Why can't you argue with the LGBT community?

Because they're not thinking straight.

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They’re appalled by his haircut, tattoos and piercings.

The boy leaves and the girl’s mom remarks, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

*“Oh, come on Mom! If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 300 hours of community service?”*

A Farmer with a dog found a new activity group within LGBTQ community.

And BI NGO was it's name.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This happened in a country town, I don't know which state, but it was a very traditional community.

There were two boys, friends Johnny and Jesus, walking through the little town when they spotted a guava tree near the church. Johnny decided to climb the tree to get some guavas, and left his slipper with Jesus to make sure that no adult came. After about 10 minutes, Jesus remembered that he had an...

Saw a guy the other day wearing a Let’s Go Brandon T-shirt

It was nice to see someone representing the LGBTee community.

My apologies to the LDS community.

What do you call a group of singing idiots who only consume diet soda and Granny Smiths?

The Moron Tab and Apple Choir.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community...

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

My BDSM community took me to court for not being hardcore enough. I got off with just a slap on the wrist.

So I lost the case.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The local community was being to believe the new teacher was grooming their kids

They were pissed to find all baby goats in town with a perm and a fresh trim.

The community theater recently posted auditions for Aladdin and a Christmas play

On audition day, local news reporter Thi Xix Hao spotted someone crying outside the audition room.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

The dejected man looked up. “You look familiar” he said.

“I am local news reporter, Thi Xix Hao. You also look familiar to me”

“I am Chad Kroeger, ...

I’m part of a local community group, and recently people have been asking for leftover moving boxes

Each time I want to say the boxes that hold still are more practical

How to get beaten up by the shrek community

Step 1. Say " Shrek the third wasnt that bad. "

Step 2. Wait for every shrek fan to chase after you

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irish man bursts into a bar and demands a beer. He pounds it and slams it back and demands another. The bartender asks what's wrong?

The Irish man angrily slams the second beer and says, "You know, you build 100 roads for the community. But do they call you Seamus the road builder? No!"

He orders another beer and slams it back. "You build 1000 walls for the villages. But do they call you Seamus the wall builder? No!"
...

Thank you to the reggae community!!!

It only took a few decades, but it’s almost legal everywhere now.

If you can start singing about the rich paying taxes I’m sure everyone would appreciate it.

I heard that alcoholism is a big problem in the ghost community…

They are all really into boos

A young doctor had moved to a small town to replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so that the community would become used to their new doctor.

At the first house a woman complains, “I've been a little sick to my stomach.”


The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fre...

Confessional

A Man walked into a Washington D.C. Catholic Church Confessional. He tells the Priest: "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned”. Last night, I killed a Congressman. The Priest responds: "Son, I'm here to forgive your sins, not discuss your community service work!"

I just came up with this, this community can always use fresh/not reposted material.

I accidentally knocked over a headstone while walking through a cemetery.

I’ve made a grave mistake.

An amish man, a hippie and jesus walk into a bar.

An amish man, a hippie and jesus walk into a bar.
An old man at the bar turns to them and surprised, he asks: “Why is it that three men that are so different from each other travelling together?”
The Hippie says “I want to learn the ways of the amish to be freed from materialism.”
The...

Church service

The preacher rose with a red face. “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiv...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his community.

All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back "Revelation 3:20" (Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I ...

What do you get when you cross the Twitter community with a controversial celebrity?

Nothing. They cancel each other out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hillbilly decides to get his life together

One day 2 hillbillies are sitting on their porch rocking chairs listening to the radio and one of them says, “man there’s gotta be more to life than this, I’m tired of not doing anything useful.” Right then, an ad starts playing on the radio for the local community college. That’s it! The hillbilly ...

I recently found out that the Origami school in our community is about to close for good...

I'll update more on this as it unfolds.

I found out the other day that my car is a big supporter of the LGBTQ community.

The mechanic even said it had a great trans mission.

Trix are for kids!

Once in a land far, far away there lived a group of people called Trids. The Trids were happy except for a giant that lived on the mountain. The giant would often terrorize the Trids.
The Trids, tired of the giant, sent a group led by the community’s minister to reason with the giant. But before ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The scientific community has finally agreed to rename the planet Uranus

to Urmama

Community is the best sitcom

Chang my mind

What do you call an ant that’s been shunned by his community?

Socially dist-ant

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

church bulletin bloopers

*These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:*
--------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for ...

An old man, a schoolboy, a lawyer, a doctor, and a community service worker are all on a plane with only four parachutes when...

The pilot of the plane has a stroke and passes away. As the plane plummets its passengers to death the five members of the aircraft argue over who deserve to have the four bags containing the parachutes.

Social Worker: I deserve to live because I protect vulnerable children and support famili...

Follow me for more history tips!

In reading about the sailors of yore, I've found them to be a hearty lot. Times were tough, of course, and some of them turned to pirating. Still, a few of them never lost their community spirit; they would sing and dance together whenever the opportunity allowed them to. They even formed a small gr...

What was the most rampant STD in the crocodile community in the 1980s? (NSFW)

GatorAIDS.

If you were to second guess your decision to book time at a native american community

That would be a reservation reservation reservation.

A child sets fires around the community.

Mom: My son is a fire starting monster. I raised a criminal.
Dad: It's arson.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian moves to America

(Mild swearing at the end)

A young man from the depths of Siberia, Dmitri, moves to America hoping to start a new life. He buys a nice apartment, lives comfortably and integrates himself into the community, as a fine, upstanding citizen of New York.

6 or 7 months later, his old friends...

Trump Supporters are demanding to join the LGBTQ+ community.

They say they identify as Non-Bidenary

Favorite car of the LGTBQ community?

Trans Am I?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ivy League School Principal, Mr. Marquez, and Community College Principal, Mr. Davidson, were arguing that their respective students were the most fearless.

Ivy League school principal called his students and asked them to jump in sea full of sharks.

They jumped.

Principal said: “See the guts…”

Community College principal called his students and asked them to jump.

They said: "Have you completely lost your marbles, Mr. Davids...

I went to a faith healing session at the local community centre last night but it was absolute rubbish.

Even the fella in the wheelchair got up and walked out.

Jussie smollet had to pay 10,000 to chicago and do community service to get his charges dropped...

I hope he isnt beating himself up over this

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I decided to do something for my community and open a shelter for 3-legged dogs

It’s called “Bitches be Trippin’”

Why noone likes Chernobyl fans?

Because of their really toxic community.

What do you get when you cross a lion with an octopus?

A stern rebuke from the scientific community and a immediate withdrawal of funding

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

ventriloquist

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stup...

So my Irish friend decided to tell his community he's an atheist...

One man in the crowd then yelled "Yes, but is it the Catholic god you don't believe in or the Protestant one?"

(Wow this exploded. Front... *wow*. Gotta say, I like the (current) top comment's version more.)

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his ...

The Christmas Elf

A Christmas elf walks into a bar and orders an eggnog. "What brings you to town?" the bartender asks. "I'm taking music classes at the community college. Santa requires it of all the Christmas elves now," the elf says. "It's supposed to improve our rapping skills."

A Service

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord." The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a thank you note from the priest in front of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Bocelli leather shoes.

Gennaro is in this country for only 6 months. He walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store. Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Boccelli leather shoes. He wants those shoes so much... it's all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves the price of t...

I told my ex to join the anti-vax community.

Clearly, he needs to be surrounding by other people who don’t last long.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Community Joke Where I Live (Sorry Californians)

A Montanan, a Russian, and a Californian walk into a bar. The Russian orders vodka, pulls out his gun, and shoots it.

Everyone says, "Why did you do that?". The Russian replies, "Back at home, we have a lot of vodka,"

The whole bar laughs at this. Then, the Californian orders wine, ta...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irish man. One of the guys said he was going to bug him.

He walked over to the Irish man and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a real tosser.”

“Oh really, hmm, didn't know that.”

Puzzled, the English man walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a tosser and he didn't care!"

"You just don't ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mike and Mark

Mike and Mark are identical twin brothers.

Mike is a really good guy. Helps his friends in need, visits their mother regularly and is a pillar of their community.

Mark is a real ass. Self-centered, steals from his friends ignores their mother and is an all around douche bag.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is a community of Japanese students.

We all have a Sensei of Humour.

What do you call a retirement community for crime-fighting arboreal rodentia?

Squirrelock Homes

(wait for it)

Old man gets bad news from his doctor, he has only months to live

The old man is beloved in his community and everyone is sad. He calls his family in and tells them "for my last wish I want a license to practice law. I don't care how much you have to spend or who you have to bribe but I can not die happy unless I have that license. "

They are very puzzled b...

Really sick of seeing so much infighting in the short community

We should really be lifting each other up

All cars support LGBT community.

Afterall, they all have a trans mission.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Hypnotist at a Senior Home

It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' center. After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show - Claude the Hypnotist!

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. "Yes, each and every one of you and all...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday...

It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.


The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection, and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.


Doughboy is ...

Maybe this is the wrong community to reach out to when I'm feeling helpless

I found out how to spell yoyo today... Why oh why oh...

Why does the LGBTQ community do so well in school?

Because they have an A+.

A joke I heard while visiting an Amish community

A farmer gets pulled over by a police man, and as the cop writes the ticket, he is swatting at flies that are swarming him. When he goes to hand the ticket to the farmer, the farmer asks “Having some trouble with ground flies ?”

The officer responds “Yes, but why do you call them ground flies...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a bisexual individual, I think I have the coolest flag out of all of the others in the LGBTQ+ community.

But I guess I’m biased.

A popular joke within the Jewish community: Four Rabbis are arguing late at night over a passage of the Talmud

Three of the four rabbis argue that the text proves humanity is inherently evil. The fourth rabbi argues that human consciousness means we can choose all of our actions without moral disposition.
After three more hours of arguing, the fourth rabbi shouts, “ADONAI, IF I AM CORRECT, GIVE ME A SIGN!...

My New Years resolution was to give back to the community.

I don’t want to seem like I’m bragging, but this coming school year, I’m becoming a volunteer crossing guard for an online school.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke

Jeff and Tim were sitting at a bar drinking, and Jeff turned to Tim and said, “y’know i never got me a proper education. I think I’ll go down to the community college and sign up for some classes”.
So Jeff later that day went to the community college and spoke to a man and the man told him “I’ll ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An uneducated man decides to give college a second chance. He walks up to the Dean of his local community college and says, "I want to learn something new, I haven't learned much and I want to learn more,". "Great, which class would you like to take?" said the Dean.

"Which classes do you offer?" responded the man.

"We have all sorts of classes, from science to logic," said the Dean.

"What's logic?" asked the man.

"Well, I can use information to assume something." Said the Dean.

"How?" asked the Man.

"Take this scenario, d...

Community Problems

A politician goes to a far-flung village and asks what the problems in the community are.

"There are two problems here, Sir," one of the villagers say. "The first problem is that we have a clinic but no doctor."

Upon hearing this, the politician gets his cellphone and talks to someone....

Did you hear about the guy who joined a blind community?

He was never seen again

Say what you will about Trump, but in the end, he kept the promise he made in 2016 about restoring respect for America in the international community.

All he had to do was lose in 2020.

An atheist decides he was to be Jewish...

An atheist is inspired by the Jewish philosophy and approach to religion, how it's built around questioning and responding with more and deeper questions. He's not sold on the God stuff, but decides he can look past that if it means getting to engage with a thoughtful, inquisitive community.

...

I tried starting an anarchist community.

Nobody would follow the rules.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Finding an ancient community

Not a joke, but just wondering if anyone here came from the community that understood:
- "purple, because aliens don't wear hats"
- "the horse name was Friday"
- "Nevil's basement"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard about the possible outbreak of the Coronavirus in the Amish community?

It was a false alarm, No fever, but people did get a little hoarse and buggy.

Do you think Amy Schumer knows about this community?

Her career could skyrocket if she discovered us.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a wasp that lived in a jungle.

This was not your ordinary wasp though; he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself,...

Opposites

A theology professor at a rural community college started the class by asking the students, "What is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said one student. "And the opposite of depression?" "Elation," said another. "And how about the opposite of woe?"

A redneck in the back of the class stood up f...

Reddit is really a green community,

considering all the recycled content on here.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A City doctor visits a tribal community.

A city doctor once visits a tribal community. He starts asking various questions.

He asked “how do you guys relieve sexual tension?”

“ Just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you.

”The next day the doctor shows up the river bank and notices a group of men and a donke...

Soviet financial inspector visits a synagogue

Soviet financial inspector visits synagogue with a mission to prove that local Jewish community hides some profits from tax authorities.

As he looks through the books and find nothing suspicious - an idea comes to his mind.

He asks rabbi:

\- Rabbi, soviet authorities sent you 10...

The whole story

It was evident from the start that Joe Bob was kind but wasn’t very bright. His bumbling and stumbling often irritated people greatly, and so, they became impatient with him. Joe Bob’s mother worried endlessly for her son until one day she went to seek the advice of a wise old woman that lived in a ...

In my community we have a neighborhood watch,

It's actually more like a clock tower.

Lawyers

The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity....

Did you hear the one about the LGBTQ2S+ community?

They're working together to build the perfect password

I got a $900 fine and a month of community service for urinating in public...

If you ask me it was a harsh punishment for only a wee crime.

I'll see myself out.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.

I gave him a glass of water.
I love supporting the community.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Polish Rocket Scientists Announce to the World They're Going to the Sun in a Spaceship

The entire world wide scientific community swiftly points out that the Sun is too hot for such a journey and they'd quickly burn up to which they replied very smugly: "Ah SEE! We've thought of this and have a plan!.....We're going at NIGHT!"

I do not mean to offend anyone and my apologies to ...

It must've been terrible for some in the LGBT+ community,

Because no one is encouraged to come out now.

A rabbi, a priest and an imam discuss about what they do with the money their community put into their offering bag.

The rabbi says “I draw a small circle onto the ground, then I throw all the money into the air. The coins that land in the circle I keep for myself. The rest is for Jehovah and the synagogue”

The imam replies “I do almost the same. I draw a big circle onto the group, throw the money and every...

A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They were appalled at his spiky hair, pierced nose, tattoos and a bad attitude. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Honey," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."

"Of course he is," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing...

I like to do my bit for the community.

Just the other day I took a homeless man off the streets.

Now I just need to wipe down my spade.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does the Anti-Vax community and a clogged toilet have in common?

Both will leave you waist deep in shit if you tend to ignore them.

Did you know that Brian May, the guitarist from British rockband Queen, has a PhD on Astrophysics?

Yeah, he started his schooling before Queen formed, and achieved his PhD in 2007. One of his dissertations is heavily criticized by the science community though, and it's because he has an odd theory of what causes the Earth's rotation.

You see, he thinks that 'Fat Bottomed Girls make the Roc...

Last night I visited a fetishist community website for the first time

Why are there so many dudes called Dom?

I am the biggest supporter of the LGBTQ community you'll ever find

Let's go buy tacos & quesadillas anytime!

Trump used to love the LGBTQ community...

Until he found out it doesn't stand for "Loans Given By The Qataris"

There's one problem about the LGBTQ community

None of them can think straight

What are the LGBTQ community's favorite electronic components?

Transistors

I am a member of an online community which appreciates & discusses the programming language C.

We call ourselves the 'C-Men'.

Trump is the best friend the African-American community ever had.

He will literally do anything for a black mail.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pleading to the r/jokes community. Can we please stop all the "this is an old joke" comments?

I mean, every joke that makes it to the front page has the obligatory "this is an old joke", "I've heard this before" comment. Unless the OP literally made the joke up themselves, then *every* joke on here has been heard before. My internal response to those comments is always "NO SHIT."

Ye...

environmentalists discover a secluded community where everybody recycles

r/Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I knew a lady whose idea of community service was giving handjobs to blue collar workers.

She was a jack off all trades.

Given the tragedy of the Australian fires ravaging the country for weeks, the streaming community would like to extend our heartfelt sympathy.

Our Thots and Players are with you.

Why are priests always doing service in the community?

Because of their religious convictions

Workers from a small russian community recently gathered together to fix one of the bells in an old historical bell tower.

Because in soviet russia, bell saved by you!

What do you call a summer program that aims to assist the Jewish community by helping their children overcome the difficulties of ADHD?

Seriously, because my first idea was a huge flop.

Being a member of the LGBTQ+ community is completely normal.

And I would never make a joke about such a straight thing.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.