UPJOKE
insensiblesenselessunawareunconsciousunwantedbutwhichonesamethisonlythattowellstill

Out Of It Jokes

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are walking along the beach one day and come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.

"I give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total" says the Genie.
The Irishman says "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I wish all the oceans to be full of fish for all eternity and a fleet of fishing boats to catch them."
So, wit...

My horse will only come out of its stable when it gets dark

It's becoming a night mare.

Comment with a random object and I'll try to make a joke out of it!

On your mark, get set, go!

EDIT 1: I hope you guys are enjoying this so far! Thanks for all the awesome objects :)

EDIT 2: Damn, was not expecting this much attention! I have to go to work in a few but I'll try to answer as many as I can. In the mean time, feel free to continue comment...

The man who invented spreadable margarine got scammed out of every penny he made out of it.

I can't believe he's not bitter.

i rubbed a lamp once and a genie came out of it

he said i'll grant you one wish, i said i wish i could talk to cheese

*poof* he granted my wish and disappeared

a few days later i'm in my house, and i open the fridge out of boredom and i see this block of cheese

and it said to me: "hey mister, i don't wanna stay in your fridge...

What pasta is always getting locked out of its house?

Gnocchi!

You find a magic lamp, and a genie comes out of it.

Genie: Hello, I am a genie. I will grant you 1 wish, what is your wish?

You: I wish I didn’t exist

Genie: Your wsh has been granted.

You: Nothng happened?

Gene: Take a moment to consder what you sad there. Wll be on my way now, bye.

My dad rubs Elmers Glue on his hands like lotion before he goes hunting. I know, it's weird, and I've tried talking him out of it...

But he's sticking to his guns on this one. Stubborn man.

If an animal was little, blue and had leaves coming out of it you'd think it's odd

But if it was a Pokemon, you'd think it's just Oddish.

Why did the fish get kicked out of its school?

Because it was caught with seaweed.

BA DUM TSH

I've decided to become a professional Jeffrey Epstein impersonator, don't try to talk me out of it!

I know it is career suicide.

Paddy finds a sandwich with 2 red wires stickin out of it...

He phones the bomb squad... "jesus, I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a feckin bomb"...

The operator asks "Is it tickin?" ...Paddy says "No, I tink it's beef!"

I bought a bread-maker but the sales assistant tried to talk me out of it

He said there was no knead

I got pulled over for speeding by a woman police officer and almost talked my way out of it by telling her she looked stunning. Then I messed up by saying...

“And that’s not even the booze talking!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with no penis took Slowpoke out of its Poke Ball and started humping it.

It took Slowpoke a while to realize how badly fucked it was.

Why do Star Trek fans never grow out of it?

They just Klingon to it

If you're Russian when you go to the bathroom, and you're Finnish when you come out of it, what are you when you're inside?

European!

I just finished connecting all of my watches together and making a belt out of it...

It was a waist of time

I had some impure water so I boiled the hell out of it and collected the condensation...

Now it’s wholly water

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My budgie flew out of it's cage a few months ago and started fucking the dog...

... I got some puppies going cheep if anyones interested?

Someone told me if you take a snail out of its shell, it'll move faster.

But actually, it just makes them more sluggish.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.