Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now.

And there’s notre dame thing they can do about it.

People get impressed when I tell them my home is designed by a famous Italian.

Until I invite them home and they realize I live in a Fiat.

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A crow flies into the tent of the ringmaster of an internationally famous circus.

"I hear you're looking for new acts," says the crow in a marvelously clear voice.

The ringmaster blinks a couple of times and says, "Are you talking?"

"Of course I'm talking," the crow replied with a scoff. "I talk, I speak seventeen languages, I sing baritone with perfect pitch. I'm d...

What was Hugh Jackman called before he was super famous?

Small Ackman...

Because he wasn't huge yet.

A man walks into a bar and notices a sign advertising "World famous punch!"

The man thinks, "Awesome! I love punch!"

He approaches the bartender and asks, "Hey barkeep, saw your sign. I'd love some punch!"

The bartender replies, "Sure thing buddy, you just have to wait in the line."

The man looks around and doesn't see anything.

Few people know this, but the man in the famous Tiennaman Square photo was actually run over by a tank. While English-speaking people generally refer to him as the "Tank Man," in Chinese he's known as "Lobster"...

Because he was a crushed Asian.

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What do you call xxxtentacion before he was famous?

Alive

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Richard Pryor: I got famous for saying "motherfucker". Sam Jackson: I also got famous for saying "motherfucker".

Oedipus: You guys are all talk.

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A young comedian wanted to make himself famous, so he covered the interior of his house with Jokes

He wrote down every joke he ever knew on a paper each and taped them to everything in his house: the floor, the walls, the couch....etc.

However there was one joke which he thought was lame, so he threw it away somewhere in his house and forgot about it.

The Comedian started inviting s...

Whose soul did Ed Sheeran have to sell to become such a famous singer?

Because it certainly wasn't his

What's the difference between an unusual undercooked pasta, and the easing of tensions between a famous parody artist and the singers he parodies?

One is a weird al dente, and the other is a "Weird Al" detente.

Who's the most famous blacksmith of all time?

Will Smith

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What happens when a famous super spy becomes homeless?

“The name’s bond— Vagabond.”

Who is the most famous donkey in history?

Donkey-ottie

Who is the most famous soccer player from USA?

Ronaldo McDonaldo

There was a famous Mexican magician.

His name was Gustavo. His signature trick is he would say "Uno, dos," and *poof*! He would disappear without a tres.

My dad’s famous chili recipe calls for exactly 239 beans....

One more would make it too farty :)

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Famous people answer the ubiquitous question, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

**TEACHER**: To get to the other side.


**PLATO**: For the greater good.


**ARISTOTLE**: It is in the nature of chickens to cross roads.


**SOCRATES**: Why do you think the chicken crossed the road?


**HIPPOCRATES**: Because of an excess of phlegm in i...

Irishman Murphy applied for a fermen-tation operator post at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin.

A Pole applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test by the Manager. When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.

The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to gi...

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A teacher decides to let students out early if they can name the origin of a famous quote.

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Again, before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther ...

(My grandpa who passed away last year, famous joke) Why should you always keep your tools out of the rain?

Because nobody likes a rusty hoe

At our world famous clinic, many worried, afflicted and mentally unstable people come for assistance. I know it may sound ridiculous, but we start by suggesting they try one of our brain transplant procedures.

They always reject the offer at first, but eventually we change their minds.

Famous last words between Two Scientists...

Let's try it this way.

A famous British boxer threw an object at me.

It turned out to be a mere can!

Why can’t seals be famous DJs?

Because they’re scared of club hits

What do you call the worlds most famous oil painting?

The Gulf Of Mexico.

A famous pirate ship was docking in a free port...

Because the captain needs to find a wood workshop to fix his ship.He finally found one,and upon entering it,he saw a skilled apprentice.When asked to repair the ship,the apprentice was eager to join the crew,but the captain didn't want to let him in as there were enough crewmembers.So the captain sa...

Theirs a rock group that’s famous and doesn’t sing.

It’s Mount Rushmore

Ever hear about the famous cannibal?

Had a wife and 8 kids..

If Mozart turned into a zombie...

He'd be a famous decomposer.

Did you know Keanu Reeves did fetish work before he was famous?

He went by Peeonyou Reeves

When Arnold Schwarzenegger was a little boy back in Austria, he and his friends had a game where they would pretend to be famous composers ...

Georg would say "I'll be Handel!”

Franz would say "I'll be Schubert!”

Arnold would say "I'll be Bach!"

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I recently traveled through time to hook-up with Queen Victoria, the famous nympho-queen of England in the late 1800's.

I was stunned to find out that she wanted me adorned in the latest fashions before we consummated our tri-millenium tryst. She made me wait until I grew large mutton-chop side-burns and a moustache. It took like three weeks. Meanwhile, she had a high fastening and tight fitting frock coat cut to ...

Some famous actors decide to make a movie about classical musicians

They immediately begin to claim roles.

Robert Downey, Jr. says “I’ll be Mozart.”

Nicolas Cage says “I’ll be Beethoven.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach!”

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The two founders of the McDonald’s restaurant were Mac and Dick McDonald. Their most famous burger is named after one of them.

I’m really glad they went with Big Mac.

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A famous sausage factor gets set on fire.

The flames quickly grew out of control and all near by fire departments are called. The owner of the factory told the firemen that his secret sausage recipe was stored in a vault inside. He proclaimed that the first department to fight off the fire and get the recipes would get a 50000 $ reward. All...

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I will always remember my grandpa's last famous words

"Stop shaking the ladder you cunt!"

There was once a marathon runner who had become quite famous and won many awards for his records.

He was so well liked that eventually he became the president of Iran. During his tenure he managed to take over multiple countries including Azerbaijan, Bulgaria, Greece, Armenia, Georgia, Iraq and Syria. They were all assimilated and became a part of Iran. The only country he didn’t manage to take ...

If Jesus was alive today what would he be famous for???

His age.

TIL that while little is known about the Tiananmen Square "Tank Man," many eyewitnesses claim that he was actually run over shortly after the famous footage was taken. Indeed, the Mandarin nickname for this folk hero is "The Lobster"...

...because he was a crushed Asian.

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A famous porn star died..

At the funeral, everyone came.

I met this drunk guy at a bar who kept telling everyone he’s a famous rapper.

I think he’s ludacris

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Two friends were hanging out. One asks the other: "Hey, do you know about the famous detective that can't do bowel movements?"

The other friend replies: "No shit Sherlock, of course I do!"

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A man walks into a Buddhist monastery famous for their meals.

He goes in, and asks for the meal that the wealthiest people love, figuring that must be the best there. The head monk sadly inform him that they do not have the key ingredient, and that due to a religious vow they took, they cannot leave the monastery. Luckily, they tell him that if he can get the ...

Why is Thor more famous than his brother?

Because his brother is low-key

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Kim Kardashian is famous for having a big ass

His name is Kanye west

Drake visits a town famous for exporting coal...

He wanders around for an hour or so but leaves disappointed as he couldn't find all the minors he had heard about.

What would you call a famous president in the 17th century?

Baroque Obama.

What would you get if a famous French dictator stepped on a landmine

Napoleon blownapart

TIL that Hollywood is set to make a biopic about a famous classical composer, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be the star.

When interviewed about the project, he was quoted as saying "I'll be Bach"

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After the war, Anne Frank went on to become a very successful farmer. She became famous for producing all sorts of goods including milk, cheese, and the most amazing butter.

It was the Dairy of Anne Frank.

A Saudi prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him, "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows."

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown."

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to ...

My friend makes paintings of Eminem combined with other famous rappers

He's a mixed Marshall artist.

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A man travels thousands of miles to seek the wisdom of a famous, old yogi...

The man flies to the remote little country where the yogi lives isolated in the mountains

He lands at the airport and takes a bus as far as it will take him, to a little town at the base of the mountains.

He rents a pack animal to take him as far as the animal will go up the mountain, ...

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My wife is a world famous pornstar.

She was furious when she found out.

I dont like the fact that the Thailand cave boys have become all famous and mainstream.

I preferred them when they were more Underground

Our top story tonight: Famous playboy hugh hefner...

Famous playboy hugh hefner managed to stop an order of monks from operating their buisiness on his private property. The police forced the friars to close down their stall, located just outside the playboy mansion, where they had been selling flowers. When interviewed, one monk said: "Well, if it wa...

I'm flying to India to try their famous sandwiches.

Everyone keeps raving about their new deli...

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A man finally hires the famous hooker who can give a blowjob and sing at the same time

Indeed, for months, the man's friends had been telling him about this hooker who gives amazing blowjobs while singing, so, even though he was sceptical, the man finally took action and hired her.

When the hooker finally comes, the man asks her if she can sing a national anthem while doing he...

I went sightseeing in france and decided to check out that famous tower.

It sure was an Eiffel

What does a famous Roman emperor say when he wants a woman arrested?

Caesar

There was this world famous painter

In the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.

After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to sh...

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My girlfriend is a famous pornstar

She'll kill me if she finds out.

Me and my friends went as famous musicians for Halloween.

While everyone decided who they would be I said
"I'll go buy my costume now, then I'll be bach"

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I threw some of my poo at a famous football player.

Shit got Messi.

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A famous city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men

He asks " How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?

And they replied, "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you."

The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey.

One man says, "Since you're our guests you get to go first."
<...

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A married man suffering from stuttering consulted a famous doctor

The doctor carefully examines the patient and comes to a conclusion that his dick is too huge and needs to be replaced with a smaller one. After a long pause, the patient agrees and had the surgery. When he woke up, his stuttering was gone and was satisified.

After a few weeks he comes back t...

I met a British dude who insisted that he was a famous singer.

I said that I didn't believe him, but he was Adam Ant.

Who is the most famous German train driver?

Michael Choomacher.

There once was a famous fighter, anointed by the king in ancient france. After his death, all other knights swore to carry on his battle tactics, named after him in his honor, for all wars to come.

His name was Sir Render.

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A range of alcoholic drinks is being produced named after famous authors

.... Dickens Cider is proving very popular

I'm less famous than a black guy asking strangers for change.

Damn you, Barack.

A famous heart surgeon died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart. When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone had paid their respects, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.

Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him said, control yourself man.

I'm sorry, he replied, I was thinking about my own funeral.

What's so funny about that?

I'm a gynecologist.

I own the chewed pencil that Shakespeare used to write his famous works.

He used to chew on it so much that I can't tell whether it's 2B or not 2B.

I can't remember what Pavlov was famous for!

But his name definitely rings a bell.

Which famous astrophysicist used to play sports?

Neil Lacrosse Tyson

A famous casting director dies and ascends to heaven.

He comes to Saint Peter before the pearly gates, and Peter asks him, “Why should I allow you into heaven?”

The casting director smiles and says, “Because I’m without sin.”

Peter raises an eyebrow, and asks, “Are you?”

“Yes, I am. You see, just before I died, I worked on a mov...

What is the most famous Pokemon in modern art?

Pablo Pikachu

Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled to dozens of countries and learned to speak several languages?

He was a man of many cultures.

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In one of my philosophy courses, the professor discussed the sex life of some famous ancient philosophers. Apparently, Plato was incredibly unlucky with the ladies.

Most of his relationships were platonic

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The famous psychic

A famous psychic was giving a show.

"How many of you have seen a ghost?" he said to the large audience. Several hands went up.

"Several of you, good. Now, keep your hand up if you've \*touched\* a ghost." All but a few hands go down.

"Ok, now keep your hand up if you've had ...

a friend of mine did dumb stuff to get famous on facebook

I am not impressed by the likes of him .

As a famous scarecrow once said...

"This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

"Name a famous explorer that has been forgotten", asked my son

"Internet explorer.", I replied.

South Korea is famous for their R&B music.

They’ve really got Seoul.

Have you heard about the man who steals statues of famous people's heads?

He was busted!

A famous restaurant critic is eating soup at a fancy restaurant.

This critic was well-known in the industry for his arrogance and rudeness, as well as his overall sloppiness. So it came as no surprise when mid-course he dropped his spoon on the floor, and angrily gestured to get a waiter's attention. When a waiter approached, the critic noticed a spoon tucked in ...

The very famous barber

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before Icon get a haircut?"

Th...

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