Who's the only organization with a higher death rate than PETA?

The Make-A-Wish foundation.

Which organization makes the best cakes?

The Mafia because they are the best at icing things, especially cakes.

The Dyslexia Association of America held an organization-wide toga party.

Everyone came dressed as goats.

Why is PETA such an inefficient organization?

They refuse to kill two birds with one stone

What do you call someone who manages the money of an organization that practices black magic?

An occultant

A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.

We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.

Interviewer: Why are you leaving your current organization?

Candidate: I have major religious differences at work!





Interviewer: What are those differences? Candidate:

My manager thinks he is God, I don't!

When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.

Al-gebra.

How come the majority of nonprofit organizations

Are PROPHET ORGANIZATIONS?

I accidentally joined an organization...

I accidentally joined a pro-secession organization.

When I tried to leave, I was elected as their chairman.

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Why did the Jews in Germany not establish an organization against the Holocaust?

There was too little interest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of chronic masturbators have recently started an organization to protect women from domestic violence.

Their slogan is "We only beat ourselves."

So many Christians run non-profit organizations. On the other hand, atheists...

...only run non-prophet organizations.

Did you know Garry works at The World Health Organization?

WHO?

What would call an organization formed by atheists

A non-prophet organization

The Flat Earth Society is a very large organization.

They have members from all around the globe.

A charitable organization noticed that the richest man in town had never donated.

A representative of the organization called the man. "Our research shows that you make millions of dollars a year, and we were wondering if you'd like to donate some amount to help those in need."

The man responded, "Did your research show you that my mother is suffering from a chronic illne...

I think I'm going to start an organization for people who think racism is bad but still laugh at racist jokes...

I'll call it the JKKK.

What kind of organization is Atheism?

A non-prophet

What do you call a violent, racist organization of confused Mexicans?

The quequeque

The World Health Organization has stated that eating bacon increases your chances of getting cancer.

Statistics also show that not eating bacon dramatically increases your chances of blowing yourself up.

Why do atheist organizations make little money?

They are non-prophets

"Sorry Moses, but you can't join Greenpeace..."

"...We're a non-prophet organization."

An man shows up for his first day of work at a strict anti-racist organization. He notices his asian boss has very dirty glasses ...

"How can you even see with those?"

"You're fired."

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An organization is like a tree full of monkeys...

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

What Do You Call a Secret Organization That Cares about Your Well-Being?

Illuminati Concerned.

The World Health Organization have a new motto out this year! (drum roll please)

Who cares... ?

Apparently there's a voluntary organization trying to gain legal rights for apes.

I guess you could say their work is Pro-Bonobo.

What do you call the headquarters of an organization of space terrorists?

ISISISS

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Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and gets bad news.

"You've got a rare disease and you've only got 6 months to live," the doc tells him. The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he's going to get a second opinion.

He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news. Patient is ...

What do you call the secret Eskimo organization that controls the world?

The Igloominati.

What secret organization does Pinnochio work for?

Wooden you like to know?

Someone knocked on my door and asked if I wanted to donate to the organization for children with no hands.

I started clapping.

A lawyer and a United Way officer

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you did not give a penn...

A Muslim guy just walked into my store and bought a bunch of fog machines. So I called the cops.

He must belong to an extreme mist organization.

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TIFU by messing my teams multi milion dollar project

So i work for this big organization that has been working on quite an important project. That is, to take a picture of a certain object.
I am a temp and my job was to move the file from our local server to a safe drive so we can move the file (yes the file is that big) to another center. ...

I recently started working for a charity that convinces local supermarkets to give us their expiring baked goods to donate to refugees and the local homeless. We're working in conjunction with local churches to help distribute donations. All of us are there voluntarily, after all..

It's a naan-prophet organization.

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Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-week strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife

Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.


The unrest began last Tuesday, when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death, would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in rec...

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A man wins an online lottery of $5000 but finds out her entered the wrong email address.

He comes home disappointed and tells his son to send an email kindly requesting him to transfer all the money to his account, since he is the rightful recipient of the cash prize. However, his panic attack kicks in as he realizes he probably won't accept their request, and he tells his son to just s...

A CEO was asked to give money to a charity

A worker at a charity organization went to a CEO's office to ask for a donation.

He Said: "Sir I don't mean to bother you, but I've noticed that you haven't given any money to our charity, you seem pretty well off and we were wondering if you would be willing to donate."

The CEO said: ...

I found out my friend was running a charity for atheism.

He said it was a non-prophet organization.

Thief Capturing Robot

Disclaimer: This is only a joke, whatever or whoever I have stated are only for entertainment purpose only.



Once an organization of experts invented a robot that captured thieves.

So in order to test their invention they took to some places around the world to really see how ma...

A wealthy lawyer is asked to donate to charity...

A very wealthy lawyer in a small town is notorious for never giving money to any charity that comes his way. The local animal shelter knows he has a dog and they think that this could be their way into his wallet. They go to his door and he answers, "What do you want?"

One of the ladies repli...

Timmy Got a Job!

Timmy boy, a young hobo who left home in search for wealth, got his 14th job in the 3 months he has been traveling. His first shift at Bob’s Animal Candies Inc. started at 9 am, Tuesday. After working for hours at the breath fresheners’ line, he began to get bored, so Timmy decided to take a break t...

Talked to an atheist today.

Turns out he’s part of a Non-Prophet organization.

"Thank you for calling the NSA..."

"The only government organization that **actually** listens to you!"

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead undergo spy training

The pass all test with ease, and score top marks on all exams. Finally, after an easy year of training, they are told to go the headmaster's office, James Bond himself. "First of all, congratulations for you excellent grades in all classes, he said, but you have one final exam to pass. In the room b...

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the toronto maple leafs were so bad at hockey the...

organization decided, 'ya know what, we got this group of guys here. great with their hands. lets just fuckin open a chain of pizzerias'.

Brilliant, I happened to be living in toronto at the time and wanted some za, called them for a plain cheez. & they couldnt deliver.

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The Two Cow Philosophy

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neigh...

Where do atheists donate their money?

Non Prophet Organizations

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heard the one about the Pope!

One morning the Pope awoke in his bed chamber in the Vatican. To his surprise, he noticed that he had woken up with a massive erection. Perplexed, he called on his personal physician.

'Doctor, this should not be possible,' he said, 'I'm the Pope, and I'm celibate! I haven't had one of these f...

I just started volunteering at this place called Muhammad's Bakery.

It's a naan prophet organization.

'Knock knock'

'Who's there'

'Okay Google'

'Okay Google, who?'

'Sorry I didn't catch that'

'OKAY GOOGLE WHO?'

'The World Health Organization is a specialized agency of the United Nations that is concerned with international public health. It was established on 7 April 1948, headq...

How to make a charity

1. find someone in need
2. Create an organization and donate all revenue to said someone
3. ???
4. nonprofit

What do you call a community of fortune tellers who work for free?

A non-prophet organization

Son-in-law joins the family business

A successful businessman sat down with his new son-in-law to discuss his role in the family business. He said to him, "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family. To show you how much I care, I've made you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every d...

My college professor messed up our finals and gave it to us out of order

I asked him why he was so sloppy with his organization, but he didn't have a response.

I recommended getting a stapler. When he asked me why bother, I told him "Well, it's a staple in every test."

Indian restaurants make most of their money off of the bread..

They're naan-profit organizations.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Typical vaguely racist bar joke [xpost r/forwardsfromgrandma]

At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEOs of various Brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day's conference.

Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouted to the Barman: "In 'Strylya, we make the best bladdy beer in the world, so pour me a Bladdy Fosters, mate."
Bob, CEO...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

26 groaners

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.



2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.



3. She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still....

My self help books

I have a great book on organization
*but I can't seem to find it*

I have a book that helps with procrastination
*But I haven't gotten around to it*

I have started a book on joke telling
*But I haven't finished it*

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Another Russian joke I love :)

*To understand the joke you need to be familiar a bit with the "pioneer movement" that was is Soviet Russia, essentially it's a organization for children formed by a communist party where they wear read scarfs, walk around with a drum, and are raised to epitomize civility.*

An elderly woman i...

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A white supremacist billionaire starts donating to minority groups

There was a white supremacist billionaire who, in his old age, finally started to donate to minority groups in privately funded affirmative action programs.

First, he donated so that all minorities in America can have free abortions. The liberals were overjoyed that disadvantaged groups can n...

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The Plan

In the beginning was the plan, and with it came the assumptions.

And the assumptions were without form, and the plan was fiscally unsound,

hopelessly flawed, and completely without substance.

And darkness was upon the faces of the rank and file Employees.

And they became...

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LAWS FOR ENGINEERS

Engineering is a science that runs on the laws of physics. We have all studied these laws in our formal education. There are other laws that are equally powerful, however. These are found through experience in the classroom of applied technology. Here is a summary of the laws of physics for your ent...

FBI, CIA and NYPD

Are all discussing which is the best organization at catching criminals. To settle the discussion they all agree to go into a near by Forrest to find a released rabbit.
The FBI goes in first. After a couple of weeks they are unable to find the rabbit so they burn the forrest down, killing every...

Why are all Atheists poor?

Because Atheism is a not for-prophet organization.

A Plane Full of Americans, French and Cubans Crashes on an Island Full of Cannibals (Cuban Joke)

The cannibals quickly round everyone up and separate them by nationality.

First, they call forward the French. One of the Frenchmen tries to convince the cannibals that instead of cooking them they should try some delicious French cuisine instead. The cannibals let the French prepare a feast ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Costume party in Boston

So a charitable organization in Boston throws a costume party fundraiser. The theme of the party is Emotions, and the partygoers are supposed to dress like an emotion.

So at about midnight, a man stumbles up to the door in a wedding gown. He's stopped by the door man.

"Da fucka you do...

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are discussing what they do with donations to their respective religious organizations. The minister says that he draws a circle on the floor, throws the money up in the air, and whatever lands in the circle, he gives to God, and whatever lands outside the circle, h...

Attorney General

The attorney general decides to hold a contest to see which organization is the best at policing. SO he gets the FBI, the CIA, and the LAPD together, and tells them "I've released a rabbit into the wilderness, find it, and bring it to me." So the FBI goes in, and two hours later, they come out, and ...

Topical Jokes for 9/5/14

(for best results, imagine these being read by your favorite late night host)

In Oregon, a veterinarian discovered 43 socks in a Great Dane’s stomach. The dog was taken to the vet when the owner wanted to find out why his sock drawer was growling.

To ward off evil spirits, a woman in I...

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