The 50+ Best Leaf Jokes

A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?

The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.

The eldest of three siblings comes up to his mother and asks: "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Leaf?"

"Well, honey," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a leaf landed on your head."

Satisfied, the child goes away.

Later, the middle child tugs at her mother's hand. "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Feather?"

"Well, darling," the mother says, "it's because when...

Why shouldn't you iron a 4 leaf clover?

You don't want to press your luck!

My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it all the time to show how much it meant to me.

One day, I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller's. Unfortunately they told me that my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.

It was a sham rock.

I just found out Canada isn’t real.

Turns out it was all maple leaf.

I just saw this guy going up a hill with a wheelbarrow full of horseshoes, four leaf clovers and rabbit's feet.

I thought: “He’s pushing his luck!”

Two Canadians End up in Hell...

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan...

What's the difference between the Toronto Maple Leafs and a sperm donor?

One blows leads, the other blows loads

I heard the Toronto Maple Leafs now have the milk board as their sponsor.

Now they only have to put in 2% of the effort.

A Nun walks into Hooters

A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room...

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I trapped a couple of vegans in my basement.

At least I think they're vegan. They keep shouting 'lettuce leaf!'

What did one tea leaf say to the other tea leaf?

This is a fine mesh we've gotten ourselves into!

I used to own a wheelbarrow full of four-leaf clovers...

But then I realized I really shouldn't push my luck.

There were 3 brothers: Little Snowflake, Little Leaf, and Little Brick...

So one day Little Snowflake goes up to his mum and asks her:
- Why am I called like this?
- Because when you were born, a Snowflake fell on your forehead
So Lil' Snowie all excited goes up to his brothers and tells them that they should ask what about their names, so Little Leaf goes up to ...

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What do you call someone who's sexually attracted to trees?

A leaf blower.

This year, I've decided to turn over a new Leaf

Dealership wasn't very happy.

A dispute between two vegans at green grocers shop turned violent when one of them started throwing a leaf vegetable with somewhat jagged leaves at the other! The second vegan responded by picking them up and hurling them back!

It was either kale or be kaled.

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A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

What fell to the floor first ... The depressed kid or a leaf???

The leaf cause the boy was left hanging

There was an Irish botanist that was trying to cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy...

He was hoping for a rash of good luck.

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A man goes to the doctor with a lettuce leaf in his arse

Doctor says "no worries we can remove this easily"
Man replies "doc, this is just the tip of the iceberg"

A Chicago Blackhawks fan, a Boston Bruins fan, a Montreal Canadiens fan, and a Toronto Maple Leafs fan are climbing up a cliff.

They are arguing over who is most loyal to their team. It gets to the point where, when they are halfway up the cliff, the Bruins fan yells, "This is for Boston!" He then jumps off the cliff and dies.

The three remaining climbers continue to climb until they are three-quarters of the way up t...

They say dracula has turned over a new leaf

He's been re-vamped

The secret to making slow cooked chili is placing the bay leaf on top, not the bottom.

A good chili doesn't rest on its laurels.

What do you call an aged leaf drink?

Maturi-Tea

What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?

Absent-tea parent.

Why is the forest floor covered in leaf litter?

Because nature abhors a vacuum

leaf blowers are dangerous in battle

i hear they’re leaf-al

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Three people want to get into heaven

St Nicholas is the gatekeeper.

He says they must give him something related to Christmas to get in.

The first person reaches into his pockets and pulls out a leaf

St Nick looks confused, and says “How does this relate to Christmas?”

She replied “Mistletoe”, St N...

What do the Titanic and The Toronto Maple Leafs have in common...

They both look great until they hit the ice.

I turned over a brand new leaf today...

the folks at the Nissan dealership were not very happy with me.

My leaf blower doesn’t work

It just sucks!

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A grandfather and his grandchild leaf through the old family album and find a WW2-era photo

The grandchild asks who the uniformed people on the photo are and the grandfather solemnly says: “It’s the Nazis, kid. They were very, very bad men who murdered a great lot of innocent people, they made war and enslaved other people and they were against any freedom. Very, very bad men.”

The ...

Whats the difference between an emo kid and a leaf both falling from a tree?

Only the leaf reached the ground.

What does a Maple leaf fan do when they win the cup?

Turn off their console and go to sleep.

What do Maple Leaf players have in common with Abe Lincoln?

They can't finish a play.

I got fired from my job of making leaf blowers...

because they all sucked.

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the toronto maple leafs were so bad at hockey the...

organization decided, 'ya know what, we got this group of guys here. great with their hands. lets just fuckin open a chain of pizzerias'.

Brilliant, I happened to be living in toronto at the time and wanted some za, called them for a plain cheez. & they couldnt deliver.

Eve wore a fig leaf in the garden but what did Adam wear?

He wore a hole in that fig leaf.

How many Toronto Maple Leaf fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Nobody knows.

They always say they'll do it next year.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Mama, why is my brother's name Leaf?"

"Because when he was born, a leaf fell on his head."

"Well, why is my sister named Rose?"

"When she was born, a rose petal fell on her head."

"Then why is my name Brick?"

"Look, we just got sick of the nature theme, okay? Deal with it and be grateful your name isn't JizzA...

A mother had three sons: Leaf, Feather and Brick.

Leaf came one day to his mom and said: "Mom, why did you call me Leaf?"

"Well son, ", replied his mom, "When you were born a leaf fell on your head and it was so cute and I couldn't hold myself from naming you like that".

Years passed and Feather came one day to his mom and said: "Mom...

What do you call a salad leaf that constantly works out?

Shredded lettuce

A man and his wife were discussing what they thought their son might be when he grew up.

"I have an idea," said the father. He put a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. "If he takes the money he'll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey he'll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible that means he'll be a preacher."

So the man and his wife hide just be...

Two ants, Jack and Rose, are sitting on a leaf on water. Suddenly, a small tide comes and upturns the leaf. Only the girl ant sinks…

…because the other is a buoy ant

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A Man with a leaf of cabbage stuck in his ass went to the doctors...

"Doctor! Doctor! theres a piece of lettuce stuck in my ass, what should I do?"

The Doctor had a look and replied "would you like the good news, or the bad news first?"

"the good news" asked the Man.

"The good news is, it's only a piece of lettuce"

"and the bad news?"
<...

What do the Titanic and The Toronto Maple Leafs have in common...

The last picture of the Titanic was in Black&White, so was the last picture of the Maple Leafs with the Stanley Cup

What's the difference between a Toronto Maple Leafs fan and a 14-year old girl?

Nothing. They are both just waiting for the first period to be over.

How does loose leaf watch TV?

Paper-view

My 11 year old Niece told me this joke today.

A dad is driving his three kids to school. The first kid asks, "Dad, why did you call me blossom?" The dad answered, "when you were born and we left the hospital, a leaf fell from a blossom tree. So we called you blossom."

The second kid then asks, "why did you call me Daisy?" The dad answere...

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