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My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with.

My job is so fucking unbelievable.

I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. Sh...

A notorious liar walks into a bar and shouts "Hi folks ! It's me !"

But it wasn't him.

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[NSFW] Frank was happy in the old folks home with Charlotte always holding his member under the blanket on his wheelchair as they watched TV.

Then one day, Charlotte noticed that Frank wasn't around. When this happened, Charlotte went looking for Frank, fearing the worst had happened to him. After a bit of searching, Charlotte came across Frank, in his wheelchair, watching TV with another woman. Charlotte noticed the blanket vibrating vig...

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No more Polish jokes folks.

All these Polish jokes here are very hurtful. Yesterday my friend who is Polish had read enough and tried to commit suicide by jumping out his basement window.

I’d like to tell you folks a joke about paper, but...

It’s tearable.

Folks who are Jewish are the “Chosen People”

But the Muslims are the “randomly selected.”

TIL that while little is known about the Tiananmen Square "Tank Man," many eyewitnesses claim that he was actually run over shortly after the famous footage was taken. Indeed, the Mandarin nickname for this folk hero is "The Lobster"...

...because he was a crushed Asian.

What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?

A hootenanny.

How many Chinese folks does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They don't change lightbulbs, then just dim sum.

Kid goes to the old folks home to visit grandpa,

finds him on the veranda with his cronies. A few minutes go by, when one of the old codgers says “thirty-two.” Everyone erupts into laughter.

Few seconds later, a different geezer says “seventy-seven.” Same thing, uproarious laughter.

The kid finally asks gramps, “what gives with th...

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During It's 60th Year Anniversary, an Old Folk's Home Decided to Get a Magician to Perform.

This Magician Was Unlike Any Other Magician. He Specialised in Hypnosis.


That Day, He Brought His Family's Heirloom, a Pocket Watch Made of Gold.


At Noon, Everyone Gathered At the Home's Hall, Waiting for The Magician's Arrival.


Upon Arriving, the Magician Pulled Out...

What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?

None of them are straight.



(As a member of both groups I now hate myself for telling this joke).

How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change it, and 5 to sing about how good the old one was...

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Two old folks at a home had been trying to have sex with each other for awhile

Finally during the big Christmas party the nurses weren’t looking and they snuck away to her room and got it on. When they were done he turned to her and caressed her hair and said “Darling, if I knew you were still a virgin I would have taken my time.” Then she said “Well If I knew you could still ...

In germany after the succes of Uber and Ubereats a new app is rising under elderly folk for finding people to help in your household

They're calling it Ubermensch

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Why do they give men Viagra in the old folks home?

To keep them from rolling out of bed.

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Joe, Dave, Tommy, and Rodney start a folk rock band. Joe plays cymbals, Dave is on the 6-string, Tommy has the drums, and Rodney adds his unique twang to the vocals.

Their very first rehearsal, they come up with a great idea for an original composition. It takes heavy liberties with the cymbal part. Joe is ecstatic; cymbal players rarely ever get the recognition they deserve. This could be a revolution in the music industry!

They begin tuning and setting ...

I want to create a convention for Irish folks who suffer with leprosy.

I'll call it Leper-Con.

Half price admission for the wee folk.

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Why don’t black folks go on cruises?

They’re not falling for that shit again.

Bunch of mainly old rich white folks gathered in a big fancy room guarded by armed guards to discuss about coloured people

So how was Oscars y'all?

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A group of elderly folks were watching television at the retirement home...

They were enjoying their show until it was time for a commercial break. Having nothing else to do, they stayed sitting and watched the commercials. Suddenly, one advertisement displayed attractive men and women in rubber bodysuits, latex clothing, and BDSM-looking outfits. The elderly were aghast....

Remember folks, we all wouldn't be here if it were not for the big Bang. 😉

And all the smaller subsequent ones.

Why do carpets in white folk houses always need vacuuming?

Crackers always leave crumbs.

What do Alabama folks and children celebrating Halloween have in common?

They both wanna pump kin

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Sven and Ole are asked to identify a body. (Sad to discover after Googling that this will be a repost, but I was recently told this by my 86 y/o Wisconsinite grandmother and wanted to share.)

So Sven and Ole get a sad call to learn that their good friend, Anders, has passed away and they need to identify the body.

When they get to the morgue, Sven goes in first. The doctor uncovers the body and Sven says, “Aww gee, that sure looks like Anders...could ya flip him over and spread h...

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.

(Edit: Folks, take a breath. It is a joke.)

(Edit: Thanks for the silver, gold, and plats)

I'm a little upset, folks. Last night I went to this new restaurant for dinner and I had to use the restroom. And there was a sign in there that said, "Employees Must Wash Hands."

And I could not find one employee who would wash my hands.

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In an old folks home, Gladys notices that Arthur's been looking down lately

She walks over and asks him what's wrong. Arthur tells her "Lately I've been feeling especially lonely at night. Before she passed away, my wife would sleep next to me and hold my willy to help me feel safe and loved".

Gladys thinks about it and decides that there's no harm in offering to sle...

How do blind folks buy homes in hot markets?

Sight unseen.

A college student sends a letter to his folks back home

Dear Mom and Dad,

**$**chool i**$** really great. I am making lot**$** of friend**$** and **$**tudying very hard. My profe**$$**or**$** are al**$**o **$**uper cool! With all my **$**tuff, I **$**imply can't think of anything I need, **$**o if you would like, you can ju**$**t **$**end me a ca...

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A Jewish family had to put Grandpa in an old-folks home...

But there were no beds available at the Jewish one, so against his wishes they put him in the Catholic one across town. After a few days, they went to visit him to see how he was keeping.

They were concerned that he would hate it, but when they asked him how it was he said, "Let me tell you, ...

One day in the future, Donald Trump has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil.

“You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll ...

So I was standing at a bus station having a smoke

And I was horrified to see the bus leave the bus station without me....

I could have sworn I put the handbrake on!!!!

It's old man Jenkin's 94th birthday at the old folks home

He asked a member of staff "young woman, how old are you?"
The woman replied "why, I'm 24"
Old man Jenkins says "do you know how many times 94 can go into 24?"
The woman says "I have no idea"
Jenkins whispers in her ear "meet me after scrabble practice and we can find out"

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Anti vaxx joke

When little Timmy went to school and mastered one to nine, he thought the other kids were cool and every class Devine. He painted shapes red and blue and he drew in curves and bends. And when the day was over he made 100 friends! I’m Pals with Pete Mike and Max he told his pa with pride, but Timmy’...

Donald Trump visits an old folks' home

to mingle with the people and pick up a little good P.R. at the same time. He walks up to a sweet old lady in a wheelchair who smiles at him with an other wise blank stare.

"Do you know who I am ?" asks Donald Trump.

She responds, "No, but if you ask the desk, they'll tell you.

I just got off the phone with a charity that wanted my old clothes for folks starving in Africa. Well, I think it is a scam.

Anyone that can wear my clothes sure ain't starving.

What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a folk guitarist?

A rock guitarist can play all night without tuning and folk guitarist can tune all night without playing.

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law, unfortunately killing her instantly.

At the funeral service, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head "...

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I was reading about these Hasidic folks from Lakewood, NJ getting arrested for welfare fraud and I thought to myself, "They really give Jews bad names"

I mean, really. Zalmen? Shimy? Yocheved?

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A student in a psych class is asking his professor about sexual fetishes.

Student: Do you know the scientific names of most of the sexual fetishes?

Prof: I believe I know just about all of them, I’ve been teaching psychology for over 40 years.

Student: well what do you call a person who is aroused by dead people.

Prof: easy, that’s a necrophiliac....

I tried my best to prepare my girlfriend for dinner with my folks.

Dad loved her, but mum said she could’ve done with another hour on a low heat.

What you call a rednecks old folk

Incestors

Remember folks, beauty...

Is only a light switch away.

What do you call ten white folks on a bench?

The NBA

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A man see's a sign on a bar window "Win $1,000,000 - Details inside"

Curiosity peaked, he enters the bar and asks the bartender what's required to win the million.

​

"Ah, that?" The bartender casually replied, offering a challenging smirk. "It requires the completion of 3 tasks I believe to be impossible. It brought in a lot of business when ...

One day 2 kids were walking in the park with their grandmother.

And every day, the kids would say, "Grandma we want to ride in that helicopter".

Grandma always replied, "I know kids, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars -- and 50 dollars is 50 dollars".

One day Grandma and the kids went to the park, and the kids said, "Grandma, you're 85 years ol...

Why do black folk carry around "boomboxes"?

it's just their stereo-type!

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation...

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who only spoke Navajo, asked a question, which the son translated, "What are the guys in the big suits doing?"

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old...

White folk hate math.

Especially when they heard in Calculus they'd have to integrate.

How to speak British 101.

*" For Folks Sake."*

Thats it.

Three guys arrive at the pearly gates, and St. Peter decides which vehicle to give them.

“Heaven is a big place,” he says. “You’ll need something to get around. What I give you is based on how well you treated your marriage on Earth.”

The first guy says, “Marriage was difficult for me. We both had affairs and eventually got divorced after 10 years. But I still tried to live a goo...

A Midwest farmer was describing his lifestyle to a touring group of city folks.

"One of the benefits of this profession," he explained, "is that we have built-in weather predictions."


"What do you mean by that?" asked one inquisitive visitor.


"When the cows are standing," the farmer explained, "it means no rain is likely for the next twenty-four hours. W...

In the old days, folks used to say "tisk, tisk" to shame others

Now social media connects us to millions, and allows us to multi-tisk.

An Atheist Dies and Goes to Hell

An atheist dies and goes to hell.

​

The devil receives him and says, "Welcome to hell, my friend. I guess they have told you lots of awful things about this place, but it’s all BS. Relax, take a look around and you’ll see that this is not such a bad place."

Atheist ta...

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Old folks home

My grandfather lives in an oldfolks home and one night while I was visiting a nurse walks in and hands him a mug of hot cocoa and a pill. I ask what the pill is, she says "It's viagra" confused I ask "why?" She says "well the cocoa is to make him sleep and the viagra is to stop him from rolling out ...

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Folks ask me why I still miss my wife after forty years.

Well, I’m human — and that bitch is still pretty quick on her feet.

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I was having dinner with my folks when dad called me a son of a bitch.

I said, "Listen, I don't disagree--but she's sitting right THERE."

Why do most blind folks not skydive?

The sound of the dog screaming at 8000 feet gets to you after a while.

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An old man is running through the halls of an old-folks home wearing a cape

and yelling "Super Sex! Super Sex!"

An old lady pokes her head out of her room and says,

"I'll have the soup."

One for all of us country folks

Visiting the countryside on a hunting trip, the well-dressed man from Washington takes aim and shoots a duck. But the fowl drops into a farmer’s field, and the farmer claims it. Since both want it, the farmer suggests settling the dispute with an old fashioned hick-kick. "I kick you as hard as I can...

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The Stone-Age of Enlightenment

The year; 66 Million B.C.

September 23rd. Just after lunch, central standard time.


Three Neanderthals- Ogg, Grunk, and Louie were hunting mammoths and discussing the new sport that was taking the caves by storm. Ogg was filling the other two in on the details of the game, as they d...

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Why is it hard to break up with a Japanese person?

Because you have to drop the bomb twice for them to understand.

P.S. : Reposting this as some Japanese folks didn't get it the first time around.

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A horny American man gets sent to the desert for a job

The desert has a total population of 50 people. After a couple months of his "dry-spell", the man seeks to find out if there's a way to "get the job done" somewhere in the desert.

He asks the locals around and they guide him to the "PIMP with the Camel". He immediately runs up to the PIMP and...

I'm fairly tall so folks are always asking me "Do you play basketball?"

My standard reply: "No, do you play miniature golf?"

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Tom retires from the Police after 30 years.

Sick of the stress, he buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge,...

A Highway Patrol Officer pulled over a little old lady for going 10mph on the highway.

As he walked up to old lady’s car he noticed there were 3 other elderly folks looking very frightened and rigid.

He leaned down to the old lady’s window and noticed she was as calm as could be.

“Do you know why I pulled you over, ma’am?”

“No I do not,” she replied sweetly. ...

I've waited long to say this. I think we should all gift watches to the folks at /r/trees.

It's high time.

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Young Jimmy got mixed in with a bad crowd and found himself headed to jail. Being his first time, he was a little intimidated by the things he’d heard, so he was looking for some advice.

His uncle was a colorful fellow and a world traveler, and Jimmy figured he probably knew his way out of a dangerous situation better than anyone else he knew. After Jimmy explained his predicament, the uncle said:

“Yeah, I reckon I have some advice. Some years ago I was overseas riding throu...

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Movie night in the old folks home

It's movie night in the old folks home. Before the show this little old woman comes up to this little old man and ask if she can hold his penis during the movie. He replies, " Well I would say yes but I already promised Barbara."

Flabbergasted, the old woman says "Barbara! What's that bitch ...

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Some old folk are sitting around complaining about their ailments.

One afternoon a few older folk are sitting around outside complaining about various ailments that come with old age.

One says, "My eyesight keeps getting worse and worse as the days go by. The other day, I washed the cat, and didn't realize it was possum until it bit me several times"

...

Sorry, folks - I know you've heard this one but the Devil's making me tell it 'cause I love it so much ...

Woman goes to a shrink because she's having trouble finding anyone to date her.

After months of therapy, the shrink finally decides her money isn't worth it and he's got to give it to her straight. So he tells her that the reason she can't find anyone to date is because she's not only comple...

A boyfriend paid a visit to his cancer-stricken girlfriend in the hospital.

"How are you babe?" He asked

"Good, can you do something for me?"

"Anything"

"Give me the bucket I feel like throwing up" she said.

So he gave her the bucket which was right beside the hospital bed and his girlfriend threw up in it.

"Do you love me?" She asked afte...

Talking Dog

A man driving up a rural road sees a large sign, “Free Talking Dog” Intrigued he pulls into a small farm and sees a man sitting on his porch next to a beautiful Golden Retriever. He asks the farmer, “what’s up with the talking dog sign?”
The dog interrupts and says “I will answer that. Origin...

My girlfriend asked me, “When’s the best time to smoke weed?”

“When?”

“It’s when I’m..weed you.”

Happy 4/20 folks

yo whats bill clintons favorite musical instrument????

THE HARM MONICA, FOLKS

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A couple in an old folks home

There was a social night planned at an old folks home. There was dancing, a punch bowl, snacks, etc... It was a pretty tame event.

Two of the residents, an elderly man and elderly woman were bored and decided that they needed more excitement so they snuck off to a utility closet so they could...

A waiter walks up to a table of older Jewish folks...

A waiter walks up to a table of older Jewish folks while they are eating and asks:
"Is ANYTHING alright?"

What do Mountain folk do on Halloween?

Pumpkin.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a small hairy man of folk legend who's selfish during an orgy?

A knob-hoggin' hobgoblin!