My favourite joke: Now Hiring

A dog sees a "Now hiring" poster outside of a computer store. The poster reads:

"Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer."

​

The dog takes the poster in his mouth, and walks in. The manager spots the d...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I asked my wife to dress as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two guys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions. The first guy says his favourite position is the "rodeo". The other guy asks what the position is, and how to do it?

The first guy says, "You tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours and then do it doggy style. Once things start to get underway and she's really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear - 'Your sister likes this position too'..... Then try to hang on for 8 seconds."

What is Beethoven’s favourite fruit?

Ba na na na

What is a least favourite letter of a pirate?

Dear sir, we have record of your illegal downloading activity.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My favourite sex position is called "WOW" ...

It's where I flip your MOM over

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What is a priests favourite porn?

Nun.

What’s a pirate’s favourite letter?

You’d think it’d be R, but ‘tis the C his heart truely belongs to.

What is a communist’s favourite car?

An Our-di

What's Hitlers favourite video-game?

Mein craft.

What’s a duck’s favourite drug?

Quack cocaine

What is Thanos' favourite vegetable to snack on?

Snap peas

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Pedro and Juan are stranded in the desert... (My favourite joke, [LONG])

After a day of walking, staggering, then crawling, they are thirsty, starving, and near death. They are about to give up when Juan exclaims,

“Pedro, look! At thee bottom of the dune... it’s an Oasis!”

Pedro struggles to bring his head up to look. “Juan... I think so my friend. I think...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is Ellen’s favourite thing about Australia?

The Vagemite.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Whats Gordon Ramsay's favourite sub-reddit.

IT'S FUCKING R/AWW , YOU IDIOT!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is a nudist's favourite movie

Free Willy

One wind turbine turns to another and what's your favourite genre of music, mines pop?

The other wind turbine replies, I'm a big heavy metal fan.

What’s Elon Musk’s favourite comedy?

Bambi

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man sitting at the Bar has been telling some of his favourite blonde jokes when just as he starts to tell another he is interrupted by a blonde lady.

She points to the table directly behind him and says "do you see those two blonde ladies? Well they are both professional UFC fighters and I myself am a black belt in karate.. are you sure you want to continue this joke?"
Fuck no the man says, I'm not explaining it three times.

What is a urologists favourite rap group?

ICP

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's a sluts favourite shape?

Erect-angle

Color vs Colour, Favorite vs Favourite, Neighbor vs Neighbour

British English: I think you're having problem understanding these words.
American English: no u

What a hippos favourite type of music?

Hippo- Hop LOL!

What's Californians favourite dish?

The Chilli Con Valley.

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My favourite joke: Dave

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave ...

What be a pirates favourite letter?

Many say the letter *Rrrrr* but in truth it be the **C**.

Still, without the letter **P** they’d just be *irate*

What is Hitler's favourite game?

Mein Kraft

My favourite joke

In the purple forest is a purple kingdom. In the purple kingdom a purple peasant stole some purple bread. The purple police put the purple peasant in purple prison. The purple guard went to the purple peasant and said:

“All right, indigo”

What is your least favourite race?

Mine is the marathon... too many Kenyans

What's a monkeys favourite dessert?

Lemon Morangutan Pie.

I'm sorry.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's a mathematician's favourite kind of boob?

Quantitties

What's Harry Potter's favourite way of getting down a hill?

Walking...
JK Rolling...

My least favourite colour is brown.

I hate it more than all the other colours combined.

Bleach is my favourite beverage

When people question me, I tell them to try it before they knock it. Never heard a complaint from them afterwards

What is a Scholar’s favourite kind of nut?

A Macademia nut!

What is postman's favourite organ?

The liver.

Whwt do you call a skeleton's favourite singer?

Pelvis Presley

What is a polar bear’s favourite government agency?

I.C.E!

What is an accountant’s favourite Lord of the Rings movie?

The Return of the King

What’s Michael Jackson’s favourite chord?

A minor.

What’s your favourite insult joke?

I’ll get it started: 2090 called, you’re dead and nobody misses you

What is an alcoholic's favourite book?

Tequila Mocking Bird


(credit to my sister)

Where is a sheeps favourite place to drink?

At their local baa.

What’s Owen Wilson’s favourite Role Playing Game?

WoW

What's a colourblind persons favourite restaurant?

Lobster

What is a German breads favourite game?

Gluten tag

My buddy told me his least favourite season of Game of Thrones was season 5.

Shame.

My teacher was talking to us about our favourite countries

I said "I don't really mind Switzerland, but the flag is a big plus."

What’s an image editor’s favourite country?

Ireland.

It’s royalty free.

What's my favourite position you ask?

Behind someone...

With clear handwriting in the exam hall obviously.

What’s a frog’s favourite website?

REDDIT.

Who is Borat's favourite mobile phone manufacturer?

Huawei wee wah

What is a construction workers favourite thing to do?

Site-seeing

What's an Irish swimmer's favourite stroke?

Margaret Thatcher's.

What is a Irish nationalists favourite cartoon?

Fenians & Ferb

I was being interviewed as a swimmer instructor when they asked me what my favourite stroke was

Apparently Margaret Thatchers was not what they were looking for

What’s a German underwear model’s favourite animal

Ze-bra

Three of my favourite things are

eating my family and not using commas.

[OC] What's Matthew Mcconaughey's favourite Pokemon?

_Rhydon rhydon rydon_

What is an assasin’s favourite cryptocurrency payment method?

Hitcoin

What's a sharks least favourite name?

Ned
___

So I have my Alexa set up to tell me joke when I say goodnight, last night it told me that joke...and I can't work it out?! I have searched for it online, and other people have searched for it but no one has seemed to find out what it means.

Am I being stupid and missing som...

What’s Micheal Jackson’s favourite guitar note?

B-minor

What's Michael Jackson's favourite thing to drink?

Teahee!

What’s an Anti-Vaxx kid’s favourite game?

Marco Polio.

What’s Thanos’ favourite holiday?

Ash Wednesday

What was your favourite pastry that Grammar used to make?

Mine was the delicious synonym rolls and my adjective was to eat at least half of them off the plate

They told me I couldn’t bring my favourite Disney movie to class yesterday

But I showed them Up.

What is Whitney Houston's favourite type of coordination?

# HAND EYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!

What is Tarzans favourite type of party?

A swinger party.

What’s an optometrist’s favourite terrorist group?

Iris

What are wind turbines favourite music?

They’re big metal fans.

What is Doctor Who's favourite bread?

Dalek Bread

What was Mussolini's least favourite font?

Parti sans.

What is Rick Grimes' favourite type of crisps?

Walkers

What's a North Korean's Favourite Card Game?

Kim Jong Uno

What's a basketball player's favourite kind of cheese?

Swissh

What is a millennial’s favourite fragrance?

Scents of entitlement.

What is a sassy cannibal's favourite meal?

Eyeroll.

What's Hitler's favourite part of the shop?

The sieg isle

What is a polar bears favourite thing to eat?

Burrrr - Gurrrrs.

What's a Jehova's Witness' favourite kind of joke?

Knock knock jokes.

Mom told me this joke long ago, remains my favourite joke to date.

Rory fell down the stairs and broke his leg. He yelled to his friends,”Guys, call me an ambulance!”

So Rory’s friends started dancing around him singing,”Rory is an Ambulance, Rory is an ambulance!”

What’s a dinosaur’s least favourite reindeer?

Comet

What is Bruce Lee's favourite beverage?

Waaa-TAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

When I realised I'd lost my favourite spanner...

It was a real wrench

Who’s your favourite Canadian music icon that also practices advanced culinary technique which enhances the flavour of poultry at the atomic level?

Brine Atoms

What’s a postman’s favourite herb?

Parcel-y

What's Thanos' favourite game? [OC]

Half Life.

What is a marsupials favourite drink ?

A Piña Koala

What is Alabama's favourite vegetable?

Has to be the pump kin.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I asked a random woman what her favourite Radiohead song is.

She said, "I don't know...Creep?"


I said, "Fuck off, you don't even know me."

What's a pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Sir/Madam,

We are writing this letter to inform you that your account has been suspended for illegal downloading of copyrighted material

What’s a Jawa’s favourite vegetable?

Zucchini!

What is Donald Trumps favourite song? Another Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd

Because he don't need no education....

What's a scientist's favourite all-female band?

Densities Child.

What're a plumber's least favourite shoes?

Clogs.

What's an anti-vaxxer's favourite sport?

Water polio

What was Matthew McConaughey's least favourite part of Interstellar?

When the girl gets older, and he stays the same age.

One of my favourites: My friend died when we couldn’t remember his blood type

He kept saying “Be Positive,” but it’s hard without him.

What's a terrorist's favourite Star Wars movie?

Return of the Jihadi.

I'm pretty sure I've figured out my neighbour's 3 favourite films

* 10,000,000 Explosions

* Army Guys Yelling at Each Other

* Subwoofer: The Movie

What is the sheep's favourite musucian?

Bach.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Poop jokes aren't my favourite

But they are a solid number two!

I tell people I don't have a favourite fish,

... but really it's a red herring.

What is an electric engineers favourite band?

Ac-Dc

Want to know Mexico's favourite sport ?

Cross Country