Today I gave a homeless man everything I had, my identity, wallet, car, house, even my wedding ring. We basically switched places.

You can't imagine how good it felt to be free of debt for the first time.

My parents told me I could be anyone I want to be.

But it turns out that identity theft is a crime.

A nosy identity thief is the absolute worst

He has that annoying habit of making other peoples lifes his own

What do you call the identity of a person who secretly is a priest?

It’s an altar ego.

An identity thief stole an Italian chef's identity.

When the police found him, they accused him if being an impasta.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Poor Stanley!

Stanley died in a fire accident and his body was burned badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body. So they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Jim and Allen. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp.

Jim arrived first...

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having an identity crisis

"Some days I feel like a teepee" he says.
"Then other days I feel like a wigwam. I dont know which one is true"

"One day, teepee! The next, wigwam! Teepee! Wigwam! Teepee! Wigwam! Teepee! Wigwam!"

The psychiatrist yells, "Get a grip, man! You're too tense!"

A month ago, someone stole my identity

Last week he mailed my license and social security card back, along with a five dollar bill.

How do you identity the tourist in Siberia?

He's the one with the round trip ticket.

Hi, I'm an identity thief.



My pronouns are you/yours.

What do you think Alexa, siri, and cortana identity as

Binary

Please select a secret question from the list to help us confirm your identity.

What was your mother's maiden voyage?

What city did you throw up in?

What was the make and model of your first jar?

What was your favorite high school bleacher?

What is your favorite shorts seam?

What street did you jive on when you were 9?

What was your fir...

What do you call a martial artist who's masking his identity?

Not sure, but you might want to use his judonym.

Shout out to all my friends having an identity crisis

, You know who you are, I think?

Somebody stole my identity....

... it's fine though. They took one look and gave it right back. :(

I have the only identity where if it was stolen...

The person who brought it would ask for a refund

It bothers me that someone may steal my identity and use it to make thousands of dollars behind my back.

It mostly bothers me because I currently have my identity and can't figure out how to do that..

How many tickles does it take to confirm your identity?

Just 2 test tickles.

How would you describe an obsessive horologist with disassociative identity disorder?

Someone with too much time on his minds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stan Lee wrote Tony Stark as a character with a sexual identity crisis.

He's all man, but likes to dress as FEmale

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mistaken Identity

A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man: - "Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?" - "I am not Master Ayumu."

So a few days ago Donald Trump decided to go campaign in Florida.

He wanted to make sure he gets the Floridian vote. So he went to a home for senior citizens - what they call a home for assisted living.

As we walked in, he encountered what looked like a 95 year old woman and he looks at her and says, "Do you know who I am?"

And she says, "Son, I don...

Identity Crises!

A man goes to the doctor's consultation room to get the results of his wife's tests.

The lady on duty tells him: "I'm terribly sorry Mr. but there was a bit of a problem that crept in.

We sent your wife's tests along with another lady with the same surname, to the pathologists. Resul...

Why are older Israelis More Prone to Identity Theft?

They still use Netanyahu.

What did the woman with dissociative identity disorder tell her psychologist?

"Let me be Frank with you."

What do you call a nine sided shape that won't reveal its identity?

Anonogon.

Whenever I struggle with my identity, I go to the bathroom and look in the mirror.

I find it's the best place for self reflection.

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Had my identity stolen by a rhino once. Had a bunch of purchases from Victoria Secret.

Guess he was horny.

Did you hear that the guy that wrote Danger Zone had his identity stolen online?

They got all his Kenny logins

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An identity thief and a rapist get convicted in a poor town...

The judge decides that the best punishment is to tie them up in a courtyard and for $5 you can punch the identity thief so he can never use his charm to con again, or for $10 you can kick the rapist in the nuts. The police officer in charge of this spots a girl kick the identity thief in the nuts an...

My wife appears to have had her identity stolen.

Some woman at the mall just parked really badly and had a go at me like it was my fault.

What do you call an identity stealing spaghetti?

An impasta!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sir Arthur and the case of brief case identity

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab in Paris..!
.
Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked,
.
"Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?"

Doyle was flabbergasted.....

In Madré Rossiya, it's illegal to manufacture storage drives with exact capacity of 1000 GigaBytes

Cause the KGB takes identity theft seriously

Who's got two thumbs and dissociative identity disorder?

*points thumbs at chest*

That guy.

How does the lead singer of Nickelback prove his identity?

"Look at this photograph"

I've worked with that dude for six weeks, but saw him with his mask off and thought he was a stranger!

It was a simple case of mask-staken identity.

I lost my wallet and my identity was stolen.

On the bright side, I got it back in the mail with a note.



It said "It sucks to be you."

What exactly is dissassociative identity disorder?

I've heard of it but don't know what it means?

What do you call a baker who has no identity?

John Dough

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