What's the first thing in organized ghost does in the morning?

Makes a to boo list

I organized a dozen professional boxers to stand in a row and hit anyone that got near them

That was my best punchline ever

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The head of an organized crime syndicate realized his accountant had been skimming money from him for years.

Unfortunately the accountant only spoke Russian. So the boss hired a Russian interpreter and busted into the accountant’s home.

He tells to the interpreter, “tell him I want to know where my money is, AND I WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW!!” The interpreter conveys the message in Russian and the acco...

I organized a threesome last week.

There was a couple of no shows, but I did alright.

Don't get involved in organized insect crimes.

The mothia is ruthless.

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.

It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet...

Today I was turned away from an LGBTQ organized event. To think I thought they were inclusive.

This is the last time I take my pack of lions to a pride parade.

My hair is always really messy, and I can never get organized.

I asked me friend today ''hey Jess, how do you get your hair like that?'' and she told me it's natural.


I wish that I had Jessie's curl

What do you call an organized alligator?

I don't know, but you better not mess with it!

My town organized a competition yesterday to find out who is the best contortionist.

My friend entered himself and won.

Why does organized crime have that common criminals don't?

A con-census.

Nurse: Doctor, I have organized the list of donor's hearts, livers, kidneys in alphabetical order

Doctor: Wow, its very *organ-ized*

I organized a "Fat Lives Matter" march. We all got very tired...

I can't breathe.

My grandma told me this one

A butcher goes to a barber for a haircut. When it’s time to pay, the barber declines, saying “I’m feeling generous today, you don’t need to pay for this one”

The next morning someone knocks on the barber’s door. When he opens, it turns out to be the butcher, carrying some sausages and other m...

A son says to his father: "Dad, I'm thinking about a career in organized crime."

Father: "Government or private sector?"

What is the difference between organized crime and the Whitehouse?

The Whitehouse isn’t organized.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A big trip to the mountains with married women and their mothers-in-law was organized. They would go there by separate busses (the women in one bus and the mothers-in-law in another).

During the trip to the mountains, the bus carrying the mothers-in-law had a flat tire. Suddenly the bus driver lost control and the bus fell off the mountain, at least a couple thousand meters downhill. No chance anyone in that bus survived it. Obviously all of the women started cheering up, startin...

An Emperor wanted to prove that he was greater than Alexander the Great

So he visited an elderly Council of Historians who had the power to write an Emperor's legacy after his time and spread his fame far and wide.

He asked them, "O Great Historians, what made Alexander a Great King? I wish to be greater than him and the greatest in human history"

And he ...

What do you call a mediocre member of organized crime?

A mafiososo.

Why was a group of lemurs framed for organized crime within seconds?

They were a conspiracy.

My weekend is looking like a poorly organized herb gardener.

Nothing but thyme on my hands.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandfather organized bukkake parties for the Nazis.

They were excited about all the faceism.

random pandemic question

According to history class, they organized wild orgies in the Middle Ages after the victory over the Plague. Is there anything planned yet? I ask for a friend.

People think my room is a mess, but it's actually very organized

Everything is sorted by date of last use. If I used it recently, it's on top of something.

What do you call an organized criminal in hot water?

Mobster bisque

You know what the best part of organized sports is?

Yeah me either

This year my wife was struggling for ideas on what to get me for my birthday.

I said that for my birthday, I would like a threesome. I've never had one before, and I would feel like less of a creep if she organized it.

She was surprisingly on-board. She said that she had a friend from college who would probably be up for it.

But I think I ruined the night when ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A self-made millionaire decided that he was lonely and needed to find a mate. So, he organized a bit of a competition for it.

As his search neared the end he narrowed the choices down to four.

One was a doctor. She was a surgeon, made incredible money. She was focused and driven. Because she was so wealthy on her own, he knew she wasn't in it only for the money.

One was a lawyer. Again, a successful professio...

I really like oxymorons. Phrases like jumbo shrimp, organized chaos, open secret

Or United States of America.

Heaven and Hell according to Europe

Heaven is a place where,
all the cops are British,
all the chefs are French,
all the engineers are German,
all the parties are organized by the Italians,
and it’s all run by the Swiss

Hell is a place where,
all the cops are German,
all the chefs are British (sorry Gordon...

What do you call an organized recluse

Neet and tidy

Three organized weaklings defeat an army of barbarians.

When asked how they did it, they responded:

"You know what they say, knowledge is power."

The people still didn't understand, so the trio explained it further:

"Well, you see, we were in formation"

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