What do you call the identity of a person who secretly is a priest?

It’s an altar ego.

Hi, I'm an identity thief.



My pronouns are you/yours.

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having an identity crisis

"Some days I feel like a teepee" he says.
"Then other days I feel like a wigwam. I dont know which one is true"

"One day, teepee! The next, wigwam! Teepee! Wigwam! Teepee! Wigwam! Teepee! Wigwam!"

The psychiatrist yells, "Get a grip, man! You're too tense!"

A month ago, someone stole my identity

Last week he mailed my license and social security card back, along with a five dollar bill.

Please select a secret question from the list to help us confirm your identity.

What was your mother's maiden voyage?

What city did you throw up in?

What was the make and model of your first jar?

What was your favorite high school bleacher?

What is your favorite shorts seam?

What street did you jive on when you were 9?

What was your fir...

What do you think Alexa, siri, and cortana identity as

Binary

An identity thief stole an Italian chef's identity.

When the police found him, they accused him if being an impasta.

What do you call a martial artist who's masking his identity?

Not sure, but you might want to use his judonym.

Shout out to all my friends having an identity crisis

, You know who you are, I think?

How many tickles does it take to confirm your identity?

Just 2 test tickles.

How would you describe an obsessive horologist with disassociative identity disorder?

Someone with too much time on his minds.

I have the only identity where if it was stolen...

The person who brought it would ask for a refund

Why are older Israelis More Prone to Identity Theft?

They still use Netanyahu.

Somebody stole my identity....

... it's fine though. They took one look and gave it right back. :(

It bothers me that someone may steal my identity and use it to make thousands of dollars behind my back.

It mostly bothers me because I currently have my identity and can't figure out how to do that..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mistaken Identity

A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man: - "Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?" - "I am not Master Ayumu."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A skilled, anonymous criminal was infamously wanted for multiple cases of robbery and theft.

...and it was rumored that he was planning to steal the riches of the wealthy mayor of the city. Since this criminal was known to have pulled off such fantastic heists before, it was no doubt that he would eventually successfully achieve this goal, which meant that the police station was on high ale...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stan Lee wrote Tony Stark as a character with a sexual identity crisis.

He's all man, but likes to dress as FEmale

Whenever I struggle with my identity, I go to the bathroom and look in the mirror.

I find it's the best place for self reflection.

As I regained consciousness from last nights car crash.

The Doctors were trying to convince me, I'm actually a Swedish bloke who had forgotten his identity...

But I wasn't Bjorn yesterday!

Identity Crises!

A man goes to the doctor's consultation room to get the results of his wife's tests.

The lady on duty tells him: "I'm terribly sorry Mr. but there was a bit of a problem that crept in.

We sent your wife's tests along with another lady with the same surname, to the pathologists. Resul...

Did you hear that the guy that wrote Danger Zone had his identity stolen online?

They got all his Kenny logins

Three light-skinned gentlemen walked into a tanning salon

They were looking to get their tan. The owner of the salon were happy to recieve them and asked them what tans they wanted.

The first gentleman said he wanted a light tan, so the salon owner led him to a tanning bed that was colored caramel.

The second gentleman said he wanted a gold...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A military officer by the name of Major Bed had arrived in Thailand for an undercover job...

For the job to be an utmost success, he needed to get plastic surgery to change his identity a bit as well as a new ID. He found a renowned doctor who also made fake ID's and made an appointment for the next day.

After he made the appointment, he had the full day to fuck around so he decided ...

What do you call an identity stealing spaghetti?

An impasta!

What do you call a nine sided shape that won't reveal its identity?

Anonogon.

What was the true identity of the Greek Spider-Man?

Pita Parker

My wife appears to have had her identity stolen.

Some woman at the mall just parked really badly and had a go at me like it was my fault.

What did the woman with dissociative identity disorder tell her psychologist?

"Let me be Frank with you."

I scored 197 on an IQ test

The test was pretty easy, 10 simple questions, then to prove my identity they asked me for my date of birth, social and credit card details.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sir Arthur and the case of brief case identity

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab in Paris..!
.
Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked,
.
"Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?"

Doyle was flabbergasted.....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A crowded united airlines flight was cancelled.

A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy t...

What do you call a baker who has no identity?

John Dough

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

King Arthur is preparing to leave Camelot on a lengthy quest, but news has reached his ears that his wife may have taken on a lover.

"But... *who*...?" he asks Merlin.




"Fear not, Arthur - I know how we can protect Guinevere's chastity in your absence and also discover the identity of her lover. Watch this!"




The magician snapped his fingers and, into thin air, appeared a magical, samite chast...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An identity thief and a rapist get convicted in a poor town...

The judge decides that the best punishment is to tie them up in a courtyard and for $5 you can punch the identity thief so he can never use his charm to con again, or for $10 you can kick the rapist in the nuts. The police officer in charge of this spots a girl kick the identity thief in the nuts an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Franz was reading his book on death row...

It was the ‘storm of the century’. On death row, Franz was reading his religious texts, looking for God, even as the inmates of the neighbouring cells were having an explosive argument about who should get to shower first. ’14 days to execution’, Franz thought, as he physically and mentally trembled...

I lost my wallet and my identity was stolen.

On the bright side, I got it back in the mail with a note.



It said "It sucks to be you."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During a military assault by Hun, Mulan’s company suffered a bombardment and she was knocked out.

When she wakes up, the doctor tells her: “I have bad news for you, buddy.”

Fears that her true identity has been found out, she nervously asked the doctor what is it.

“I just checked your injuries and, well your dick is gone.”

How does the lead singer of Nickelback prove his identity?

"Look at this photograph"

Who's got two thumbs and dissociative identity disorder?

*points thumbs at chest*

That guy.

What exactly is dissassociative identity disorder?

I've heard of it but don't know what it means?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Girlfriend Joke

Now, I need to caveat the beginning of this joke with some information. I'm a solid six-outta-ten, a real average looking guy. Never been too smooth wirth the ladies but whaddaya do, never been lonely neither.
So, one day I come home from work, I live in a little apartment complex, and I see acro...

Someone stole my identity

I hope they can do a better job with it.

What do you call a cat who steals someone's identity?

An impawster.

I encountered an eagle with an identity crisis...

He's watching me like a hawk.

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