Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?

Aw shucks!

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What's the difference between an epileptic corn husker and a prostitute with diarrhea?

One shucks between fits

What did baby corn say to mama corn?

Where is pop corn?

How much did the pirate pay for the corn on the cob?

A buccaneer

What did the farmer say to the corn that was being difficult?

Go shuck yourself.


What did the mom say to her child walking through the cornfield?

Watch out for stalkers.


Sorry for all the corny jokes.

Why was everyone letting the corn tell them what to do?

He was the kernal.

A guy is cooking up some corn on the cob and he's not too sure how long it cooks for

So he plays it by ear.

Who is the master of corn religion ?

The pope corn

just witnessed a chicken try and pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,

ImPeck-able

A corn walks into a bar...

And it says to the bartender:

"Hey, wanna hear a joke?"

The bartender agrees. The corn then asks:

"What did the traffic light say to the car?"

The bartender then says: "What?"

The corn says: "DON'T LOOK! I'M CHANGING!"

The bartender shakes his head in disapp...

What does corn use to get on the internet?

The cobweb.

I saw someone at the grocery store who angrily stabbed a box of corn flakes, and the flakes went everywhere.

The person was arrested for being a cereal killer.

What do you call a millennial in a corn field.

Lost. They're definitely lost.

Sitting with my shoes off next to a warm campfire eating corn chips.

Tostitos

What is Fonzie’s favorite type of corn?

Ayyy-corn.


I’ll see myself out.

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A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church

The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners.

You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.

" The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?...

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

I told the corn he wasn't fat, just a little husky.

He didn't know how to take the compliment tho I guess it went against the grain.

What's so bad about stalking?

How else do we get corn?

What does corn have in common with good friends?

You know you’ll see them again

Snuck up on a corn stalk

Pretty easy when they have no ears

What does corn say when it's frustrated?

Aw shucks!


(Yes, I know this joke is very corny)

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What did the corn say to his therapist?

How can a family with so many ears not hear my cries for help?

Yesterday I stepped on a corn flake.

Now I am a sereal killer

Courtesy of my four year old

Q: What do baby corns call their daddy?

A: Popcorn

Feed a man corn and he will eat for a day

Teach a man to grow corn, he will kill your people and steal your land

What did the corn say when it was being followed?

“I’m being stalked!”

A Star Trek fan meets William Shatner.

"Wow. I can't believe I'm meeting you at Comic Corn."

"Actually, it's called Comic Con"

"Com?"

"Con."

"Cold?"

"Com!

"Cookie?"

"CONNNNNNNN!"

Why shouldn't the corn dog & the pig in a blanket have kids together?

They're both inbred.

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Four men are stranded on a deserted island

After wandering for days, they finally come upon a small shack in the distance. Unsure of its safety, one friend volunteers to investigate while the other three stay behind.

Taking a deep breath, the bravest of the friends walks through the front door and finds a witch waiting for him.
...

I got a new job today selling corn to pirates.

A buck an ear.

Why did Mike Tyson plant marijuana instead of corn?

He was afraid he'd eat all of the ears.

what did the kid-corn say to the mom-corn

Wheres the popcorn

Not enjoying your corn at KFC?

Blame the kernel.

what do u call a group of colonels ?

a cob .

get it . cuz colonel is pronounced kernel . like corn .

i try ok .

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Three couples are trying to get married at the same church.

There is a young couple, a middle-aged couple, and an elderly couple. The three couples meet with the priest and discuss when they can get married.
 
"If you wish to get married in my church, you must all go one month without having sex," says the priest.
 
One month later the three coup...

What did the corn farmer say after he had a particularly good harvest?

There’s polenta more where that came from!!

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3 Men are stranded in the middle of nowhere as their car broke down.

They suddenly see a house in the distance and decide to seek assistance but decide to go individually as they do not want to alarm the home owner. So the first guy approaches the house and is greeted by the most hideous old lady he has ever seen and he asks "hey, is there by chance you have a teleph...

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[NSFW] [Long] Three men are stranded in the middle of the desert. Each one of them is starving, thirsty, and desperate to get home...

As they trudge through the endless desert, one of them spots a small cottage in the distance with scrap metal and junk all around it. He told the others and they all thought it was just a mirage. But as they drew near the cottage, they learned that it was very real.

They all get excited. C...

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A farmer trained his rooster to peel the husks off of corn

What a cock-shucker

Did you here the one about the shy corn kernel that went to the party.

They say he really popped when he came out of his shell.

What do you call a potato and an ear of corn in a police car?

Starchy and Husk

I invented a new kind of corn

It has a very soft center so it is easy to poke the holders into it.

I call it... softcore corn.

Don't look it up on the internet.

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My relationship with corn is perfect.

It'll never turn to shit.

What the corniest part of a corn field?

The corner.

Not stupid joke at all involves no puns.........

There was a bamboo stalk and a corn stalk who lived in the same neighborhood. The corn didn't really know the bamboo but the bamboo liked to watch the corn and sometimes follow him. The bamboo sometimes said "Sup my HUSKY bro". One day the corn turns around and yells at the bamboo, "STOP STALKING M...

Whats the worst part about eating ass?

Definitely the corn

What’s a corn farmers favorite kind of dog

A Husky

A donkey and his farmer were hauling some corn on an old road

when a wheel broke, cracking the road underneath. The township sued the farmer for road repairs, but a judge dismissed the case stating "it's not the ass's fault asphalt has faults"

What do you call the single grain of corn on the tree?

Acorn

What happens if you castrate a corn cob?

It becomes a eunuchcorn.

What do you call the children of the corns father?

Pop corn.

Got sick of rubbing my wife's feet so the last time she asked I finally told her no, and let me tell you...

...hell hath no fury like a woman's corns.

What did the magician say before he turned his assistant into an ear of corn?

Prepare to be a-maize-d

Be sure to always whisper while in a corn maze

The walls have ears.

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"Grandpa, tell the story again when you broke a duck's neck with your erection at your brother's wedding!"

Well, children, the year was 1922. I had nothing more than a flatcap, a shovel, and my favorite pint glass to my name. It was around the time where cars were a brand new luxury and a lass would let you put a thumb in her bum just to honk the horn. Well as luck would have it, I was out peat poaching ...

If you made a corn labyrinth in the likeness of a deceased television pitchman...

You'd have a Billy Mays maize maze.

Four guys are driving on a long road trip. It's the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere.

The guy from Idaho takes out a sack of potatoes and starts throwing them out the window one by one.

"What the hell are you doing?", someone asks. "Look, we've got so many potatoes in Idaho. I mean, we're overflowing with them. So whenever I travel I'm supposed to get rid of as many as I can....

TIL the creator of Corn Pops also invented Cocoa Puffs, Frosted Flakes, Froot Loops, and Apple Jacks

His tombstone just says "cereal entrepreneur"

Why do farmers play smooth jazz for their corn?

It's easy on the ears

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A farmer was selling his

peaches door to door. He knocked on a
door and a shapely 30-something woman dressed in a very sheer
negligee answered the door.

He raised his basket to show her
the peaches and asked, "Would you like to buy some peaches?"
She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, ...

Friends, Romans, Corn Futures Brokers,

Lend me your ears

Mans wife finds 25,000 dollars and two ears of corn in a secret trunk at their home

Wife - Why are there two ears of corn in this trunk?

Husband - I kept a ear of corn every time I messed around on you.

Wife - Oh that’s not bad, 34 years of marriage and only messed around twice? What about the 25,000 dollars?

Husband - Every-time I collected a bushel I sold i...

Hey girl, do you live in a corn field?

Because I'm stalking you.

A married man found a chest with 20k and 3 pieces of corn

Man: honey, I just found a chest with some interesting items inside

Woman: what is it?

Man: well there is 20,000 dollars inside and 3 pieces of corn

Woman: well that is my cheating chest, every time that I have cheated on you I put a piece of corn

The man thinks to h...

What's the difference between candy corn and boogers?

Kids won't eat candy corn.

There was a lad named John

There was a lad named John who was dealt a bad hand since he was born. He was an orphan who was brought up in a for profit orphanage, leading him to suffer mental trauma amongst other issues. After turning 16, he was kicked out of the orphanage with no support whatsoever. Not knowing what to do, he ...

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A virgin walks into a brothel...

He finds a nice young lady and the two go into a back room. He's never done this type of thing before so the hooker instructs him on what to do, telling him to begin by eating her out.

The man does as he's told, but while orally pleasuring her he comes across a piece of a carrot. He thinks t...

I once accidentally poured glue in my son's corn flakes

He's never talked to me again

I love corn!

It's a food that always amaizes me.

Twenty-five years.

Twenty-five years, and I never killed a single person until a few months ago. Now I'm on death row for multiple charges: manslaughter, murder, negligence.

After the first, I thought it was over. I thought nothing of the fact that the Sheriff warned me I would be sentenced to death if it happe...

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Three couples are trying to get married at a local church.

One was an elderly couple, another was a middle-aged couple, and the third a young couple. So the priest calls each of these couples in and presents them with a challenge.

“In order to get married at my church,” he says “you have to go an entire month without having sex.”

So they leave...

What does a chorus made of corn do?

Sing in hominy.

What did the corn chip say to the light bulb?

Are you turned on? Because I'm Frito Lay

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