarecrows favorite type of porn?

Hard corn

Illinois has corn, Wisconsin has cheese, what does Michigan have?

Lead poisoning.

I complemented some corn the other day.

It smiled from ear to ear.

They told me “I’m corny”, I said “of corns not”

I can’t be a comedian, you see.

What did the farmer say to the corn that was being difficult?

Go shuck yourself.


What did the mom say to her child walking through the cornfield?

Watch out for stalkers.


Sorry for all the corny jokes.

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Love is like corn dog

Bitches would only want my weiner if I got the bread

What does Iowa corn and Iowa football have in common?

They're both better that what Nebraska has to offer.

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What’s the difference between Ted Cruz and a 300lb piece of festering shit filled with corn?

The corn.

Down at the farmers market and a man dress as a pirate was selling corn for 1$

It was a buccaneer

Why did the Chief go out and buy all the corn he could find?

Because he couldn't beat a Buccaneer.

Today is National Puzzle Day and National Corn Chip Day

I thought of a joke, but couldn't quite piece it together. Side note: corn chip puzzles are difficult to assemble but they taste good!

Thank goodness it's my first cake day!

What do you call Monty Python if it's filled with corn?

Del Monte Python

No one’s listening

I’d had a rough day on the farm but didn’t have anyone to tell about it. I sat down in the cornfield and vented to the stalks. I soon realized it was pointless to talk to the corn: it was going in one ear and out the other.

My grandpa was very competitive...

My grandpa was so competitive with me and would always try to win any game we played. Baseball. Soccer. Even who could eat the most corn dogs.

But I’ll never forget his last words to me as he was about to pass away, he look at me wide eyes and with his last breath he said…

…”staring c...

A carrot, some corn and a cucumber fell into the ocean.

They are all c foods.

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Two 5 yr old twin brothers are laying in bed one night discussing how to act more grownup around mom and dad.

Suddenly one of the brothers says, "why don't we curse like grownups"? The other brother says, "great idea, what should we say". "I'll curse like daddy and say Aw Hell". "Oooh, good one I'll say You bet your sweet ass like mom says". They decide to surprise their mom the next morning at breakfast an...

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The dirtiest joke my Grandma ever told me.

A mother puts her two sons to bed, before they fall asleep.

The older brother tells his little brother, "I think it's time we started cussing."

The younger brother asks, "Well what are you going to say?"

The older brother responds, "I'll say, Hell."

The younger brother sa...

Why do pirates only eat corn on special occasions?

Arrrrr, cause' they cost a buccaneer

I had a joke about what happens to corn in the digestive system.

But it's recycled.

What did baby corn tell mamma corn?

Where’s pop corn?

From my 7 year old daughter.

I was going to tell a joke about a corn eyeball...

But it just keeps getting cornea and cornea

Was shopping at the grocery store and I saw that an ear of corn was a dollar

A Buck an Ear?


That's Piracy, man.

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My favorite joke

I went to go visit my friend Chuck on his farm out in Greater Minnesota, and he's showing off his barn, crops, and livestock. When we get to the swine corral, there's an enormous boar... with three wooden legs.

So I ask him, "why does that pig have three wooden legs?"

"Well, Steve, tha...

A blonde woman called her brunette friend. "I'm doing a jigsaw puzzle at my apartment, but it's way too hard for me!"

"What's the jigsaw supposed to be?" asks the brunette.

"According to the box," says the blonde, "it's supposed to be a rooster."

When the brunette arrives at the blonde's apartment, she looks at the puzzle pieces. Then she look at the box. Then she says to the blonde, "I'm afraid you w...

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Two friends are stranded in the desert...

After roaming around for days they stumble on a small cottage and meet a 90 year old witch who promises to cast a spell to send them back to civilization if one of them will have 3 rounds of sex with her. Hell no! One friend exclaims. The other thinks about it for a minute and volunteers to go in an...

Feed a man corn and he will eat for a day

Teach a man to grow corn, he will kill your people and steal your land

Sitting with my shoes off next to a warm campfire eating corn chips.

Tostitos

Who is the master of corn religion ?

The pope corn

Why are farmers growing corn?

Don't they know they can just buy it at the grocery store!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on itallian bread, make with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the sa...

What does a corn become when it joins the military?

Colonel

Why did Mike Tyson plant marijuana instead of corn?

He was afraid he'd eat all of the ears.

What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?

A cereal murder.

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Here It Is! The Poopie list!

Ghost Poopie--The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie--The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie--The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unw...

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One day, a recently married man goes to the attic of his new home to put a few things in storage.

While he is there, he notices a large steamer trunk sitting in the corner. When he tries to open it, he finds it is locked. Puzzled and curious, he calls his new bride up to the attic and asks her about the trunk.

She tells him that it is hers and that it only contains some personal things. ...

Solid gold toilet.

I walked in on a man using a solid gold toilet.

"How many karats is that, sir?"

"None, but there is a lot of corn."

Why did the manager fire the corn?

Cause he was sleeping on the cob!

What happens when corn traders in the commodity market indulge in greedy but lame practices to profit?

Corny capitalism

What does corn use to get on the internet?

The cobweb.

3 Un Jokes of the day

What did one Frenchmen say to the other? I don't speak French and would like to know.

A Bear walks into a bar and the patrons leave slowly noticing the situation could be potentially dangerous.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor in the tall corn; Where is my Tractor....

The Corniest joke ever

What corn soldiers are you?

We’re kernels!

The Illiterate Farmer

A group of learned professors chose to spend a relaxing vacation at a remote farm - far from the maddening crowd of the city they lived in.

Their host was a simple farmer who had never seen the inside of a school.

The professors were astonished to see the order and discipline by which ...

What does the Matrix 4 announcement and eating corn have in common?

I'm excited to see it once it comes out.

just witnessed a chicken try and pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,

ImPeck-able

Why was everyone letting the corn tell them what to do?

He was the kernal.

What does corn have in common with good friends?

You know you’ll see them again

Two corn cobs walked down the street,

One was then hit by a car. At the hospital, the doctor said to the other corn, “I have good news and bad news,”

“Good news is your friend is going to pull through.”

“Bad news is he’s going to be a vegetable”

What do you call a millennial in a corn field.

Lost. They're definitely lost.

I told the corn he wasn't fat, just a little husky.

He didn't know how to take the compliment tho I guess it went against the grain.

What's the difference between an oak tree and a tight shoe?

One makes acorns, the other makes corns ache.

What vegetable is the best singer?

Corn, because it's always in hominy.

What does corn say when it's frustrated?

Aw shucks!


(Yes, I know this joke is very corny)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the corn say to his therapist?

How can a family with so many ears not hear my cries for help?

I saw someone at the grocery store who angrily stabbed a box of corn flakes, and the flakes went everywhere.

The person was arrested for being a cereal killer.

Corn is the Houdini of food.

It disappears one day and reappears the next.

What happens if you castrate a corn cob?

It becomes a eunuchcorn.

A blonde calls her husband who is at work

"Honey, I need your help. I just bought a puzzle at walmart and I really don't know how to solve it. It's so hard that I can't even combine two pieces."

"That's annoying my love. Does the box say how many pieces it has?"

"No, it doesn't say."

"Is there at least a picture of the ...

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