After a long day, I come home to see that someone tore the front and back pages of my dictionary.

It just went from bad to worse.

I was so bored that I memorized six pages of a dictionary.

I learned next to nothing.

The other day I bought a thesaurus. I opened it up and all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how upset I was.

My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

I just finished a book. It was over 500 pages!

When you think about it, that’s really a lot of coloring.

A man is home and sees a gorilla hanging on his backyard tree.

So he naturally picks up the yellow pages and calls the Gorilla Removal services. The professional arrives in less than ten minutes, and gets off his van with a pole, a ladder, a dog, a shotgun and handcuffs. He says "I see it's a male gorilla, so I'm taking the ladder up the tree and poke him with ...

A Doctor is visiting a patient at an asylum

Doctor: What is this?

Mad man: This is a book i wrote. It has a total of 500 pages.

Doctor: You wrote 500 pages! Wow, what did you write?

Mad man: On the first page i wrote 'One king rode on a horse and went towards the jungle'.

And on the last page i wrote 'The king reac...

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A married couple

A married couple was lying in bed one night.

The wife switched off the lights, and curled up under the sheets, ready to go to sleep, just as the husband turned his bed lamp on to read a book.

As he started to read, he periodically reached over to his wife and fondled her pussy. He di...

After I ran out of toilet paper, a friend suggested using pages from an old book

That worked OK I guess, but now I'm looking for suggestions to clean a Kindle.

A symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth

In the piece there’s a long passage that’s about 20 minutes during which the double bassists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the bar next door for a quick one. After drinking many beers one of them looked at his watch and s...

Preferated pages are terrible

Tearable*

I’m tearing out pages of the dictionary.

I’m up to Mischief.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The bish and the donkey.

A rural pastor had trouble getting hold of enough money for church roof repairs. So the parish comes up with the idea to pool their money and buy a race horse. The collection is done, and when the pastor goes shopping, he only has enough for a donkey. Nonetheless he buys the donkey and enters it int...

If I ripped out the first 100 pages of my dictionary, will I then be able to look up well, but and actually?

Well yes, but, actually no

Who are the fastest readers?

Apple users, they can read 30 pages of terms and conditions in just one second.

The low brass section decides to grab drinks during a performance of Beethoven's 9th symphony

The tubas and trombones only play during the end of Beethoven's 9th symphony. During the first several movements they have a famously long period of rest.

One performance, the low brass decide to sneak out to a local bar and grab a few drinks during the beginning of the piece. They quietly du...

I found a discount code hidden in the pages of my economics textbook

Now that’s a marginal benefit

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God woke up with a hangover.

He held His temples as one of His angels knocked gently on the door. He grumbled them inward.

"Sorry to disturb You, Sir," the angel said hesitantly. "But I wanted to congratulate you on yesterday's creations. For the most part, they were spectacular!"

"Wha...?" God mumbled. The angel ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof

So he looks up the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he"ll be there in 30 minutes.

The gorilla remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a huge, ferocious lookin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I started a Chinese-Nazi Facebook page

so far its got three reichs

Two mountaineers pass a crevasse during a mountain tour

One climber says to the other: "My travel guide fell into this crevasse last year."
The other mountaineer says: "And didn't that really take you away?"
The mountaineer replies: "No, he was already very old anyway, and besides, some pages were missing!"

My life is like a choose your own adventure book

its just that every option is a bad one and the pages aren't numbered

The real reason all the libraries are closing is not to help stop the spread of infection.

Its becuase after all the toilet paper was gone, people all started to check out the books with 1000+ pages

Do you know what's on pages 5 and 6 of an Opel manual?

Bus and train schedules.

Pages have been ripped out of the dictionary at the public library

Authorities are at a loss for words

A middle aged man was walking home one friday .

Instead of taking his company bus he decided to walk up the mountain road ,see the beautiful sunset and take a train on the other side. His time calculation went wrong and it became dark ,he was still on the inclined mountain road .While walking hurriedly he noticed shadow of a man standing near a d...

New doctor is being mentored by old doctor...

...as they make rounds visiting patients, new doctor reads the chart of one of the patients and turns really sad.

Old doc: "what's the matter?"

New doc: "Well, this young patient is about to have his leg amputated and I have no idea how to break these terrible news to him."

Old...

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