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Community Jokes

Why can't you argue with the LGBT community?

Because they're not thinking straight.

Yo Mama so fat that when she slid into my DMs….

My phone ran out of space.

I've been thinking about starting a community outreach program to teach inmates about literature...

I'm still considering all of the prose and cons.

What do you call a pirate that goes to community college?

Captain Blackboard

It's ironic that Alex Jones hates the LGBT community when he's secretly a drag queen.

His drag name is Miss Information.

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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community..

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

The local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.

So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community?.

The law...

My BDSM community took me to court for not being hardcore enough. I got off with just a slap on the wrist.

So I lost the case.

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.

Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”

A man goes to prison for robbery.

After getting sorted, processed, and settled, it's lights out and he gets ready to sleep. After a few minutes he hears someone yell out "Forty Six!" and the whole cell block erupts in laughter. A few more moments pass and someone else calls out "Sixteen!" and again, the whole cell block starts laugh...

The Dean at the community college called in her English as a Second Language (ESL) professor after all of his students stormed out of his first class and withdrew from the college.

"What in the world did you do to those students to make them all leave on the first day of class?", she asked him.

"Not much, I just gave them one sentence to read.", he replied.

"What was the sentence?", she wanted to know.

"John thought he was being thorough although all he di...

Horrible lie

The preacher rose with a red face. “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiv...

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According to a recent survey of Chefs, about 82% of them are part of the LGBT community.

Interestingly most of them were pansexual

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A city guy decides to pursue his dream to be a lumberjack

So he moves to a remote logging town in the northern woods. It's just 40 men in this little community, hundreds of miles from the nearest town of any size, and he wonders how they manage their "loneliness," if you know what I mean.

One evening in the spring, after the day's work has ended, a ...

My pharmacist is very well respected...

she's a real piller of the community.

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We all know that there's a divide in the lepidopterist community...

We all know that there's a divide in the lepidopterist community, and that traditionally most of the glamour goes to the entomologists who study the butterflies, because they're so pretty and colorful, rather than the brown and grey moths. So for 364 days a year, the butterflyers get all the glory. ...

Once, there were three friends named Ralph Rock, Pete Paper, and Steve Scissors.

All three of them were very interested in politics. In fact, they made a pact that someday, one of them would by the president of the United States.

Ralph Rock worked very hard to build relationships with the community and gain the trust of the people. Pete Paper used the press to attack his ...

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I’m going to open a Japanese Noodle restaurant as an Italian man in a Muslim community.

The Ramen Don

Let's discuss spam, spammers, and the spamming spammers who spam.

What did the moderator say to the subscribers?

Nobody knows, because nobody ever reads what moderators write.

------

Yes, it was a bad joke, but at least it wasn't a repost... which is *kind of* what we're here to discuss today:

As many of you are no doubt aware, spammers...

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.



At the first house a woman complains, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.”



The older doctor says, “Well, you’ve probably been overdoing the...

An old man, a schoolboy, a lawyer, a doctor, and a community service worker are all on a plane with only four parachutes when...

The pilot of the plane has a stroke and passes away. As the plane plummets its passengers to death the five members of the aircraft argue over who deserve to have the four bags containing the parachutes.

Social Worker: I deserve to live because I protect vulnerable children and support famili...

A Farmer with a dog found a new activity group within LGBTQ community.

And BI NGO was it's name.

Grandchild: grandma have you done 69 before? *grin*

Grandma: no honey, I did only 53, we live in a small community

How to make your life longer...

A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said,

"We will all die someday, and none of us really know when, but if we did, we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event."

Everyone s...

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A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his community.

All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back "Revelation 3:20" (Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I ...

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This happened in a country town, I don't know which state, but it was a very traditional community.

There were two boys, friends Johnny and Jesus, walking through the little town when they spotted a guava tree near the church. Johnny decided to climb the tree to get some guavas, and left his slipper with Jesus to make sure that no adult came. After about 10 minutes, Jesus remembered that he had an...

My apologies to the LDS community.

What do you call a group of singing idiots who only consume diet soda and Granny Smiths?

The Moron Tab and Apple Choir.

I heard that alcoholism is a big problem in the ghost community…

They are all really into boos

A stranger rides into a Wild West town and finds it deserted.

All except the saloon, so when he's hitched his hoss to the rail he goes in, orders a beer, and says to the barkeep "Say, where is everyone?"

"They've all gone to hang the Brown Paper Kid," says the barkeep.

" 'Brown Paper Kid' ain't no kinda name for a man," says the newcomer. "What d...

Saw a guy the other day wearing a Let’s Go Brandon T-shirt

It was nice to see someone representing the LGBTee community.

So my Irish friend decided to tell his community he's an atheist...

One man in the crowd then yelled "Yes, but is it the Catholic god you don't believe in or the Protestant one?"

(Wow this exploded. Front... *wow*. Gotta say, I like the (current) top comment's version more.)

Jussie smollet had to pay 10,000 to chicago and do community service to get his charges dropped...

I hope he isnt beating himself up over this

Breaking News: The founder of r/Jokes has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize

Well, they did create the world’s most dedicated recycling community, didn’t they?

How to get beaten up by the shrek community

Step 1. Say " Shrek the third wasnt that bad. "

Step 2. Wait for every shrek fan to chase after you

The community theater recently posted auditions for Aladdin and a Christmas play

On audition day, local news reporter Thi Xix Hao spotted someone crying outside the audition room.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

The dejected man looked up. “You look familiar” he said.

“I am local news reporter, Thi Xix Hao. You also look familiar to me”

“I am Chad Kroeger, ...

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The local community was being to believe the new teacher was grooming their kids

They were pissed to find all baby goats in town with a perm and a fresh trim.

I’m part of a local community group, and recently people have been asking for leftover moving boxes

Each time I want to say the boxes that hold still are more practical

I just came up with this, this community can always use fresh/not reposted material.

I accidentally knocked over a headstone while walking through a cemetery.

I’ve made a grave mistake.

There was once, in a small town, a man named Don.

One day Don was walking on top of a fence, and he slipped. When he slipped, the fence split him in half, right up the middle, but miraculously, each half of Don survived! Each half got up, started hopping away, and essentially started living separate lives.

The left half, more prone to ration...

Two Rabbis are having lunch together…

The first one says “You won’t believe the terrible thing that’s happened! My son, he left home and became a Christian!”

The other Rabbi says “It’s funny you should mention this! My son, he also left home and now is Christian!”

They can’t believe the exact same thing has happened to bo...

I recently found out that the Origami school in our community is about to close for good...

I'll update more on this as it unfolds.

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his ...

Trump Supporters are demanding to join the LGBTQ+ community.

They say they identify as Non-Bidenary

I found out the other day that my car is a big supporter of the LGBTQ community.

The mechanic even said it had a great trans mission.

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The scientific community has finally agreed to rename the planet Uranus

to Urmama

What do you call an ant that’s been shunned by his community?

Socially dist-ant

4 religious women were chatting

First woman mentions her son:

-My son is a priest, whenever he enters a community, people stand up and call him, "Father, welcome"

The second woman doesn't seem impressed:

-My son is a bishop, people call him "Your excellency" when he is in a community.

The third woman ta...

What do you get when you cross the Twitter community with a controversial celebrity?

Nothing. They cancel each other out.

Community is the best sitcom

Chang my mind

I won a scentific reward today!

I actually made a helpful contribution to humanity! the scientific community has rewarded my work!


I can't wait to display this new "darwin award" I got!

The Spirit

A preacher went to visit a member of the community and invited him to come to church Sunday morning. It seems that this man was a producer of fine peach brandy, and told the preacher that he would attend his church if the pastor would drink some of his brandy and admit doing so in front of his congr...

What do a chiropractor, a comedian, and a druggie all have in common?

They all try their best to crack you up!





(i posted this to a different joke sub a few hours ago... first time poster, hope i'm following community guidelines)

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An Irish man bursts into a bar and demands a beer. He pounds it and slams it back and demands another. The bartender asks what's wrong?

The Irish man angrily slams the second beer and says, "You know, you build 100 roads for the community. But do they call you Seamus the road builder? No!"

He orders another beer and slams it back. "You build 1000 walls for the villages. But do they call you Seamus the wall builder? No!"
...

A child sets fires around the community.

Mom: My son is a fire starting monster. I raised a criminal.
Dad: It's arson.

I went to a faith healing session at the local community centre last night but it was absolute rubbish.

Even the fella in the wheelchair got up and walked out.

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A Community Joke Where I Live (Sorry Californians)

A Montanan, a Russian, and a Californian walk into a bar. The Russian orders vodka, pulls out his gun, and shoots it.

Everyone says, "Why did you do that?". The Russian replies, "Back at home, we have a lot of vodka,"

The whole bar laughs at this. Then, the Californian orders wine, ta...

If you were to second guess your decision to book time at a native american community

That would be a reservation reservation reservation.

What was the most rampant STD in the crocodile community in the 1980s? (NSFW)

GatorAIDS.

Excerpt from a newspaper, "Cocaine found on sidewalk"

"On Oct. 19, a small bag of a white powdered substance was found laying on the sidewalk of 50th Street and 49th Avenue in Sedgewick. The substance was determined to be cocaine.

"The owner of the cocaine is welcome to come into the Killam/Forestburg RCMP detachment to claim their property."...

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Ivy League School Principal, Mr. Marquez, and Community College Principal, Mr. Davidson, were arguing that their respective students were the most fearless.

Ivy League school principal called his students and asked them to jump in sea full of sharks.

They jumped.

Principal said: “See the guts…”

Community College principal called his students and asked them to jump.

They said: "Have you completely lost your marbles, Mr. Davids...

Reddit is really a green community,

considering all the recycled content on here.

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I decided to do something for my community and open a shelter for 3-legged dogs

It’s called “Bitches be Trippin’”

Dummy

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde...

In my community we have a neighborhood watch,

It's actually more like a clock tower.

All cars support LGBT community.

Afterall, they all have a trans mission.

I told my ex to join the anti-vax community.

Clearly, he needs to be surrounding by other people who don’t last long.

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An uneducated man decides to give college a second chance. He walks up to the Dean of his local community college and says, "I want to learn something new, I haven't learned much and I want to learn more,". "Great, which class would you like to take?" said the Dean.

"Which classes do you offer?" responded the man.

"We have all sorts of classes, from science to logic," said the Dean.

"What's logic?" asked the man.

"Well, I can use information to assume something." Said the Dean.

"How?" asked the Man.

"Take this scenario, d...

Did you hear the one about the LGBTQ2S+ community?

They're working together to build the perfect password

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Finding an ancient community

Not a joke, but just wondering if anyone here came from the community that understood:
- "purple, because aliens don't wear hats"
- "the horse name was Friday"
- "Nevil's basement"

Do you think Amy Schumer knows about this community?

Her career could skyrocket if she discovered us.

Trump used to love the LGBTQ community...

Until he found out it doesn't stand for "Loans Given By The Qataris"

What do you call a retirement community for crime-fighting arboreal rodentia?

Squirrelock Homes

(wait for it)

Really sick of seeing so much infighting in the short community

We should really be lifting each other up

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This is a community of Japanese students.

We all have a Sensei of Humour.

Community Problems

A politician goes to a far-flung village and asks what the problems in the community are.

"There are two problems here, Sir," one of the villagers say. "The first problem is that we have a clinic but no doctor."

Upon hearing this, the politician gets his cellphone and talks to someone....

A joke I heard while visiting an Amish community

A farmer gets pulled over by a police man, and as the cop writes the ticket, he is swatting at flies that are swarming him. When he goes to hand the ticket to the farmer, the farmer asks “Having some trouble with ground flies ?”

The officer responds “Yes, but why do you call them ground flies...

Say what you will about Trump, but in the end, he kept the promise he made in 2016 about restoring respect for America in the international community.

All he had to do was lose in 2020.

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Pleading to the r/jokes community. Can we please stop all the "this is an old joke" comments?

I mean, every joke that makes it to the front page has the obligatory "this is an old joke", "I've heard this before" comment. Unless the OP literally made the joke up themselves, then *every* joke on here has been heard before. My internal response to those comments is always "NO SHIT."

Ye...

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Have you heard about the possible outbreak of the Coronavirus in the Amish community?

It was a false alarm, No fever, but people did get a little hoarse and buggy.

Maybe this is the wrong community to reach out to when I'm feeling helpless

I found out how to spell yoyo today... Why oh why oh...

Xavier the Saviour

Back when I was a kid, I was part of a youth group at my local catholic church. There, I got to know the most well-revered and eccentric man in the entire community, Father Xavier.


He was never one for formalities, so he insisted everyone in his youth group call him by whatever endearing ...

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Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irish man. One of the guys said he was going to bug him.

He walked over to the Irish man and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a real tosser.”

“Oh really, hmm, didn't know that.”

Puzzled, the English man walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a tosser and he didn't care!"

"You just don't ...

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I wanted to become someone serving the community and helping people ever since i was little.

On Mondays - Thursdays, i am a doctor. Fridays - Sundays , I'm a Police officer. Being a stripper is challenging.

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As a bisexual individual, I think I have the coolest flag out of all of the others in the LGBTQ+ community.

But I guess I’m biased.

I tried starting an anarchist community.

Nobody would follow the rules.

Did you hear about the guy who joined a blind community?

He was never seen again

My New Years resolution was to give back to the community.

I don’t want to seem like I’m bragging, but this coming school year, I’m becoming a volunteer crossing guard for an online school.

I am the biggest supporter of the LGBTQ community you'll ever find

Let's go buy tacos & quesadillas anytime!

I got a $900 fine and a month of community service for urinating in public...

If you ask me it was a harsh punishment for only a wee crime.

I'll see myself out.

I've just walked past our local community centre and I could clearly hear these board-game enthusiasts...

...all stood in the porchway bragging endlessly about their various tournament accomplishments.

You might think that sounds like it would have been pretty annoying for me, but infact...





I rather like the sound of chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.

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I walked into my local community center.

I was visiting a local community center because I was interested in learning a new hobby.


On my way to the office, I passed a group of guys in a beat boxing class.


I walked in and decided to try and fit in with my beatboxing skills, "bootssskts bootsskts uhh uhh my name is Chri...

Last night I visited a fetishist community website for the first time

Why are there so many dudes called Dom?

There's one problem about the LGBTQ community

None of them can think straight

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A City doctor visits a tribal community.

A city doctor once visits a tribal community. He starts asking various questions.

He asked “how do you guys relieve sexual tension?”

“ Just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you.

”The next day the doctor shows up the river bank and notices a group of men and a donke...

It must've been terrible for some in the LGBT+ community,

Because no one is encouraged to come out now.

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Logic at the Community College

Looking for a little knowledge, Jimmy walks into his local community college and asks the admissions clerk on duty what classes are being offered. The clerk tells Jimmy there is a logic course starting up soon.
"Logic?" Asks Jimmy, "what's that?"
"Logic is real easy, let me explain it this way...

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What does the Anti-Vax community and a clogged toilet have in common?

Both will leave you waist deep in shit if you tend to ignore them.

A rabbi, a priest and an imam discuss about what they do with the money their community put into their offering bag.

The rabbi says “I draw a small circle onto the ground, then I throw all the money into the air. The coins that land in the circle I keep for myself. The rest is for Jehovah and the synagogue”

The imam replies “I do almost the same. I draw a big circle onto the group, throw the money and every...

Why do quantum computers make terrible community leaders?

Because you're never totally sure what values they hold.

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A priest decides to do some community work.

After considering where he should travel to do this work, he decides to travel to the Nigerian desert and assist the farmers working there.

After several weeks providing physical labour to the farmers he asks if there is a more effective way to help them. The farmer replied to him "Father, it...

environmentalists discover a secluded community where everybody recycles

r/Jokes

I like to do my bit for the community.

Just the other day I took a homeless man off the streets.

Now I just need to wipe down my spade.

Workers from a small russian community recently gathered together to fix one of the bells in an old historical bell tower.

Because in soviet russia, bell saved by you!

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I knew a lady whose idea of community service was giving handjobs to blue collar workers.

She was a jack off all trades.

Trump is the best friend the African-American community ever had.

He will literally do anything for a black mail.

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What's the LGBT community's favorite sex position?

Sixty-*Nouns*

Barrier To Entry

The fencing community is having trouble with gatekeepers.

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The company Valve is just like a child. It came into the world on the 24th August, 1996. Nurtured by a community...

...only to get fucked as soon as it turns 21.

What do you call a summer program that aims to assist the Jewish community by helping their children overcome the difficulties of ADHD?

Seriously, because my first idea was a huge flop.

Mark donated 100 chairs to the community center.

It was a very charitable act.

Why are priests always doing service in the community?

Because of their religious convictions

What do you call a poor Italian community?

a spaghetto.

Farm Boy Billy

Billy moves to the city to find fame and fortune.

Billy can't get a job anywhere and asks someone why no one will hire him and is told it's because country folk are dumb. Billy disagrees but the city guy says "I'll show you" and sticks his hand in front of a wall and says "Punch this".
...

Being a member of the LGBTQ+ community is completely normal.

And I would never make a joke about such a straight thing.

I heard Microsoft tried to change the file path separator in Windows

but it received tons of backslash from the community.

--
Source: Aaron Peterson, Twitter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Our local priest is very popular amongst the community but there are rumours that he's a paedophile.

That's a minor issue.

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A Russian moves to America

(Mild swearing at the end)

A young man from the depths of Siberia, Dmitri, moves to America hoping to start a new life. He buys a nice apartment, lives comfortably and integrates himself into the community, as a fine, upstanding citizen of New York.

6 or 7 months later, his old friends...

How did the medical community come up with the term PMS

Mad cow disease was already taken

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