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Opposite Jokes

76% of people don’t know opposite words for the following:

1) Always 2) Coming 3) From 4) Take 5) Me 6) Down

90% of people are unable to solve this riddle by guessing the opposite of each word.

Always



Coming



From



Take



Me



Down

If pro is the opposite of con...

Then what's the opposite of progress?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tinder is the opposite of porn ads....

There are actually tons of hot singles in my area, But none of them are interested in me.

What’s the opposite of Holy Water?

Nestle

What's the opposite of "Debbie Downer"?

Beth-amphetamine

What's the opposite of "young, dumb, and full of cum"?

"Old, smart, and can't trust a fart".

The opposite of Microsoft Office is...

Macrohard Onfire.

What’s the opposite of artificial intelligence?

Natural stupidity!

I spent hours trying to find what the opposite of “night” was.

But, in the end, I just had to call it a day.

What's the opposite of being able to wrap your head around something?

A turban :D

(It's my joke, MINE! If anyone *ever* wants to repost this, give me credit!)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boob, a vagina and an asshole are debating as to who is the greatest of them all. Boob: I give milk to new born babies and I’m attractive to the opposite sex, that’s why I’m the greatest. Vagina: I give birth to babies and I accommodate the opposite sex, that’s why I’m the greatest.

Now it’s your turn to speak.

The opposite of formaldehyde is

casualdejekyll.

I was on a train and this woman opposite looked at me and said, "Everytime you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place...."

I asked, "Are you single?"

She replied, "No, I am a dentist."

What’s the opposite of a cactus?

A BMW, it has its pricks on the inside.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken

Dad: What's the opposite of ladyfingers?

Kids : no idea



Dad : mentos

What's the opposite of ground beef?

High steaks

What is the opposite of a Debbie Downer?

Bethamphetamine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two soldiers are sitting on opposite sides of a river

They do not understand each other's language. The one on the east side(american) calls to the other "how did you get over there did you parachute or did you swim?" All the while he made a signal with his arms of a parachute coming down and swung his arms as if swimming. Then he proceeds to say "I se...

Opposites attract.

I am looking for a funny, rich, intelligent, beautiful young woman.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The opposite of an assassin is

a dickdickout

"A man goes to prison" joke with two opposite punchlines.

My grandpa used to tell this joke, one day I heard someone else tell it with almost an exact opposite punchline. I've never tried to type it out before, so sorry if this sucks, but here's how I first heard it:

---

A man goes to prison and the first night while he's laying in bed contem...

What is the opposite of a croissant?

A happy uncle.

What's the opposite of an empath?

A W-path.


*edit* Thanks for the upvotes. My ten year old stepson made this one up, and he's very proud that his joke got so many upvotes.

A Bar Opened Opposite a Church.....

The Church Prayed Daily against the bar business.

Days later the bar was struck by lightning & caught fire which destroyed it.

Bar Owner Sued the Church Authorities for the cause of its destruction, as it was an action because of their Prayer.

The Church Denied all Responsib...

What's the opposite of a smart house?

A residense.

Shout out to those who don’t know the opposite of in.

They need the help.

What is the opposite of lovey?

Haiti

What's the opposite of a mermaid?

Land Ho!

Son: Dad, what's the opposite of Karen?

Dad: Umm, I don't know, Sharon...?

Son: But I thought Sharon was Karen.




Edit: Thank you u/Ri0tp0p0 and u/CulturedCroissant for the awards! :)

What's the opposite of Kanye?

A canoe. (sorry)

What hairstyle does a puffin have on opposite day?

a blowout!

What's the opposite of irony?

\- Wrinkly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the opposite of unbridled lust?

Dressage sex.

My ex-girlfriend is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me!

I want to go say hi but there's just so much history between us.

What's the opposite of a sausage fest?

Clambake.

So, if the opposite of 'pro' is 'con'

What's the opposite of 'progress'?

What's the opposite of Pyrite?

Cake wrong.

A lost hiker is on one side of a raging river when he sees a buddhist monk on the other side. There are no bridges. He has no boat. He shouts out to the monk on the opposite bank. “How do I get to the other side?”

The buddhist monk shouts back: “You are on the other side.”

What is the opposite of mansplaining?

Missunderstanding.

What's the opposite of Stephen Hawking?

Stephen Walking

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your ...

What is the opposite of sensei?

Nonsensei

What is the opposite of a wandering Jew?

A Roamin’ Catholic

The opposite of enlightment is ignorance

That makes me delighted

what is the opposite of downvoted into oblivion?

Upvoted into skyrim.

"Son, do you know what the opposite of ladyfingers is?"

"No dad," I say rolling my eyes.

"Mentos."

What's the opposite of stand up comedy?

A SITcom!

I was sitting opposite to a stunning thai girl in the train

saying to myself "please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection!".

Unfortunately, she did.

Two men meets on opposite sides of a river...

One shouts "I need you to help me get to the other side!"

The other says "You are on the other side!

The opposite of professing is confessing.

But the opposite of a profession is not a confession.

What is the opposite of a protein?

An amateur teen ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

What's the opposite of mitosis?

Your finger bro!

My 5 yr old son came up with this - what is the opposite of Kathmandu?

DogLadyDont

It's opposite day and I'm stuck in a bit of a pickle.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get it out...

What is the opposite of mango?

Womanstay. (One of *the* worst and yet best jokes my dad made. I love him.)

If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?

congress



(my dad told this one to me today and I had never heard of it so I apologize if everyone has already seen this joke before)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I made a robot who changes people into the opposite sex.

I guess he's a trans former

What do you call the opposite of an iPad mini?

A maxipad.

What is the opposite of a Mermaid...

... a landlord!!

(this is my sister’s joke, I can’t take credit for it)

Opposites

A theology professor at a rural community college started the class by asking the students, "What is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said one student. "And the opposite of depression?" "Elation," said another. "And how about the opposite of woe?"

A redneck in the back of the class stood up f...

What is the opposite of mangoes?

Woman comes

why are women and salads opposites?

You dress a salad right before you eat it

What is the opposite of Underwear?

Derwear

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.The man replied..."Well your Honor, it was like this: When the l...

What's the opposite of a Mail man?

A female woman

What's the opposite of a hot dog?

A chili dog

The opposite of "constitution"...

...is "prostitution"...

I had two opposite opinions at my last hospital appointment

It was a pair o' docs.

What’s the opposite of Protest?

Contest.

Whats the opposite of Progress?

I keep forgetting what the opposite of night is called.

I gave up and just called it a day.

What's the opposite of women's studies?

History.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does one saggy boob say to the opposite saggy boob?

“If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts"

What is the opposite of a woman wearing a burka

A naked man wearing a blindfold

What is the opposite of "onion"?

I guess it could be either of "offioff", "offyouoff", "offion", "onioff", "offyouon" or "onyouoff"

What’s the opposite of tight quarters?

Loose change.

I spent two years figuring out the opposite word for night.

But after all that time I decided to give up and call it a day.

What do you call the opposite of a lady’s finger?

Mentos

What is the opposite of a lesson?

A more-on!

The opposite of Neil Gaiman...

Is Stand StraightWoman

Q: What’s opposite of mermaid?

A: Landlady

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the opposite of colonization?

Coronization. Everybody stays the fuck at home.

What is the opposite of Nautica clothing?

Ica clothing

What’s the opposite of Sad Pie Night?

You tell me ;)

Teacher: What is the opposite of antibiotic

Student: Uncle-biotic

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