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Unaware Jokes

I was unaware of certain things when I applied for shift work.

Like how the "F" was silent.

My partner had a go at me because at night, unaware, I go on about Hobbits, Rings and Orcs.

They think I'm Tolkien in my sleep.

For those unaware, Big Ben is undergoing renovations in London; it's no easy task

They're having to work around the clock to make it happen.

What did the rogue snowflake say to the abused raindrop who was unaware of his powers?

Yer a blizzard Harry

What is matthew mcconaughey' least favorite part of interstellar?

"The girls get older, but he stays the same age"

-first attempt at a original joke (apologies if its a repost that I'm unaware of)

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A man haunted by his sins went to the church for a confession with the priest...

There's a devout Catholic man who once committed a regrettable act – he gave his best friend a blowjob while intoxicated. Filled with remorse, he decided to seek forgiveness from God and headed to the church.

Inside the church, he approached the priest and says he wants to confessed his sin, ...

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A joke from India

Translated from Hindi:

There is a queue outside the bank where people are waiting to get in and exchange currency. One chap keeps cutting the queue and goes to the front. The rest of the people keep forcing him back.

This goes on 5-6 times. The guy finally gets pissed and says

'...

What do you call a parody when the actors are unaware it's satire?

Politics.

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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane...

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat … As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, ” Business trip or pleasure?”
She turned, smiled and said, “” Business. I’m going to the Annual Nympho- maniacs of America C...

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A nine-year-old boy was in his mother’s bedroom while his father was away at work.

Suddenly, he heard his mother coming in with a man and hid in the closet. The two kissed, then began to make out, before suddenly the front door opened and the boy could hear his father calling from downstairs. His mother quickly took her lover and shoved him into the closet, unaware that her son wa...

Old lady gets into a Merzedes-Benz taxi cab

As she hops in, the driver asks her where she's going. She gives him an adress, as she's just arrived to town to visit family.

They keep going for a bit, when the old lady notices the very characteristic Mercedes-Benz ornament emblem mounted on the hood.

"So what is that thing for?" s...

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On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The villagers stare at the BMW as they have never seen one before !

The pump attendant who obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golf pro is.

"Good morning. Beauty of an automobile you have there” says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick ‘hello’ and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does...

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Three nuns are waiting in their monastery, each equally as tired and sweaty in the mid-summer heat

One of the nuns offers to disrobe, which the other two agree upon, seeing the brutal sun. Each of them stand nude in the empty cathedral, doing their daily duties until a knock is heard upon the door.

"Wardrobe man." Says the man, and the first nun repentantly opens the door. The man, unable ...

Little Jonny

Little Johnny wakes up in the middle of the night and hears noises from his mum and dad's room, and goes to investigate..
He walks in, he is directly behind his mum, who is riding Johnny's dad, cowgirl style, unaware that Johnny is behind her and watching.
Johnny...what are you doing to daddy...

A guy doesn't go into a bar...

Unaware, the bartender continues serving drinks to other people.

A man nearly 7ft tall walks into a bar.

He sits down and orders a whiskey. After finishing his drink he walks off to use the bathroom. He comes out, seemingly unaware that his fly is down and sits down at a piano and begins to play.

A woman walking past looks down at the man while he plays and exclaims "why, thats the biggest piani...

if a were-wolf doesn't know that he is a were-wolf,

He is unaware-wolf!

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Police work must be entertaining as well as dangerous.

Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency and public intoxication.
...

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When I was eight my grandfather told me...

There was this small pond in the woods and above it a fly was buzzing back and forth.

On the edge of the pond was a frog. The frog thought to itself, “If only that buzzing fly were a little lower I could hop up over the pond and eat it for my lunch.”

On a branch in the tree next to th...

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A man went into a Birmingham supermarket asking to buy half a cauliflower.

The young greens produce assistant told him that they sold only whole cauliflowers.

The man persisted, and asked to see the manager; so the boy went to find him.

Walking into the stock room, unaware that the customer was following him, the boy said to his manager, "Some idiot out there...

What do you call a lycanthrope you've snuck up on?

An unaware wolf.

My friend got made at me for smelling his mothers underwear.

I'm unaware whether it was cause she was there or cause the rest of the family was there. Either way it made for a uncomfortable funeral.

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A guy in my English class was dissing my boy Oedipus.

So I said, "Well unlike you, he was unaware that he was fucking his mom."

...

I thought of this joke last night when I was supposed to be asleep. Someone tell me if this was already posted before.

If you love something

**If you love something, set it free... If it comes back, it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was...**

And if it just sits there on the sofa, watching TV, unaware that it's been set free, you probably married it...

Or gave birth to it...!!!

What did the deaf, dumb and blind girl get for Christmas?

Nothing, she was unaware of the concept.

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In a brothel...

A distinguished gentleman addressing the matron: Madam, I have only $5, and the lady says to a girl: "Dolores, make a penguin to the gentleman".
The gentleman, hesitant, unaware of what a "penguin" was, follows the sweet damsel up the room, The girl begs him to lower his pants and so, standing ...

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Pygmy tribe legend

Once upon a time, there was a magical jungle called Mimbubu. In this magical jungle there lived a tribe of Amazon Pygmies.

Legend has it that the Mimbubu jungle was inhabited by an evil and deadly bird, the Foo bird. The tribe tells the story of how the Foo bird stalks its prey while...

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress,...

.. taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across ...

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A child is roaming the house, when...

...he stumbles upon his father, who exclaims "fuck!" as he cuts his finger while preparing chicken for a meal, unaware of his child's presence. The child asks,

"Daddy, what does fuck mean?"

The father turns around and explains to his child; "Well, son, it's a word that you use when yo...

How many Murdochs does it take to change a lightbulb?

They were unaware the lightbulb was an issue & regret unknowingly paying to change it

What about the mad cow?

A man and his wife arrive from a business trip and
go to his favorite steakhouse unaware of the mad cow outbreak in his town. The waiter sits them and says, "Our special today is duck or shrimp."

The man replies, "I want a T-bone steak medium well."

The waiter, a bit miffed continue...

Traumatized son

A young boy, an only child no more than ten years old, wakes up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.

As he is walking to the restroom, he opens his parents' bedroom door and sees them copulating quite vigorously. The boy screams in horror. The mom throws the dad off and attempts...

Agent Smith

A long time ago, when Agent Smith was newly generated, he was tasked to kill the rogue program, The Oracle, and her son. He was new to the Matrix, and was unaware of her capabilities. So he tried to delete her by firing at her with his gun, though the Oracle safely removed herself and her son from d...

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Morals from a Pile of Shit

Once upon a time, there was a stubborn sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south.

In a short time ice began to form on his wings. He tried to fly quicker to warmer air, but his wings kept freezing unt...

A government agent is sent to a village

A government agent is sent to a small English village where there are reports of multiple deaths from tainted pharmaceuticals.

The villagers are unaware of the cause, but are nonetheless worried and ask the agent who is responsible for these deaths around the village.

The agent tells t...

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Horny jack

Jack is one horny guy and is not sure what to do about it. He reaches into
his pocket and pulls out a five dollar bill. He walks down the street to the
local brothel and knocks on the door.
The madame opens the door and asks Jack what she can do for him.

'I'm really horny, but I onl...

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Adam and his cousin Billie went out to the mall together.

While they were in the mall, they both ran into a cute girl named Jean. Both of them talked a bit to her, and both ended up with her number.

Billie and Jean became good friends, and he even had a crush on her. However, his cousin Adam had her as a fuck buddy which Billie was unaware of.
...

Old School Pirate Crime

Captain Normal Beard the up-and-coming pirate captain and his first mate Clumsy Edward were in desperate need of ink in order to make the numerous treasure maps they were sure create during all of their treasure-filled journeys. More than anything they needed red ink for the illustrious X's that wil...

A Chinese girl parked in a handicap space...

And continues onto the shops, unaware she accidentally parked in the handicap space. Coming back to her car, she sees a ticket inspector writing a bunch of tickets. She has a lot of groceries an is hurried in putting them away. The parking inspector takes one look at her, says 'carry on and have a n...

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La Tonga (NSFW)

Once upon a time there were two explorers, John Smith and James errmm..Smith ,doing what they did best....exploring. After 2 weeks of sailing they came to shore on what looked like a deserted island.

Hopping off, they eagerly went on a trek through the beautiful tropical forest before them. ...

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Queen Elizabeth II visits a hospital...

Queen Elizabeth II was visiting one of New York's finest hospitals and during her tour of the wards she passed a room where one of the male patients was masturbating. "Oh God," said the Queen, "that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?" The doctor leading the tour explains, "I am sorry your R...

A Ukranian farmer was out plowing his field when his plow hit a shiny object.

A Ukranian farmer was out plowing his field when his plow hit a shiny object. The farmer stops, picks up the object, and realizes that it's a tarnished lamp. As he's rubbing his hands across it to clear away the dust and dirt, a genie appears. The genie says "Thank you Mr. Farmer for releasing me...

Johnny and Nancy

Johnny had a tree house that was really high up. He decides that it's the perfect place to kiss a girl so he invites his favorite female friend Nancy.

She agrees to go up to the tree house with him.

Once they meet up at the tree house, johnny gets excited; she is wearing a skirt too!<...

The people of Trid had a problem...

A dragon kept showing up and stealing all their food. Fed up with the inaction of the government, a local rabbi decided to take matters into his own hands. He called upon the Trids to band together with him and fight this menace, a suggestion met with eager cheers. They moved at dawn to attack in or...

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The Russian Winter

One cold winter night in Russia, a small sparrow was wandering along the middle of a snowy road looking for warmth. After many hours of struggling through the frozen wasteland, it finally collapsed in the middle of the rode and began to freeze to death.

Just as the bird was about to lose cons...

The Brilliant Scientist

A brilliant scientist, by the name of Dr. Elliot Kupferberg, assembled yet another fruitful invention that would slap anyone who dared to lie within its presence. But one last piece remained. He knew, as a scientist, that he needed to test his potentially dangerous contraption on humans. So he thoug...

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A lady pregnant with triplets is cooking stew for dinner one night...

A lady pregnant with triplets is cooking stew for dinner one night when her husband, who has been out hunting all day comes home empty handed. As he leans over to kiss her, three bullets fall out of his pocket and into the stew. The husband and wife are unaware and dinner is served. With the first s...

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A young girl...

There once was a little girl named Lucy who loved to read, particularly fairy tales. Her mother was sweet and her father was a clown (literally). For a long time, the little girl would read these books of hers, and eventually came to the conclusion that trolls were her favorite creature of them all....

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The man who loved marine mammals

There was a marine biologist, named Dr. Panglos, who loved marine mammals. (When I say he loved marine mammals though, I’m not talking about having sex with dolphins; he just loved to study them). He spent his time trying to feed and protect his beloved creatures of the sea. One day, in a fit of inv...

Tim the Conductor

Once upon a time there was a train conductor named Tim. Tim greatly enjoyed conducting his train around every day, and even though he had relatively poor pay, all was well in Tim's world. There was only one issue; Tim was a flat out *awful* conductor. He reduced the overall efficiency of all of the ...

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So there’s this guy, and it’s his first time in New York..

..and like any tourist in New York for the first time, he wants to do something special. Memorable.

So he decides to go to the top of the World Trade Center (this is an older joke) to this famous bar to have a couple of beers and check out what must surely be, a gorgeous view.

As soon ...

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Once upon a time, there was a teeny-tiny spider...

...and as the spider wanted to repent for its carnivorous days by becoming a vegetarian, it decided to live the rest of its days in a quiet, peaceful place to live off the land and to avoid the temptation of telling everyone about its transformation (he's trying to be better really hard, you know?)....

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