What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

Diabetes.

What?, did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day?

^btw ^I ^waited ^1 ^whole ^year ^to ^tell ^this ^joke

A Blonde went to buy a Pizza, Chef asked her, would you like it cut into 4 or 8 slices.?

Blonde replied, 4 please.

There is no way I could possibly eat 8 slices.

Did you see the news about the person they found dead in a bathtub full of milk with banana slices in the milk?

They think it was a cereal killer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

George claims that his dick is the "Hardest Dick In The World!"

George will pay anyone $5000 cash to anyone who can bring him something absolutely harder than his dick.


One man brings a basketball-sized boulder. George easily smashes the boulder with his dick. The man picks up the boulder pieces and angrily walks off.


A second man brings a ...

I asked the baker if it was hard cutting the cake into equal slices

He said, "It's a piece of cake!"

Justin had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for Justin to pull over.

When Justin did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Justin, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!"

He then went to Justin's car and cut up its leather seats.

When he turned aroun...

What do you call 52 slices of bread?

A deck of carbs!

You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer.

Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.

Two slices of bread are competing to see who would stay fresh the longest.

It ended in a stalemate.

I opened a fresh loaf of bread and found a baseball card wedged between two slices.

It was a Catcher in the Rye.

I like how my local pizza place cuts my pizza into 6 slices instead of 8

I can't finish 8 slices

A young couple are enjoying a round of golf when the wife slices a shot off the tee

The ball smashes through a window of a house at the edge of the course.

The husband says "we'd better go and apologise"

As they approach the house, the front door is open so they call out. A voice responds "hello" from upstairs.

They head upstairs where they find a man sitting o...

The last time I was down in Mexico, I saw something very peculiar; what I thought was a shrub covered in slices of pork...

I went for a closer look and one of the locals stopped me.

"Don't go down there, Señor..." he tells me, "... Eet might be a Hambush."

Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and her brother Bill are at Mulder's house party. They all gather around a pizza box with only 3 slices left.

SCULLY: Mulder, there isn't enough for each of us to have two. You'll have to share.

MULDER: I want two. Bill, leave.

My wife left me because every tangerine I bought had exactly five slices

She said I didn't have six a peel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An auld fella from the west coast of Scotland is staying at a bed and breakfast in Cornwall.

On the first morning of his stay, the proprietor serves him a full English breakfast (sausages, bacon, black pudding, beans, mushrooms, tomatoes, fried slice and two pieces of bread and butter).

Later, as he’s about to go out, the proprietor asks him was the breakfast all to his liking.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three Samurai are debating over who the best swordsman is...

As they stand around debating, one of the samurai notices a fly buzzing around. He removes his sword from its sheath, swings it quickly through the air with a deft swipe, and re-sheathes it. The other two samurai watch as the fly falls to the floor cut in half.

The second samurai says, "That'...

I can't stand cheese slices...

...but I respect the Kraft

I prefer my sandwiches to have 3 slices of bread.

I'm looking for other people like that so we can start a club.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Old Joke

The year is 2120, and our story follows Joe McFlinch and his journey to overcome his inner demons. 'Who is Joe?', you may be wondering. Well, Joe is a cowardly 29 year old male. He has no special talents or skills, no hobbies, and most sadly, no friends. If I were to describe him as a dish, he would...

Who decided to call them deli slices and not...

... Meat Thins?

I just ate a sandwich with slices from two different kinds of bread

It was a cross-bread sandwich

I’ve heard one beer = 7 slices of bread

I ate a whole loaf and I’m not drunk yet.
Did I do it wrong?

You know those slices of American cheese you get from the supermarket? You're not going to be able to buy those anymore.

Since Trump is going to make America grate again, apparently.

I'll never understand how Americans use cheese from tubes or slices as everyday food...

We should definitely make America grate again.

One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing.

Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Ben searches diligently through the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-...

Whenever I see a commercial with a woman looking fully relaxed in a tub with 2 round slices of cucumber on her eyes ...

I wonder where the rest of the cucumber is.

I found enlightenment after eating slices of a cold garlic sausage made from a breed of South American camelid

all thanks to the deli llama

Why didn't the two slices of bread talk?

Because there was beef between them!


> I was arguing with my girlfriend about what constitutes a sandwich. One thing lead to another and this corny joke was born. It's probably been said before. Enjoy!

I saw a man at the grocery store flinging slices of American cheese into the air.

He then started chugging cartons of milk right off the shelf.

After that he started smashing containers of yogurt open on his forehead.

It was shocking. All I could think was “how dare he!”

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