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Tater Jokes

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Mr. and Mrs. Potato had three daughters who were as upstanding as they were lovely. One day the first daughter came home and exclaimed, “I have an announcement to make.”

“And what might that be?” said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter’s eyes.

“Well,” replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, “I’m getting married!”

The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, “Married! That’s wonderful! An...

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Three sailors are discussing their cargo

They are used to transporting goods and make a good living doing so, this time however they've been tasked with taking 300 boxes of penis shaped potatoes across the channel and they all think it's a joke.

"We'll be a laughing stock" says the first sailor.

"I'll never be able to live ...

A potato dad is talking to his potato daughters about who they want to marry.

The first daughter says, "Dad, I want to marry a Yukon Gold!" The dad replies "Honey, that's a great idea. Yukon Golds are renowned for their versatility and will make you very happy.

The second daughter says, "Dad, I want to marry a russet." Dad approves of this choice too, since russet pot...

Bubba liked to frequent the old swimming hole, but was never able to attract the girls.

He decided to ask his friend Billy Bob for advice. Billy Bob explains, "It's those baggy swim shorts that make you look like an old fool. They're years out of style. Bubba, grab yourself a pair of Speedos, about two sizes too little and drop a fist-sized Tater down inside them. I'm tellin' 'ya man y...

A family of potatoes sat down to dinner...

...There was a mom potato, dad potato, and three daughter potatoes. The oldest daughter potato said "I have exciting news! I'm getting married!"

The family bustled with excitement. "We're so happy for you!" said dad potato, "who is the lucky fellow?"

"He's an Idaho potato," said the el...

Greta Thunberg has just been confirmed as a huge polluter.

Her Tweet to Tater-Tot was easily the biggest burn in history.

Ida hoes =

Tater thots

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What do you call a phallic potato?

A dick-tater!

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Three Beautiful Potatoes

Mr and Mrs Potato Head have three beautiful daughters. One night, they're gathered around the dinner table when the eldest daughter speaks up.

"Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you... I'm getting married!"

Mrs Potato Head looks at her "This is such a surprise! Who is he?"

The ...

my first published joke

My wife and I were not doing well in the bedroom. So we decided to go to an adult store. My wife, being from Kentucky, was a little hesitant as she felt that good southern girls shouldn't be there. After browsing a while, we each picked a few items, paid and left. When we got home she showed me a bo...

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What do you call a phallic shaped potato growing entirely above ground?

A rootless dick-tater

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The Princess of Potatoes has to marry

King Tater instructs his daughter to choose a noble potato to wed.

The princess says, "Father, I have chosen. I want to marry Rachel Maddow."

"I WON'T HAVE IT!" yells King Tater in a fury.

"But Father, I never knew you would be homophobic," said the princess.

"It's not ...

Two Amish women are digging potatoes in a field. The first turns to the other, hefts two large taters and says "These potatoes remind me of my Jacob".

The second replies "They're that big?"
"No", the first says. "They're that dirty."

A man walks into a bar, and begins reading the menu overhead the smoking hot bartender.

The sign reads as follows:


* Nachos $4


* Hamburger $3


* Hotdog $2


* Grilled Chicken Sandwich $3


* Grilled Cheese $2


* Fries, Onion Rings, and Tater Tots $1.50


* Handjob $10


After he looks over the menu for a mome...

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My penis tried taking over the world after turning into a vegetable.

It's a dick-tater

What vegetable can work as a sports announcer?

A common tater.

What do you call a hoe from Idaho?

A tater thot.

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Why did the penis potato imprison all of his dissenters?

Because he was a dick tater.

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Everyone loves potato skins and french fries,

But nobody likes dick taters.

What goes through a potato's brain?

Tater thoughts.

Mr Potato Head’s wife is upset.

She claims he won’t tater anywhere.

What do you call a potato wearing glasses?

A Spec-tater!

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Why was the cruise full of penises and potatoes not popular?

It was actually a dick tater ship.

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Did you ever hear the story of Captain Richard, who smuggled potatoes across the Atlantic?

He ran a Dick-tater-ship

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Why do Russians prefer to eat potatoes shaped like penises?

Because Russia loves dick-taters.

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I walked in on kim jong-un with his penis inside a jacket potato...

I didn't know what to say, I'd never seen a dick-tater before

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What do you call an asshole potato ruling a country?

A dick tater

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I dreamt I was forced to work on a pirate ship. The captain was the supreme authority and only allowed males. Plus the only food allowed was potatoes.

It was a dick tater ship.

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When the tyrant had a massive phallic watercraft commissioned to be made from potatoes he didn't really consider its seaworthiness.

His dick tater ship didnt last very long.

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After 175 years, researchers have finally figured out what caused the Irish Potato Famine of 1845

One of the potatoes that rose to power was named Richard. He was a Dick tater.

ESPN literally hired a potato for one of its broadcasts

When asked why they responded that they needed a common tater.

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What do you call a Mr Potato Head who rules a country with a violent autocracy?

A Dick-Tater.

There's a mother potato with three daughter potatoes...

All three daughter potatoes have recently gotten engaged and are coming home to celebrate. The first daughter potato gets home and says "Mom, you won't believe it. I'm engaged to an Idaho potato!"

"Oh," says the mother potato, "an Idaho? Well that's a fine tater! Just a great tater! I'm so ha...

A phallus shaped potato ruled the world with an iron fist.

He was a Dic-tater.

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What do you call a boat carrying dildos and potatoes?

A dick-tater-ship

What do you use to carry potatoes?

A tater tote

Do you know what a dictator is?

An evil tater tot.

What do you call a potato that becomes US President and silences the news, silences government agencies, silences government funded science and ends international treaties?

A dic-tater.

What kind of job does your average potato have?

He's a common tater.

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Hillbilly Bouy...

A hillbilly comes back from a meeting with Donald Trump. He tells his friends, “I gots ta talk to tha President! He said evathang ud chainge whun da penis potato boat comes!

His friends look confused and one asks, “What da heck ya mean Jasper, what’s a penis potato boat?

Jasper shoot...

What do you call an annoying potatoe?

An agi-tater.

Ba-dum-tssss

What does an imposter potato say?

“I’m a tater”

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I once tried to control a nation by simply walking around with a vegetable on the end of my penis...

I learned this trick from other dick taters.

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HITLER WAS IRISH!!

When Hitler lived in Ireland he went by the name of Spud Murphy
He changed his name when he emigrated to Germany, calling himself Dick Tater

Potato's in glasses are never the centre of attention.

They're just spec taters

What do you call a group of potatoes at a football game?

Spec-taters

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A late Halloween political joke.

The president and his wife were invited to a Halloween costume party. The Donald enters their apartment and notices Melania is wearing nothing but a pair of hip boots. "What the hell is that?"

Melania looks at him and says, "It's my costume: I'm going as Puss In Boots."

Donald nods a...

What do you call a potato that's reluctant to try new things?

A Hesi-tater

My Cheesy Redneck Joke

Bill, I cant post to Youtube no more. All these average potatos on there are agitating me.

*Average Potatos?*

Yeah, you know. Them Common Taters.

A little IDAHO HUMOR From John H. Hill

A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,

and finally they got married, and had a little sweet

potato, which they called 'Yam'.

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going...

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Trump's Halloween costume

Donald and his Melania are getting ready to go to a Halloween party. He says to her:" why dont you go upstairs and change into your costume." She goes upstairs and he hears some rustling around. 5 minutes later she appears and walks down the stairs. She is completely naked except for a a pair of th...

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A man goes shopping at the market..

He pulls into the frozen food section and looks around, grabbing a few hungry man frozen dinners along with a bag of tater-tots and a few burritos. Next he rolled down the chip isle making sure to grab an original, bbq, and sour cream and onion variety of Lays. Next up: hot dogs, spaghetti, and some...

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Richard's new job

Richard just got a new job on a small shipping vessel. He shows up for his first day and the first mate puts him to work loading crates onto the ship. He finishes a few hours later and they get underway. Richard is put to work and is kept busy all day. After dinner, he approaches the first mate and ...

Mother of The Year

So a reporter for *The Kansas City Star* goes all the way down into rural Arkansas to do a feature on a single mother with twelve sons.

As they sit on the porch sipping lemon tea and smoking Camels, the mother hears a shout. She yells, "Harold, you leave your brother alone!"

Then as a ...

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