The opposite of formaldehyde is

casualdejekyll.

I keep forgetting what the opposite of night is called.

I gave up and just called it a day.

What’s the opposite of Microsoft Office?

Macrohard Onfire

What is the opposite of ladyfingers?

Mentos!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the opposite of a prostitute?

An egg. It gets laid then bought.

What is the opposite of mango?

Womanstay. (One of *the* worst and yet best jokes my dad made. I love him.)

A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river.

The brunette shouts to the blonde, "Hey, how do you get to the other side of the river?" The blonde yells back, "You're already ON the other side of the river!"

A Bar opened opposite a Mosque!

The angry congregants of the Mosque prayed daily against the business....

Days later the Bar was struck by lightning and caught fire . The Bar owner sued the Mosque authorities for the cause , as an action by their prayer...

The Mosque denied all responsibility!

So, the judge...

If pro is the opposite of con

Then is progress the opposite of Congress?

What the opposite os Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken...

Carl and Clarance lived on opposite sides of the Mississippi River..

They lived their whole lives right across the river from each other, way back in the day. The nearest bridge across was 100 miles away, and both were too poor to afford an automobile, so from their youth they made a past time of shouting insults to one another from across the river.
For many yea...

Did you know most people don't know the opposite to these words?

1. Always
2. Coming
3. From
4. Take
5. Me
6. Down

What is the opposite of a Mermaid...

... a landlord!!

(this is my sister’s joke, I can’t take credit for it)

Ask Any Librarian, What’s The Opposite of Capitalism?

lowercasism

Son: Dad, what's the opposite of Karen?

Dad: Umm, I don't know, Sharon...?

Son: But I thought Sharon was Karen.




Edit: Thank you u/Ri0tp0p0 and u/CulturedCroissant for the awards! :)

What is the opposite of Nautica clothing?

Ica clothing

A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict.

It starts in a box and moves to a house.

The opposite of isolate...

is yousoearly. :)

Reposters are the opposite of liars

Liars swear they made nothing up.
Reposters swear they made *everything* up.

The opposite of Neil Gaiman...

Is Stand StraightWoman

What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walkins.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which two US states are opposites?

Virgin-ia and I-da-hoe

What is the opposite of mansplaining?

Missunderstanding.

Q: What’s opposite of mermaid?

A: Landlady

"Soldier, tell me what is the opposite of cancer."

"Can't, sir!"

What is the opposite of Outlook?

In touch. That explains why you don't get in touch with people you contact with Outlook.

I was sitting opposite to a stunning thai girl in the train

saying to myself "please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection!".

Unfortunately, she did.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community...

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tinder is the opposite of porn ads....

There are actually tons of hot singles in my area, But none of them are interested in me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boob, a vagina and an asshole are debating as to who is the greatest of them all. Boob: I give milk to new born babies and I’m attractive to the opposite sex, that’s why I’m the greatest. Vagina: I give birth to babies and I accommodate the opposite sex, that’s why I’m the greatest.

Now it’s your turn to speak.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the opposite of a female orgasm?

Ben Shapiro.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The opposite of assassin

is dickdickout

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the opposite for Manchester United?

Women's breasts are divided.

So, if the opposite of 'pro' is 'con'

What's the opposite of 'progress'?

Whats the opposite of stand up comedy?

A sitcom.

What's the opposite of antibiotic?

Uncle biotic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the opposite of a poo pussy?

A Peacock

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you're male, sex is the opposite of having a bank account...

Once you've made a deposit there's no more interest.

Two blondes were standing on opposite sides of a lake

-Hey, how do I get to the other side? Yelled one blonde

-You are already on the other side. The other one answered

What’s the opposite of a hot dog?

A chili dog.

Why was the pirate dressed in a cheerleading costume on opposite day?

He kept saying “Raa raa raa!”

The opposite of "constitution"...

...is "prostitution"...

90% of people are unable to solve this riddle by guessing the opposite of each word.

Always



Coming



From



Take



Me



Down

I spent hours trying to find what the opposite of “night” was.

But, in the end, I just had to call it a day.

What’s the opposite of Protest?

Contest.

Whats the opposite of Progress?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A communist spy and an American spy are camping out in opposite buildings on Moscow.

Each one knows the other is there but thinks the other does not know that they are there. After hours of spying each one decides they need to go out for some fresh air. However, since both would be easily recognized they decide to put on disguises. The Communist, a female, puts on an elaborate mal...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wealthy George (the original joke is in Swedish and the translation might be a bit off)

On the beach in large luxury house lives the wealthy George. One day Carl comes from the tax authority and asks how George can live so richly when he has no income.

“I bet”, says George.

“But you can not survive on betting, can you?” asks Carl from the tax authority.

“Do you ...

My 5 yr old son came up with this - what is the opposite of Kathmandu?

DogLadyDont

What's the opposite of a life hack?

Good advice.

What’s the opposite of a wet parking spot?

A Dryveway

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I realized that Tinder is the exact opposite of most websites in porn website ads.

There’s tons of hot single ladies in my area, but none of them want to fuck me.

Three men found a genie lamp that grants the opposite of what is wished

The first man wishes that he would win the lottery. He buys his first ticket, and loses, buys his second ticket, and loses. Every week the man dumped his savings into lottery tickets, until he was completely broke.

The second man wishes for a healthy and long life. He decides to abuse his wis...

I hate to do it but I've got to complain about the guy with the eye patch who sits opposite me at work

He keeps winking at me and it's just not appropriate.

Opposites Attract

My beautiful, smart wife told me that

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Flossing is the opposite of masturbating

Everyone says they floss but no one actually does it.

A lost hiker is on one side of a raging river when he sees a buddhist monk on the other side. There are no bridges. He has no boat. He shouts out to the monk on the opposite bank. “How do I get to the other side?”

The buddhist monk shouts back: “You are on the other side.”

What's the opposite of goodwill?

Badwon't. I'll see myself out...

The opposite of 'isolate' is...

Usoearly. ._.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The worst part about opposite day is

A girl finally agreed to have sex with me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the opposite of colonization?

Coronization. Everybody stays the fuck at home.

I saw a wonderful lady on the opposite side of the road to me earlier. I said hi from a safe distance.

It was lovely 2 metre.

A woman saw in the news that a crazy driver was going in the opposite direction on a one way road, so she called to warn her husband.

Her husband said "it's not just one, honey, it's all of them!"

What's the opposite of a mermaid?

Land Ho!

What's the opposite of an elephant ear?

Who cares? It's completely *earelephant*

What is the building opposite the Sistine Chapel?

The Fifteen Chapel.

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.The man replied..."Well your Honor, it was like this: When the l...

If the opposite of “pro” is “con,”

Then is the opposite of “progress” “Congress?”

My son says he came up with this. I thought it was pretty clever. Have you heard it before?

I was sat opposite a girl yesterday, for the life of me I couldn't remember her name.

I decided to just be honest and tell her, "I'm sorry but what was your name again".
"Jessica" she said. "Do you have trouble remembering girls names" she added in a wry way.
"Only the ugly ones" I blurted out.
Anyway to cut a long story short I didn't get the job.

A year ago today, I installed a second mirror on the opposite wall from our first...

It’s something I always love to look back on.

What is the opposite of a chick flick?

A Rush concert.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paddy's wife bought a pair of crutch-less knickers.

In an attempt to spice up her and her hubby's sex life.

She put them on with a short skirt and sat on the sofa opposite her husband.

Every so often she would uncross her legs enough times till her husband noticed.

Husband: Are you wearing crotch-less panties.?

Her: Yes sh...

What do you call a deep fissure that says one thing but means the opposite?

A sarchasm

What's the opposite of Ernie Wise?

Kirsten Dunst

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"What is the opposite of Laughing?", The teacher asks the student.

Student replies, "Fucking."

The stunned teacher asks the student to explain his answer.

The student says " Laughing is ha ha ha; Whereas, Fucking is ah ah ah"!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some hookers be like...

Don Pedro started his pimping business with two beautiful dames, Candy, a blonde and Lizza, a brunette.
Don Pedro, had chosen two corners opposite each other, so the girls could watch out for the other.
He took the girls to the busy intersection and told them they had best work hard or else. H...

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