A new study shows that unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic

Because they are more likely to be dead.

New study shows that overweight women...

...live significantly longer than men who mention it.

A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died. "All right, son." asked the father, "what does that show you?"

"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."

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Toilet paper shortage shows that there are more assholes than we thought

Period.

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A man shows up to work with two black eyes.

His boss noticing the pair of matching black eyes decides to pull him aside and ask him what happened.

"Jesus Dave, how did that happen?"

"Well Bill... There was a woman standing in line at the grocery store with her sundress wedged in her ass crack. So I pulled it out and she blacked ...

What do you call a turkey that shows too much cleavage?

A fowl temptress.

A study shows 90% of people couldn’t distinguish between the epididymis and the perineal membrane

But trust me, there’s a vas deferens between the two

My Dad shows me a 30 min PowerPoint on why I should wear condom

my photos were on every slide

Latest Fox News election poll shows Trump way ahead ...

... in all 87 states.

A new survey shows that 97% of the world is certified stupid.

Luckily I'm in the other 5%.

A daughter shows her banker father her work on Bitcoin's lightning network to speed up transactions, in response he ask's her if she would like to hear his opinion on Bitcoin. She replies yes.

"It's worthless" her father says

"I know" She replies "But let's hear it anyway"

I used to have a job reccommending people for math award shows.

I was denominator.

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone gets a ...

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A study just released shows that 84 percent of all people admit to masturbating regularly.

Scientists are very encouraged. The 16 percent rate of lying is the lowest they have ever measured.

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A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.

He asks the lady, ‘Do you have a vagina?’

She slams the door in disgust.

The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman, ‘Do you have a vagina’?

She slams the door again.

Later that night when her husband g...

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What do you call a polar bear that exhibits rapid mood swings like that of a manic depressive, can live in both the arctic and antarctic, and shows equal sexual attraction to both male and female partners?

A bipolar bi-polar bi polar bear.

A young boy runs into the house and excitedly shows his mother a fifty-dollar bill he found in the park.

“Are you sure it was lost?” the mother asks.

“I’m positive,” the boy replies. “I even saw the guy looking for it.”

A Texan walks into an Irish pub...

and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Ten minute...

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BREAKING NEWS: Post Malone announces he will only be scheduling shows Monday thru Saturday

Guess there's no Post on Sundays

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A famous explorer visits a tribe of all-male natives in the Amazon and asks “how do you guys sexually satisfy yourself?”

The chief replies: “Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have s...

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When social media bans female boobs, but not men's, it shows a real intolerance...

lactose intolerance.

Study shows women are turning into good drivers

So if you’re a good driver watch out

A large study shows that educational achievement and earned income strongly correlated with height.

A study carried out among hundreds of elementary school classes showed the tallest person in the room almost always had the highest income and education level.

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