What did the foot fetishist say to the case of mistaken identity?

Oh dear we seem to have got off on the wrong foot

My Identity

Today I gave a homeless person everything I own, My identity, wallet, house, even my wedding ring.

You can't imagine how good it feels to be free of debt and my wife for the first time.

As I regained consciousness from last nights car crash.

The Doctors were trying to convince me that

I'm actually a Swedish bloke who has forgotten his identity...

But I am having none of it. I wasn't Bjorn yesterday!

I am very upset with my mom. When I was growing up she told me, "You can be whoever you want to be."

That's not true. Turns out Identity Theft is a crime!

You know that you're a really boring person…,.,,

when someone steals your identity and then tries to give it back.

"You can be whoever you want to be!"

Instructions unclear. Currently serving time for identity theft.

A lot of things changed after I got my girlfriend pregnant...

Like my name, address, phone number and identity.

A month ago, someone stole my identity

Last week he mailed my license and social security card back, along with a five dollar bill.

What do you call the identity of a person who secretly is a priest?

It’s an altar ego.

An identity thief stole an Italian chef's identity.

When the police found him, they accused him if being an impasta.

Paranormal happenings in the Navy

Just found out that the USS Enterprise (CVN-65, sorry to Trekkies) was haunted. The apparition of a human figure, from the waist down and appearing to have been messily severed from the rest of the body, would walk the ship’s passageways.

While nobody is sure of the ghost’s identity or the ex...

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having an identity crisis

"Some days I feel like a teepee" he says.
"Then other days I feel like a wigwam. I dont know which one is true"

"One day, teepee! The next, wigwam! Teepee! Wigwam! Teepee! Wigwam! Teepee! Wigwam!"

The psychiatrist yells, "Get a grip, man! You're too tense!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Conspiracy theorists think that Vice President Cheney stole someone's identity, and that his birth name is actually Bart.

It's not true. I've met him. He's a real Dick.

Shout out to all my friends having an identity crisis

, You know who you are, I think?

Hi, I'm an identity thief.



My pronouns are you/yours.

What do you think Alexa, siri, and cortana identity as

Binary

Please select a secret question from the list to help us confirm your identity.

What was your mother's maiden voyage?

What city did you throw up in?

What was the make and model of your first jar?

What was your favorite high school bleacher?

What is your favorite shorts seam?

What street did you jive on when you were 9?

What was your fir...

What do you call a martial artist who's masking his identity?

Not sure, but you might want to use his judonym.

It bothers me that someone may steal my identity and use it to make thousands of dollars behind my back.

It mostly bothers me because I currently have my identity and can't figure out how to do that..

What did the woman with dissociative identity disorder tell her psychologist?

"Let me be Frank with you."

I have the only identity where if it was stolen...

The person who brought it would ask for a refund

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stan Lee wrote Tony Stark as a character with a sexual identity crisis.

He's all man, but likes to dress as FEmale

Identity Crises!

A man goes to the doctor's consultation room to get the results of his wife's tests.

The lady on duty tells him: "I'm terribly sorry Mr. but there was a bit of a problem that crept in.

We sent your wife's tests along with another lady with the same surname, to the pathologists. Resul...

How would you describe an obsessive horologist with disassociative identity disorder?

Someone with too much time on his minds.

What do you call a nine sided shape that won't reveal its identity?

Anonogon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mistaken Identity

A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man: - "Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?" - "I am not Master Ayumu."

How many tickles does it take to confirm your identity?

Just 2 test tickles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An identity thief and a rapist get convicted in a poor town...

The judge decides that the best punishment is to tie them up in a courtyard and for $5 you can punch the identity thief so he can never use his charm to con again, or for $10 you can kick the rapist in the nuts. The police officer in charge of this spots a girl kick the identity thief in the nuts an...

Whenever I struggle with my identity, I go to the bathroom and look in the mirror.

I find it's the best place for self reflection.

Why are older Israelis More Prone to Identity Theft?

They still use Netanyahu.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Poor Stanley!

Stanley died in a fire accident and his body was burned badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body. So they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Jim and Allen. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp.

Jim arrived first...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sir Arthur and the case of brief case identity

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab in Paris..!
.
Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked,
.
"Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?"

Doyle was flabbergasted.....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Had my identity stolen by a rhino once. Had a bunch of purchases from Victoria Secret.

Guess he was horny.

Did you hear that the guy that wrote Danger Zone had his identity stolen online?

They got all his Kenny logins

Who's got two thumbs and dissociative identity disorder?

*points thumbs at chest*

That guy.

What was the true identity of the Greek Spider-Man?

Pita Parker

How does the lead singer of Nickelback prove his identity?

"Look at this photograph"

My wife appears to have had her identity stolen.

Some woman at the mall just parked really badly and had a go at me like it was my fault.

What do you call an identity stealing spaghetti?

An impasta!

What exactly is dissassociative identity disorder?

I've heard of it but don't know what it means?

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