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So my girlfriend told me we could watch a porno for my birthday and do everything that we saw in the video

I was so freaking excited, until she fucked the pizza guy. :(

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My grandpa told me, "All you kids do these days is play video games."

"When I was your age", he continued, "my buddies and I went to Paris; we went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, we didn't pay for our drinks all night and when the bartender complained we pissed on him”

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the M...

what did the ufo denier say when shown undeniable video proof of alien spaceships and was even told that one of those spaceships houses the leader of the universe?

“which craft?”

What is the most expensive video-streaming service at this time?

College

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business. His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!" "I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"

A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"

The kid ignores him.

"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"

The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."

"...

Youtube is introducing a new system of recommending youtube videos

The old system seemed to be biased towards videos of old presidential candidates playing beat and tempo games, so they finally decided to retire the al-gore-rhythm

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Pornhub now has a category for Coronavirus videos

It's for sick fucks.

Saw some videos about the fires burning near Athens.

Apparently nobody told the firefighters that you can't use water to put out a Greece fire.

"Zoom meetings" is a stupid name, and it's branded. We should call it a bit more casual like "coworker video chat"...

Or something shorter, like "co-vid".

This joke's idea comes from somewhere I can't remember. I was watching MKay's or FakeJake's video (It was several days ago, and they both post videos reading reddit post.) and I come across the first half of my joke (It isn't a joke, the person was actually asking for the advice through messages.)

Person A: Bro, I need your advice. How do I kindly reject a person. Person B has confessed to me, and I'm not ready yet. He's interesting, but I don't want to date, yet. I told him to wait until tomorrow for my answer.

A's Bro: Tell him, "You and I are reading the same book. But, you are seve...

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Why did the pornography video editor get a raise?

He works hard.

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My wife was screaming and yelling at the tv, “Don’t go to church you stupid bitch,” I said “what are you watching?”

She said, “Our wedding video.”

A joke I found on the comments section of a youtube video.

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to...

My son video called me this morning.

He said “Dad, couldn’t you have given me a better name than video?”

What do you call adult-only Chess videos?

Pawn

What's prince zukos favorite video game?

Dishonored

Video app

There’s a new video app for people with no parents, it’s called OrFans.

I made a video about the symbiotic relationships between fungus and algae

Don't forget to lichen subscribe!

Hey, I like dark humour, I can't help myself. Last week I saw a video of a kid getting hit by a car and just BURST out laughing...

The police officers didn't seem impressed but I just told them, "you had to be there".

What do chemists like to watch on YouTube?

Reaction videos.

What do you call a video of a duck?

A ducktape

My brother got a new pet hamster.

He wanted to think of a perfect name for him so he pondered for a while. Finally he came up with Cuba Gooding Jr. because he absolutely loved most of his movies.

One day Cuba got out of his cage and we couldn’t find him for hours. We looked everywhere, even into the garage and finally the at...

My dumbass brother made a YouTube video by firing dad's taser at the camera.

What happened next will shock you.

A man and his friend buy a home that was a previously a brothel.

A man and his friend buy a home that was a previously a brothel. They only had 4 neighbors, a priest, a paranormal investigator, a retired detective, and a woman named Samantha. One night the man begins to hear ghostly, feminine moaning from his friends room, keeping him up until early in the mornin...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German log on to a zoom call

The host wants to check if his video is working, so he says: “Can you all see me?”
The Englishman says “Yes”. The Frenchman says “Oui”. The Spaniard says “Si”. The German says “Ja”.

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Spying on the Wife

A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted a video of his wife's activities.

A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less th...

My life was ruined by my obsession with video games.

Fortunately, I had another two lives.

What do you call a potato that makes videos for the internet?

A YouTUBER.

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This morning my daughter asked if she could watch titty videos.

Did you know that sometimes little kids make a t sound when they mean to make a k sound?

Anyway I gotta go I'm in a bunch of trouble.

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Don't Do It!

A slightly tipsy woman is watching TV and yells: "Don't go to the church you dumb bitch! Don't do it!"

Her husband askes: "What are you watching?"

She replies: "Our wedding video!"

I can only see Jane's Addiction videos on YouTube if I stare straight at them

I must've lost my PerryFerrell vision

Did you see that viral Indian dance video?

They’ve got some Sikh moves!

Hey, have you heard of the person who got dumped over playing too much video games?

That's such a trivial thing to Fallout 4.

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Things I've learned from video games

My mother has been fucked to death many times.

I'm really a cigarette in disguise.

I'm also actually of African descent, my father will be very upset to find that one out. Though my real father is probably one of those random people who fucked her to death.

A lot of people are m...

How do you identify a Christian extremist YouTube video without watching it?

It has 665 likes.

Why was princess Zelda sad after watching a bunch of YouTube videos?

She couldn't find the link in the description.

Asked my French friend if he played any video games

He said "wii"

My ex wife kept the only copy of our wedding video.

I can’t see myself getting married again.

A cop sees a car parked in the local Lover's Lane with the windows all steamed up.

He goes over and taps on the window. The guy inside rolls it down.

The cop looks inside and sees the fellow sitting behind the wheel, fully dressed. There's a young lady sitting in the back seat, also fully dressed.

The cop says, "What are you doing out here?"

Guy says, "I'm wat...

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A man is shopping at an adult video store when the cashier tells him, "If you're looking for something extra, check out the room in the back..."

Curious, the man heads to the back of the store and finds a long hallway lined with gloryholes. As soon as he walks in, he hears seductive coos and beckoning comments from behind each wall. Peering into some of the holes, he is surprised to see gorgeous women from all around the world waiting on the...

I just downloaded Luis Suarez best moments video

It was only three megabytes

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All these reviews people are leaving in the comment section of pornhub

I just hope there’s a pretentious ratatouille style porn critic who sees that one video that sends him back to his childhood when he developed his very first kink

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How does a dog stop a video?

By hitting the paws button!

Johnny with his grandparents

Johnny is staying with his grandparents. Grandma goes out to get groceries, while Grandpa stays home to look after Johnny. When Grandma gets home, the house is a mess. All of the couch cushions are torn up, paint is all over the walls, and the dog is hiding under the bed. Grandma asks Grandpa: "What...

How do you call the random eye movement caused by prolonged video gaming?

A Nintendo Twitch

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Can you spare just $2.00?

Ranji is a 9 year old boy living in Namibia. He has only one leg, one arm and one eye. Each day he rides 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video - it's fucking hilarious!

What Do People and Video Game Consoles Have in Common?

No one can agree on which generation is the best.

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Ok r/askreddit if you had to give up video games or blow jobs for the rest of your life what would you choose?

Edit: Yea guys I'd pick blow jobs too, they hurt my jaw

My friend can’t decide what video game system to get for Christmas ...

... Nobody can console him.

Do you hear about the man who died playing an erotic video game?

He had his final fantasy.

TIL that in most video games it's better to lose your health during the summer and winter seasons

Because that way you don't have to worry about Fall damage

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What is Hitler's video-game called?

Mein Craft.

I need help with this new video I'm making

I want you to say addicted after I finish a phrase.

-Someone who takes to much drugs

-Addicted

-Someone who drinks too much alcohol

-Addicted

-Someone who smokes many cigarettes

-Addicted

-What landed in your mouth this morning?

-Addicted

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I watch ghost videos whenever i take a poo

They scare the shit out of me

Two Philosophers and a YouTuber Meet in the Dead of Night to Discuss their Darkest Secrets

They begin by releasing their darkest secrets in exchange for more secrets. After each of them let out their darkest secrets, the YouTuber asks for a break.

The philosophers tell him that he can take a break, so the YouTuber wanders off while the philosophers remain at the table. With just th...

With all the video content available these days...

It's hard to believe that for five whole years we came back to watch Tattoo yell "the plane, the plane."

How did you know the deaf man was dead via video call?

When I asked if he was okay, he showed no sign of life.

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What video game would Adolf Hitler play?

Mein Kraft

What do you call two sick people on a video call together?

Covid

What do online video games and sonnets have in common?

Both end in a GG.

Why did the CSI team get called to the set of the Purple Rain video shoot.

They needed to dust for Prince.

If Reddit was a video game, it'd be really broken and unbalanced

Because everyone would be OP

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Explaining politics

From a TikTok video (maker unknown, but props to him!):

I went up to my dad and said, "Dad, can I ask you a question? It's for a school project."

My dad said, "For sure son, what's the question?"

I said, "Dad, what is politics?"

My dad said, "Well, let's use our home as a...

I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!

wait....

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Porn videos does not reflect reality

It gives a warped perception of how quickly the plumber will come to your house.

I took a video of my shoe yesterday.

It was some pretty good footage

Australian Grandmaster wins big chess tournament, "so would you like the prize money as cash or..?" "check, mate"

Hey so I won a college chess tournament and are about to go into an Instagram live video with a talkative person(the host,lady) and the college chess coach "Dan" (friend of mine,older) . So what are some jokes I can do?

I'm thinking of..

Host:"so you've played a lot of chess huh?"
...

Turns out having Rick Astley work at a video rental shop is a bad idea.

We had a lot of complaints of him never giving anyone Up.

Just watched this amazing video on camping.

It’s in tents.

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For a school video project, I was partnered with the class bitch

Wanting it to be finished as soon as possible, I told her that I would do most of the project as long as she would stay out of my way. I then realized that my computer was undergoing repairs so I asked her if she had any audio editing software. And let me tell you,


This bitch had the Auda...

My mom is like a YouTube apology video

She never admits she’s wrong

Is it just me, or does the hero of a-ha's Take On Me video...

...seem kinda sketchy?

There was a video caught on camera of a man who actually ate 4 of his toes

Needless to say, it was very shaky Footage.

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Wrote this in r/videos. It made me laugh. Who Want To Be A Millionaire America version.

WWTBAM person: "Oh, you won a million dollars? Let me just get that for you."

Winner: "Thanks."

WWTBAM person: "Ok. First we take a tax cut of 25%."

Winner: "Wait, what?"

WWTBAM person: "Next we're going to seperate it into 20."

Winner: "Hold on a second, what are ...

My friend just emailed me a compressed nsfw video

sigh... *unzips*

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With the arrest for child pornography yesterday, at least Josh Duggar will be remembered for 19 kids and counting...

For the tv show he made in the past, and coincidentally the number of videos found so far on his hard drive.

I'm gonna watch a video on how to stop procrastination....

Nvm, I'll watch it tomorrow.

I always get sad when I watch videos of gorillas using sign language to ask for food.

It's a shame there are so many deaf gorillas.

I don't understand why Youtube demonetized my videos.

It just makes no cents.

A horse is sitting at home, bored, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the ...

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What do you call a farmer who does sexual videos?

A cornstar

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What's does a penis and a video game have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

So there is this video where they say people hate cats..

It's an informative dogumentary.

I watched the video of my wedding backwards.

I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.

Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

A journalist asked Tim Cook why iPhones are so expensive

"Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth payin...

A man was watching TV and enjoying a beer.

Don't go," he yelled at the screen. "Do not enter that building. Walk away. Argh, you stupid man!"

His wife called from the kitchen, "What on earth are you watching?"

"Our wedding video."

I think video games like Call of Duty set a terrible example for children.

There's no lag when you shoot someone in real life.

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