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Introduce Jokes

Gen Z names are so stupid. For instance, a young man introduced himself to me as Jathan..... Not Jason. Not Nathan... Jathan.

I'm not good with remembering names so I try to incorporate them into the conversation to help me to remember. So I said to him

"It's very nice to meet you Jathan."

"That is a very unique name, Jathan."

"Are you from around here Jathan?"

To which he replied

"Wow, a...

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A girl introduces her new boyfriend to her parents.

This is a German joke, but I think I found a way to translate it:

A girl wants to introduce her new boyfriend to her parents.
He knocks on the door and the parents together open the door and introduce themselves: "Hi, my name is Sarah and this is my husband Michael, nice to meet you!".
...

A woman introduces her boyfriend to her parents.

A woman has her boyfriend meet her parents.

The father of the woman and the boyfriend then have a discussion at a Catholic Bible Study:

Father: “What do you do for a living?”

Boyfriend: “I am a Biblical Scholar.”

Father: “A Biblical scholar, huh? How will you provide for ...

How does a hamburger introduce his wife???

Meat patty...

A cat owner invited their neighbor over for dinner and introduced their four cats. "That's Alogue, Aract, Erpillar, and Astrophe," they announced. The neighbor was surprised and asked, Where on Earth did you get those names?

Oh, those are their last names, the owner said. Their first names are Cat.

I'd like to introduce you to my step ladder!

I never knew my real ladder...

How does a glass of milk introduce itself in Spanish?

Soy Milk

I introduced my girlfriend to my family today.

My kids really liked her but my wife seemed mad.

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Every time I introduce myself, people get mad

I introduced myself to my teacher, and I got suspended. I introduced myself to a pretty girl, and she told me to fuck off. I introduced myself to my neighbor, and he punched me. Maybe there's somebody else named "Yorick Hunt" with a bad reputation out there.

How long do you wait before you introduce your girlfriend to your child?

For arguments sake, let's say you've been dating for 3 years, and the child is 6 weeks old.

How Buzz Aldrin introduces himself...

"Hi, I'm Buzz Aldrin, second man on the moon... Neil before me!"

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I’m trying to introduce my wife to my Scooby Doo sex fantasy.

I think it’s working, she said we should split up. She went to her parents house and I’m looking for clues in the garden.

When I introduce myself, no one takes me seriously.

I don't understand why. The only thing I say is, "Hi, I'm Joe King."

A woman named Lorraine Lee introduced her boyfriend, Frank, to her family for the first time.

As Frank greeted Mr. and Mrs. Lee, Lorraine's stunning sister, Claire, whispered something to him. Curious and suspicious, Lorraine decided to check on them and found Frank and Claire in bed together. Lorraine confronted Frank, who pleaded for another chance. Reluctantly, Lorraine agreed, but made i...

My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette.

Blew his mind.

Introduced a friend of mine to minimalism

It was the least I could do.

I introduced my friend to Jessica Fletcher

And got charged with accessory to murder.

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The girl took her boyfriend home and introduced him to her parents.

The guy had a bad lunch and was feeling discomfort as he was sitting at the dining table for dinner with her parents.




Suddenly he couldn't control the discomfort, and he farted. At this moment, the girl's father looked at the dog sleeping by the boyfriend's feet and yelled "Jack...

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A girl wants to introduce her boyfriend, Maggot, to her parents

Maggot is this big biker dude. He has a leather vest, a bushy beard, and of course his pride and joy: a Harley-Davidson he keeps in pristine condition by polishing the chrome weekly and rubbing the saddle with vasoline whenever it rains.

So, at dinnertime, Maggot arrives at the parents' house...

Mom, let me introduce my girlfriend

Mom: You couldn't find anyone better?

Me: Leave her alone, I love her!

Mom: Shut up, I'm speaking to her.

what did today's date say to introduce itself?

It's a me! Mar10

General Motors will introduce 2 new warning lights for their cars!

One to tell you that you need a new engine and the other to tell you that you need a new car.

The only joke I know.

How does a cow introduce his wife...?

He says, "meat patty".

I am very sorry.

Edit: it makes sense that my only popular post is a dad joke. I've never received any awards before so thank you everyone, this is insane.

Also, I understand everyone is upset about the cow vs b...

While teaching a class a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question.

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you sa...

My wife keeps getting mad at me when I introduce her

"Hi guys, this is my ex-girlfriend."

I've decided to marry a pencil

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B

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A girl introduces her new boyfriend to her family

Her parents invite him for dinner at their home. They all sit down at the table, while the dog lies down under it, and they start eating.

At some point, the dude feels like he really needs to fart. He tries to suppress the awkward feeling, but he can't and farts a big one.

'Rufus!' ye...

I told my coworker he should introduce himself like James Bond

The name's Moore, Steve Moore. At least that's what the ladies say.

How do sceptics introduce themselves?

"I don't believe we've met..."

An elementary teacher wanted to introduce physiological notions to her students.

She asks her class: Whoever feels stupid at times stand up!
After a while, little Johnny stands up, grudgingly.
The teacher asks: So Johnny, you feel stupid from time to time?
Little Johnny replies: No ma’am, it’s just painful to see you standing all alone.

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I suggested to my wife that to spice up our sex life, we introduce fruit into the bedroom.

She went fucking bananas.

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A teacher has students introduce themselves on the first day of school.

Teacher: Good morning, class. I’ll call on you, one by one, and you can tell us your name and maybe what your dad or your mom does for a living. You, please, over at this end.

Small Boy: My name is Emmett and my dad is a mechanic.

Teacher: A mechanic! Thank you, Emmett. Next?

S...

How did the virus introduce itself?

Hi, I'm an influenza, check out my YouTube page!

How do Italian mosquitoes introduce themselves?

It's a me, Malario!

Chevrolet is about to introduce another fully electric car

Many people think it's great but others think it's just re-Volting.

How did Rowan Atkinson introduce himself when he performed in Spain?

Soy Bean

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[NSFW] My new girlfriend just introduced me to her fetish....

I didn't want to tell anyone, but I just had to get this shit off my chest.

I was introduced to my cell mate and he said,

"You touch my stuff and I will kill you. I catch you staring at me and I will kill you. You touch me and I will kill you."

I thought to myself, "Just got here and I'm already married."

So today introduced my girlfriend to my parents

It was a bit strange since they couldnt see her

Who lies about their names spelling every time they introduce themselves?

Noel

What do you get when you introduce music to a bee?

ABCD

What's the worst way to introduce yourself to a seasoning?

Cumin side her.

When they introduced cyberpunk 2077

I didn't get that 2077 was the release date

How did the amateur bass player introduce himself?

Hey guys, so I play the guitar, lowkey

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Greeks vs Italians

Sure, it was the Greeks who invented sex.
But Italians were the first ones to introduce it to women

An 60 guy introduced his friend to his new trophy wife

When they alone without the wife they asked him : "how did you got such a hot wife? "

He said: " i lied about my age"

"did you tell her that you are fifty?" asked one of his friends

"no i told her i am eighty" replied the man

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The porn industry introduces its own virtual currency.

Clitcoin.

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My Dad is Glaswegian, I brought my first girlfriend home one day and introduced her, "This is Amanda".

"It's a fucking what!?"

How does Bin Laden introduce himself to Germans?

Ich Bin Laden.

Daughters boyfriend introduced himself to me and he said “Hi sir I’m david, nice to meet you”

He put out his hand and I said “David are you nervous?”

He said “no”.

So, I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said “then why are you shaking?”

Edit 1 - Geez; it's the handshake, guys. Come on!

I told this joke today when asked to stand up and introduce yourself to the group, and say something interesting about yourself ...

So this guy dies and goes to hell. He finds himself in a nice room with a group of other people. Satan stands up and says, "Welcome to Hell!" The guy thinks to himself, "well, this doesn't seem so awful." Then Satan says, "I'd like each of you to introduce yourself, and tell us something interes...

How do you introduce a loaf of bread to your angry aunt?

Meatloaf croissant

My friend wanted to introduce me to his vegan girlfriend...

He asked me how I felt about that and I said I don't know, never met herbivore.

A guy wants to introduce his girlfriend to his mother.

And he decides to have a little fun with it. He calls his mom up and says, "Ma, you know me so well, how about we play a little game. I'll bring three women over, and by the end of the night you see if you can figure out which one I'm dating." The mom reluctantly agrees.

That night, he shows ...

My cousin always introduces himself as "Stephen with a P-H"

It's because he's slightly acidic

So western cartoons are being introduced to the Middle East

TV execs decided to go with The Flintstones as an initial trial to see how they'll be received.
So far there has been mixed reviews.
People in Dubai don't get the humour at all but by all reports, the people in Abu Dhabi do.

I think my family is racist

I've been nervous for weeks, but I finally decided to introduce them to my Spanish girlfriend

My kids refused to talk to her and my wife started crying and told me to pack my things

How do Chinese spies introduce themselves to their enemies?

They say, "I'm Wa-Ching Yu!"

Finally got the courage to introduce my girlfriend to my family

Safe to say my wife wasn’t happy.

I used to have this on my Tinder profile to introduce myself to guys...

Im like a microwave: easy to turn on, warm on the inside and if you put a baby inside me I’ll kill it.

I had to leave my job at the ceramics factory when they introduced the new equestrian range.

It was turning into a horse tile work environment.

I used to have a beautiful house and a lovely car, until my friend introduced me to drugs...

Now, I have a yacht and a Caribbean Island.

I Introduced my GF to my EX

She got upset. I guess she didn't like the mirror.

A hillbilly introduces himself to his neighbor

Hillbilly: "Howdy neighbor, I see you moved into the holler and as a welcoming gift, I wanna throw you a party. There will be a lotta drinkin, a lotta dancing, and a lotta screwing"

Neighbor: "Oh that sounds great, what can I bring?"

Hillbilly: "Well, you can bring anything you'd like...

How does the butcher introduce his wife?

Meat Patty.

(This was told to me by an old man I cut off with my grocery cart at the grocery store).

Whenever I introduce myself, I always bring up the titantic.

It's just such a good ice breaker!

A man dies one day and finds himself in Hell, much to his surprise.

The man has never sinned, he has attended church somewhat regularly and often gives to charity.

He asks at the gate if there has been a mistake to which the ferryman gives no answer.

He figures there is little hope for him, but somehow he will make the best of his situation.

He ...

I Introduced my 20 years younger gf to my family and everyone hated her...

Maybe my wifes birthdayparty was not the right time afterall

I met a beautiful, strong willed woman.

When I introduced myself as Frank she said "I wouldn't have pegged you as a Frank."

So I asked "What if my name was Joe?"

I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...

It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.

How do I introduce my friend Harold, the Mediterranean meat magician?

Gyro wizard, Harry!

How does pizza sauce introduce itself at a fiesta?

Yo no soy marinara

Karl: Thanks to Duolingo, I can ask people if they are a horse, but I can't introduce myself in french.

Mark: Ask me if I'm a horse

Karl: Tu es un Cheval?

Mark: Nay.

How do you introduce an exhausted red vegetable to a steak?

"Beat beet, meet meat."

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Apple wanted to introduce a line of phones specifically for children.

But they scrapped it, 'ITouch Kids' just didn't seem right.

Heard this somewhere a while back. Don't think it was here. Thought you guys might like it.

Hello, I'd like to introduce you to my friend. He's a Jewish Barista.

Hebrew.

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