Today I gave a homeless man everything I had, my identity, wallet, car, house, even my wedding ring. We basically switched places.

You can't imagine how good it felt to be free of debt for the first time.

A nosy identity thief is the absolute worst

He has that annoying habit of making other peoples lifes his own

After getting away with murder for 52 years, the Zodiac Killer has revealed his identity to the press.

He didn’t want to be associated with Ted Cruz.

What do you call the identity of a person who secretly is a priest?

It’s an altar ego.

As a kid my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

As it turns out identity theft is a crime

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having an identity crisis

"Some days I feel like a teepee" he says.
"Then other days I feel like a wigwam. I dont know which one is true"

"One day, teepee! The next, wigwam! Teepee! Wigwam! Teepee! Wigwam! Teepee! Wigwam!"

The psychiatrist yells, "Get a grip, man! You're too tense!"

An identity thief stole an Italian chef's identity.

When the police found him, they accused him if being an impasta.

A month ago, someone stole my identity

Last week he mailed my license and social security card back, along with a five dollar bill.

What do you call a martial artist who's masking his identity?

Not sure, but you might want to use his judonym.

Please select a secret question from the list to help us confirm your identity.

What was your mother's maiden voyage?

What city did you throw up in?

What was the make and model of your first jar?

What was your favorite high school bleacher?

What is your favorite shorts seam?

What street did you jive on when you were 9?

What was your fir...

Shout out to all my friends having an identity crisis

, You know who you are, I think?

Hi, I'm an identity thief.



My pronouns are you/yours.

What do you think Alexa, siri, and cortana identity as

Binary

How many tickles does it take to confirm your identity?

Just 2 test tickles.

I have the only identity where if it was stolen...

The person who brought it would ask for a refund

Somebody stole my identity....

... it's fine though. They took one look and gave it right back. :(

How would you describe an obsessive horologist with disassociative identity disorder?

Someone with too much time on his minds.

In Madré Rossiya, it's illegal to manufacture storage drives with exact capacity of 1000 GigaBytes

Cause the KGB takes identity theft seriously

It bothers me that someone may steal my identity and use it to make thousands of dollars behind my back.

It mostly bothers me because I currently have my identity and can't figure out how to do that..

I've worked with that dude for six weeks, but saw him with his mask off and thought he was a stranger!

It was a simple case of mask-staken identity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stan Lee wrote Tony Stark as a character with a sexual identity crisis.

He's all man, but likes to dress as FEmale

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mistaken Identity

A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man: - "Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?" - "I am not Master Ayumu."

Identity Crises!

A man goes to the doctor's consultation room to get the results of his wife's tests.

The lady on duty tells him: "I'm terribly sorry Mr. but there was a bit of a problem that crept in.

We sent your wife's tests along with another lady with the same surname, to the pathologists. Resul...

Why are older Israelis More Prone to Identity Theft?

They still use Netanyahu.

Whenever I struggle with my identity, I go to the bathroom and look in the mirror.

I find it's the best place for self reflection.

What did the woman with dissociative identity disorder tell her psychologist?

"Let me be Frank with you."

What do you call a nine sided shape that won't reveal its identity?

Anonogon.

Married man has an affair

A married man who had an Italian love affair for many months learned one day that she was pregnant. The two struck up a deal, in which she would return to Italy to give birth to their child and keep his identity secret in exchange for a large sum of money. In addition, the father would continue to p...

Did you hear that the guy that wrote Danger Zone had his identity stolen online?

They got all his Kenny logins

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An identity thief and a rapist get convicted in a poor town...

The judge decides that the best punishment is to tie them up in a courtyard and for $5 you can punch the identity thief so he can never use his charm to con again, or for $10 you can kick the rapist in the nuts. The police officer in charge of this spots a girl kick the identity thief in the nuts an...

What was the true identity of the Greek Spider-Man?

Pita Parker

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sir Arthur and the case of brief case identity

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab in Paris..!
.
Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked,
.
"Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?"

Doyle was flabbergasted.....

My wife appears to have had her identity stolen.

Some woman at the mall just parked really badly and had a go at me like it was my fault.

What do you call an identity stealing spaghetti?

An impasta!

A dad and mom bring home a baby boy.

The dad is so excited, practically jumping up and down in joy to start popping dad jokes left and right. "honey calm down. You have to wait till he's at least 5 to start telling them to him" the mom says, to which the dad replys, "then I will wait."

On the sons fifth birthday the dad walks up...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Be Polite

A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said,

"I HAVE to be o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Therapist: So what brings you two in today?

Therapist: I think I have dissociative identity disorder.

Therapist: Don't listen to him, he doesn't know what he's talking about.

I thought I saw Liam Neeson on the street but it turned out it was just some girl....

It was a case of Miss Taken identity.

Who's got two thumbs and dissociative identity disorder?

*points thumbs at chest*

That guy.

What do you call a baker who has no identity?

John Dough

How does the lead singer of Nickelback prove his identity?

"Look at this photograph"

I lost my wallet and my identity was stolen.

On the bright side, I got it back in the mail with a note.



It said "It sucks to be you."

What exactly is dissassociative identity disorder?

I've heard of it but don't know what it means?

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.