UPJOKE
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So I was looking up popular pornographic search terminology...

Turns out FFM, Bondage, and Watersports are a three way tie for #1.

I think I know the reason the film American Psycho has stayed so popular…

Everyone can get behind the message of murdering Jared Leto

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A bouncer is working on a Saturday night at a popular nightclub for household utensils...

... One of the regulars, a mirror, comes outside for a smoke and greets him.

As they make small talk, a toilet approaches flaunting a pristine gold plated lid. The bouncer immediately lets him in.

The mirror rolls his eyes as the toilet pushes through.

Next, a limo pulls up and ...

What's Saudi Arabia's most popular sitcom?

How I bought your mother

Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts

Will glass coffins ever become popular?

I guess it remains to be seen.

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A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable. (one of my favourite jokes, worth the read)



However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they can't afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the z...

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.

St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're assigned to hell."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of accommodations and starts designing and building improvements.

After a wh...

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What is the most popular streaming service among men with a micro penis?

Peacock

I figured out why orgies were so popular in ancient Rome.

For starters, you need four people to LXIX.

I asked the sodium if it was a popular element

It said Na

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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his:

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and sh...

I once appeared in a theatre production about a very popular web programming language

JavaScript?

No, it was entirely improvised.

The popularity of skiing has decreased somewhat lately

In fact, it's going downhill fast.

What's the most popular band in Chernobyl?

Fall Out Boy

A communist, a nationalist, and a Ba'athist are on a plane... | A popular Syrian joke

**Disclaimer**: The Ba'ath Party (tr. *revival party)* is the murderous ruling party of Syria (and at one point, Iraq as well), famous for their torture, human rights violations, and surveillance of Syrians.

On a flight somewhere in the Middle East, the pilot declares that the plane is overlo...

Die Hard producers just announced filming’s started on the 6th installment of Bruce Willis’ popular action franchise.

It’ll be called Get Hard or Die Trying

Rumor has it that Lionel isn't popular with his teammates at Paris Saint-Germain.

He tends to leave the locker room a little Messi.

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Why are circumsized penises so popular among Jewish girls?

They love anything that's 15% off

Just a joke lol

After looking at my phones call log, I seem to be pretty popular

I even have a guy named Spam Risk that calls me 5 or 6 times a day.

After seeing the popularity of r/antiwork explode all I have to say is...

I think all jobs are deserving of respect, but miners are definitely below me.

Who are the most popular married couple with their own TV fishing program?

Rod and Annette.

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Due to the growing popularity of no nut november, its wave of abstience is spreading to other months

Such as: no jizz july, no semen september and no dong december

Late one night a police officer was patrolling a desolate area popular with young couples doing more than just sitting in the dark.

Catching his attention was a couple in a car with the interior light on. Moving closer, the cop could see a young man behind the steering wheel reading a newspaper. In the backseat a young blonde was knitting.

The lawman walked up to the vehicle and knocked on the driver-side window. The star...

Contrary to popular belief, Santa was born in the USSR.

If you had to deliver that many gifts in one night, you'd be Russian around too.

Stephen King

I still think it's weird his most popular book is about Information Technology.

What’s the most popular reality tv show viewed by the crew of Deep Space Nine?

Keeping up with the Cardassians

Apple's cars will not be that popular...

Because they don't support windows

There is an experience some podcast hosts have in which the more popular they get, the dumber they seem and the more ridiculous shot they do.

It’s called the Joe Rogan Experience.

yo mama so fat…

when god made light he asked her to move out of the way

(I know those jokes arent popular anymore but my 12 yo came up with this one)

Books about earthquakes are extremely popular.

They're literally flying off the shelves.

What is Alabama's most popular video game?

Super Smash Brothers

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Stereotype confirmed

A popular ventriloquist was out on tour and one night he was performing in front of a sold-out crowd at a well-known club in New York City.
With his dummy on his knee, he started going through his signature blonde jokes, which always got a lot of laughs from his loyal fans.
Suddenly, a sexy yo...

Dad, are you having a crush on a young popular actress?

Am I what, son?

C major (one of the popular scales) is chatting with a fellow partygoer when D major walks in.

C major is a friend, so she decides to pay her a compliment.

"You look sharp!", she says.

"Thanks! I love the natural look!"

At this, the lady scale she was chatting with leaves, flustered.

"Who was that?", D major asks, confused.

"Oh, Just Bb major. Can't take a j...

There is an app called Monstr for finding the supernatural date of your dreams

Apparently it came out after the release of the Twilight franchise caused a spike in the popularity of mythical beings as romantic partners.

A friend of mine, I'll call her Bella for privacy, was on the app for a bit and her first match was a Lycanthrope. They went for a long walk and afterw...

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What’s the most popular porn site in Kentucky?

Onlyfams

Your Mom Jokes

my son just asked, "Why are there so many your Mom Jokes?"

So I said, "Well son, they're old, popular and easy... Just like your mom."

What is the most popular song in hell?

Burn baby burn, Dantes inferno!

One of the Three Stooges was reincarnated as a popular rapper, but he couldn't hear very well.

Moe's deaf

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Why was the cruise full of penises and potatoes not popular?

It was actually a dick tater ship.

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Back in the late 1800's when bananas first started gaining popularity in the United States, banana groves weren't the safest of places. There were monkeys pooping all over, porcupines, venomous spiders and snakes in the groves. This caused problems not just for the pickers, but for consumers as well

Anyway Americans started demanding that their bananas be inspected before being imported, so the banana companies started placing stickers on bunches of bananas to indicate they were safe to eat. Of course the banana companies were still cutting corners. The groves still had monkeys, porcupines, sna...

What virtual private network is most popular in Skyrim?

NordVPN

A cloning experiment gone wrong

A laboratory, hidden from public knowledge, secretly worked on the cloning of humans. Of course, human cloning being illegal, their staff was limited to a select few that had both the credentials and the disregard for rules that was considered essential to be a successful researcher at the facility....

(This is a popular joke where I'm from). A boy boards a bus with a sandwich in his hand.

The bus driver says: " hey, this ain't a restaurant, kid!"

The boy replies: "I know. That's why I brought my own food."

It’s amazing how popular Instagram is in America.

Didn’t think they liked the metric system.

What is the most popular type of tree in California?

Ash.

What is the most popular tree on YouTube?

A face plant

I hate to brag but my cemetery is the most popular one in my entire county.

People are literally dying to get into it.

Who is the moat popular guy in a nudist colony?

The one who can hold 12 doughnuts without any hands.

Who is the most popular woman?

The one who can eat the last doughnut

(popular indian Joke) Why doesnt china have a cricket team?

They eat bats and don't understand the concept of boundaries..

Despite the cost of living...

it remains popular.

(stolen from I-don't-know-who, but they were good.)

An enormously popular and beloved Pope, after a long reign, dies and, naturally, goes to heaven.

He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour he is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad of recreations available.

The pope, having always loved the bible, decides that he wants to read all of the original records of God's communications with humanity before they were re...

What's the most popular candy in Rwanda?

Tutsi Roll

What’s the most popular drug with ducks?

Quack cocaine

A farmer got an idea for how to make money off his farm in the off-season. He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove. He decided he would set up a Christmas light display.

It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventually through the sweat of his farmhands and an absurd number of extension cords, he was finished. When sunset came, the first car to come down that road got an amazing sight.


The entire fence was covered in lights! Fenc...

I made a list of the top 10 most popular wordplay jokes, to see if any of them actually made me laugh

No pun in ten did

People like to say that popular music today is so simple, but it's actually always been this way.

After all, Nina Simone is most famous for a 10 minute song about cinnamon.

Wisdom or Money?

A man goes on a trip to the desert. At one point, he walks off alone, and suddenly stumbles upon an old lamp.

It's old but may bring a few bits, he rubs the lamp and is amazed when a genie pops out!

The genie says that he will grant the man only one wish, and that he has to pick from t...

I finally know why tiktok is still popular

Because one man's trash, is another man's treasure

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What's the most popular movie at a nudist colony?

Free Willy


I'm happy with thinking of this myself.

Contrary to popular belief, Children are not a natural occurrence...

Turns out they are Man-made.

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At a crowded funeral for a popular well known man, the wife stands finally to ask “Would any of you who knew Jim like to say a few words?” An older gentleman from the back shuffled forward, took a deep breathe, and stated loudly “PLETHORA SHITLOAD FUCKTON”

The wife hugged the man firmly, and said “Thanks. That means so much.”

What are the most popular jokes during the pandemic?

Inside jokes.

You know what the least popular are?

Knock Knock jokes.

What's a popular music genre in South Korea?

Seoul!

Jokes from the 90's seem popular here. How about one from the 80's?

Little Timmy had a severe stutter. However, his mother decided that this was no reason for him to not live a normal life, and so decided he should try taking the bus to school on his own.

"It's very simple," she assured her nervous boy. "When you board the bus tomorrow morning, tell the cond...

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What is the most popular form of martial arts in Israel?

Jew - Jitsu

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How did the stripper know she was the most popular dancer at the club?

She took a poll.

Qassem Soleimani is so popular today.

I mean he just blew up overnight.

What is a popular search engine for ghosts?

Ghoul-gle!

George R.R. Martin (OC)

I met George R.R. Martin at a book signing a while back. It was very early in the morning and there weren’t that many people around, so I actually had the opportunity to chat with him a bit. I told him I’m a huge fan of his works, and that he’s always been an idol of mine, and that he inspired me to...

There is this Vietnamese restaurant near my place that serves really good soup

It's really popular though, so one time I had to wait a whole hour just to go in, and by the time it was my turn, they ran out of soup. It was a really huge pho-queue.

George R R Martin, dead after reaching peak popularity

Just like one of his characters.

(If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying)

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They say about 70% of people masturbate in the shower and about 30% sing in the shower. Do you know what the most popular song is to sing in the shower?

You don't? Well I guess we know what you've been doing.

Golf

After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car a policeman stopped him and asked "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"

"Yes." the golfer responded. ...

Why are sea shanties so popular right now?

They’re about current events.

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I've translated a popular Russian joke to English , wanna hear you reaction ))

A young boy says to his father "Dad, our math teacher is asking to see you."

"What happened?" The father asks.

"Well, she asks me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answer '63' , then she asks, 'and 9 * 7?' so I asked 'what's the fucking difference?' "

"Indeed, what is the difference?" ask...

Covid is like the iPhone

Made in China but popular in the USA

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Why is it so popular for plants to change sex?

Because they have less stigma to stamen.

Egyptian mythology has become popular in Syria

Isis has been blowing up over there

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An on-duty police officer is staking out a particularly popular bar right before closing time hoping to catch anyone trying to drink & drive

As the patrons start exiting the bar at closing time, he sees one guy who seems particularly drunk.

The cop watches intently as this guy stumbles off the curb, trips over his own feet and tries his car keys on 4 different cars before ultimately finding his own. Once he finally finds his car a...

In the late '80s, NBC's most popular sitcom was the Cosby Show, with ALF not far behind. Knowing what we know now, I guess you could call their weekly ratings battle

Alien vs. Predator.

Q. Why won't Ex Machina still be a popular movie in twenty years?

A. The robots wont let us watch it.

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One cell looks at another and asks “why is meiosis so popular?”

The other looks back and says “Well, sex cells.”

My toy helicopters are really popular

They’re flying off the shelves

my daughter made this gem up: what is the most popular console with the vikings?

the axe-box

What begins with "p", ends with "orn" and is popular in the movie industry?

Popcorn.

Fireworks have been really popular in 2020.

Sales have skyrocketed.

What did the late bomb squad technician say about his recently popular Reddit post?

I did not expect this to blow up.

Why are Bananas so Popular?

Because they have a Peel for Everyone!

Why isn't /r/Fencing more popular?

Too many ripostes.

Joke that has recently become popular in Russia in light of recent protests

- Dad, which concentration camp are we going to?
- Dunno, son, I’m not interested in politics.

What was 2020's most popular board game?

Pandemic.

Contrary to popular beliefs, losing weight is a piece of cake.

Just don't pick it up.

The only joke I know.

How does a cow introduce his wife...?

He says, "meat patty".

I am very sorry.

Edit: it makes sense that my only popular post is a dad joke. I've never received any awards before so thank you everyone, this is insane.

Also, I understand everyone is upset about the cow vs b...

Why is Among Us so popular in China?

Because its the only thing that lets them vote

Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?

They have appeal

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John, the second least popular kid in our class tried to act over smart...

So, John decides to come up to me one day - out of the blue - and tries to up his status among the class by picking on the one kid that had no friends - again, me.

“So, I saw your father yesterday.”

This was curious. I knew my father was at work, so it was highly unlikely that John wou...

I read that the three most popular Halloween costumes this year are clown, pumpkin, and dinosaur.

I'm capitalizing on this trend by selling costumes of Trump.

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What’s the most popular proverb in Alabama?

Cum is thicker than blood

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed.

A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replied, "130."

So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool."

Another guy came in for a drink and th...

What is the most popular flavour of pizza in the hood during a drive-by?

Peppered homie

What's the most popular red wine??

We want our land back!!

What game is most popular at a clinic?

Doc Doc Goose

What's the most popular chili in the Middle East?

Halalpeño.

Scientists have opened a dimensional rift in one of New York's most popular tourist spots.

They're now calling it Times Squared.

What is the most popular game show in Norway?

Family Fjeud

My sister came up with this. What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it

Post office

Why has soccer suddenly become so popular in America?

If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I’d bring my friends to the bar.

One popular feminine symbol of true romance is roses on a piano.

Most masculine ideas of romance include tulips on an organ.

A popular gorilla exhibit at a local zoo had its only resident pass away

The zoo, not having enough time and money to replace the perished primate, gave one of their employees a gorilla suit and told them to go into the exhibit and act like a gorilla. He at first disagreed, like anyone would, until they offered an enormous raise. He then of course accepted the money and...

It's 2098, and a man is on r/Jokes.

The number of subscribed accounts has grown into the billions, but to the man's shock, the top-upvoted post of the day is simply the number "72,423".

When he goes into the comments section and asks what it is, he is promptly told that every joke has been told so many times, they've assigned n...

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Which US President was most popular among Spanish porn stars?

L.B.J.

What do you get when you combine an image board website and a popular puzzle game show?

Wheel of 4chan!

What's the most popular dating site in India?

Connect the dots.

Why are graveyards so popular?

People are just dyyyying to get in there

Did you hear about the new website most popular with Alabama THOTs?

Only Fam

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I see there's a popular trend of translating foreign jokes in the sub, so here's a one from Hebrew.

What do you call 10 Moroccan Jews on a roof top?

An alarm system.

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What’s the most popular Star Wars action figure in Japan?

Toy-Yoda.

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This joke is popular with lebanese people, idk if everyone will find it funny but here we go

Mr. Abed and Mrs. Abed recently moved to a new building on the first floor. They were very happy they moved to a better area, but little did they know there was a man living in the second floor who plays the violin. At night when they went to sleep, the man started playing the violin and it was beau...

A son and dad are waiting in a busy, popular barber shop. Dad says, “This place is a cookout...”

First there’s a barber queue, then you get a fresh, tasty cut.

The 70s/80s aesthetic has recently become pretty popular in France.

They say it has a certain Gen X sais quoi.

What's the most popular sport everywhere except for the US?

Cross country

Contrary to popular belief, the fastest man alive is actually Zeus

because with his lightning powers he's Using Bolt

When I showed my friend an insect exhibit, he pointed to the most popular arthropod and asked what kind of bug it was. I had to correct him:

"It's not a bug, it's a feature!"

2020 is the most popular year on the internet.

It went viral.

This happened many years ago when Blackberry phones were still popular

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep yo...

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