Inspired Jokes

along with the crayons that go with them.

Dr. Marcus Opor, renowned marine biologist and ocean sustainability expert, experimented with a brewed beverage with skipjack tuna as its primary ingredient. He spent years alternating its composition, striving for a balance of savory and rich ocean flavors. At last, he perfected his "tea", and was ... read more

It was a Finnish hymn.

When their first child was born, he let his wife name her.

She named the baby girl "Love" inspired in the same spirit as Carol's unique name.

Unfortunately, Love grew up and endured much of the same teasing that Carol did, because of her strange name.

She came home from school... read more

After a few hours in the car, the Nebraskan suddenly rolls down his window, opens his bag, and starts chucking corn out the window.

"What are you doing that for?", the others exclaim.

"Back in Nebraska, everywhere I look I see corn. I'm going on vacation and I don't want to see any cor... read more

Merm-aids


(Inspired by a Family Guy joke)

I have no clue

"Why, from you of course, Heinrich!" Beethoven replied.

"From me?" retorted Heinrich. "A genius like you, inspired by a clod like me? Oh, that's funny...

"Hah-hah-hah-*haahh*! Hah-hah-hah-*haahh*!"

called Oscar’s Lap

It means no worries

For the rest of your days

Haiku na Mattatta

I am really inspired by countries and companies that hire people with disabilities.

Even people with learning disabilities and mental issues are able to get a job and make a living.

A great example of this excellent trait is the USA, where a disabled man is the president.

I went to the kitchen, and I looked up through the skylight windows. I then noticed a plastic Rite Aid bag that was stuck in a tree.

My dad saw me looking up, and he asked me, "What are you looking at?"

I said to him, "There is a Rite Aid bag in the tree."

He asked me, "Do you ... read more

Cos you’re making me wanna be Enya.

Student: The due date.

Newton: well, I fell off the toil—...............
Agent [leans into the mic]: an apple fell on his head...

Unfortunately, it's only for my left arm.

Slip not.

So I was moving a refrigerator and I needed some extra strength. Instead of grabbing some Tylenol, I snagged a couple of Altoids instead. Cause I'll admit, I was curious...

She confidently walked up to the edge and she turned to me and said "Ya know, I really want to make a difference. I really want to make an impact on this world."

...All she needed was a little push in the right direction.

I'll give it try. Since this is my first ever post on this sub, I hope you guys let me down easy.


One day, Larry walked past a TV store. On the screen of the fattest flat-screen TV, a national news-broadcast was running a story about an object from outer space on a collision course with E... read more

Made me think of this gem:

Why dont blind people go skydiving?

It scares the sh*t out of the dog.

A stainless steal.

They wanted to rob Rob Lowe's low-cal calzone zone.

How can you tell when Michael Jackson has company over?

Big Wheels in the driveway.

Me.

In the early days, metal containers were the cheapest and easiest to make, so almost all food was stored in cans. Tin was a particularly soft and easy to mold/shape, and didn’t rust like other options, so most preserved food cans were made of tin.

Things went great for a while, with some food... read more

I got fired from Target but it was worth it. My coworker Alfred was stocking shelves and I was at front. A large lady came in and inquired about the mobility scooter. Hmmm I thought. A mobility scooter for fat people.

I got on the intercom and announced "Alfred, please bring around the Fatmo... read more

Disillusioned with the Republican party, Trump wakes up one day with an idea. Summoning Mike Pence to his office, he lays out his vision.

"Mike, the Republican Party is a relic of the past. We need to start fresh with a brand new party of loyal Americans."

"That's brilliant sir, but wh... read more

And he was inspired. The guitarist was masterful, and the horse knew, then and there, that he needed to play guitar. More than anything he'd ever needed before.

So he calls up his buddy, who is a guitar teacher, and asks his buddy to help him learn guitar. The horse takes to it quickly and p... read more

I met George R.R. Martin at a book signing a while back. It was very early in the morning and there weren’t that many people around, so I actually had the opportunity to chat with him a bit. I told him I’m a huge fan of his works, and that he’s always been an idol of mine, and that he inspired me to... read more

Unfortunately, I'm lack toes intolerant.

(This joke inspired by an 8 year old)

If a misogynistic con artist and a lying criminal can run for president, then so can that kid eating dirt on the playground.

Family Jew-els :)

iSoar

(inspired by ImpulseSV)

the first step will be to change my name to "none of the above".

but I've seen stranger things

I tried to tell this foreign exchange student that she drew one of her eyebrows higher than the other, but I don't think her English was very good because she looked confused ​

I’m sorry sir, but this airline does not allow carrion.

Because he wasn't picked yet.

Obviously this is where dad jokes and humor come from.

And some of the other car drivers were so inspired they joined me in honking at her.