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Video Jokes

What is the most expensive video-streaming service at this time?

College

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If r/Jokes posts were like YouTube videos

Joke title: IS THIS THE WORLD'S FUNNIEST JOKE?

Hello welcome to my joke, this joke is sponsored by BackdooredVPN, get the VPN service for just $29.95 a month. Also sponsored by Microtransaction Legends, download the app for free today.

Before we share the joke we want to remind you tha...

Wife asks: Why are you watching our wedding video backwards?

— I like the part when I take the ring off your finger, leave church and go to the bar with friends.

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Grandpa tells his grandson, "All you kids do these days is play video games."

"When I was your age", he continued, "my buddies and I went to Paris; we went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, we didn't pay for our drinks all night and when the bartender complained we pissed on him”

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the M...

I watched the video of my wedding backwards.

I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.

Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

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Pornhub now has a category for Coronavirus videos

It's for sick fucks.

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I told my boyfriend we could watch a porn for his birthday and do everything that we saw in the video…

I He was super psyched, until I fucked the pizza guy.

If Cersei Lannister was a video game,

She'd be Smash Bros.

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What video game would Adolf Hitler play?

Mein Kraft.

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I told my boyfriend we could watch a porn for his birthday and do everything that we saw in the video…

He wasn't happy when I started banging the doctor at my next visit.



Thanks, Johnny Sins.

What is Owen Willsons favorite video game?

WoW

My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much...

What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

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Wife: Stop pretending your life is a youtube video!! It's ruining our marriage!

Me: Do you guys think it's ruining our marriage? Let me know in the comments below!

I went to the local video shop and asked if I could borrow Batman Forever.

They said no, you’ll have to bring it back tomorrow.

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There's going to be a list published of the top 10 most viewed porn videos.

What is the world coming to?

If a male video game character squats on a downed opponent it's called "Tea Bagging" when a female character does it it's called...

"Clam Dipping"

I took a video of my shoe yesterday.

It was some pretty good footage

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his business.

His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!"

"I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"

A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"

The kid ignores him.

"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDr...

How do you make the best Harlem Shake video?

You throw a flashbang into a room of epileptic children.

My son video called me this morning.

He said “Dad, couldn’t you have given me a better name than video?”

Video games are great, they let you try your craziest fantasies

For example, on the sims, you can have a job and a house

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A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"

Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"

"Our wedding video"

My 5 year old son found videos meant for adults only...

...but he obviously couldn't understand the advanced calculus lectures from my university, so he stopped watching.

What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera?

Phil Ming

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I like my sex life like how I like my video games

Single player

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My friend gave me a porno video.

When it put it in the player all it had was a blurred picture of some old, fat, bald guy naked and having a wank. I was fucking furious until I realised I had forgotten to turn on the TV.

What do werewolves say at the end of their YouTube videos?

"Lycan subscribe!"

Video games never made me angry or want to hurt people.

Working in customer service already did that.

What's Han Solo's favorite type of video game?

First person shooter.

What do you call a video of an emo, appearing in a video game??

A cut scene.

Watching my wedding video in reverse brought tears to my eyes

I took off her wedding ring, returned her to her dad, and moonwalked my way out of the church.

My girlfriend texted me that the relationship cannot continue because I played too much video games.

Looks like it was my Destiny 2 break up with her.

"Zoom meetings" is a stupid name, and it's branded. We should call it a bit more casual like "coworker video chat"...

Or something shorter, like "co-vid".

I started watching exercise videos to get in shape.

So far I've watched several dozen videos, but haven't lost any weight. I'd quit watching them, but I've lost the remote and I'd have to get off the couch to turn off the TV.

I watched a video on how to improve my foreplay

It wasn't too bad once I skipped past the boring part at the beginning.

Concerned that his son was spending too much time on video games, a dad told him, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.”

“Oh yeah?” the son retorts. “Well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States.”

I asked a Frenchman if he played video games

He said ‘Wii’

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My neighbors started makes sex videos.

They just don't know it yet.

My friend just emailed me a compressed nsfw video

sigh... *unzips*

Prices of video streaming services annually has now been concluded..

Netflix: £71.99
Prime Video: £79.99
Disney+: £59.99
University: £9200

Did you hear about that new video game where you play a baker who's addicted to drugs?

It's called "Knead for Speed".

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Which character is the gayest video game character of all time?

Pacman — who eats 200 balls each game.

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My favorite burn I've gotten for being trans

I was born female and transitioned to male. Early on in my transition, my gf and I were playing a video game, and I called her a noob when she died.

Her: Yeah okay Pinocchio.

Me: Pinocchio?

Her: You know... "I want to be a real boy!"

Edit: thanks for all the support and a...

How do amputees win video games?

Single-handedly

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A man wanted to shoot a porn video with his girlfriend

But he came too fast and created a gif.

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How did Kanye find out that Kim was bound, gagged, and held at gunpoint?

She released the video on pornhub.


(Too soon?)

Dating in 2020's is like video games lootboxs

You don't know what you are getting unless you pay enough money and discover later on

Why was princess Zelda sad after watching a bunch of YouTube videos?

She couldn't find the link in the description.

Why does Jesus hates playing video games?

Because it takes him three days to respawn.

My 12 year old just told me a joke

He said “I’ve been trying to cut down the amount of video games I play, I’m only playing for 30 minutes before I go to bed. Last night I went to bed 8 times.”

a joke that i saw in a youtube video a few years back

Two markets were flying in the the sky, when suddenly Market 1 stops and says "Wait a minute, markets don't fly", to which Market 2 responds "Oh, right" before falling down to the ground. Upon landing Market 2 looks up and sees Market 1 still up above, so he shouts "Why are you still flying? Markets...

A journalist asked Tim Cook why iPhones are so expensive

"Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth payin...

TIL the movie Starship Troopers was never adapted into a successful video game because...

...bugs.

My wife and I found some S&M videos on my son's computer...

"What should we do?"

"Well, we can't spank him."

What does Senator Lindsey Graham, Upcoming Game of Thrones Book "Dream of Spring" and Video Game Star Citizen have in common?

None of them are ever coming out!





You're welcome

Video app

There’s a new video app for people with no parents, it’s called OrFans.

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I heard pornhub plant a tree for every 100 videos watched

I guess I’m gonna “single handedly” save the planet then

Why is everyone criticising EA?

I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.

($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this pa...

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What is Hitler's video-game called?

Mein Craft.

I love video games with a female protagonist.

It's a breath of fresh air when you're married to a female antagonist.

What is Will Smith's favorite mobile video game?

Slap Kings

what kind of video games do dogs like?

Anyone with a fetch quest

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What’s a cat’s favorite part of a video game?

The PAWS button!

If Reddit was a video game, it'd be really broken and unbalanced

Because everyone would be OP

In 2019 I will only watch 4K videos

It is my New Year’s resolution.

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Pornhub was just banned in Arkansas, but there's a catch. Before you can gain access, you have to watch at least one video of dwarf MILF content.

That's the bare mini mum.

What did the video say to audio?

You are missing the big picture.

( This is an original)

Watched a video about handicaps

Strangely the comments weren't disabled

What do you call someone who's on top of everything when it comes to news, technology, video games, nsfw, and everything else?

an Apex redditor

I was playing video games last night while my son was sitting next to me watching. He said, "dad I wish real life was more like video games."

So I locked him in his room and told him if he wants access to the rest of the house he will have to pay .99 for the DLC.

What resolution does a racist shoot his videos in?

3K

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Why do grandmas always watch porn videos until the very end?

To see if they get married.

My friend developed a video streaming app that rejects every choice you make, and plays random Russian videos instead

He calls it *Nyetflix*

So I just watched the music video for Radioactive, and if you think fighting stuffed animals are weird…

Imagine Dragons.

I can't stand the ignorance of some reddit commenters

The reason they do this is because they want to show what they know about the issue, it gives them sense of worth and want to feel validated. I know this because I ~~have a degree in psychology~~ saw a youtube video

What do you call a high resolution video taken during Jesus' resurrection?

ADHD

One day a horse is watching a music video [Long]

One day a horse is watching a music video and decides that he himself, wants to make a music video.



In preparation, he goes to the phone book and looks up a local music teacher. He calls him up and says


"Hey, I saw that you teach musical instruments, and I really want to ...

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Things I've learned from video games

My mother has been fucked to death many times.

I'm really a cigarette in disguise.

I'm also actually of African descent, my father will be very upset to find that one out. Though my real father is probably one of those random people who fucked her to death.

A lot of people are m...

Video

Did a video of my hubby playing the piano with his toes... Great footage...

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What does a Tiktok video and a penis have in common

They're not very long, only last for 30 seconds, and are always dissapointments.

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I always use incognito mode when looking at porn and video game walkthroughs.

I don't want my wife to think I'm a cheater.

If video games were a human body, which would be the worst part?

Defeat

My ex wife kept the only copy of our wedding video.

I can’t see myself getting married again.

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Caught a young boy stealing a video game from a video shop.

I said, "Little fella, if I was your dad, I wouldn't be best pleased."

"Why's that, fuck face? Never witnessed a crime before?" he blurted out, surprisingly.

I said, "It's not that. You're just not very handsome."

My wife is into these pimple popping videos on YouTube.

She's completely abcessed.

A disturbing but true story about me

When I was born, my mother died and my father abandoned me. So I spent my entire childhood with my aunt and uncle.

When I was in my late teens, I stumbled upon a video that my sister had made of herself. It was then that I realized that she was really, really hot. I watched the video twice, a...

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Hey guys, YouTube recommended me a video on "How to identify if a guy is gay".

Easiest would be to ask them, then again we wouldn't know if they're gonna give a straight answer.

A joke I found on the comments section of a youtube video.

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to...

Why are you always watching other people play video games on Twitch son? Sounds boring.

Anyway, gotta catch the football game on TV.

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Sex is like a video game for me.

I usually just watch gameplay footage of it but never actually play it myself.

I dressed up as Spider-Man in my last video and I got 2 copyright strikes!

One from Marvel and one from Fleshlight.

Whenever the wife and I fight I sit down and watch my wedding video in reverse

I take the wedding band off her finger, hand her back to her dad and walk out of the chapel with my best mate

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Wife: Harry what the heck? I thought you were fixing the fucking sink!

Husband: Well yeah, I'm watching a video on how to do it.

Wife: And when does that part come?

Husband: Probably after he finishes fucking her.

If video games make children more violent...

why do they keep losing fistfights against me?

I just downloaded Luis Suarez best moments video

It was only three megabytes

DIY videos - Do It Yourself

When I try to follow them, it becomes >! DIY - Destroy It Yourself !< :)

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Why did the pornography video editor get a raise?

He works hard.

After seeing watching videos and tutorials online, I finally tried to tie a knot using my tongue.

But I only ended up getting tongue-tied.

Did you see that viral Indian dance video?

They’ve got some Sikh moves!

What video game system do police officers play in their cars?

Wii U, Wii U, Wii U...

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