What do you call an ant that’s been shunned by his community?

Socially dist-ant

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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community...

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

I told my ex to join the anti-vax community.

Clearly, he needs to be surrounding by other people who don’t last long.

Did you hear about the guy who joined a blind community?

He was never seen again

What is something with 8 eyes, 8 legs, and 8 hands?

8 pirates

My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him.

Edit: Look, I don't want to be one of those redditors who say 'thank's for the gold kind stranger' every time they get awarded, but after seeing this post rise I get it why they do that. For me, whose posts never g...

There was once a kind old bus driver who always tried to help out his community

A few days before he retired the bus driver saw a suicidal man who had jumped out into the middle of traffic.
Being the kind man he was he ran over to help, then backed up and ran over the guy again.

Why does the LGBTQ community do so well in school?

Because they have an A+.

A popular joke within the Jewish community: Four Rabbis are arguing late at night over a passage of the Talmud

Three of the four rabbis argue that the text proves humanity is inherently evil. The fourth rabbi argues that human consciousness means we can choose all of our actions without moral disposition.
After three more hours of arguing, the fourth rabbi shouts, “ADONAI, IF I AM CORRECT, GIVE ME A SIGN!...

I tried starting an anarchist community.

Nobody would follow the rules.

All cars support LGBT community.

Afterall, they all have a trans mission.

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A City doctor visits a tribal community.

A city doctor once visits a tribal community. He starts asking various questions.

He asked “how do you guys relieve sexual tension?”

“ Just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you.

”The next day the doctor shows up the river bank and notices a group of men and a donke...

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A Community Joke Where I Live (Sorry Californians)

A Montanan, a Russian, and a Californian walk into a bar. The Russian orders vodka, pulls out his gun, and shoots it.

Everyone says, "Why did you do that?". The Russian replies, "Back at home, we have a lot of vodka,"

The whole bar laughs at this. Then, the Californian orders wine, ta...

Community Problems

A politician goes to a far-flung village and asks what the problems in the community are.

"There are two problems here, Sir," one of the villagers say. "The first problem is that we have a clinic but no doctor."

Upon hearing this, the politician gets his cellphone and talks to someone....

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A ventriloquist was performing in a club telling dumb blonde jokes...

With his dummy on his knee, he begins his usual routine of dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a blond woman in the audience stands on her chair and starts shouting,"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women like that?What does the color of a person's hair...

A rabbi, a priest and an imam discuss about what they do with the money their community put into their offering bag.

The rabbi says “I draw a small circle onto the ground, then I throw all the money into the air. The coins that land in the circle I keep for myself. The rest is for Jehovah and the synagogue”

The imam replies “I do almost the same. I draw a big circle onto the group, throw the money and every...

An old man, a schoolboy, a lawyer, a doctor, and a community service worker are all on a plane with only four parachutes when...

The pilot of the plane has a stroke and passes away. As the plane plummets its passengers to death the five members of the aircraft argue over who deserve to have the four bags containing the parachutes.

Social Worker: I deserve to live because I protect vulnerable children and support famili...

I like to do my bit for the community.

Just the other day I took a homeless man off the streets.

Now I just need to wipe down my spade.

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A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar, sits down and asks the bartender for a drink.

“What’s the occasion?” Asked the bartender

The man replies “I just found out my oldest son is gay.”

Bartender apologizes, the man downs his drink and leaves.

Same man comes in the next day.

...

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The Politician and Sex Workers

A politician visited Sex Workers Anonymous in order to get more information about how these women in his community were doing. He meets three poor prostitutes and speaks to them that their lifestyle is hurting them and that depending on how often they were engaged in the business, he would provide t...

It must've been terrible for some in the LGBT+ community,

Because no one is encouraged to come out now.

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Have you heard about the possible outbreak of the Coronavirus in the Amish community?

It was a false alarm, No fever, but people did get a little hoarse and buggy.

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace an older doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his house-call rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."

The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fre...

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It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens' Home.

After the community sing-along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show - Claude the Hypnotist!

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. "Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time," said Claude.

The excited chatter...

Redditors are the most environmentally aware community around

We recycle everything

(sometimes hourly!)

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What does the Anti-Vax community and a clogged toilet have in common?

Both will leave you waist deep in shit if you tend to ignore them.

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A Day at the University

I posted a joke that gained some popularity before getting deleted for breaking the rules of the community. As there are people who ask me what the joke was, I'll try to reformulate it so that it complies with the rules.

Carrynegie Melon University, Penisylvania. Prof. Mary Armstrong gives a ...

Jussie smollet had to pay 10,000 to chicago and do community service to get his charges dropped...

I hope he isnt beating himself up over this

Man walks around with a dead fish in his pocket instead of wearing a mask

In thier community almost all of them caught the virus and this guy never did. The community head was curious and invited him to learn his secret and to talk to him as the smell was harassing this community.
Man came to the head's with the dead fish in pocket.

Man: I will talk to you only...

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The park statue.

In this park there was a replica of Rodin's "The Kiss". It was, by far, the park's most beloved feature, and it was a popular place for young couples to meet and for people to propose.

One day, after all the visitors had left and the park gates had been locked, a fairy approached the statue,...

Trump is the best friend the African-American community ever had.

He will literally do anything for a black mail.

(Long) Did you hit your wife?

So I have heard you hit your wife, is that true?

**Before I marry her she was hungery and poor all the time. She now livea a much better life**

I was asking if you hit her.

**The whole community acknowdges the improvement of our household**

I didn’t ask that, I was asking...

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An uneducated man decides to give college a second chance. He walks up to the Dean of his local community college and says, "I want to learn something new, I haven't learned much and I want to learn more,". "Great, which class would you like to take?" said the Dean.

"Which classes do you offer?" responded the man.

"We have all sorts of classes, from science to logic," said the Dean.

"What's logic?" asked the man.

"Well, I can use information to assume something." Said the Dean.

"How?" asked the Man.

"Take this scenario, d...

I got a $900 fine and a month of community service for urinating in public...

If you ask me it was a harsh punishment for only a wee crime.

I'll see myself out.

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

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So The Canadian Government Is Changing The 2 Dollar Coin

Under pressure from the LGBT community the Canadian government is taking the Iconic polar bear off the 2 dollar coin and replacing it with 2 male deer mating.

Now everyone who has one will have “2 Fucking Bucks” in their pockets

Given the tragedy of the Australian fires ravaging the country for weeks, the streaming community would like to extend our heartfelt sympathy.

Our Thots and Players are with you.

Alabama Pastor

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand...

The Case of the Missing Harvest

Every year, the creatures of the forest gathered nuts and other snacks to store for the winter. Not only did it keep the community fed, it also marked the end of the year and was accompanied by a great festival of feast, music, and dance.

But one day, all the nuts and berries were taken by a ...

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What is success?

Success is like being pregnant, they all congratulate you at the end but they don’t know how many* times you got fucked to get there.

First time posting on this community, let’s see hear some reactions.

A hooker gets arrested one night and the next day stands before the judge

The judge reviews the evidence and decides to sentence the hooker to community service for 6 months.

Then the hooker goes "Community service? What do you think I've been doing this whole time?!"

A man DIES

He died tragically and unexpectedly in a botched robbery. Devastated, his wife Cindy mourned four several months, leaving the house only to pick up groceries that her doting mother leaves on her doorstep.

The only comfort to her grief was his cat, who is similarly distraught. After several mo...

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A convict was sent to work at a church, you won't believe what happened next...

A guy got sentenced to do some community service at the local church after robbing it. The first day, the priest decided to put him to work at the confessional booth and accompanied him through the first confessions to show him how it works.

First woman entered the booth and said: "Bless me F...

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Dad says anything

While out for a walk with my puppy on the community trail along the river this morning, I -a dad- came across an elderly gentleman who seemed inclined to give me an impromptu lecture on the etiquette of keeping dogs on leashes, as well as a short soliloquy on municipal governance bylaws and the vari...

Do you think Amy Schumer knows about this community?

Her career could skyrocket if she discovered us.

A rabbi is hiring an assistant...

Rabbi Hoffman is hiring an assistant, and he’s interviewing a young man named Uri for the job.

The rabbi read through Uri’s resume. He had extensive community service, excellent grades, and had never missed service.

“This all looks very good, young man. I’m going to need help cleaning...

Last night I visited a fetishist community website for the first time

Why are there so many dudes called Dom?

Why are priests always doing service in the community?

Because of their religious convictions

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So a Bartender, a Priest, and an Anti-Lockdown protester walk into a bar... [LONG]

Ok, not a bar, because the bars are all closed. But I digress. So they walk into... I dunno, Wal-Mart, Whatever. Turns out all three know each other and start talking about the lockdown and how it has been affecting them.

The Bartender started by lamenting the loss of their income and social ...

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.

“How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."

"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."

"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to as...

Overheard at the Community Swimming Pool

Lifeguard: Kowalski, you are officially banned from the pool.

Kowalski: Why is that?

Lifeguard: Because you pee in the pool.

Kowalski: But I'm not the only one.

Lifeguard: You are the only one who does it from the diving board.

A proctologist fed up with his job decided to pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a diesel mechanic.

He decides to enroll in a course at the local community college to learn the basics. He’s a talented student. Before he knows it, he’s acing all of the paper exams and quizzes.

At the final evaluation, the proctologist is asked to apply what he learned by completely disassembling, rebuilding,...

The lines in the LGBT community flag are straight.

Ironic.

Little Boy and the Pastor

So back in the day, a little boy riding his bicycle home from school notices the community pastor in his front yard with a push mower. Not paying much attention the boy goes on home and does his chores. Later the boy goes back by the pastors house and sees him still in the yard with the mower and no...

I am a member of an online community which appreciates & discusses the programming language C.

We call ourselves the 'C-Men'.

So my Irish friend decided to tell his community he's an atheist...

One man in the crowd then yelled "Yes, but is it the Catholic god you don't believe in or the Protestant one?"

(Wow this exploded. Front... *wow*. Gotta say, I like the (current) top comment's version more.)

What are the LGBTQ community's favorite electronic components?

Transistors

There's one problem about the LGBTQ community

None of them can think straight

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I knew a lady whose idea of community service was giving handjobs to blue collar workers.

She was a jack off all trades.

I am the biggest supporter of the LGBTQ community you'll ever find

Let's go buy tacos & quesadillas anytime!

Mark donated 100 chairs to the community center.

It was a very charitable act.

Being a member of the LGBTQ+ community is completely normal.

And I would never make a joke about such a straight thing.

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Our local priest is very popular amongst the community but there are rumours that he's a paedophile.

That's a minor issue.

There's been a recent surge in the number of male crossdressers in the Amish community.

Be careful. Women you might see during the day, may actually be mennonite.

A tourist in Ireland goes into a local pub and orders a pint...

While sitting at the bar he gets into conversation with the barman and learns that it's a really close community who often meet and enjoy time together at the pub.
As they talk, a local stands up and the bar goes silent.
"Twenty four!" He calls out, before sitting back down, to which the estab...

Damn politicians

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked
about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the
shop.

When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning t...

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Two old ladies

Fanny and Mary, two small and elderly ladies living in a retirement community in Florida are sitting on a porch and enjoying some cold ice tea after a game of bingo. They've been gossiping for a while, when suddenly Fanny asks:

'Mary, dear, you and your Frank have been happy in marriage, righ...

Workers from a small russian community recently gathered together to fix one of the bells in an old historical bell tower.

Because in soviet russia, bell saved by you!

environmentalists discover a secluded community where everybody recycles

r/Jokes

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Me: I'm terrified of random letters

Therapist: You are?

Me: *SCREAMS*

Therapist: Oh I see

Me: *SCREAMING INTENSIFIES*

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Three men are captured by a group of Cannibals.

The men are tied up and brought before leader of the cannibals. The leader says to the men "My people are hungry, but I will let you make your case. Then I will decide your fate."

The first man, hair slicked back and dressed in an expensive suit, begins, "I am very wealthy, and I have founded...

What kind of neighborhood is Parmesan usually found in?

A grated community.

How did the medical community settle on the name for PMS?

Mad cow disease was already taken!

Did you hear the one about the LGBTQ2S+ community?

They're working together to build the perfect password

I've just walked past our local community centre and I could clearly hear these board-game enthusiasts...

...all stood in the porchway bragging endlessly about their various tournament accomplishments.

You might think that sounds like it would have been pretty annoying for me, but infact...





I rather like the sound of chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Once upon a time a lonely ant met a handsome fish.

Once upon a time a lonely ant met a handsome fish. Despite everyone telling them it was wrong, they fell in love.

One day they eloped and moved into a cottage by a pond. Their only neighbor was Mr. Frog

They lived many happy years together and then something unexpected happened; they h...

A Christian priest, a Muslim priest and a rabbi are asked what method they use to give money with God and the community.

The Christain priest goes first. He draws a circle and throws all the money into the air. "Whatever falls into the inner part of the circle is mine, whatever falls on the outer side of the circle is God's and the communities.

The Muslim priest goes second. He draws a straight line and throws ...

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his ...

A man came to my door today asking for donations for the local community pool,

So I gave him a glass of water.

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The lgbt+ community should thank me!

Because I made all people i‘m dating gay......

In my community we have a neighborhood watch,

It's actually more like a clock tower.

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Why is Fonzy so popular in the LGBTQ community?

because he’s AYYYY sexual

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What do you get if you cross a bunch porn addicts and living disappointments?

The reddit community.

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First day on the job.

Fresh out of journalism school, the rookie journalist bounds up to the editor hungry for a story to go after.

The editor says I'll give you an easy one for your first day. Go out into the community and bring me back a feel good human interest story. We need a bit of cheering up!

The r...

Reddit is really a green community,

considering all the recycled content on here.

A man walks into an LGBTQ center

He walks up to the front desk and introduces himself. "Hello, I identify as a chocolate bar. Can I join?"


The receptionist replies "Sir, that's disgraceful! You're mocking the community. We're going to have to ask you to leave."


"You can't call me sir!" The man exclaims. "I...

Trump used to love the LGBTQ community...

Until he found out it doesn't stand for "Loans Given By The Qataris"

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A priest decides to do some community work.

After considering where he should travel to do this work, he decides to travel to the Nigerian desert and assist the farmers working there.

After several weeks providing physical labour to the farmers he asks if there is a more effective way to help them. The farmer replied to him "Father, it...

Why do quantum computers make terrible community leaders?

Because you're never totally sure what values they hold.

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There was a sex shop that opened up across the highway from a 55+ aged swinger community

I wonder if it's because the orgies were getting old.

So this is how it ends, huh...

I was arrested for speaking out of line.
I was protesting against the injustices facing our community, the harsh taxes and oppressions that have faced my community for years. The cruel and unusual punishments especially. Our town is small and insular, so outside influence is heavily resisted by ...

There was once, in a small town, a man named Don.

One day Don was walking on top of a fence, and he slipped. When he slipped, the fence split him in half, right up the middle, but miraculously, each half of Don survived! Each half got up, started hopping away, and essentially started living separate lives.

The left half, more prone to rati...

A priest and a Rabbi are very good friends, so they decide to go to a remote lake for a swim.

A priest and a Rabbi are very good friends, so they decide to go to a remote lake for a swim.

Of course they're swimming naked as you do. All of a sudden, two busses pull up.

Out of one pours the rabbis congregation and out of the other pours the priests congregation. Their clothes are...

I’ve been issued Community Service..

I was assigned the “Recycling Program”. I figured I’d start here since there’s a lot of reused content which would reduce my searching.

Did you hear the judge’s recent linguistic faux pas, when they were addressing a recently convicted defendant?

“I Order you to serve 2 years incarcerated, 2 years active probation, 1 year of passive probation, 400 hours of community service, evidence of completion of an education service approved by the court, submit to a mental health evaluation...,” etc., etc..

Yeah, it was a run-on sentence.

Did you here about the train conductor who robbed his community's 7/11?

Police are saying he had a local-motive

My name for a the reptilian shaped microscopic creature really blew up the scientific community.

It was dinomite.

Why is everyone criticising EA?

I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.

($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this pa...

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What would you have if the LGBT community kicked out all the gays?

A pretty good sandwich

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