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The apple

Guy goes to a bar and orders a rum and coke. The bartender hands him an apple. Guy says WTF and the bartender insists, Just Taste It!



Guy bites it and it tastes like rum! The bartender says Now Turn It Around. The guy does and it tastes like coke! The guy is amazed and chomps away...

Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump...

But that’s comparing apples to oranges.

Yesterday I had a talk with my friends about mangoes and apples

It was a pretty fruitful conversation!

Why don’t apples speak Spanish?

They don’t have mouths

What do a basket of apples and a basket of oranges have in common?

A bunch

Old Soviet joke. What is huge, noisy, eats 20 liters of gas per hour and cuts apples in 3 pieces?

Soviet machine that cuts apples in 4 pieces.

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If you have 10 apples in one hand and 10 apples in the other, what do you have?

some big ass hands

Red delicious apples.

At least they got two out of three right.

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Three men get lost in a forest and kidnapped by a cannibal tribe...

The chief tells them that since they don't seem to mean any harm, they must pass a test and if they do, he'll let them go free, he'll even point them in the direction of civilization. But if they cannot complete the test, they will be killed and served for dinner. First, he sends each of the men in ...

A doctor and a bus driver are both in love with the same woman, an attractive girl named Sarah. The bus driver had to go on a long bus trip that would last a week. Before he left, he gave Sarah seven apples.

When Sarah asked why he said, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

How many apples grow on a tree?

.
.
.
.
All of them

People say that Steve Jobs died too soon.

But I think his death was a fitting metaphor for apples attitude to battery life.

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Three guys get stranded on an island where a cannibal tribe lives.

The tribe tells each of them that they’ll let them live if they each go find 10 fruits each, so the guys split up to go find some fruits.

The 1st guy comes back with apples and then the cannibal tribe tells him another part to the deal.

“You have to put all ten up your butt without mak...

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My girlfriend says that Adam’s apples are sexy

But hers is a real turn off for me

Two men are sitting on the train.

One of them eats apple cores.
Another asks, "Why do you eat apple cores anyway?"
"It makes you smart."
"Can I get some, too?", The other asks again.

"Yes, of course for $5."

The man then pays 5 dollars and gets the cores and eats them completely. Later, he mumbles, "Actua...

A farmer was picking apples when he heard a noise from his pond. He walks over and sees three young women skinny dipping.

They notice him and crouch in the water up to their shoulders. “Go away! Stop spying on us!” The farmer says “Sorry ladies, but I didn’t come out here to see you naked.” Holding up his apple bucket he says “I came to feed the alligator.”

Why are some apples so sad?

Because they were left hanging...

If farmer A sells apples, farmer B sells bananas, what does farmer C sell?

Medicine

Did you hear about the orchard owner that made a girlfriend out of apples?

He came in cider.

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What’s as big as a house, burns 20 liters of fuel every hour, puts out a shit-load of smoke and noise, and cuts an apple into three pieces?

A Soviet machine made to cut apples into four pieces.



Joke you've probably already heard in the amazing TV Show Chernobyl

Imagine if Apple sold apples?

The price would make me go bananas.

Foolproof: How I became a billionnaire in just 15 days. You can do it too.

When my wife and I got married we only got 0.50$ of combined wealth.

I was wandering around in the fruit market in desperation, that was when I saw an apple for 50 cents. I was so hungry that I spent our 50 cents in a blink of an eye. On one apple.

But then it hit me: What have I done?...

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