This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my girlfriend to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy roleplaying fun.

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favourite joke to perform. Terrible accent recommended.

Pierre, zee French fighter pilot is with his amour.

"Oh, Pierre, I want you to kiss me", she exclaims.

And so he tilts her chin up and leans in, but just before he plants a kiss on her lips, he pours a little red wine on them, and then goes in for the kiss.

"Oh, Pierre, mon di...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favourite sex position is called "WOW" ...

It's where I flip your MOM over

A friend asked me who my favourite vampire was.

"That puppet from Sesame Street", I replied.

They told me he didn't count.

I said, "I beg to differ...".

My parents told me that they don't have a favourite child.

It was tough, considering I am the only child.

What’s a fly’s favourite pickup line?

Is this stool taken?

What's a Mexican's favourite sport

Cross-country

What's a pirates favourite type of egg?

CaviARRR

What is an Anti-Vaxxer's favourite movie?

Mrs. Doubt-Pfizer

What is a vampire's favourite thing to do?

Crack open a boy with the cold ones.

What is Ronald Mcdonalds favourite weed type?

A burger joint

What's a Jewish cat's favourite holiday?

Purr-im

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's Gordon Ramsay's favourite WWE show?

It's fucking RAW!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Favourite porn movie parodies…

I’ll start, let’s see what list we can create…

Shaving Ryan’s Privates

Schindler’s Fist

Willy Bonk Her in the Chocolate Factory

Pulp Friction

Evil Head

Honey, I blew everybody

Inspect Her Gadget

Missionary Impossible

Saturday Night Beave...

My cat's favourite handheld console is the PSP

I only have to mention it a few times, and he comes running

What’s a ceramist’s favourite weapon?

A claymore.

What is James Hetfield's favourite energy drink ?

No idea, but it's probably Some Kind of Monster.

What’s a bouncer’s favourite clothing?

The jumper.

What is a fugitive's favourite game?

RunEscape.

What is plumber's least favourite vegetable?

Leeks.

What is a French Mushroom’s favourite rock song?

We Are The Champignons

What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination?

HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

What is a woman's favourite subject at school?

History. They are great at bringing up stuff from the past.

what's a nerds favourite dessert?

Raspberry pi

If someone made a song about my favourite element

It would be fire

A construction worker sits down in his favourite pub at the end of a long, exhausting week.

He orders a beer and takes a sip in pure bliss. From the corner of his eye he notices a cute little girl, but he pays no mind. All he can think of is the shimmering glass in his hands, filled to the brim with golden ale. As the night progresses, the folk get cheerier and louder each passing minute. ...

What's a Jehovah's Witnesses' favourite part of Middle Earth?

More door.

What is Elon Musk's favourite band?

Thirty Seconds to Mars

What is a pirates favourite letter?

The ones they get in bottles!

My 10 year old Son just came up with this one and I couldn't be more proud: What's Batman's favourite fruit?

A Banananananananananananananananana

EDIT: Thank you everyone for the awards and kind words! Just to clarify:

* Yes, he does know the 60's batman theme. My partner loves campy batman so it was inevitable. [The Simpsons](https://youtu.be/TQepz5rsS6E?t=88) also made sure of that.
* Gi...

What's a pirate's favourite 60's rock band?

C C Arrrrrrrr

What is the favourite move of a chess player suffering from OCD?

*double-check*

What is Amber Heards favourite snack

A Saltine

What was Dr. Frankenstein’s favourite hobby?

Bodybuilding...

What's Michelle Obama's favourite vegetable

Barackoli

What’s a camels favourite meal?

Desert.

What's DJ Kahled's favourite number?

11, because it has another 1

I tried writing a remake of my favourite Nic Cage film but set in Ireland

After all, who wouldn't enjoy Con Aer Lingus

What is a weasels favourite drink?

Pop!

I'm fine..

A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.

'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor?
Paddy responded: 'Well,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Favourite Sex Styles

Two cowboys were discussing about their favorite sex styles
Cowboy 1: My Favorite sex style is doggy style.
Cowboy 2: My favorite sex style is rodeo style.
Cowboy 1: Whats that?
Cowboy 2: Well it starts of just like doggy style.....then grasp her tits from behind and tell "this titties ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of my favourite jokes from one of my favourite movies, Desperado. Originally delivered by my favourite director, Quentin Tarantino

This guy comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender. Says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop." The bartender looks. I mean, we're talking, like, this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says...

“What is the limerick writer’s favourite pop group?”

AABBA

My mum's favourite piece of advice to give me when I was growing up was, "Whenever life puts an obstacle in your way, the best way to deal with it is to tackle it head on".

I used to think she was wise but now I'm nursing a concussion and being sued for damages, since my neighbor parked in front of my driveway last week.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy visits his favourite Dominatrix

He puts his money on the bedside table and says “I’ve been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.”

She makes him strip and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom.
Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts.

She runs her whip over his flesh and, as he...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What was Hitler's favourite type of weather?

Heil!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favourite sex position is the JFK

I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car

Whats Marcie's favourite candy

A Peppermint Patty

What's a pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Sir,

We’re writing to you because you’ve violated copyright ...

Who is a deep fried rodent’s favourite actor?

Chris Pratt

A couple of weeks ago I went to buy a pair of my favourite sandals

only to find they were sold out.
Imagine my joy when I went in today to find they were Birkenstock.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is an English teacher's favourite cocktail?

Tequila Mockingbird

What is a robot's favourite snack?

Computer chips

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's my cake day today, so I'll give you one of my favourite jokes since 15+ years ago.

There is a factory that makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. Th...

What is a dog's favourite pizza

Pupper-ronni

In church I heard an old lady saying a prayer

It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share with you:-
"Dear Lord,
This has been a tough couple of years.
You have taken my favourite actor Patrick Swayze.
My favourite pop singer Michael Jackson.
My favourite Blues artist BB King.
My favourite actress Elizabeth Taylor....

For my cake day, I thought I’d share my favourite joke...

John is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It"s been flickering for weeks now". He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the lights now? Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead? I don"t think so". Fine, then the wife as...

What's Mario's favourite material?

Denim denim denim!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A frustrated wife goes to the doctor (long)

"Doctor, you have to help me. I've been married 30 years to my husband and I feel he's lost all interest in me. You know, phisically speaking. He barely looks at me, let alone have sex with me. Oh, I really miss the good old times where we had wonderful sex multiple times a week, there must be somet...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a horny mans favourite drink

A fapuccino

What’s frogs favourite game?

Croak-et

What is a hungry Gujarati's favourite Hollywood film?

Snakes on a plane

My favourite childhood memory is making mud pies with my grandad.

Until mom found out and hid the urn.

What is a meth-heads' favourite part of Halloween?

Only 2 more sleeps until Christmas!

What’s a pianist’s favourite thing to do?

Go Chopin

There was a famous pianist

There was a famous pianist that was moving to a new mansion he had just bought. He had with him two removalist trucks. One had all his personal belongings and furniture and the second had his favourite piano in it.

As they were travelling to the mansion they passed by a quarry. As they were ...

My swimming instructor asked me what my favourite stroke was.

Apparently "The one that killed Margaret Thatcher" wasn't the right answer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[My own original] What is a German prostitute's favourite drink?

Schlampagne.

What is Ravioli's favourite party game?

Pasta parcel

One of my favourite jokes as a kid, for my cake day

An Irishman, Englishman and a Scotsman are all traveling together. It's late, and they've found a hotel to sleep at. However, when they try to book rooms, they find that the hotel is nearly fully booked.
"I'm sorry," says the receptionist. "We only have 3 beds left, and they're all very uncomfort...

My favourite conspiracy theory is ...

That everything is going to be ok.

What is Michael Jackson’s favourite Indian city?

New Del he-he

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer wakes up to find that his favourite goat has died.

Since he loved that goat very deeply, he decided to jump into the river by his house and commit suicide. Soon after, his wife woke up, and after discovering what had happened, she too followed in his steps and jumped into the river.

Their younger son woke up to find both of his parents dead,...

My favourite joke about cake!

A man walks into a bakery with a salmon under his arm and says “do you have fish cakes?” The chap behind the counter replies, “No”.
“That’s a pity, it’s his birthday”.

What’s a seal’s favourite drink?

Canadian Club on the Rocks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You kids have it easy with your convenient music streaming services and your smartphones. When we were teenagers, if we wanted to listen to an album by our favourite Australian alt rockers, we had to download it from Napster and put it on a CD ourselves.

We were burning the Midnight Oil.

[OC] Which road is most favourite of reddit mods ?







The Autobahn .

My top 5 favourite vegetables

1. Tomato
2. Lettuce

What is Michael Corleone's favourite drink.

A Ca-pacino.

What's a prisoner's favourite piece of punctuation?

Periods, exclamation marks, or question marks - whichever one ends the sentence quicker.

My favourite word in the world is "bargain".

It means a great deal to me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favourite long joke

Pete and Dave are on the first tee. Pete slices an enormous shot into the middle of a dense wood. ‘Oh no he says (insert appropriate profanity), I’ll never find that; that makes a whole box of golf balls I’ve lost this month. ‘

Dave says ‘you should try one of these,’ producing a ball from hi...

Love Story



An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering agonies on his way to his final moment, he suddenly smells the aroma of his favourite scones wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself

from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some of my favourite cat jokes

What's a cats favourite colour? **Purr-ple!**

What do you call a cat who drinks lemonade? **A Sour-Puss!**

What is a cats favourite car? **A Cat-illac!**

What is a cat's favourite day of the week? **Caturday!**

What kind of Donuts are Bob Marley's favourite?

Ones with Jammin'!

My 3 favourite things:

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

Purple is my least favourite color

I hate it more than red and blue combined.

What's an eggs least favourite day?

Spanish Inquisition.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Poop jokes aren’t my favourite kind of joke.

But they are a solid #2.

A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is. A boy at the back puts up his hand and says "G". The teacher says,

"Why is that Angus?"

My favourite element in the periodic table is ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQSTUVWXYZ

Or, as it's also known, R gone

What is a nun's favourite type of cheese?

Swiss cheese, cuz they're holey

Two windmills stood on a hill with a radio.

One turned to his friend and asked, “What’s your favourite music?”

The other windmill said, “I’m a big metal fan.”

What is Gaston Bachelard's favourite kind of wine?

Merlot-ponty

Teacher asks students for their favourite stand up comedians

Students start naming their favourite comedians.

Then one kid says : Joe Biden.

Another kid follows with : Donald Trump.

Political debate starts. When the teacher finaly quiets down the class there is only the person who didn't say who their favourite is, is the quiet kid.
...

My wife and I are making some artwork in the name of our favourite Bon Jovi song. So far we have the words "Livin' on".

We're half way there.

What's Donald Trump's favourite drink?

impeached ice tea

What is Dr Dre's favourite Chainsaw brand?

Stihl

After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.

I don’t know if it was our source, or our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.

After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same c...

My favourite word in the English language is frequently

I try to use it as often as possible

What is SEAL Team 6's favourite colour?

Aquamarine!

What is a succubus’s favourite keyboard command?

Ctlr+D

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sheep shagging

An old Oxford professor is nearing retirement and decides that he wants to do something fun for once. He's spent his whole life researching scientific theories in his lab and wants to do something outside for a change, so he asks his assistant for a suggestion of something different to go and resear...

What’s the white stripes favourite kind of moisture? Dew

dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew

My daughter made this tonight: What's the favourite song of sloths?

Don't Hurry, Be Happy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(One of my dad's favourite jokes) - A mute man meets one of his mute friends

'Hello' his friend says.

The mute man is shocked, and points to indicate his friend's sudden use of speech.

'Oh yes,' the friend replies, 'I've found a fantastic doctor that helped me speak. Here, have his contact details and give him a visit'

The mute man excitedly goes to se...

An Irish priest is driving home from a night at his favourite bar.

A police officer notices a car swerving all over the road and proceeds to pursue. The Irishman pulls over and the cop makes his way to the driver.

Checking the vehicle and noticing bottles all over the floorboard, the policeman asks, "Have you been drinking?"

"I don't know what you're...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone asked me what was my favourite sexual act

Well it’s got to be anal sex cause I like to think outside of the box

My Grandparents were Trekkies, and named my father after their favourite Captain

when I was young, I was frequently hoisted by my own Picard

What's Sephiroth's favourite hobby?

Cloud Watching.

What's a Chickens favourite fetish?

BUK BUK BUKKAK-EE!!

What's a kidnapped child's favourite Christmas Carol?

Away with a stranger

It's my cake day today, so I'll give you one of my favourite jokes.

What do you call an Irish man bouncing off the walls?


Rick O Shea

What's a sea monster's favourite food?

Fish and ships

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a porn star's favourite Christmas tradition?

Kissing underneath the camel toe

What’s an alcoholic’s favourite thing about the night sky?

The moonshine

What's God's favourite chord?

Gsus.

What is squirrels's least favourite month?

November

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jack woke up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas party. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sat up and saw his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looked around the room and saw that it was in ...

My Grandma tried to not show favourites

But her will was a dead giveaway

What is a dinosaurs favourite deodorant

REXona

My girlfriend told me she would lick my bumhole on the flight if I stop talking about my favourite Bethesda game.

I can't wait for my Skyrim.

What’s an arsonists favourite malaphor

“We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it”

What's Ferris Bueller's favourite curry?

chicken-tikkahhhhhhhhhhh

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