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Slices Jokes

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

Diabetes.

What?, did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day?

^btw ^I ^waited ^1 ^whole ^year ^to ^tell ^this ^joke

Two slices of bread got married.

The ceremony was going quite well until someone decided to toast the bride and groom.

I'm going to start selling kids' snack packs: crackers, cheese, ham slices, and Mexican wrestling masks.

I'll call them Luchables.

What do you call 52 slices of bread?

A deck of carbs!

You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer.

Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.

A Blonde went for a pizza. The chef said would you like it cut into 4 slices or 8? Blonde said 4 please.

There is no way I could possibly eat 8 slices.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

George claims that his dick is the "Hardest Dick In The World!"

George will pay anyone $5000 cash to anyone who can bring him something absolutely harder than his dick.


One man brings a basketball-sized boulder. George easily smashes the boulder with his dick. The man picks up the boulder pieces and angrily walks off.


A second man brings a ...

I asked the baker if it was hard cutting the cake into equal slices

He said, "It's a piece of cake!"

Two slices of bread are competing to see who would stay fresh the longest.

It ended in a stalemate.

Did you see the news about the person they found dead in a bathtub full of milk with banana slices in the milk?

They think it was a cereal killer.

A guy is playing golf with his wife...

They're on the 12th hole and the guy slices his tee shot right into the woods. He trudges into the woods, and locates his ball. it's in a little clearing, but there is a big barn between him and the green.

He takes a good look, and says, "Listen, honey, I think if you hold the barn door ope...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Slightly NSFW) Man says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband: "honey just give me the day I need to relieve some stress. Besides You don't even golf."

Wife: "I want to learn and besides it's something we can do toget...

Kevin had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive

when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for Kevin to pull over.

When Kevin did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Kevin, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE...

I opened a fresh loaf of bread and found a baseball card wedged between two slices.

It was a Catcher in the Rye.

Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and her brother Bill are at Mulder's house party. They all gather around a pizza box with only 3 slices left.

SCULLY: Mulder, there isn't enough for each of us to have two. You'll have to share.

MULDER: I want two. Bill, leave.

What do you call a philosopher who just saw slices of meat?

I think there four slice ham

A young couple are enjoying a round of golf when the wife slices a shot off the tee

The ball smashes through a window of a house at the edge of the course.

The husband says "we'd better go and apologise"

As they approach the house, the front door is open so they call out. A voice responds "hello" from upstairs.

They head upstairs where they find a man sitting o...

The last time I was down in Mexico, I saw something very peculiar; what I thought was a shrub covered in slices of pork...

I went for a closer look and one of the locals stopped me.

"Don't go down there, Señor..." he tells me, "... Eet might be a Hambush."

I can't stand cheese slices...

...but I respect the Kraft

I prefer my sandwiches to have 3 slices of bread.

I'm looking for other people like that so we can start a club.

My wife left me because every tangerine I bought had exactly five slices

She said I didn't have six a peel.

You know those slices of American cheese you get from the supermarket? You're not going to be able to buy those anymore.

Since Trump is going to make America grate again, apparently.

I'll never understand how Americans use cheese from tubes or slices as everyday food...

We should definitely make America grate again.

I’ve heard one beer = 7 slices of bread

I ate a whole loaf and I’m not drunk yet.
Did I do it wrong?

I just ate a sandwich with slices from two different kinds of bread

It was a cross-bread sandwich

Whenever I see a commercial with a woman looking fully relaxed in a tub with 2 round slices of cucumber on her eyes ...

I wonder where the rest of the cucumber is.

Why didn't the two slices of bread talk?

Because there was beef between them!


> I was arguing with my girlfriend about what constitutes a sandwich. One thing lead to another and this corny joke was born. It's probably been said before. Enjoy!

I saw a man at the grocery store flinging slices of American cheese into the air.

He then started chugging cartons of milk right off the shelf.

After that he started smashing containers of yogurt open on his forehead.

It was shocking. All I could think was “how dare he!”

Two Slices in a Ham Sandwich Marry Each Other.

I bet their children will be inbread.

Two hunters lost in the woods

They had been lost for a long time and were both starving. While walking, one of the hunters notices a tree that has thin slices of meat hanging from it. He yells to the other and points towards the tree: "Look, we're saved!!! There's a BACON TREE!!!". He starts running for the tree when all of a su...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

According to my mom this is the first joke I ever told [NSFW text]

It's a warm summer day and an elderly gentleman and his wife are driving down the highway. They are in the midst of a heated argument; his wife has accused him of adultery. Although he is vigilantly defending his honor she is convinced that he has been cheating on her. Back and forth they shout, get...

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