Did you hear about the Canadian chapter of the KKK?

They call themselves the Eh Eh Eh.

I love Harry Potter but after re-reading the chapter the death-day party I realized something about nearly headless nick

He was a very poorly executed character

One Sunday after church,

Father Tom was approached by Dave, who had been a regular churchgoer for years, but had recently been missing service. Father Tom asked him if everything was okay, as he had missed several services over the last few months. Dave told Father Tom "I've been working non-stop trying to save my business....

A pastor is finishing up his sermon on sunday morning...

"In preparation for my sermon next week, I want you all to read Mark chapter 17. You are dismissed." So next week everybody comes back to church. After singing a few hymns, the pastor comes to the pulpit.

"How many read Mark chapter 17 like I said last week?" Everyone raised their hand. The ...

I asked a fraternity member for an pamphlet about his chapter.

He said, "Bro, sure."

Just finished the art of the deal by Donald trump. Great book. You can find the secret to his tremendous success in....

Chapter 11

I don't know why people say Donald Trump doesn't read books...

He always gets to chapter 11.

I just read Trump's book "The Art of the Deal"

It had four Chapter 11's.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer

to “Where do pets come from?”

Adam and Eve said, “Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us
every day.

Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult
for us to remember how much you love us.”

And God said, I will create a compa...

Just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome.

The first few chapters were awful, but by the end I loved it.

I recently read Donald Trump’s book...

Unfortunately, I didn’t get past Chapter 11.

Took a class at Trump University but ...

... the textbook had four Chapter 11s.

What's a Brazillian's least favorite math chapter to do?

7-1

My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion.

I said "yeah it's pretty straightforward"

Lost Chapter In Genesis

Adam had been moping around all day in the Garden of Eden and God finally said, "Adam, what's up with all this moping?"

Adam told God that he was lonely. God said He could fix that, no problem.

In short order he could make a partner for Adam, and she would be called a "woman."

G...

What did Douglas Adams say after he finished writing the first chapter of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?

Ah, I've finally put a dent in that book.

chapter 7 verse 7

GUYs i saw a catholic sister last
night and decided
to
give her a lift in my car. As the car
was
moving, then i placed my hand on
the
sister's laps pretending i was
looking for
the gear lever.
The sister cast a glance at me and
said;
Mtcheew
"matthew
chapter...

I met the author of IT yesterday

He told me about the upcoming sequel to the 2018 movie based on the book. Apparently it was called IT chapter 2 and everything. I was stunned, incredulous even. I asked him, "Are you joking?"

He said, "No, I am Stephen King!"

Why is the last chapter in a chemistry textbook about benzene?

Because it's the PHENYL CHAPTER :D

I came up with this myself. I'm so proud.

I tried reading Trump's autobiography but

it kept on going back to Chapter 11.

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Four Jewish brothers left home for college...

Four Jewish brothers left home for college to become a lawyer, a doctor, a hedge fund operator, and a retailer. They all prospered. Some years later, chatting after a Channukah dinner, they discussed the gifts
that they were able to give to their elderly mother.

The first said, "I had a b...

Why is Donald Trump’s biography so long?

It has four Chapter 11s.

If Toys R Us had a book,

Chapter 11 would be named "bankruptcy"

Michael Cohen's new book ends the same way as Trump's stories.

At chapter 11.

"Your case is quite complicated."

Patient: Why doctor? What happened?

Doc: You have a disease from the chapter I skipped during my studies.

THE SIN OF LYING

A minister told his congregation, “Next week, I plan to
preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my
sermon, I want you to read Mark 17.”
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon,
the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know
how many had...

This was deemed "pretty bad" by my friends...

I'm not really good at writing stories so bear with me.

Simon, a high school student, passed his sophomore year with a 100% in Algebra 2. Thinking he was the most outstanding student ever, he went to his counselor to ask if he can skip directly to Calculus AB.

"Calculus is a very rigor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Medicrin Story - taken from a Boy Scouting website

Long ago, before Gamecubes, before Playstations, even before Atari, there were nasty, vile monsters roaming the land. In those days, a few brave, strong men made their living by protecting common people from these beasts. This is a story about one such man named Erik and the adventure he had. 
...

Just heard the TV weatherman say, “high in the thirties”.

Now I know the title to one of the chapters of my autobiography.

Isn’t it funny how many building engineers won’t include a thirteenth floor

Yet book publishers don’t seem afraid to have a chapter eleven...

One Sunday morning in church...

... as Pastor Smith is about to deliver his sermon he asks the congregation how many of them managed to read Mark Chapter 17 as he'd asked them to the previous Sunday.

Almost all hands in the church went up.

"Very well," Pastor Smith continued. "By the way, Mark only has 16 chapters, a...

A preacher at a church in Chicago...

...has almost reached the end of his sermon. Before he finishes, he tells the congregation "Now for next week, I need everyone to read Leviticus chapter 28. It will tie into my sermon" A week quickly passes. The preacher calmly walks the pulpit, looks out and asks "Show of hands, how many of you rea...

I downloaded a book on Ethics from the PirateBay

I hadn't gotten to that chapter yet

I bought a mayfly's autobiography.

Chapter 1: The end.

The Irish Railway Company

Correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company.

Gentlemen,
I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transpo...

Three blondes die and go to Heaven.

Stop laughing, that's not the whole joke.

They're standing outside the Pearly Gates when St. Peter comes out and says, "Welcome to Heaven. We've been having some problems with break-ins lately, so I just need you to answer one simple question, and you can get in to Heaven. What is Easter?"...

I heard Donald Trump has read a lot of different books..

..Apparently for the most part he never made it past Chapter 11.

A Russian and an American are out hunting...

And the Russian man sees a deer. He pulls out the communist manifesto and reads a chapter. After he finishes reading he takes his rifle and shoots the deer in the head.

The American looks at him suprised and asks
"Why did you start reading the communist manifesto before shooting?"

A...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why I changed my name

Well, for my story to make any sense, I need to clarify that I'm somewhat of a celebrity in my country. I think even internationally people have heard about me, though I'm not too sure about it (fortunately the people who know about me also tend to be technologically a bit behind the curve, so you d...

Donald has written a lot of books about business, but there's an interesting characteristic they all share...

They all seem to end at Chapter 11.

Credit (to my dismay): HRC

Summer Essay

Rough translation from Russian, so bear with me.

First day of class and all the students are assigned to write an essay about what they did during summer.

Johnny looks at his friend Bobby and says, "What are we going to write about? We did nothing but smoke plant all summer and we cer...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Erotic literature for premature ejaculators

-------------------
Chapter 1.
-------------------

She looked at him.

-------------------
The end.
-------------------

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Good Girls, Bad Girl’s And Naughty Girls

Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot

Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons

Naughty girls unbutton your pants


Good girls wax their floors

Bad girls wax their bikini line

Naughty girls wax your nutsack


Good girls blush during sex sce...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pastor tells his congregation how "The Bible touches on all subjects. Even PMS," he says...

"See, right here in Luke, chapter 2 it says 'And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."

I bought one of Donald Trump's books on how to run a business

...but for some reason, it just ends at Chapter 11.

Two biologists are discussing a new book on amphibians...

Biologist 1: What did you think of the chapter on frogs?

Biologist 2: Oh it was quite ribbiting.

Twitter management's favorite part of a book is always

Chapter 11

Liars

A preacher finished the service one morning by saying, “Next Sunday, I’m going to preach on the subject of Liars. As a preparation for my sermon, I would like you all to read Mark 17.”

On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin. Looking out at the congregation he said, “Last week I ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just a joke my grandpa told me.

So Jimmy is in class and he walks up to the pencil sharpener and looks out the window. He sees two bowlegged gentlemen and yells, "Hey check out these two funny-looking assholes!" The teacher immediately scolds him and tells him to read two chapters of Shakespeare. The next day Jimmy sees the sam...

Studying for MCAT when I heard this Joke!

I was studying for the MCAT while listening to an audiobook for a chapter on the endocrine system. Anyways, at the end of the audiobook the guy signs of saying: "Hey John, how do you make a hormone anyway?"... "That's easy Jordan, you just don't pay her." Loled so hard!

Question about The Catcher in the Rye

In chapter 5, I didn't understand why the bus driver made Caulfield get rid of his snowball. He was just...Holden it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The girl in science class

So this girl is sitting in her science class and the current chapter is reporduction. The teacher begins talking about semen and how it is loaded with sugar so the sperm have energy to swim to the egg.

So the girl says, "If it has sugar, why isn't it sweet?"

And the teacher says, "Beca...

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