UPJOKE
french friesfrito-laypotatosnack foodsnackcheesebakingcreamketchupchickenpringleslay'schipcrispwasabi

Dad: Son, you know what? Back in my days, I walk in a store just with a single dollar and come home with a bag of potato chips and two chocolate bars.

Now they have cameras everywhere.

Why does the tortilla chip always beat the potato chip in a debate?

The tortilla chip has a point.

Potato Chip are like car company

they are very good at making air bags.

What did the potato chip say...

... to the battery?
If you're 'Everready' I'm 'Frito Lay'

what is an Arabic ruler's favorite flavor of potato chips?

Sultan vinegar.

Did you hear about that music band formed from ex potato chip workers?

They called themselves “panic at Nabisco”

[nsfw] What did the amorous potato chip say to the battery?

If you're ever ready, I'm free ta lay.
(Everyready/Frito-Lay).

I have lived with this joke shrapnel for years and I thought I would share.

Why didn't the potato chips believe anything the sandwich said?

Because the sandwich was full of baloney

Why is the demand for potato chips rising in China?

They need clean air.

What do a bag of Lay's potato chips and the Milky Way have in common?

They're both mostly empty space.

How does a male potato chip mate with a female potato chip?

He Lay's on her.

Why do bags of potato chips have so much less chips these days?

Inflation

Breast implants are like potato chips.

You can't have just one.

A man walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk if he's got any helicopter flavored potato chips.

The clerk's replies, no, sorry, we're all out...

But, I've got plane.

I know a well-off foot fetishist, who took up a gig at a potato chip factory in his spare time.

When I asked him why, he says he heard "something about Free Toe Lays being one of the perks".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little boy's wisdom

An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day. After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your d*ck touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minut...

A lady visits a doctor

“Doctor, I was eating some potato chips, and there was a small bag that said ‘DO NOT EAT’, and I accidentally ate that too, am I going to die?..”

“Well, we’re all going to die at some point…” Starts the doctor.

“We’re all gonna die?! OMG, WHAT HAVE I DONE!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can your dick touch your ass?

A son walks into his fathers room to find him eating a bad of potato chips. He kindly asks his father if he could have some.

His father replies “well son, can your dick touch your ass?”

The boy seems puzzled and replies with a simple “no?” and his father explains they’re his and the bo...

I always thought air was free

...until I bought a bag of potato chips.

Have you heard of Cape Cod Potato Chips?

apparently they are so good they actually named a whole cape after them

What’s the difference between Lays potato chips and a balloon

Balloons should be filled with air

Teacher: "What's 1 minus 1?"

Johny: "1 minus 1?"

Teacher: "Yes. If you subtract one from one, what do you get?"

Johny: "One."

Teacher: "No, Johny, Try again."

Johny: "Two."

Teacher: "Ok, let's do it this way: if you have only one potato chip left in a frying pan and you take it out of the pan,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess immediately said, "No!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to titty bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching and never paid child support...

Ants can carry twenty times their own body weight, which is a very useful information..

If you’re moving and you need help carrying a potato chip across town.

This was a favorite of my deceased stepfather...

A housewife is living in the inner-city during a crime wave and is concerned for her safety. She phones her husband, a travelling salesman, and lets her know that she's so scared she wants to purchase a guard dog. The husband agrees that it would be a great idea and she makes plans to go to the pe...

Roses are red, potato chips are savory...

The United States prison system is legalized slavery.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was sitting there quietly, eating a bag of potato chips, when my wife came in and shouted at me…

''What's wrong with you, moron!?''

Shocked, I asked, ''What?!''

''Open the fucking bag!''

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend brags about having sex with potato chips

He keeps on telling me how many lays he's had.

A health-conscious man got a job as...

... a grocery packer. Every day he watched customers buy candy, soda, potato chips and processed snacks. He knew people were damaging their health with these unhealthy foods choices.

One day, he couldn't take it anymore. When he saw a customer with their cart full of particularly unhealthy ju...

A man was driving along the motorway

When all of a sudden, he sees two crisps (potato chips) walking along the side of the road.
Perplexed by this and concerned for their safety he leans out and shouts "Hey! You two want a lift anywhere?", to which the crisps stopped and replied "No thanks mate, we're Walkers".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the doctor

Man: Doc, my dick is orange.
Doctor: Please undress and I will have a look.
The man does as asked and the doctor does his examinations. However, after 15 minutes of tests the doctor gives up.
Doctor: I have no idea why your penis is orange. Perhaps I can learn more by your daily routine. Te...

Topical Jokes for 10/21

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

NASA scientists are preparing for a mission to Mars by spending eight months in Hawaii. After eight months in Hawaii, the scientists will then go on a well-earned vacation.

...the Hawaii mission will help astronauts...

What's something that both an American and an Ethiopian can never have?

Just one potato chip.

How to Sell a Toothbrush

The top toothbrush salesman at the company was asked by his boss how he managed to sell so many brushes.

He replied “It’s easy” and he pulled out his card table, setting his display of brushes on top.

He told his boss, I lay the brushes out like this, and then I put out some potato chi...

In a hotel in London: The room service boy knocks on the door, and says "Here are your Pringles, Sir."

The Arab guest looks at the box of potato chips for a few minutes appearing totally confused. Finally, he says, "Wallah Habibi, I said Bring Girls."

25th wedding anniversary

Shortly before our 25th wedding anniversary, my husband sent 25 long-stemmed yellow roses to me at my office. A few days later, I plucked all the petals and dried them. On the night of our anniversary, I spread the petals over the bed and lay on top of them, wearing only a negligee.

As I’d ho...

Version of previous post.

One of the patrons at a bar opened a bag of potato chips and gave it to the bartender's dog. When the dog ate the contents of the bag, he lay down and started grooming his genitals. A guy says to his friend ''I wish I could do that.'' The friend replies ''Well give him a chip and maybe he will let y...

Just been to the gym

Just been to the gym. They’ve got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick. It’s great though. It does everything – Kit Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Chips, the lot..”

Doug was playing poker with some friends

As the night went on, he noticed the mood at the table was getting tense, so he decided to lighten the atmosphere a bit. As the next round started, and everyone else put their ante chips in, Doug reached into the snack tray and tossed a handful of potato chips into the pot.

"What the hell are...

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