UPJOKE
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A potato dad is talking to his potato daughters about who they want to marry.

The first daughter says, "Dad, I want to marry a Yukon Gold!" The dad replies "Honey, that's a great idea. Yukon Golds are renowned for their versatility and will make you very happy.

The second daughter says, "Dad, I want to marry a russet." Dad approves of this choice too, since russet pot...

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Three sailors are discussing their cargo

They are used to transporting goods and make a good living doing so, this time however they've been tasked with taking 300 boxes of penis shaped potatoes across the channel and they all think it's a joke.

"We'll be a laughing stock" says the first sailor.

"I'll never be able to live it...

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The Princess of Potatoes has to marry

King Tater instructs his daughter to choose a noble potato to wed.

The princess says, "Father, I have chosen. I want to marry Rachel Maddow."

"I WON'T HAVE IT!" yells King Tater in a fury.

"But Father, I never knew you would be homophobic," said the princess.

"It's not ...

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Why did the penis potato imprison all of his dissenters?

Because he was a dick tater.

A family of potatoes sat down to dinner...

...There was a mom potato, dad potato, and three daughter potatoes. The oldest daughter potato said "I have exciting news! I'm getting married!"

The family bustled with excitement. "We're so happy for you!" said dad potato, "who is the lucky fellow?"

"He's an Idaho potato," said the el...

What do you call an indecisive potato?

A hesitater.

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Mr. and Mrs. Potato had three daughters who were as upstanding as they were lovely. One day the first daughter came home and exclaimed, “I have an announcement to make.”

“And what might that be?” said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter’s eyes.

“Well,” replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, “I’m getting married!”

The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, “Married! That’s wonderful! An...

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Did you ever hear the story of Captain Richard, who smuggled potatoes across the Atlantic?

He ran a Dick-tater-ship

A little IDAHO HUMOR From John H. Hill

A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,

and finally they got married, and had a little sweet

potato, which they called 'Yam'.

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going...

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Why was the cruise full of penises and potatoes not popular?

It was actually a dick tater ship.

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Why do Russians prefer to eat potatoes shaped like penises?

Because Russia loves dick-taters.

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Everyone loves potato skins and french fries,

But nobody likes dick taters.

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I walked in on kim jong-un with his penis inside a jacket potato...

I didn't know what to say, I'd never seen a dick-tater before

What vegetable can work as a sports announcer?

A common tater.

What goes through a potato's brain?

Tater thoughts.

Mr Potato Head’s wife is upset.

She claims he won’t tater anywhere.

In my old neighborhood, we lived next to a family of rich potatos...

...we went over to have dinner at their mansion, and you could tell there was tension in the air. The father tater was fuming and the mother tater looked distraught. The daughter tater who looked very upset, finally broke the silence and said, 'but I want to marry Sean Hannity, I want to!' The fathe...

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What do you call an asshole potato ruling a country?

A dick tater

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I dreamt I was forced to work on a pirate ship. The captain was the supreme authority and only allowed males. Plus the only food allowed was potatoes.

It was a dick tater ship.

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What do you call a Mr Potato Head who rules a country with a violent autocracy?

A Dick-Tater.

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What do you call a phallic shaped potato growing entirely above ground?

A rootless dick-tater

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When the tyrant had a massive phallic watercraft commissioned to be made from potatoes he didn't really consider its seaworthiness.

His dick tater ship didnt last very long.

A man walks into a bar, and begins reading the menu overhead the smoking hot bartender.

The sign reads as follows:


* Nachos $4


* Hamburger $3


* Hotdog $2


* Grilled Chicken Sandwich $3


* Grilled Cheese $2


* Fries, Onion Rings, and Tater Tots $1.50


* Handjob $10


After he looks over the menu for a mome...

What do you call a hoe from Idaho?

A tater thot.

Apparently Stormy Daniels was misquoted, and what she actually said was that Trump's junk looked like A Little Potato. You know...

A little *dick-tater*

What do you use to carry potatoes?

A tater tote

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Did you hear about that fascist leader named Richard Potato?

Most call him a Dick Tater.

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Richard's new job

Richard just got a new job on a small shipping vessel. He shows up for his first day and the first mate puts him to work loading crates onto the ship. He finishes a few hours later and they get underway. Richard is put to work and is kept busy all day. After dinner, he approaches the first mate and ...

Do you know what a dictator is?

An evil tater tot.

ESPN literally hired a potato for one of its broadcasts

When asked why they responded that they needed a common tater.

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What do you call a boat carrying dildos and potatoes?

A dick-tater-ship

What do you call a potato wearing glasses?

A Spec-tater!

A phallus shaped potato ruled the world with an iron fist.

He was a Dic-tater.

I have a tattoo of a Russet potato on my right shoulder, and of a Sweet Potato on my left.

They are my Tater Tats

What do you call a potato that becomes US President and silences the news, silences government agencies, silences government funded science and ends international treaties?

A dic-tater.

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HITLER WAS IRISH!!

When Hitler lived in Ireland he went by the name of Spud Murphy
He changed his name when he emigrated to Germany, calling himself Dick Tater

What kind of job does your average potato have?

He's a common tater.

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Trump's Halloween costume

Donald and his Melania are getting ready to go to a Halloween party. He says to her:" why dont you go upstairs and change into your costume." She goes upstairs and he hears some rustling around. 5 minutes later she appears and walks down the stairs. She is completely naked except for a a pair of th...

Someone at a sports event says “In all of my years as a spud, I have never seen a play as amazing as that one”. Who was that someone?

The common tater

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I once tried to control a nation by simply walking around with a vegetable on the end of my penis...

I learned this trick from other dick taters.

A family of Irish Potatoes are talking

So a family of potatoes - a mother and her three daughters - are sitting at the dinner table one night. The eldest daughter speaks up. She says:

"Mother, I've got big news."
"What is it?" her mother says.
"Oh, mother, I'm gonna get married."
"Oh are you now?" her mother replies. ...

Potato's in glasses are never the centre of attention.

They're just spec taters

What do you call an annoying potatoe?

An agi-tater.

Ba-dum-tssss

What does an imposter potato say?

“I’m a tater”

What do you call a group of potatoes at a football game?

Spec-taters

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A man goes shopping at the market..

He pulls into the frozen food section and looks around, grabbing a few hungry man frozen dinners along with a bag of tater-tots and a few burritos. Next he rolled down the chip isle making sure to grab an original, bbq, and sour cream and onion variety of Lays. Next up: hot dogs, spaghetti, and some...

My Cheesy Redneck Joke

Bill, I cant post to Youtube no more. All these average potatos on there are agitating me.

*Average Potatos?*

Yeah, you know. Them Common Taters.

There's a mother potato with three daughter potatoes...

All three daughter potatoes have recently gotten engaged and are coming home to celebrate. The first daughter potato gets home and says "Mom, you won't believe it. I'm engaged to an Idaho potato!"

"Oh," says the mother potato, "an Idaho? Well that's a fine tater! Just a great tater! I'm so ha...

What do you call a potato that's reluctant to try new things?

A Hesi-tater

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A couple was going to a costume party

The wife goes and gets changed and comes out with nothing but a lemon hanging around her waist. The husband says "what are you supposed to be?" The wife says "I'm going as a sour-puss." The husband says "alrighty then" and goes to get changed. He comes out with nothing but a potato hanging around hi...

Why do new Irish mothers keep dying?

Because they lack taters

Mother of The Year

So a reporter for *The Kansas City Star* goes all the way down into rural Arkansas to do a feature on a single mother with twelve sons.

As they sit on the porch sipping lemon tea and smoking Camels, the mother hears a shout. She yells, "Harold, you leave your brother alone!"

Then as a ...

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