UPJOKE
organisereorganizeset uparrangepreparecoordinateunionizemastermindinitiatecreatestructurereorganisecollectivizeorchestratejoin

Organized Jokes

I organized a threesome last week.

There were a couple of no shows, but I did alright.

Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss.

Hell is where the cooks are British, the police are ~~German~~ American, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Italians.

I organized a threesome last night.

Two no-shows, but all in all a good time!

Elon Musk organized a press conference about his project to solve global warming

"I will build giant sunglasses"

Journalist raises her hand. "How does that stop the earth from warming up?"

"It makes it cool"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The head of an organized crime syndicate realized his accountant had been skimming money from him for years.

Unfortunately the accountant only spoke Russian. So the boss hired a Russian interpreter and busted into the accountant’s home.

He tells to the interpreter, “tell him I want to know where my money is, AND I WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW!!” The interpreter conveys the message in Russian and the acco...

A son says to his father: "Dad, I'm thinking about a career in organized crime."

Father: "Government or private sector?"

What's the first thing in organized ghost does in the morning?

Makes a to boo list

Don't get involved in organized insect crimes.

The mothia is ruthless.

Today I was turned away from an LGBTQ organized event. To think I thought they were inclusive.

This is the last time I take my pack of lions to a pride parade.

What is the difference between organized crime and the Whitehouse?

The Whitehouse isn’t organized.

The government offered to buy my guns from me

But after a thorough background check of the buyer, I am not comfortable with selling weapons to organized crime.

People think my room is a mess, but it's actually very organized

Everything is sorted by date of last use. If I used it recently, it's on top of something.

What do you call an organized alligator?

I don't know, but you better not mess with it!

My town organized a competition yesterday to find out who is the best contortionist.

My friend entered himself and won.

My hair is always really messy, and I can never get organized.

I asked me friend today ''hey Jess, how do you get your hair like that?'' and she told me it's natural.


I wish that I had Jessie's curl

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.

It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A TV crew went to interview the oldest man living in a small village

"Can you tell us what was the happiest moment you can remember?"

"That was when Mary Jones got lost on the hills over there. We organized a search party and when we found her we were so happy that we had a special celebration, everybody got drunk and all the men in the village fucked Mary Jon...

Why does organized crime have that common criminals don't?

A con-census.

What do you call an organized recluse

Neet and tidy

What do you call a mediocre member of organized crime?

A mafiososo.

I organized a dozen professional boxers to stand in a row and hit anyone that got near them

That was my best punchline ever

I organized a "Fat Lives Matter" march. We all got very tired...

I can't breathe.

What do you call an organized criminal in hot water?

Mobster bisque

I really like oxymorons. Phrases like jumbo shrimp, organized chaos, open secret

Or United States of America.

Three organized weaklings defeat an army of barbarians.

When asked how they did it, they responded:

"You know what they say, knowledge is power."

The people still didn't understand, so the trio explained it further:

"Well, you see, we were in formation"

You know what the best part of organized sports is?

Yeah me either

My weekend is looking like a poorly organized herb gardener.

Nothing but thyme on my hands.

Why was a group of lemurs framed for organized crime within seconds?

They were a conspiracy.

Nurse: Doctor, I have organized the list of donor's hearts, livers, kidneys in alphabetical order

Doctor: Wow, its very *organ-ized*

I once organized a ginger convention

Not a soul showed up

A group of ravens organized the crows' monthly meeting.

I guess you could say there was a conspiracy to commit a murder.

Small Organ

A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over.

After a few minutes, the girl started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing.

"You...

Doctor: Good news! We organized a birthday party for you.

Man: But my birthday isn’t till next month.

Doctor: Which brings me to the bad news..

The orgy I organized was a complete disaster

Nobody came.

TIL my mom isn't a member of any organized political party.

You see, she's a Republican.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.