A beautiful woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.

The woman seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, runni...

Everyone in my family has become a huge fan of 80's pop band The Knack

We all have Sharona virus.

Two girls are talking one day when one says what kind of soda pop is your man?

The first girl says "mine is like 7-up seven inches up in it!"
The second girl says "crown royal"
The First girl responds "that's not a soda pop that's a hard liquor!"
The second girl adds "I know he is!"

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Hey buddy, I heard your pops died. I’m sorry for your loss. What happened?

Buddy: Viagra overdose

Me: …it must’ve been really hard for your mother

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for three years and finally decided to pop the question. I gave her the ring

She gave me the finger

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Guy has a tapeworm in his intestine and tries many doctors but everybody fails to remove.Finally he tries an alternative doctor whom everybody recommended heavily and visits him.

The doctor says: Come back tomorrow with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The patient is confused but does as he’s told.

The next day he shows up with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The doctor proceeds to insert both bananas and the Snickers bar up the man’s ass.

The doctor then says ...

My dryer for keeps popping open during use...

If it does it one more time, that's it!
I'm throwing in the towel!

A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “What can I get you?”

“Pop,” goes the weasel

Little boy asks his dad for a new bike.

His dad says, 'Gee son. I'm sorry but we have a $40,000 a year mortgage and your mom just lost her job so I really can't get you one right now."

Boy says, 'OK pops. I understand." and goes off to his room.

The next morning his dad is in the kitchen making coffee and getting ready for w...

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A man takes a pleasant stroll on a Friday evening... suddenly, the Devil himself pops up in front of him

and whispers, "Take all the money in your wallet, go to this casino, and put them on the number 27!"

The man is first shocked, then becomes curious, and quickly yields, goes to the casino, puts all the money on 27 and wins!

Excited he exists the casino and meets the Devil again. The ...

Will the ex pop up again?

A gal walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What have you been up to today?" the bartender asks. "Funny you should ask. My horoscope said that my ex would pop up today," the gal says. "I've been down at the river all day, and luckily, no sign of him so far."

A guy and his date decide to go to Lovers Lane.

It’s their third date and the guy is really excited to take things to the next level, but they’re both clearly kind of shy about it. So after they park, he asks if she wants to make out. She agrees enthusiastically, and they start kissing.

After a little bit, he pauses and says “hey, do you w...

What’s the best brand of computer for playing pop music?

A Dell

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A man complained to his friend

A man complained to his friend "My elbow hurts I better go to the doctor." "Don't do that," volunteered his friend "there's a new computer at the drug store that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a doctor. All you have to do is put in a urine sample, deposit $10, then the computer wi...

TIL Ariana Grande is actually a pop singer.

I thought it was a fancy coffee for white supremacists.

Read This One In Playboy Decades Ago

You older pervs will have heard this one.

So a young couple were out driving late, and got caught in a snowstorm. Wouldn't you know it? The car stalls while they're out in the middle of nowhere, and has to pull over to the side of the road.

The man pops the hood, exits the car & pr...

A man in Kyiv finds a lamp...

So, a gentleman in Kyiv found an old lamp. It had some tarnish on it, so after grabbing the brass polish and a rag, he started to polish it.


POOF! Out popped a genie!


"Master, you have freed me from the lamp! In gratitude, I shall grant you three wishes! (And no wishing for...

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Schrodinger, Heisenberg and Ohm are all on a road trip...

Schrodinger, Heisenberg and Ohm are all on a roadtrip and they are zooming down a highway on a summer night. Heisenberg is driving, Schrodinger is riding shotgun and Ohm is in the back-seat tinkering with the light. They get pulled over for speeding.

The officer walks over to the driver's si...

A doctor is delivering a baby. The head comes out and the baby says “Hey, you my dad?”. The doctor is shocked, says no and the baby shoots back inside the mother. The doctors calls the gynaecologist over to have a look.

Again the baby’s head pops out, “Hey, you my dad!?” The gynaecologist says no and the baby shoots back inside the mother.

The doctor and gynaecologist decide they better get the father who was too squeamish to be in the delivery room.

So the father looks between his wife’s legs. The b...

After a bitter divorce, while cleaning out the attic to prepare for selling their dream home, a genie pops out of a dust covered item.

“I will grant you three wishes of anything your heart desires” says the genie, “but know that your ex will receive twice whatever you wish for”


Ok, I’m losing my dream home, I wish for the most glorious mansion complete with staff to serve my every whim.


DONE! You are the o...

Wisdom or Money?

A man goes on a trip to the desert. At one point, he walks off alone, and suddenly stumbles upon an old lamp.

It's old but may bring a few bits, he rubs the lamp and is amazed when a genie pops out!

The genie says that he will grant the man only one wish, and that he has to pick from t...

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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun, and one brought nothing but a few cough drops.

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobweb...

A teacher goes for a long walk on the beach. She finds a shiny magic lamb, picks it up, and rubs it.

There is a puff of blue smoke and a genie pops out. “You have three wishes. I can give you anything in the world. If I fail, I must become your personal genie for eternity.”

The teacher thinks for a moment and says, “For my first wish, I want jewels. Silver, gold, platinum, whatever you have....

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Dave walks into a bar...

He sits down; Then a Stork walks in, and sits next to him... and a cat walks in and sits on the other side.

He ushers the barkeep over and asks for a pint, handing over a £5 note.

The Barman has seen some shit in his time, so he is unfazed, and pours a nice cold pint.

Then the s...

A recently divorced woman comes across a genie in a lamp

A recently divorced woman was walking along the beach, when she notices a lamp in the sand. She picks it up and rubs it, and out pops a genie. "I am the genie of this lamp," he said, "and I will grant you three wishes, but under one condition: whatever you receive, the person you hate the most will ...

Me strong

One day a tall muscular native American man walked into the doctors office. He had his pregnant wife and three children with him.He said, doctor, me need help. The doctor said well what can I do for you. The Indian man said me strong, wife strong. To many children. The doc said ah I understand. ...

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A group of friends encountered a swimming pool

Upon approaching a genie popped up and told them it was a magic pool. "Just jump in and mid-jump ask what you would like the water to turn into".

The first friend ran up to the pool, took a leap, yelled "BEER!" and what would you know? He landed in a pool full of beer!

After he got out...

Three friends are sitting around talking about their boyfriends

The first girl says to the other two, “let’s play a game and say a drink that we like that our boyfriends remind us of. I’ll go first. My boyfriend is like sprite; he’s light and bubbly and sooo refreshing after my last couple relationships.”

The second girl says “ok, umm… mine would be a che...

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A guy gets put in a nursing home by his son. He doesn’t know if he’s going to like it at first, but he decides to give it a shot for his son’s sake.

The first morning in the nursing home he wakes up with a hard on. Out of nowhere a beautiful nurse's aide walks in, bends over & blows him without saying a word.
The guy gets on the phone with his son and says, "Son, I love this place! Thank you so much for putting me in this nursing home....

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A Major Prostitution Bust

A major raid on prostitution in town, netted so many prostitutes, that they had to be lined up, outside the police station, and around the block.

An elderly grandmother, waiting at a nearby bus stop, notices her granddaughter in line.

Grandmother: "Oh Sweetie, you're not in some kin...

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Working on an offshore oil rig.

So the new guy is being shown around the offshore oil rig. And while being fascinated by the ship and machinery, he nervously asks the old-timer, "We're going to be out here for over month, and I don't see any women. Not one. What do we when we get horny?"

The old timer nods knowingly and ...

Me: Why don't you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?

The hot lady at the bar: No thanks, I don't like small talk.

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Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. Delighted, the genie says "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately shouts out "I want a billion pounds." *POOF*, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50 The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." *POOF*, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now wel...

Thoughtful Drug dealer.

A man gets pulled over by a police officer, and the cop pulls him out of the car and asks "Do you have anything I should know about before I look in there?". The guy shrugs his shoulders and the cop begins looking in the car. He pops the trunk and finds a kilo of coke. He holds it up and turns back ...

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A man got sent down to Hell and the Devil offered him a tour of three rooms.

"You can take a peek inside each room, but when you choose one," the Devil said, "choose wisely, because you're going to spend the rest of eternity in there."

The man took a peek inside Door #1. Inside there was a nice field of grass, but there was also a crowd of people moaning in agony as t...

I’ve been getting some odd pop up ads recently:

“Hot older men in your area want to know if you’ve been messing with the thermostat”

Little Benny was very sick, and the doctors had given up hope.

As a last present, his parents brought him to Arabia on a trip. While they were walking through a market, little Benny bought a lamp from a vendor.

When he arrived home, he rubbed the lamp to clean it, and, to his surprise, a genie popped out in a flash of light.

"What is it that you ...

"Where do you want this big roll of bubble wrap?" I asked my boss. "Just pop it in the corner" he said.

Took me three hours...

A Welshman, Scot and Englishman are walking when they come across a lantern and a genie pops out and grants them one wish each.

The Scot says: “I am a sheep herder, like my father before me. I want my country to be full of lovely sheep farms.”

Whoosh, and so it was.

The Englishman was amazed and says: “I want a wall around England to keep those damned Scots and Welsh out.”

Bang, there was a wall around E...

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With Age Comes Wisdom

Two bulls, a father and son, are standing on top of a hill, looking down at the herd or cattle below. The younger bull turns to his father and says "Hey Pops, we should run down this hill and fuck some of those cows!"

The older bull shakes his head. "No, son," he says, "we should *walk* dow...

How do suicidal balloons greet each other?

What's popping?

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A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she sa...

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Harry & his wife are having hard financial times ....

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker. She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.”

...

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One day, I was driving home from work

It had been a long day and I was just ready to get home and relax.

I’m on the interstate, and all of a sudden, this car cuts me off. This immediately pisses me off.

So I pull in front of him the next chance I get and he starts riding my bumper.

Then *he* get in front of me an...

A man was driving in a deserted road at night, when suddenly his car starts to cough and splutter as the engine dies

He is forced to pull over to the side of the road in the complete darkness and silence of the night. He grabs his flashlight and pops the hood to see if there's anything he can do to get it going again. Unfortunately, he can't seem to figure out what's wrong with it and he starts to get anxious.
...

Someone asked me who my favorite vampire is in pop culture...

I said, "The one from Sesame Street."

They said, "He doesn't count!"

"I assure you," I said, "He does."

I got mugged in a dark alley by K-pop stars

Now I have BTSD

surfer

A surfer walking along a beach finds a bottle and a genie pops out and grants him one wish, he wishes to drive his VW camper van from the UK to Australia so he can ride the big waves, The genie in all his wisdom says, do you know how much concrete it would take to build a bridge that big it could ba...

What does a Korean guy say when his father asks him to do something?

K-Pop

North Korea has declared a 'cultural war' on K-pop coming in from the South. They decided the best way to counter this would be to creat their own genre of music.

They have named it K-Boom.

“What is the limerick writer’s favourite pop group?”

AABBA

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I'm not saying I'm ugly.

But when I'm watching porn the hot sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.

When I was younger, I used to go to the store with a dollar, and come out with a pop, a bag of chips and a pack of gums...

Now, they have cameras.

A group of guys were smoking weed at a party, when they heard a knock at the door. In a panic, they hid the joints in a cuckoo clock.

They opened the door to find two cops standing there. "It's 1:45 in the morning," said the cops. "You woke up a neighbour, who reported you to us. We hope you're not using any illegal drugs."

The cops searched through the whole house looking for anything suspicious, but didn't think to look i...

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A Waitress approached a Man sitting at the table.

Waitress: Are you ready to order sir.?

Man: Yes.

Waitress: What about your Wife.?

Man: She has popped to the bathroom.

Waitress: Do you know what she is having.?

Man: Well it's been 10 minutes, so probably a shit.

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Tailpipe

A blonde was driving back from the mall when there was a terrible hail storm. Huge hail stones the size of golf balls pelted her car leaving it full of dents.

She drove to the body shop and asked what she should do. The body man explained what needed to be done and that it would cost at leas...

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If Korean pop is K-pop

Does that mean that Chinese rap is Crap?

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?

Where’s pop corn?

My wife was inhaling popcorn and nearly choked to death on an un-popped kernel.

I almost had to call the popcoroner.

(Real life: my wife really was eating popcorn with no breathing in between and I said “maybe slow down so you don’t choke on that. I don’t want to have to call the pop coroner”, and she abruptly started laughing and, I swear, choked on some (non-fatal). ...

New Little Red Riding Hood

Little red riding hood was walking through the park at night all alone.

The big bad wolf popped up on her and said, “ I’m gonna kill you! “

She pulled a .22 out of her crotch and said, “ No, you’re gonna do exactly what the story book says! “

(curtesy of my 62 year old roommat...

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An Irishman is walking along the beach when he finds a bottle. He picks it up and out pops a genie.

The genie says, “I’ll give you one wish.”

The Irishman says, “I wish I could piss Irish whiskey any time I wanted.”

The genie says, “You got it and passes him a glass.”

He pulls out his dick and pisses in the glass, takes a drink and says, “This is the best Irish whiskey I’ve ev...

One day, a little boy decides to write his Christmas letter as usual. When all of a sudden, his mom pops into his room.

Mom: What are you doing son?

Boy: Writing my letter to santa mom

Mom: With how bad you've been this year you'll have to write a letter to Jesus to get anything!

So the boy starts to write his letter to Jesus, and has to think about what he's going to say.

'Dear Jesus, I'v...

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are walking along the beach one day and come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.

"I give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total" says the Genie.
The Irishman says "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I wish all the oceans to be full of fish for all eternity and a fleet of fishing boats to catch them."
So, wit...

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Man boards on a plane....

Man boards a plane. Sees a woman at the front of the plane breast-feeding her child.

He goes back to his seat for the duration of the flight.

After they land everyone's getting off the plane and he passes the same lady, once again breast-feeding.

He stops to...

It was going to be a long road trip. I popped on my headphones, pulled up a movie on my phone, and got lost in the action as the car headed down the highway.

The passengers probably wished that I'd waited until I wasn't driving to do that.

funny questions & answer

1.Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

Ans - Because he felt crummy.



2 Why was the baby strawberry crying?

Ans - Because her mom and dad were in a jam.



3.What did the little corn say to the mama corn?

Ans - Where is pop corn?



4. How...

The last thing my grandpa said before kicking the bucket...

Hey Ed, how far do you think I can kick this bucket? He tripped and fell into a ravine. RIP pops.

A man finds a genie in a bottle

He rubs it. A genie pops out "you have two wishes"

The guy says "hold up, aren't I supposed to get three wishes?"

the genie replies "Check your pants"

The guy looks down his pants, and slightly surprised, says "how did you know?"

Genie says "I've been doin this a while."

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If Korean Pop is KPop

Is Chinese Rap Crap?

EDIT: I just got on and looked at this post.....
THANK U SO MUCH!!!! This was my first post and it got all the way to the top!! Thank you sooo much!!

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

“Ringling Brothers is coming to town this week,” she said. “The poster says they have a dancing bear. I always wanted to see one of those.”

“Maybe next year,” says the man. “Work’s really busy this week.”

The next night at dinner, t...

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A man walks happily into a car dealership with an emu.

A salesman walks up to the man and asks, "Can I help you?" The man replies, "I would like to buy your most expensive car." Humoring the man with the emu, the salesman leads him over to a Bentley and says, "This model costs 204,572.99 dollars." Without missing a beat, the man reaches into his pocket ...

Soda Pop Boyfriends

At their ten year high school reunion, Mary is seated with her old friend Jane.  Mary tells Jane about her husband who she has been with since high school.  Jane tells Mary that she never did marry but had plenty of boy friends and that she always named the boy friends after soda pops.  Really a...

I read that Snap, Crackle and Pop were found murdered along with Captain Crunch and Tony the Tiger

Authorities suspect it's the work of a cereal killer.

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This woman in her late 20s decides to finally settle down and get married

Before consumating the marriage she decides to put a rubber band on her thigh.

When her man puts it in she slaps the rubber band.

The man says "what was that?"
She says "my cherry popped"

He says "can you pop it again, my balls are stuck"

Guy pops his head into a barber shop and asks “bob peters here”?

Barber says “no sir we just cut hair”

If they really want to find water on Mars..

Just send my pops up there to golf.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This just in, female basketball players were sexually frustrated at the crowd...

...it turns out, the crowd left before they could even finish.





NOTE: First time posting here and I'm not a fun person. This just popped into my mind so bear with me.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."

The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband and my life. I just want to go home."

Poof! The brunette gets her wish, and she is returned to her family.

The redhead says, "I've also been stuck here for years, and I wish I could go home, too."

P...

A Jewish boy comes home from school one day

A Jewish boy comes home and gives his father his report card for the first marking period and he gets a D in math. His father is quite upset and tells his son he’s got to do better. After the second marking period The boy gets an F in math and his father is very upset now and decides to pull him out...

An elderly couple gets divorce

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing, forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any lo...

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A man wanted to try 69 with his girlfriend

Right in the middle the man realizes he has a dentist appointment. So he pops up and heads to the bathroom. He brushes his teeth 3 times. He uses mouth wash twice and flosses once for good measure.

He gets to the dentist office just in time and his dentist calls him in. Dentist says open wid...

Bert and Ernie served as daytime radio hosts for over twenty years.

Bert and Ernie worked together as daytime radio hosts for over twenty years. They'd traded jokes, played pop music and generally made peoples lives a touch brighter as they trundled to their workplace.

Now though, there was a silence on the air. Ernie silently reread the fax from civil defen...

Went to an 80s fancy dress party once, my wife didn’t want me to go as a pop star.

But I was adamant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Chinese music is called C-pop, Korean music is called K-pop, and Japanese music is called J-pop, what do you call Drake's music?

Crap.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bear and a rabbit are arguing in the forest...

The genie is quite sick of hearing them so he decides to do something about it.

"Gentlemen!" He exclaims, popping up between them in a puff of sparkly blue smoke, "You are clearly not happy. So, to mitigate this, I shall grant each of you three wishes!"

"OH! OH! I shall go first!" The ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Any body got a good go to story when on a date to make them laugh … here s mine .. true story buckle up

So I went on holiday to Benidorm with my mate Paul

Now we’re on the beach , red hot day and I’m laid there getting nicely frazzled with a cold beer in one hand and an iPhone in the other hand ,watching the sun give it its best

Now ,all of a sudden my mate Paul gets up and says
<...

What pop star has huge nipples?

Areola Grande

Drew is a security guard, and he has just been brought on to the team of up-and-coming British Pop Star, Chris "Anthem" Williamson.

Today is Drew's first day working with his new team. He meets with Finley, Chris's Stage Manager, to go over what he needs to know for the next gig.

Towards the end of his orientation, Finley tells Drew, "Lastly, Chris a bit of an eccentric fellow. He does NOT like to be disturbed when he's ...

So, this dude was walking down a beach and kicked a lamp, and a magic genie pops out.

The genie gives him the old "you freed me, so I will grant you a wish" thing that genies do. So the guy says "I love riding my motorcycle. I would love to ride it around the world. Can you build a highway that connects the entire world together?" The genie pauses for a moment, and with a look of...

A farmer wants to grow his plants in the winter, so he puts them in the shower

A farmer wants to grow his plants in the winter. He believes that he can maintain the vegetables if they have enough room to grow deep roots, so he puts them in shower.
A month goes by, and no produce has popped up. The farmer realizes that some plants take 2 or 3 months to bloom.
A second mon...

In church I heard an old lady saying a prayer

It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share with you:-
"Dear Lord,
This has been a tough couple of years.
You have taken my favourite actor Patrick Swayze.
My favourite pop singer Michael Jackson.
My favourite Blues artist BB King.
My favourite actress Elizabeth Taylor....

My son came up to me crying.

"Dad, I left my girlfriend because she was popping holes in my condom."

I frowned. "Sounds like you dodged a bullet there."

"Yeah, sort of," he replied.

"So, why the tears?"

He said, "I was wearing it at the time."

A blonde, a brunette and a red head are trapped on a desert island....

A blonde, a brunette and a red head are trapped on a desert island. They have been stuck there for 5 days and have run out of food and water. In desperation they all go to the beach where they stumble upon a magic lamp.

They rub the lamp and a Genie pops out and says to the trio, "Thank you f...

Speeding

A woman is caught speeding on the freeway, and is pulled over by a traffic cop. He says "Ma'am, you were going 85 miles per hour, can I see your driver's license?" "I don't have one," says the woman, "it was revoked for reckless driving."

"I see," says the policeman. "Then will you please sh...

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There was a little boy sitting on a curb in one hand he had a cat and the other a box of smarties

There was a little boy sitting on a curb in one hand he had a cat and the other a box of smarties. Every so often he would pop a smartie bite the cat get up and move down to the curb. There is a man watching this young boy and wonders what he's doing once again the kid pops a smartie bites the cat g...

A young boy on a long flight with his family hears a loud bang as it violently shakes the entire plane.

The passengers are obviously scared but the sound and shaking stop quickly. Soon they hear the pilot, "Sorry for the scare folks, it seems one of our engines unexpectedly failed. Just know it's nothing to worry about, the other 3 engine are working just fine and we'll be landing at our destination j...

What do you call a hooker who uses Pepsi for lubrication?

A Pop-tart.

Jeff Bozos was cleaning his bedside lamp when a genie popped out.

Genie: One wish only, my good sir.

Bezos: Name it.

Went to my first fight club last night

I got there a bit late so I missed the orientation but wow it was amazing. If anyone wants more information, let me know!

\- credit to my friend Brian who popped this one off last night. He's not a very original sort so I'm sure he stole it from somewhere.

I made a virtual bubble wrap to keep you all busy during quarantine. There might be some irregular bubbles, but that is normal.

>!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!Nev!< >!er !< >!Gon!< >!na !< >!Giv!< >!ve !< >!You!< >!Up,!< >!Nev!< >!er !< >!Gon!< >!na !< >!Let!< >!You!< >...

So this guy goes to a confectioner... (long)

(A confectioner makes objects out of candy or chocolate, in case you didn't know)

So this guy goes to a confectioner, placing an order for a VW Beetle made from chocolate. Scale, 1:32

"That won't be cheap" the confectioner says. "Money's no issue" the customer replies. "And it'll take ...

What’s the difference between a pop musician and a jazz musician?

A pop musician plays 4 chords to thousands of people, and a jazz musician plays thousands of chords to 4 people.

I got a recommendation from Pops on a TV series to watch

After watching it I can say it indeed was a jolly good show

Jesus, Moses, and an old man are playing golf. They step up to a par 3.

Jesus is up first. He drives the ball short, into the water trap in front of the green. So Jesus, being Jesus, walks on the water, chips the ball onto the green and putts for par.

Moses is next. He drives the ball into the same water trap. So Moses, being Moses, parts the water, chips the bal...

When the kids came back from recess, the teacher announced a pop spelling quiz...

"Pop spelling quiz, class!" She said, and called on little Johnny.

"What did you do during recess, Johnny?" Asked the teacher. Johnny replied "I played in the sandbox with Suzy and Leroy" "Ok, spell 'sand' and you will get a cookie!" Says the teacher. Johnny spells it correctly and gets h...

A new sapling popped up between a maple and a pine tree in the forest and they got into an argument over what kind of tree it was. The maple thinks it's a son of a birch and the pine thinks it's a son of a beech. Neither one was willing to concede to the other...

The maple barked, "It's a son of a birch!"

The pine bristled, "It's a son of a beech!"

"Son of a birch!"

"Son of a beech!"

After arguing back and forth for a while, they decided that they needed someone else to sort out what kind of tree it was.

They called Mr. Woo...

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A recent scam has popped up involving a prostitute, a bit of cocaine and a kitchen appliance

People have been falling for it, hooker, line and sink.

I remember when I was a kid, you could go to a store with $1 and buy 2 bags of chips, a large pop, 4 candy bars, and a pack of big league chew!

Nowadays they have cameras everywheres.

My Pops Asked If I Had Ever Done Anything Brave

I said.....Hell Yeah, I farted once when I had diarrhea

What did the windmill say to the pop star?

“I’m a huge fan”

I had a dream last night about an ocean of orange pop.

As it turns out, it was just a Fanta sea.

Recently became a dad and now these are popping in my head: What is it called when you are made fun of in a dream?

Sleep Deprecation

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Harold and Phil are out golfing

Phil craves a smoke, so he pulls out a cigarette and asks Harold if he has a light.

"Sure", says Harold. He reaches into his golf bag and pulls out a massive foot-long gas lighter.

"Wow, where did you get that huge lighter?" asks Phil.

"My genie", says Harold.

"Your... ge...

A man finds a lamp on a beach. He rubs it, and out pops a genie.

“I will give you three wishes,” the genie says. “But be warned: whatever you wish for, your ex will get twice that.”

“I wish for a fabulously large mansion,” the man says.

“Are you sure?” asks the genie. “Your ex will get a mansion twice as large, twice as opulent.”

“I’m sure.” ...

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The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday...

It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.


The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection, and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.


Doughboy is ...

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Pot head gets really high on some good shit and goes home

Gets inside the house and sees his fathers shoes

Oh shit, I better hide somewhere before my pops finds out that I got high again!!

Ok, Ok, I am gonna hide in the living room...

Opens the living room door and sees his dad sitting there and reading a newspaper.

my bad p...

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Two frat guys are stranded in the middle of the ocean

Brad and Chad have been stuck in a lifeboat for weeks. They're out of water and supplies, and they're sure they're doomed.

They notice a sealed bottle bobbing toward their boat and scoop it out of the water. They open it up, and a genie pops out.

"Thank you for freeing me!" the genie s...

I finally convinced my hillbilly friend to get a Covid vaccination, but he doesn’t want Moderna.

He says, “ just because she sang some good pop songs back in the 80s don’t mean she knows how to make a vaccine!”.

There really should be a subgenre of hip-hop called Bubble Rap

It would probably sound a lot like pop.

An old Joke by Lee Mack on... 8 out of 10 Cats plays Countdown, I believe?

I popped into an second-hand store the other day and bought a pencil. What's remarkable about the pencil, is that it used to be used by Shakespeare!



...Only thing is, the top part is all chewed up, so I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

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How about a little head?

A guy goes into this bar, sits down and orders a drink. While waiting, he sees a guy sitting at the bar who has a very big muscular body but a little tiny head. So, he asks the guy, "How is it that you have such a huge body and a small head?"

The guy replied, "I was walking along the beach o...

Date night with my wife and as she's reading the menu she asks, "Is anything popping out at you?"

I said, "I don't think it's that kind of book."

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A man finds an old dusty beer bottle, it feels like there's something inside so he rubs the dirt off to check and out pops a genie!

Smoke lifts from the stem of the bottle as a man appears floating in mid air wearing cargo shorts and a snapback.

Genie: "alright sport you get one wish make it count"

Man: "but I thought I got 3 wishes?"

Genie: "oh so one wish isn't good enough for you huh? You know when I was ...

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A young boy sits on a curb. With a cat.

As he sits he pops a candy in his mouth grabs the cat and bites it. Then he scoots over. A young pastor walking be asked Timmy what in the world are you doing ? Looking at the Pastor he smiles and proudly says Im playing Truck Driver. The pastor confused said I don't understand . Timmy says I'm popp...

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A guy has a giant pumpkin for a head.

His friend sees him and goes, “holy shit, what happened to you?”

And the guy goes, “well I found a lamp and I rubbed it and a genie popped out and granted me three wishes.”

“Ok,” says his friend, “what did you wish for?”

“First, I wished for a billion dollars.”

“Second, I...

Original I think from my 7 year old

I need to know if he really came up with this on his own, he promises he did.

What do you call famous skeletons?

Pop skullture!

Visiting Nan's for Halloween

Just thought I'd nip over to my Nan's, and fair play to her, at 96, she had all the Halloween decorations up, cobwebs and insects in the windows and a skeleton on the couch.

She always makes a big effort, but there was no answer...I'll pop back next year.

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A girl comes up to her stepdad and asks to borrow his car.

The stepdad denies her so she begs and begs and begs until finally the stepdad says, “fine, I’ll let you borrow the car if you drop on your knees and suck my dick.”

Disgusted, she turns around and goes back to her room.

30 mins later, she comes back to ask again because she really nee...

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