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Grandpa tells his grandson, "All you kids do these days is play video games."

"When I was your age", he continued, "my buddies and I went to Paris; we went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, we didn't pay for our drinks all night and when the bartender complained we pissed on him”

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the M...

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Which character is the gayest video game character of all time?

Pacman — who eats 200 balls each game.

I asked a Frenchman if he played video games.

He said Wii.

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What is Hitler's favourite video game?

Mein kraft

My 12 year old just told me a joke

He said “I’ve been trying to cut down the amount of video games I play, I’m only playing for 30 minutes before I go to bed. Last night I went to bed 8 times.”

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Why do grandmas always watch porn videos until the very end?

To see if they get married.

A horse, a sheep, and a chicken lived together on a farm.

The horse had long dreamed of learning to play the guitar.


So the horse rings a music shop and he says, “Hey, I’d love to learn to play guitar. Is there anyone who can teach me”?


The music shop manager says “That’s not an issue, let’s get you started on some music lessons.” ...

Dating in 2020's is like video games lootboxs

You don't know what you are getting unless you pay enough money and discover later on

My 5 year old son found videos meant for adults only...

...but he obviously couldn't understand the advanced calculus lectures from my university, so he stopped watching.

YouTube keeps showing me videos of vice-presidents dancing.

Must be the Al Gore Rhythm…

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My favorite burn I've gotten for being trans

I was born female and transitioned to male. Early on in my transition, my gf and I were playing a video game, and I called her a noob when she died.

Her: Yeah okay Pinocchio.

Me: Pinocchio?

Her: You know... "I want to be a real boy!"

Edit: thanks for all the support and a...

a joke that i saw in a youtube video a few years back

Two markets were flying in the the sky, when suddenly Market 1 stops and says "Wait a minute, markets don't fly", to which Market 2 responds "Oh, right" before falling down to the ground. Upon landing Market 2 looks up and sees Market 1 still up above, so he shouts "Why are you still flying? Markets...

How do amputees win video games?

Single-handedly

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I like my sex life like how I like my video games

Single player

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the m...

I saw a video on the news the other night of the former president with his hand shoved up under his arm making musical farting noises... I really enjoyed it!

I love a good Trump-pit solo!

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter,...

Why are you always watching other people play video games on Twitch son? Sounds boring.

Anyway, gotta catch the football game on TV.

My wife is into these pimple popping videos on YouTube.

She's completely abcessed.

I love video games with a female protagonist.

It's a breath of fresh air when you're married to a female antagonist.

I beat my chiropodist at poker, pool, darts, table tennis AND 15 different video games, but at no point did he stop smiling.

The man knows how to deal with de feet.

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So my girlfriend told me we could watch a porno for my birthday and do everything that we saw in the video

I was so freaking excited, until she fucked the pizza guy. :(

I went to video shop the other day and said can I borrow batman forever?

He said no. You’ll have to bring it back on Tuesday.

If a male video game character squats on a downed opponent it's called "Tea Bagging" when a female character does it it's called...

"Clam Dipping"

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business. His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!" "I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"



A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"

The kid ignores him.

"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"

The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."<...

If video games were a human body, which would be the worst part?

Defeat

Son, we need to talk

Yes, dad?

Your mother said she saw you watching inappropriate videos online. Those videos are trash, they're garbage and if you keep watching them, you'll go blind!

Dad?

Yes, son?

I'm over here.

I recently came home to my wife, slightly drunk, watching something on the TV. "No! Don't go in there! Don't be so stupid!" she was shouting...

Turns out she was watching our wedding video.

Me and my girlfriend split up because she said I thought about video games too much.

It’s such a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

Just a friendly 4th of July reminder

That absolutely no one is going to watch the videos of the fireworks you recorded on your phone

What is the most expensive video-streaming service at this time?

College.

what kind of video games do dogs like?

Anyone with a fetch quest

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My first YouTube video!

I'm starting a YouTube channel! My first video will be a poor edit of my weird opinions on Japanese mushrooms supposedly giving you diarrhea.

"Shit takes of shit takes on Shiitake shit aches"

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How many engineers does it take to fix the Reddit video player?

.....



No one knows because it's still fucking broken.

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Pornhub now has a category for Coronavirus videos

It's for sick fucks.

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Three devout Italian nuns passed away…

Alt the gate, St Peter said they could come in - but as a reward for having led absolutely blameless lives, he would allow them all to return to Earth in the body of anyone, living or dead, at any time of their lives, for 6 months.

The first thought a bit, and said she would like to be Sophia...

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What does a Tiktok video and a penis have in common

They're not very long, only last for 30 seconds, and are always dissapointments.

What is the favorite video game console of the french?

It's the "oui" (wii)

What do you call a high resolution video taken during Jesus' resurrection?

ADHD

Whenever the wife and I fight I sit down and watch my wedding video in reverse

I take the wedding band off her finger, hand her back to her dad and walk out of the chapel with my best mate

Two women who recently died were waiting at the Gates of Heaven

Woman 1: “So, how did you die?”

Woman 2: “I froze to death.”

Woman 1: “Wow, that must’ve been so painful. I’m so sorry.”

Woman 2: “It was, but after a while you go numb & don’t feel as much. How did you die?”

Woman 1: “Well, I thought my husband was cheating on me. So...

"Zoom meetings" is a stupid name, and it's branded. We should call it a bit more casual like "coworker video chat"...

Or something shorter, like "co-vid".

Free speech in China

Here is a joke I posted on r/Sino that got me banned from there:

A liberal Western bourgeois bohemian meets with a capitalist Chinese Maoist Communist in a bar. The Western liberal brags to the Chinese communist that in her country, she has so much free speech that she can stream videos to m...

I Tried to walk out of my job at the Video game company

But in the end I couldn't get past the boss

Thomas the Tank Engine's friend Fernando, who does the Mexico route was caught on dash cam video accelerating instead of braking for a stuck church van full of disabled children while yelling obscenities and screaming USA USA

When asked about his reasons for such carnage he said he's just loco and those are loco motives.

(Made it up with my son)

What did the video say to audio?

You are missing the big picture.

( This is an original)

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My girlfriend said that we will do something from a porn video for you birthday.

I didn't like it when she started to fuck the pizza delivery guy.

My son video called me this morning.

He said “Dad, couldn’t you have given me a better name than video?”

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What are the main differences between weed, alcohol, pizza, vagina, an inexpensive car, candy, porn, video games, pointless arguments on the internet and a healthy workout routine?

Well it’s simple really. People that browse r/jokes can acquire weed, alcohol, pizza, an inexpensive car, candy, video games, and pointless arguments on the internet !

A disturbing but true story about me

When I was born, my mother died and my father abandoned me. So I spent my entire childhood with my aunt and uncle.

When I was in my late teens, I stumbled upon a video that my sister had made of herself. It was then that I realized that she was really, really hot. I watched the video twice, a...

what did the ufo denier say when shown undeniable video proof of alien spaceships and was even told that one of those spaceships houses the leader of the universe?

“which craft?”

A joke I found on the comments section of a youtube video.

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to...

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A man is shopping at an adult video store when the cashier tells him, "If you're looking for something extra, check out the room in the back..."

Curious, the man heads to the back of the store and finds a long hallway lined with gloryholes. As soon as he walks in, he hears seductive coos and beckoning comments from behind each wall. Peering into some of the holes, he is surprised to see gorgeous women from all around the world waiting on the...

A blonde and a brunette are watching the evening news...

When a story comes on with a video of a man standing on a bridge threatening to jump. The brunette says, "I'll bet you $20 he jumps." The blonde replies, "I'll take that action!"

After watching for 5 minutes or so the man jumps from the bridge and the blonde reluctantly gives $20 to the brune...

What is Alabama's most popular video game?

Super Smash Brothers

I just watched this cool video about Pluto’s reclassification!

It was very ex-planetary.

What's prince zukos favorite video game?

Dishonored

I took a video of my shoe yesterday.

It was some pretty good footage

Watched a video about handicaps

Strangely the comments weren't disabled

I had a dream (true story) that I was watching YouTube videos on how to turn large animals into cars.

Taxidermy.

I watched the video of my wedding backwards.

I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.

Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

Why can't a pulsar be observed by any computer controlled optical telescope?

Video killed the radio star.

A boy wakes up on his birthday and is excited for presents.

However he finds none anywhere and then his mother arrives. "Yo, yo yo, new bike, a lil video game and one toy soldier boy!" she sings "What? Where are my presents?" he demands. The mother says: "Your father told me I had to rap the presents."

Saw some videos about the fires burning near Athens.

Apparently nobody told the firefighters that you can't use water to put out a Greece fire.

A Man was watching TV one day, when all of a sudden he began screaming in terror.

"Don't go in the Church!" He cried


"it's a trap!"




"Mom, is Dad watching a horror movie?" His son asked



"No dear, He's watching our wedding video." The mom replied

I made a video about the symbiotic relationships between fungus and algae

Don't forget to lichen subscribe!

What do you call a potato that makes videos for the internet?

A YouTUBER.

My ex wife kept the only copy of our wedding video.

I can’t see myself getting married again.

what do you call a can of fish in a misspelled french garden?

Jardines

(Got inspired by a video game for this one)

Youtube is introducing a new system of recommending youtube videos

The old system seemed to be biased towards videos of old presidential candidates playing beat and tempo games, so they finally decided to retire the al-gore-rhythm

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My wife was screaming and yelling at the tv, “Don’t go to church you stupid bitch,” I said “what are you watching?”

She said, “Our wedding video.”

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My Favourite Joke

Some time ago, when I was a teenager, I went to my uncle’s farm. I, a city boy, didn’t want to go but my cousins insisted and convinced me. It was a nice experience at first but after a few days there I was bored as fuck with no tv, no internet, no video games, and just seeing my cousins 24h a day.<...

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What is Hitler's video-game called?

Mein Craft.

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This morning my daughter asked if she could watch titty videos.

Did you know that sometimes little kids make a t sound when they mean to make a k sound?

Anyway I gotta go I'm in a bunch of trouble.

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Why did the pornography video editor get a raise?

He works hard.

Video app

There’s a new video app for people with no parents, it’s called OrFans.

If Reddit was a video game, it'd be really broken and unbalanced

Because everyone would be OP

My friend can’t decide what video game system to get for Christmas ...

... Nobody can console him.

Hey, I like dark humour, I can't help myself. Last week I saw a video of a kid getting hit by a car and just BURST out laughing...

The police officers didn't seem impressed but I just told them, "you had to be there".

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Ok r/askreddit if you had to give up video games or blow jobs for the rest of your life what would you choose?

Edit: Yea guys I'd pick blow jobs too, they hurt my jaw

My dumbass brother made a YouTube video by firing dad's taser at the camera.

What happened next will shock you.

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Things I've learned from video games

My mother has been fucked to death many times.

I'm really a cigarette in disguise.

I'm also actually of African descent, my father will be very upset to find that one out. Though my real father is probably one of those random people who fucked her to death.

A lot of people are m...

DIY videos - Do It Yourself

When I try to follow them, it becomes >! DIY - Destroy It Yourself !< :)

How do you identify a Christian extremist YouTube video without watching it?

It has 665 likes.

My life was ruined by my obsession with video games.

Fortunately, I had another two lives.

My friend just emailed me a compressed nsfw video

sigh... *unzips*

Video games never made me angry or want to hurt people.

Working in customer service already did that.

What Do People and Video Game Consoles Have in Common?

No one can agree on which generation is the best.

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