If a male video game character squats on a downed opponent it's called "Tea Bagging" when a female character does it it's called...

"Clam Dipping"

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So my girlfriend told me we could watch a porno for my birthday and do everything that we saw in the video

I was so freaking excited, until she fucked the pizza guy. :(

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How many engineers does it take to fix the Reddit video player?

.....



No one knows because it's still fucking broken.

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What does a Tiktok video and a penis have in common

They're not very long, only last for 30 seconds, and are always dissapointments.

Two women who recently died were waiting at the Gates of Heaven

Woman 1: “So, how did you die?”

Woman 2: “I froze to death.”

Woman 1: “Wow, that must’ve been so painful. I’m so sorry.”

Woman 2: “It was, but after a while you go numb & don’t feel as much. How did you die?”

Woman 1: “Well, I thought my husband was cheating on me. So...

I Tried to walk out of my job at the Video game company

But in the end I couldn't get past the boss

Thomas the Tank Engine's friend Fernando, who does the Mexico route was caught on dash cam video accelerating instead of braking for a stuck church van full of disabled children while yelling obscenities and screaming USA USA

When asked about his reasons for such carnage he said he's just loco and those are loco motives.

(Made it up with my son)

What did the video say to audio?

You are missing the big picture.

( This is an original)

I came home one day.

My wife was watching a movie, she kept on screaming at the TV, don't do it, don't do it.. I asked her what movie she was watching?

She said, a video of our wedding day.

I went to the video store the other day.

It was called "Goodwill"

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business. His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!" "I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"

A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"

The kid ignores him.

"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"

The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."

"...

What do you call a high resolution video taken during Jesus' resurrection?

ADHD

Whenever the wife and I fight I sit down and watch my wedding video in reverse

I take the wedding band off her finger, hand her back to her dad and walk out of the chapel with my best mate

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My grandpa told me, "All you kids do these days is play video games."

"When I was your age", he continued, "my buddies and I went to Paris; we went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, we didn't pay for our drinks all night and when the bartender complained we pissed on him”

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the M...

What is the most expensive video-streaming service at this time?

College

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Pornhub now has a category for Coronavirus videos

It's for sick fucks.

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My girlfriend said that we will do something from a porn video for you birthday.

I didn't like it when she started to fuck the pizza delivery guy.

A disturbing but true story about me

When I was born, my mother died and my father abandoned me. So I spent my entire childhood with my aunt and uncle.

When I was in my late teens, I stumbled upon a video that my sister had made of herself. It was then that I realized that she was really, really hot. I watched the video twice, a...

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What are the main differences between weed, alcohol, pizza, vagina, an inexpensive car, candy, porn, video games, pointless arguments on the internet and a healthy workout routine?

Well it’s simple really. People that browse r/jokes can acquire weed, alcohol, pizza, an inexpensive car, candy, video games, and pointless arguments on the internet !

"Zoom meetings" is a stupid name, and it's branded. We should call it a bit more casual like "coworker video chat"...

Or something shorter, like "co-vid".

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My Favourite Joke

Some time ago, when I was a teenager, I went to my uncle’s farm. I, a city boy, didn’t want to go but my cousins insisted and convinced me. It was a nice experience at first but after a few days there I was bored as fuck with no tv, no internet, no video games, and just seeing my cousins 24h a day.<...

A Man was watching TV one day, when all of a sudden he began screaming in terror.

"Don't go in the Church!" He cried


"it's a trap!"




"Mom, is Dad watching a horror movie?" His son asked



"No dear, He's watching our wedding video." The mom replied

I had a dream (true story) that I was watching YouTube videos on how to turn large animals into cars.

Taxidermy.

what did the ufo denier say when shown undeniable video proof of alien spaceships and was even told that one of those spaceships houses the leader of the universe?

“which craft?”

What is Alabama's most popular video game?

Super Smash Brothers

I just watched this cool video about Pluto’s reclassification!

It was very ex-planetary.

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Why did the one tool seek another tool to be its therapist?

Because sometimes even wrenches need a vice.

P.S.: I had just seen this video on here that showed a special vice grip for certain tools and random shaped objects. Was cool as hell. Enjoy!

My son video called me this morning.

He said “Dad, couldn’t you have given me a better name than video?”

Watched a video about handicaps

Strangely the comments weren't disabled

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Young Timmy rushed out on Christmas morning

Young Timmy rushed out on Christmas morning, anticipating that he'd be getting a new Nintendo Console this year. "Surprise!" shouted his parents. "We know you wanted video games, but we think you need to get outdoors more. We got you this set of fishing gear! Unfortunately, it was rather expensive, ...

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A man is watching TV by himself

After a short time, he yelled at the television, Don't go into that church you stupid ass hole!!! His wife ran into the room, and asked what are you watching... He replied our wedding video

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What do you call a recording of a female to male sex reassignment surgery?

an unboxing video

Youtube is introducing a new system of recommending youtube videos

The old system seemed to be biased towards videos of old presidential candidates playing beat and tempo games, so they finally decided to retire the al-gore-rhythm

Saw some videos about the fires burning near Athens.

Apparently nobody told the firefighters that you can't use water to put out a Greece fire.

A joke I found on the comments section of a youtube video.

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to...

Just A Man Shopping With His Wife

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the follow...

What's prince zukos favorite video game?

Dishonored

My father, who as a child loved baseball, once told me about a time that his dad broke his favorite baseball bat in half because he came home late one night.

When I was younger, and I loved video games, my dad smashed my Playstation after he found a pack of cigarettes in my room. Now, as a father myself, I told myself I'd never do this to *my* son. My son loves BMX and wants to be in the X-Games. Last night I caught him using my credit card to gamble onl...

This joke's idea comes from somewhere I can't remember. I was watching MKay's or FakeJake's video (It was several days ago, and they both post videos reading reddit post.) and I come across the first half of my joke (It isn't a joke, the person was actually asking for the advice through messages.)

Person A: Bro, I need your advice. How do I kindly reject a person. Person B has confessed to me, and I'm not ready yet. He's interesting, but I don't want to date, yet. I told him to wait until tomorrow for my answer.

A's Bro: Tell him, "You and I are reading the same book. But, you are seve...

How many influencers does it take yo change a lightbulb?

One, but it will take 300 videos, over 10 hours and they will stop to comment every eight of a turn.

DIY videos - Do It Yourself

When I try to follow them, it becomes >! DIY - Destroy It Yourself !< :)

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My wife was screaming and yelling at the tv, “Don’t go to church you stupid bitch,” I said “what are you watching?”

She said, “Our wedding video.”

Give me your best kids knock-knock jokes!

My 4 year old is a budding comedian, and her new favourite is knock-knock jokes. She keeps asking me for new ones that she can tell to people, but I can't find many good ones that she will understand.

The current go-to's are:

Knock knock -- Who's there? -- Europe! -- Europe who? -- No,...

I made a video about the symbiotic relationships between fungus and algae

Don't forget to lichen subscribe!

What do you call a potato that makes videos for the internet?

A YouTUBER.

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A man is shopping at an adult video store when the cashier tells him, "If you're looking for something extra, check out the room in the back..."

Curious, the man heads to the back of the store and finds a long hallway lined with gloryholes. As soon as he walks in, he hears seductive coos and beckoning comments from behind each wall. Peering into some of the holes, he is surprised to see gorgeous women from all around the world waiting on the...

Dave is watching TV

Dave is watching TV, on the news there’s a man about to jump off a building, he does, and dies.

Later, Dave’s friend Bob comes over, the news is one and it is playing the same video of the man going to jump off the building, Dave being the tactical person he is says “bet you £5 he’ll jump off...

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Lie detector

Little Johnny's dad buys a lie detector that slaps you when you lie because little Johnny has been lying to him lately. When his detector arrives he's gets excited and wants to try it out. Little Johnny is supposed to be in his room doing his homework. So Johnny's dad takes the detector and walks in...

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This morning my daughter asked if she could watch titty videos.

Did you know that sometimes little kids make a t sound when they mean to make a k sound?

Anyway I gotta go I'm in a bunch of trouble.

Video app

There’s a new video app for people with no parents, it’s called OrFans.

Asked my French friend if he played any video games

He said "wii"

Probably done before: What's a pirate's LEAST favourite letter?

Dear Mr Redbeard,

It has come to our attention that you have been illegally duplicating and reselling copywrited movies without permission.

As such, and utilising the full jurisdiction of the Federal Communications Authority, you are subpoenaed to appear before the Federal Supreme Cour...

Hey, I like dark humour, I can't help myself. Last week I saw a video of a kid getting hit by a car and just BURST out laughing...

The police officers didn't seem impressed but I just told them, "you had to be there".

My ex wife kept the only copy of our wedding video.

I can’t see myself getting married again.

I've been trying to improve at Excel

I keep watching videos and reading tutorials, but I find I am continually regressing.

My dumbass brother made a YouTube video by firing dad's taser at the camera.

What happened next will shock you.

Name’s Juan

Names Juan. A few years ago I’d been living with my girlfriend in her apartment. I’ve been into video games since I was a kid and never took a real interest in learning practical things like how to hit a nail with a hammer. Girlfriend and I met in college and since graduating and moving in together ...

My life was ruined by my obsession with video games.

Fortunately, I had another two lives.

What do you call it when a Mexican youtuber does a video talking about a subject?

A video ese

Hey, have you heard of the person who got dumped over playing too much video games?

That's such a trivial thing to Fallout 4.

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Things I've learned from video games

My mother has been fucked to death many times.

I'm really a cigarette in disguise.

I'm also actually of African descent, my father will be very upset to find that one out. Though my real father is probably one of those random people who fucked her to death.

A lot of people are m...

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Little Johnny

One day Little Johnny was in the car with his father when the cops pull them over.

His father says, "Oh the bastards."

Little Johnny asks, "Daddy, what does bastard mean?"

His father replies, "Oh it's just another name for the cops."

When they get back, Little Johnny's ...

Did you see that viral Indian dance video?

They’ve got some Sikh moves!

I can only see Jane's Addiction videos on YouTube if I stare straight at them

I must've lost my PerryFerrell vision

My brother wanted to get a white noise machine

I told him just to look up Karen videos on YouTube

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German log on to a zoom call

The host wants to check if his video is working, so he says: “Can you all see me?”
The Englishman says “Yes”. The Frenchman says “Oui”. The Spaniard says “Si”. The German says “Ja”.

How do you identify a Christian extremist YouTube video without watching it?

It has 665 likes.

I took a video of my shoe yesterday.

It was some pretty good footage

Why was princess Zelda sad after watching a bunch of YouTube videos?

She couldn't find the link in the description.

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What is Hitler's video-game called?

Mein Craft.

My brother got a new pet hamster.

He wanted to think of a perfect name for him so he pondered for a while. Finally he came up with Cuba Gooding Jr. because he absolutely loved most of his movies.

One day Cuba got out of his cage and we couldn’t find him for hours. We looked everywhere, even into the garage and finally the at...

My friend can’t decide what video game system to get for Christmas ...

... Nobody can console him.

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Ok r/askreddit if you had to give up video games or blow jobs for the rest of your life what would you choose?

Edit: Yea guys I'd pick blow jobs too, they hurt my jaw

I just downloaded Luis Suarez best moments video

It was only three megabytes

What Do People and Video Game Consoles Have in Common?

No one can agree on which generation is the best.

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What video game would Adolf Hitler play?

Mein Kraft

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How does a dog stop a video?

By hitting the paws button!

What do chemists like to watch on YouTube?

Reaction videos.

I watched the video of my wedding backwards.

I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.

Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

If Reddit was a video game, it'd be really broken and unbalanced

Because everyone would be OP

How do you call the random eye movement caused by prolonged video gaming?

A Nintendo Twitch

Do you hear about the man who died playing an erotic video game?

He had his final fantasy.

TIL that in most video games it's better to lose your health during the summer and winter seasons

Because that way you don't have to worry about Fall damage

My friend just emailed me a compressed nsfw video

sigh... *unzips*

How did you know the deaf man was dead via video call?

When I asked if he was okay, he showed no sign of life.

What do online video games and sonnets have in common?

Both end in a GG.

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Since it was such a crappy day, I sat in my recliner and started thinking about life.

I came to realize that as I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore, a friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

Lance Armstrong ... I think i...

Why did the CSI team get called to the set of the Purple Rain video shoot.

They needed to dust for Prince.

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I watch ghost videos whenever i take a poo

They scare the shit out of me

My wife said she wants a divorce because I play too many video games.

What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

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