My fried just got engaged to her boyfriend, Peter, and was gushing about how in love she is. Obviously the first thing out of my mouth was "oh, so you're a massive Peterphile!" Apparently that was "inappropriate" and now she's annoyed with me.

This is actually a true story, so hope it's okay that it's not in a standard joke format.

What do science and deep fried food at the Texas State Fair have in common?

At their core, both concepts ask if you could but not if you should

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Two aliens landed in the desert near a petrol station that was closed for the night.

They approached one of the pumps assuming it was an earthling and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, we come in peace. Take us to your leader.'

The pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien was stumped. The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.' But t...

I never order shrimp-fried rice.

Call me old fashioned, but I like my food to be prepared by a human.

Man: Why should I stop eating deep fried cheese because you heard something in your horoscope?

Doctor: Once again, itโ€™s stethoscope.

Who is a deep fried rodentโ€™s favourite actor?

Chris Pratt

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband....

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I sa...

What would Napoleon Bonaparte's fried chicken restaurant be called?

The French Fries

What days do Canadian stoners like the best?

I'm pretty sure they're all fried, eh?

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

What three countries did the giant eat?

Got turkey, dipped it in Greece and fried it in Japan.

Where do cannibals go to eat deep fried food?

The battered women's shelter

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A Hindu, a Muslim and a Sikh all die in a car accident.

When they reach the gates of Heaven, God apologises to them for their abrupt deaths and tells them that before deciding whether they will go to Heaven or Hell, God will grant each of them one wish and let them enjoy for a year.

"I have been a devout Hindu and never eaten meat. I would like to...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Noodle and Meat Bun were best friends.

But one day they got into a disagreement and had a fight. Noodle isnt very strong but he managed to beat up Meat Bun.

Meat Bun wasnt going to take this insult without revenge, so he went off to get some brothers, Pan Fried Bun, and Steamed Pork Bun. Together, the angry mob roamed the streets ...

A Frenchman Visits Texas

A French man came to Texas to visit an old friend from WW2. The Texan picked him up in his gigantic Cadillac with longhorns mounted on the hood. Knowing that his friend must be hungry and thirsty after the long flight, he stopped at a bar and grill on the way. They walked in and took a seat at the b...

A man says into the phone,โ€œCan I have two fried legs please?โ€

The person on the phone replies,โ€œSir,this is a cemetery...โ€
The man answered,โ€œDid i stutter?โ€

Some people love deep fried pork rind, somw hate it.

To Chicharron.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

An Oriental man was sitting in a restaurant in Chinatown when a Jew suddenly came up and tipped a bowl of fried rice over his head.

"That's for Pearl Harbour" , said the Jew.
"But I'm Chinese", cried the man. The Jew was unrepentant. "Chinese, Siamese, Japanese, you're all the same!" At this, the Chinaman picked up his plate of sweet and sour chicken and threw it over the Jew.
"That's for sinking the Titanic", shouted the...

So Tod goes to a new truckers joint...

He sits down and the waiter approaches him.

Do you want to hear the daily specials sir? He asks.

"No thank you", says Todd, "let me smell your hand and I'll tell you want I'd like today".

So the waiter reluctantly proceeds to offer his hand to be smelled by this weird customer.<...

My doctor said I had to lose some weight.....

He said, Stop eating fatty.

I asked, You mean like fried foods and bacon?

He said, No fatty, just stop eating.

I am on a diet and my friend asked me how it's going

"Not good." I said. "I had eggs for breakfast."

"Fried?" He asked.

"Chocolate!" I replied

French Fries aren't actually fried in France.

They're fried in Greece.

Cardinal: Your holiness, do you like fried chicken?

Pope:yes

Waiter: Sir I have Stewed Liver, Fried Kidney, Boiled Toungue and Frozen Legs.

Dude: Stop listing your problems man. Just give me the menu.

If you had a Fried Egg for breakfast yesterday, what should you have today?

A Sattered Egg.

My friend works at an Italian restaurant. Today, he over-fried the food while trying to tell us a ghost story.

Guess it's crispy-pasta now.

I went to the Chinese for a take away last night, I ordered chicken chow mein, egg fried rice and Singapore crispy noodles. The bloke tipped it all loose in to a carrier bag. I said what the hell are you doing?

He said we're not allowed to put Chinese in a container anymore.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

What do you call the degree of heat present in a typical japanese dish usually consisting of seafood, meat and vegetables that have been battered and deep fried?

Tempurature.

I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their sperm. I think they are completely crazy.

4G must've fried their brains.

What do serial killers and people who eat fried chicken have in common?

They both think the skin is the best part.

What does Kentucky Fried Chicken and me trying to stretch out my last roll of cheap toilet paper have in common?

They're both finger licking good.

How do great scientists like to eat their peppers?

All fried. No bell.

A pastor is on a plane when the man next to him strikes up a conversation.

After some pleasantries, the pastor says, "I'm flying across the country raising money for my parish. I've been performing small miracles hoping people will donate money to me. You see, I ask the Lord to provide a person's favorite food on the spot. My best luck is with college grads who are nostalg...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A cannibal who fried another mans testicles was convicted of trying to bribe members of the jury

They didnt accept his teste-money

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

What do you call a Japanese deep fried mattress?

A Tempura-Pedic

I asked my taxi driver if I could leave him some tequila and fried chicken

He said sure, so I threw up

[NSFW] What does China and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?

Cleaning up the bloody mess by spraying it down the drain

I like fried chick peas....

But I dont think it agrees with me. Everytime I eat them I Falafel.

I am a fried nut

A string walks into a bar, and the bartender's all like "HEY, WE DON'T SERVE STRING IN HERE". Now obviously this makes the string very angry, so he goes outside and just goes CRAZY. He's rolling around, punching walls, hitting the ground, and by the time he's finally tired out he got himself all tie...

How is a woman like Kentucky Fried Chicken?

When you are finished with the breast and the thigh, you have a greasy box to stick your bone in.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

New in the fast-food market: Oedipus Fried Chicken

>!It's motherfucking good!!<

Finally realized why Americans are addicted to fried foods

They're one of the world's most well-known locations of proven oil reserves

I started a fried chicken joint. In order to be halal, the chickens must be killed in the traditional Islamic manner:

It's pretty hard getting the little explosive-filled vests on them, though.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

in hell

A man goes to hell. They tell him:

-- You have not sinned too much, so we allow you to choose torture yourself.

He goes into the first room and there people are fried in a frying pan. It doesn't suit him and he leaves.
In the second room needles are inserted under the nails.
โ€œIt ...

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