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Three sailors are discussing their cargo

They are used to transporting goods and make a good living doing so, this time however they've been tasked with taking 300 boxes of penis shaped potatoes across the channel and they all think it's a joke.

"We'll be a laughing stock" says the first sailor.

"I'll never be able to live ...

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I dreamt I was forced to work on a pirate ship. The captain was the supreme authority and only allowed males. Plus the only food allowed was potatoes.

It was a dick tater ship.

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Mr. and Mrs. Potato had three daughters who were as upstanding as they were lovely. One day the first daughter came home and exclaimed, “I have an announcement to make!” “And what might that be?” said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter’s eyes.

“Well...” replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin. “I’m getting married!”

The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, “Married! That’s wonderful! And who are you marrying, eldest daughter?”

“I’m marrying a Russet!”

“A Russet!” replied Moth...

Apparently Stormy Daniels was misquoted, and what she actually said was that Trump's junk looked like A Little Potato. You know...

A little *dick-tater*

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When the tyrant had a massive phallic watercraft commissioned to be made from potatoes he didn't really consider its seaworthiness.

His dick tater ship didnt last very long.

The tater tots I took to my friend's super bowl party..



were just like the Patriots.



A little old, but seasoned to perfection...

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What do you call an evil potato?

A dick tater.

What do you use to carry potatoes?

A tater tote

What do you call a hoe from Idaho?

A tater thot.

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Hitler was a penis potato

He was a dick-tater

What do you call a potato that wears glasses ?

A spec-tater

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What do you call a phallic shaped potato growing entirely above ground?

A rootless dick-tater

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Richard's new job

Richard just got a new job on a small shipping vessel. He shows up for his first day and the first mate puts him to work loading crates onto the ship. He finishes a few hours later and they get underway. Richard is put to work and is kept busy all day. After dinner, he approaches the first mate and ...

Do you know what a dictator is?

An evil tater tot.

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HITLER WAS IRISH!!

When Hitler lived in Ireland he went by the name of Spud Murphy
He changed his name when he emigrated to Germany, calling himself Dick Tater

A phallus shaped potato ruled the world with an iron fist.

He was a Dic-tater.

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I once tried to control a nation by simply walking around with a vegetable on the end of my penis...

I learned this trick from other dick taters.

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Did you hear about that fascist leader named Richard Potato?

Most call him a Dick Tater.

A man walks into a bar, and begins reading the menu overhead the smoking hot bartender.

The sign reads as follows:


* Nachos $4


* Hamburger $3


* Hotdog $2


* Grilled Chicken Sandwich $3


* Grilled Cheese $2


* Fries, Onion Rings, and Tater Tots $1.50


* Handjob $10


After he looks over the menu for a mome...

I have a tattoo of a Russet potato on my right shoulder, and of a Sweet Potato on my left.

They are my Tater Tats

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What do you call a boat carrying dildos and potatoes?

A dick-tater-ship

Potato's in glasses are never the centre of attention.

They're just spec taters

What kind of job does your average potato have?

He's a common tater.

ESPN literally hired a potato for one of its broadcasts

When asked why they responded that they needed a common tater.

A family of Irish Potatoes are talking

So a family of potatoes - a mother and her three daughters - are sitting at the dinner table one night. The eldest daughter speaks up. She says:

"Mother, I've got big news."
"What is it?" her mother says.
"Oh, mother, I'm gonna get married."
"Oh are you now?" her mother replies. ...

What does an imposter potato say?

“I’m a tater”

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Trump's Halloween costume

Donald and his Melania are getting ready to go to a Halloween party. He says to her:" why dont you go upstairs and change into your costume." She goes upstairs and he hears some rustling around. 5 minutes later she appears and walks down the stairs. She is completely naked except for a a pair of th...

What do you call a potato that becomes US President and silences the news, silences government agencies, silences government funded science and ends international treaties?

A dic-tater.

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A hillbilly visits Trump

A hillbilly comes back from a meeting with Donald Trump. He tells his friends, "I got to talk to the president! He said all of the country's problems are gonna be solved when the penis potato boat comes!" His friends look at each other, confused, and say "penis potato boat? That's what he said? What...

What do you call an annoying potatoe?

An agi-tater.

Ba-dum-tssss

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A man goes shopping at the market..

He pulls into the frozen food section and looks around, grabbing a few hungry man frozen dinners along with a bag of tater-tots and a few burritos. Next he rolled down the chip isle making sure to grab an original, bbq, and sour cream and onion variety of Lays. Next up: hot dogs, spaghetti, and some...

What do you call a group of potatoes at a football game?

Spec-taters

What do you call a average potato that narrates sporting events?

A common-tater

My Socials Teacher just posted this long Potato Pun

A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,

And finally they got married, and had a little sweet Potato, which they Called 'Yam.'

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.
When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going out and ge...

Mother of The Year

So a reporter for *The Kansas City Star* goes all the way down into rural Arkansas to do a feature on a single mother with twelve sons.

As they sit on the porch sipping lemon tea and smoking Camels, the mother hears a shout. She yells, "Harold, you leave your brother alone!"

Then as a ...

Why were all the rednecks sitting around an ordinary potato waiting for it to talk?

It was a CommonTater

I just made this up I swear

What do you call a promiscuous girl in special ed?

A tater thot

There's a mother potato with three daughter potatoes...

All three daughter potatoes have recently gotten engaged and are coming home to celebrate. The first daughter potato gets home and says "Mom, you won't believe it. I'm engaged to an Idaho potato!"

"Oh," says the mother potato, "an Idaho? Well that's a fine tater! Just a great tater! I'm so ha...

My Cheesy Redneck Joke

Bill, I cant post to Youtube no more. All these average potatos on there are agitating me.

*Average Potatos?*

Yeah, you know. Them Common Taters.

What do you call a potato that's reluctant to try new things?

A Hesi-tater

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Lemons and potatoes

"I'm tired of you always telling me what to do", says a wife to her husband. This sparks a heated argument. Finally he snaps and starts fucking a potato right in front of her.

This only makes her more angry, so she retaliates by pouring lemon juice all over her lap.

"What are you d...

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