UPJOKE
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Due to an increase in popularity, koi farmers are discovering an increase in counterfeit fish.

They’ve begun using a lettered grading scale:

As are the most rare of purebred koi’s

Bs are the more common variety purebred koi’s

Cs are mix/hybrid koi’s

Everything else are D koi’s

Santa walks into the North Pole bar, takes a seat, and asks the bartender for his most popular shot

Bartender pours out something that looks like candy cane. “It’s called ‘Elf Cum’”.

Santa cringes, but downs it and remarks, “Gee, that’s really good, but why do you call it ‘Elf Cum’?”

Bartender replies, “When I tested it out with Mrs. Claus, she said, ‘That tastes just like ...

What's the most popular dating app?

Google calendar

Which Spice Girl is most popular among men?

Old Spice.

I was working in a record store when a gentleman asked me if we had anything from the most popular prog-rock band from Canada.

I said I'd be with him in a moment. He said "OK. No rush.".

I replied "Sorry. I can't help you then."

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So I was looking up popular pornographic search terminology...

Turns out FFM, Bondage, and Watersports are a three way tie for #1.

Most Popular NSFW

Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.

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Why did the ladder suddenly become popular in porn movies?

Because it was a step ladder

What is the least popular food dish in Turkey?

Poutine.

It's the curds they can't stand.

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said "I inherited a watering hole." Bewildered I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

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A pilot accidentally left on the intercom and was heard saying, "I could really use a coffee and a blowjob"

A stewardess quickly ran towards the cockpit, and a passenger yelled out, "you forgot the coffee!"

Eta: Looks like Good Will Hunting made this joke popular.

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A bouncer is working on a Saturday night at a popular nightclub for household utensils...

... One of the regulars, a mirror, comes outside for a smoke and greets him.

As they make small talk, a toilet approaches flaunting a pristine gold plated lid. The bouncer immediately lets him in.

The mirror rolls his eyes as the toilet pushes through.

Next, a limo pulls up and ...

Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother…

Sudden Lee

Which popular action figure has a farm?

GI GI Joe

What's Saudi Arabia's most popular sitcom?

How I bought your mother

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What’s the most popular type of porn for dogs?

Big Black Cockerspaniel

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I used to bartend for this popular place off a rural highway in my state…

I used to bartend for this popular place off a rural highway in my state. It marketed itself as a tavern, to get tourists to come in and buy a bite to eat, but the locals knew it by the name of the former owner, Pete.

Pete had died a few years before I started working there. His younger broth...

Will glass coffins ever become popular?

I guess it remains to be seen.

The battle between God and Satan.

An engineer dies and is accidentally sent to hell

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.

After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty p...

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Why are circumsized penises so popular among Jewish girls?

They love anything that's 15% off

Just a joke lol

A young baker buys a shop

He is very excited as this is his first venture since qualifying. He sells ok on everyday items like bread, but runs into trouble with his 'special items'. One day he makes beautiful cakes, however his customers only want pastries that day. So the next day he makes pastries, but now they want muffin...

An American biker decides to travel the world [ Long]

Once upon a time there lived an American biker named Rick. Now, Rick loved to ride his motorcycle, but was tired of driving up and down the same roads, day after day.

One morning, he woke up, and decided to travel the world. So he saved up some money, got on a plane, along with his trusty Har...

A horse, a sheep, and a chicken lived together on a farm.

The horse had long dreamed of learning to play the guitar.


So the horse rings a music shop and he says, “Hey, I’d love to learn to play guitar. Is there anyone who can teach me”?


The music shop manager says “That’s not an issue, let’s get you started on some music lessons.” ...

Late one night a police officer was patrolling a desolate area popular with young couples doing more than just sitting in the dark.

Catching his attention was a couple in a car with the interior light on. Moving closer, the cop could see a young man behind the steering wheel reading a newspaper. In the backseat a young blonde was knitting.

The lawman walked up to the vehicle and knocked on the driver-side window. The star...

I asked the sodium if it was a popular element

It said Na

I figured out why orgies were so popular in ancient Rome.

For starters, you need four people to LXIX.

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What is the most popular streaming service among men with a micro penis?

Peacock

Too soon for COVID jokes?

COVID is like fashion…

We started hearing about it in Italy…

Became popular in LA and NYC…

Florida ignored it…

And it was all made in China in the end.

What's the most popular band in Chernobyl?

Fall Out Boy

A pair of hot twin sisters, one blonde, the other brunette get invited to a Halloween party.

A pair of hot twin sisters, one blonde, the other brunette get invited to a Halloween party. The theme is "snacks" so they decide to go as a pair of popular candy bars.
The party is a real blast and the brunette is having tons of fun, but the blonde is just kind of off to herself with no one giv...

Happy Halloween

Bob thought his new neighbor across the street was strange from the moment he first moved in.  The new neighbor, Jack, was a dorky middle-aged white man, who laughed at his own jokes, which he told repeatedly, and only talked about the stupidest stuff, which he always claimed was super popular on Re...

A communist, a nationalist, and a Ba'athist are on a plane... | A popular Syrian joke

**Disclaimer**: The Ba'ath Party (tr. *revival party)* is the murderous ruling party of Syria (and at one point, Iraq as well), famous for their torture, human rights violations, and surveillance of Syrians.

On a flight somewhere in the Middle East, the pilot declares that the plane is overlo...

The popularity of skiing has decreased somewhat lately

In fact, it's going downhill fast.

The butcher

Once there was a man in a small town who decided that he wanted to be a butcher, so he bought a small store and started his own butcher shop. It was a very modest store, consisting of only a couple display cabinets, a meat grinder, and a few shelves in the refrigerator. This man quickly became known...

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A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable. (one of my favourite jokes, worth the read)



However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they can't afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the z...

Did you hear that AWOLNATION is going on tour?

Yeah, they're suddenly really popular in Russia.

I once appeared in a theatre production about a very popular web programming language

JavaScript?

No, it was entirely improvised.

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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his:

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and sh...

What's the most popular chewing gum flavor in Belarus?

Pepperminsk

A Gorbachev joke my dad told me a few years ago

Mikhail Gorbachev visits the US and meet with Ronald Reagan. They talk about how each country chooses their second in command. Gorbachev says that the Communist Party gives rigorous exams and screenings to choose the second in command. Reagan says he gives a test to figure out who to choose. He call...

Die Hard producers just announced filming’s started on the 6th installment of Bruce Willis’ popular action franchise.

It’ll be called Get Hard or Die Trying

Rumor has it that Lionel isn't popular with his teammates at Paris Saint-Germain.

He tends to leave the locker room a little Messi.

After seeing the popularity of r/antiwork explode all I have to say is...

I think all jobs are deserving of respect, but miners are definitely below me.

Apple's cars will not be that popular...

Because they don't support windows

Dad, are you having a crush on a young popular actress?

Am I what, son?

After looking at my phones call log, I seem to be pretty popular

I even have a guy named Spam Risk that calls me 5 or 6 times a day.

What is the most popular type of tree in California?

Ash.

Who are the most popular married couple with their own TV fishing program?

Rod and Annette.

There is an experience some podcast hosts have in which the more popular they get, the dumber they seem and the more ridiculous shot they do.

It’s called the Joe Rogan Experience.

Contrary to popular belief, Santa was born in the USSR.

If you had to deliver that many gifts in one night, you'd be Russian around too.

Books about earthquakes are extremely popular.

They're literally flying off the shelves.

What summer sport is most popular with fit albinos?

Bleach volleyball.

What’s the most popular reality tv show viewed by the crew of Deep Space Nine?

Keeping up with the Cardassians

Who is the moat popular guy in a nudist colony?

The one who can hold 12 doughnuts without any hands.

Who is the most popular woman?

The one who can eat the last doughnut

(This is a popular joke where I'm from). A boy boards a bus with a sandwich in his hand.

The bus driver says: " hey, this ain't a restaurant, kid!"

The boy replies: "I know. That's why I brought my own food."

It’s amazing how popular Instagram is in America.

Didn’t think they liked the metric system.

What is Alabama's most popular video game?

Super Smash Brothers

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Two dads, Philip and Mike, fight every day about their respective sons’ physical growth.

Both of the kids go to the same kindergarten. As Philip and Mike watch on as they go in, Mike tells Philip, “Y’know buddy, my son is currently 4 foot. He’ll grow up to be an actor!”

Philip replies, “We’ll see about that, my son is 4 foot one. And your son will never get popular if he’s short,...

What is the most popular song in hell?

Burn baby burn, Dantes inferno!

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A man on a plane..

…to Las Vegas notices a gorgeous woman walking towards him and she ends up sitting right next to him on the flight.
He’s nervous but decides to give it a shot and spark some conversation.
“So”, he says, “what are you going to Vegas for?”
She replies, “im actually going to a sex convention...

(popular indian Joke) Why doesnt china have a cricket team?

They eat bats and don't understand the concept of boundaries..

George R R Martin, dead after reaching peak popularity

Just like one of his characters.

(If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying)

C major (one of the popular scales) is chatting with a fellow partygoer when D major walks in.

C major is a friend, so she decides to pay her a compliment.

"You look sharp!", she says.

"Thanks! I love the natural look!"

At this, the lady scale she was chatting with leaves, flustered.

"Who was that?", D major asks, confused.

"Oh, Just Bb major. Can't take a j...

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Why was the cruise full of penises and potatoes not popular?

It was actually a dick tater ship.

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Travelling salesman

There was a travelling salesmen who had the job since he was he was seventeen so was constantly on the road, and had only ever slept with prostitutes his whole life. Due to this fact he had never went down on a woman for fear of where they might have been, although it was something he always desired...

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I've translated a popular Russian joke to English , wanna hear you reaction ))

A young boy says to his father "Dad, our math teacher is asking to see you."

"What happened?" The father asks.

"Well, she asks me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answer '63' , then she asks, 'and 9 * 7?' so I asked 'what's the fucking difference?' "

"Indeed, what is the difference?" ask...

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Back in the late 1800's when bananas first started gaining popularity in the United States, banana groves weren't the safest of places. There were monkeys pooping all over, porcupines, venomous spiders and snakes in the groves. This caused problems not just for the pickers, but for consumers as well

Anyway Americans started demanding that their bananas be inspected before being imported, so the banana companies started placing stickers on bunches of bananas to indicate they were safe to eat. Of course the banana companies were still cutting corners. The groves still had monkeys, porcupines, sna...

What is the most popular tree on YouTube?

A face plant

Qassem Soleimani is so popular today.

I mean he just blew up overnight.

One of the Three Stooges was reincarnated as a popular rapper, but he couldn't hear very well.

Moe's deaf

I hate to brag but my cemetery is the most popular one in my entire county.

People are literally dying to get into it.

An enormously popular and beloved Pope, after a long reign, dies and, naturally, goes to heaven.

He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour he is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad of recreations available.

The pope, having always loved the bible, decides that he wants to read all of the original records of God's communications with humanity before they were re...

What virtual private network is most popular in Skyrim?

NordVPN

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They say about 70% of people masturbate in the shower and about 30% sing in the shower. Do you know what the most popular song is to sing in the shower?

You don't? Well I guess we know what you've been doing.

Covid is like the iPhone

Made in China but popular in the USA

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An on-duty police officer is staking out a particularly popular bar right before closing time hoping to catch anyone trying to drink & drive

As the patrons start exiting the bar at closing time, he sees one guy who seems particularly drunk.

The cop watches intently as this guy stumbles off the curb, trips over his own feet and tries his car keys on 4 different cars before ultimately finding his own. Once he finally finds his car a...

Why isn't /r/Fencing more popular?

Too many ripostes.

What's the most popular candy in Rwanda?

Tutsi Roll

Jokes from the 90's seem popular here. How about one from the 80's?

Little Timmy had a severe stutter. However, his mother decided that this was no reason for him to not live a normal life, and so decided he should try taking the bus to school on his own.

"It's very simple," she assured her nervous boy. "When you board the bus tomorrow morning, tell the cond...

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How did the stripper know she was the most popular dancer at the club?

She took a poll.

Contrary to popular belief, Children are not a natural occurrence...

Turns out they are Man-made.

I finally know why tiktok is still popular

Because one man's trash, is another man's treasure

What is a popular search engine for ghosts?

Ghoul-gle!

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John, the second least popular kid in our class tried to act over smart...

So, John decides to come up to me one day - out of the blue - and tries to up his status among the class by picking on the one kid that had no friends - again, me.

“So, I saw your father yesterday.”

This was curious. I knew my father was at work, so it was highly unlikely that John wou...

I made a list of the top 10 most popular wordplay jokes, to see if any of them actually made me laugh

No pun in ten did

What are the most popular jokes during the pandemic?

Inside jokes.

You know what the least popular are?

Knock Knock jokes.

What's the most popular red wine??

We want our land back!!

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At a crowded funeral for a popular well known man, the wife stands finally to ask “Would any of you who knew Jim like to say a few words?” An older gentleman from the back shuffled forward, took a deep breathe, and stated loudly “PLETHORA SHITLOAD FUCKTON”

The wife hugged the man firmly, and said “Thanks. That means so much.”

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What's the most popular movie at a nudist colony?

Free Willy


I'm happy with thinking of this myself.

People like to say that popular music today is so simple, but it's actually always been this way.

After all, Nina Simone is most famous for a 10 minute song about cinnamon.

Why are sea shanties so popular right now?

They’re about current events.

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What is the most popular form of martial arts in Israel?

Jew - Jitsu

Walt Disney's body wasn't frozen after he died.

Contrary to popular legend, it was only his head that was cryogenically frozen after he succumbed to lung cancer, having been a heavy smoker.

Years later a friend requested that Walt be thawed out so that he could see how he was doing. Apparently old habits die hard, because the first thing ...

What's a popular music genre in South Korea?

Seoul!

What begins with "p", ends with "orn" and is popular in the movie industry?

Popcorn.

Fireworks have been really popular in 2020.

Sales have skyrocketed.

The popular right wing of politics has constantly argued that the effects of global warming are vastly exaggerated

Their own estimates are rather conservative

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Once there was a women's bowling team. Everyone on the bowling team was so-so at bowling, with the exception of two women.

One of the two women was named Martha. Martha was absolutely abysmal at bowling. Every single game, she got at least nine gutter balls.

The other woman was Linda, and she was the best player who had ever set foot in the bowling alley. Every time the team won a bowling match, Linda was respons...

Why has soccer suddenly become so popular in America?

If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I’d bring my friends to the bar.

Why are Bananas so Popular?

Because they have a Peel for Everyone!

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Why is it so popular for plants to change sex?

Because they have less stigma to stamen.

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One cell looks at another and asks “why is meiosis so popular?”

The other looks back and says “Well, sex cells.”

Egyptian mythology has become popular in Syria

Isis has been blowing up over there

The paleo diet is very popular

Apparently a lot of people like living until the rip old age of 30.

In the late '80s, NBC's most popular sitcom was the Cosby Show, with ALF not far behind. Knowing what we know now, I guess you could call their weekly ratings battle

Alien vs. Predator.

A popular gorilla exhibit at a local zoo had its only resident pass away

The zoo, not having enough time and money to replace the perished primate, gave one of their employees a gorilla suit and told them to go into the exhibit and act like a gorilla. He at first disagreed, like anyone would, until they offered an enormous raise. He then of course accepted the money and...

my daughter made this gem up: what is the most popular console with the vikings?

the axe-box

Contrary to popular beliefs, losing weight is a piece of cake.

Just don't pick it up.

Q. Why won't Ex Machina still be a popular movie in twenty years?

A. The robots wont let us watch it.

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What’s the most popular proverb in Alabama?

Cum is thicker than blood

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Which US President was most popular among Spanish porn stars?

L.B.J.

Joke that has recently become popular in Russia in light of recent protests

- Dad, which concentration camp are we going to?
- Dunno, son, I’m not interested in politics.

What was 2020's most popular board game?

Pandemic.

Why is the air conditioning popular at school

Its very cool

Why is Among Us so popular in China?

Because its the only thing that lets them vote

Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?

They have appeal

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed.

A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replied, "130."

So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool."

Another guy came in for a drink and th...

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What’s the most popular Star Wars action figure in Japan?

Toy-Yoda.

I read that the three most popular Halloween costumes this year are clown, pumpkin, and dinosaur.

I'm capitalizing on this trend by selling costumes of Trump.

What's the most popular dating site in India?

Connect the dots.

What did the late bomb squad technician say about his recently popular Reddit post?

I did not expect this to blow up.

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