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A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company.

There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright, but after a few months he gets lonely.
The pig starts to look more and more attractive, soft, pink flesh, round buttocks.
But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarl...

Which company NEVER loses at blackjack?

Forever 21.

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following let...

Elon Musk needs to start a new company,

Elon Must.

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A married man is out looking for some “company”

While driving late at night he spots a prostitute down a dark alley. Not caring what she looks like he tells her to get in and he drives down the dark alley to get his freak on. After things get hot and heavy a cop pulls up and turns on his brights.

He walks up to the car, knocks on the wind...

It was mandatory drug test day at my company, and we were standing in line awaiting our turn. Finally, the tester came by with his kit, took one look at me and said, "Sir, you even look stoned. Do you think you can pass this drug test"?

"Sure, man", I said. Then I promptly grabbed the kit and passed it to the guy next to me.

Needless to say, I passed!

Why shouldn't you work for an Egyptian company?

They're all pyramid schemes

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A family of Jews start up a train company. They call it...

IsRail

What's a Texan's favorite moving company?

U'all

Janet Jackson wanted to sample a Future song so she asked his production company if she could use Beast Mode. The production company sent a representative to her door with a CD. She asked if it was Beast Mode

The representative said “Sorry Ms. Jackson, this is Fo Real”

What do you call the combination of Tesla, SpaceX, and The Boring Company?

3Musketeers

I'm a recruiter for my company. Before I look at any resumes, I always throw half of them out.

I only want the lucky ones.

Why did the white supremacist start a baking company?

Because his family had a long history of being in bread.

4 beer company CEOs walk into a bar

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light.

The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light.

The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.

The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.

The first three ask the CEO of Guinness why he didn't order a Guinness, to which he replied:

"I figured if yo...

Ford is creating a new company to manufacture electric vehicles using Tesla software and batteries.

They're naming it Edison.

Why can’t the Infiniti car company trademark ∞ ?

Because the legal battle would be endless.

Bob is having trouble finding workers for his house construction company

So he decides to open the position up to people with more general skills. The first candidate doesn't have much experience in construction, but insists that his previous experience will be an asset.

The man seems earnest, so Bob decides to give him a chance. He tells the foreman to watch the ...

Three insurance salesmen are having drinks and boasting about each company’s service.

The first one says, “When one of our insured died suddenly on Monday, we got the news that evening and were able to process the claim for the wife and mailed a check on Wednesday evening.”

​

The second one says, “When one of our insured died without warning on Monday, we lea...

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A man joined a company

A man joined a big multinational company as a trainee.
On his first day,  he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone: "Get me a fuckin' cup  of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded: "You fool, you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"
...

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Business was bad, the small company was on the edge of bankruptcy.

The owner summoned his two-man sales force into his office.

"Things aren't going too well, guys," he announced grimly. "So to perk up sales I'm announcing a contest. The guy with the most sales gets a blow job."

"What does the loser get?" asked one of the salesmen.

The owner loo...

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My dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill but instead, I bought a lottery ticket for a brand new car.

When I got home, I explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me. But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the door, outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried especially me because the car was from the electricity company, they were there to cut off the electricity, ...

Didn’t know that Fed Ex and UPS we’re merging into one company and changing their name

To Fed-Up

I recently started an explosives company.

It's only been around for a few days, but business is booming!

What’s the difference between a Chilean mining company and a Catholic priest?

The Chilean mining company gets its miners stuck in a shaft. The Catholic priest gets its shaft stuck in a minor.

Why did the newspaper company go out of business?

Too many issues

A farmer was in an accident with a trucking company and finally decided his injuries were serious enough to take the company to court.

In court, the trucking company’s lawyer was questioning the farmer and asked, “Didn’t you say at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?”

The farmer responded, “Well let me tell you what happened. I had just loaded my mule into the…”

“I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupte...

Why is Cricket called Cricket? (Phone company)

That's all the employees hear!

Show Off - A young businessman has just set up his own company.

A young businessman has just set up his own company. He rents an office downtown and buys some trendy furniture for it. Sitting behind his new desk, he suddenly sees a potential client come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picks up the phone and pretends that he’s calling an importa...

I just bought 10,000 kW of electricity from this one company.

They charged me a lot.

A company CEO always wants to put his employees in a good mood, so every morning he tells a funny story.

He is very shy though so he speaks over the intercom placed on his desk.

Every morning he tells the joke and a leaves the intercom on to hear the reaction.

No one says a word but after a good minute, everyone starts laughing. This happens every morning.

He is kind of confused b...

I signed up for my company’s 401k

But I don’t think I can run that far.

I was going to start a bourbon company

but I heard it's whiskey business...

I was trying to get storm insurance for my campsite, but the company refused.

They said, “If your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”

Why is it okay for an ice company to commit fraud?

Their assets are already frozen

What do you call friend who works for an insurance company?

A friend with benefits

​

I'll leave now

What's that company that sells the table's legs separately?

IK*EA*

A blonde is being interviewed for a job. The interviewer says "In our company, any employee may be selected at random for a drug test."

The blonde asks "Do you have to study a lot for them?"

I was surprised when my boss told me that our company was bought by a millionaire from Barcelona.

Nobody expects the Spanish acquisition

Bob has a small company. One day, one of his employees, Kevin, dies

Bob and his wife go to the funeral. On the way back home, she asks him:

"Dear, you know my brother is a little lazy, but he's been looking for a good opportunity. Do you think he could replace Kevin?" Bob answers:

"It's ok for me, but we would have to talk with the graveyard administ...

John, the owner of a small company, just moved into a new office.

After settling in, he decides to message his friend. "Jim," he wrote,"I finally moved out of that dingy old office and just moved into a new one."
Happy to hear this news, Jim orders a bouquet of flowers to send to John's new location. The next day, a bouquet of flowers shows up at the office wit...

I met a guy who works at a toilet paper company

He was quite charmin, I must say.

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What do you call the crappiest video game company?

Diarr-EA.

Why is EA the worst gaming company in America?

Because Ubisoft is in France.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My buddy started an amputee porn production company.

He calls it XYX.

A company decides to build a strip club across the street from a mini-golf place.

A bunch of people were really upset about this, and you can't really blame them. I mean, who wants to be enjoying a nice family outing only to look across the street and see some losers playing mini-golf?

I was going to start a camouflage plane company

But I just can’t see it taking off

What do you call a desert towing company?

A camel tow

My company recently hired Frankenstein’s monster to run our HR department. He’s surprisingly good at it.

Turns out he’s a real people person.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The company Apple is just like a prostitute.

You give them your money and they'll fuck you over.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is told by his employer that he has to go see the company doctor in order to keep his insurance...

He reluctantly goes, and is amazed to find no examination table, just a wall full of computer equipment. The doctor walks in and says, "Just place your hand on the scanner here" and shows the man a screen. Bewildered, he places his hand on the screen and immediately the panel glows beneath his hand,...

I went to work today, and was shocked to learn that my company was taken over by a firm in Barcelona.

No one expects the Spanish acquisition.

Why aren't accountants ever invited to company swim parties?

Their job requires that they point out any shrinkage.

I'm disappointed BIC company doesn't make gardening equipment

Who wouldn't want to have a Dig Bic Plow

Today I had an interview for a job at Microsoft, and the recruiter asked me "Why do you think you are a good fit for our company?"

I replied: "because I too am micro and soft right now"

Thought of a great slogan for a construction company..

We screw, we nut, we bolt.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The japanese company Subaru is releasing an electric remodel of the Subaru Legacy

it's called Legacy 2 electric subaru

Why did Elon Musk name his company Spacex?

Because Spacey was touching kids

I didn't get the job at the sunscreen company.

They said you can always reapply.

My company issued us new ladders.

They were cheaply made and barely supported 100lb of weight, but when I posted a picture to Reddit it got taken down by the mods.

I forgot to mark it as NSFW.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I told my sister to come work for me at my porn company and that last year I made $1 million. She said that’s gross.

I said “no, that’s net.”

I recently brought a car with a new company called Bargain.

As the name suggests, they’re cheap. Tires aren’t great and it’s not very efficient. Worst of all are the seats. I mean, they’re uncomfortable and really flat. Anyway, I picked up my friend one day, and I was telling her all about Bargain. She too clocked the flatness of the seats. When we arrived a...

After once again being unable to pay my bill, the water company sent me a card this morning.

Get Well Soon

During a recent password audit by a company...

...it was found that an employee was using the following password: "**MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento**".

When asked why she had such a long password, the employee rolled her eyes and said, "Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital."

A matematician, a philosopher and an accountant are applying for an important position within a prestigious company

During the interview the CEO askes each of them a simple question: how much is 2+2?

The matematician: Definitely 4, no doubt about it!

The philosopher: The answer in itself is not important, what matters is why did the question manifest itself.

The accountant, leaning forward an...

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears. Since he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way...

One day, Merv decided to invest his money in a small, but growing telecom business called R. Jokes Communications.

After weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright.

But, after signing on the dotted line, he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and qui...

My company has just decided we won’t test our products on animals anymore

We make hammers.

I wanted to learn more about my ancestry so I registered with a company online and sent them my DNA sample

Two weeks later I got a letter saying the sample cup was for saliva.

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof.

A bunch of people got sick at the company where I work.

It was a staff infection.

My friend has a successful company where he weighs big objects

He's doing business on a large scale

A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"

He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."

What did the man say to his pet bear after buying her a computer and the computer wouldn't turn on and he ended up calling his cousin who works at the computer company and the cousin came down from Milwaukee to show them how to connect everything to make the computer work?

Sorry for the complicated setup.

What do you call a nun employed by your company?

Nun of your business.

What do you call the shareholders of a bankrupt company?

MiStake Holders.



(It's bad I know)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An army captain approaches a prostitute and asks her, "Would you enjoy my company for $100?"...

She looks at the handsome military officer and says, "Of course, I would be glad!"

Captain replies, "COMPANY! FORWARD!"

Why was the CEO of a leading prosthetics company arrested?

It came out that he was involved in international arms dealing.

The phone company has been calling me everday threatening to to disconnect me if I don't pay my bill.

I'm glad they finally stopped calling.

Of course our company is an equal opportunity employer

We always make sure to have equal numbers of X and Y chromosomes

If the British shortbread company opened up a branch in Austin and then threw a huge party to celebrate...

...it would be a Walkers: Texas rager

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Elon Musk makes a porn company

And it's called Space XXX

People are protesting for us to change the name of our company.

I don't know why, we hang the colors is a good name for our dry-cleaning business.

I am buying my coffin from a company located in Ireland.

I wonder if they accept crypt o'currency?

I've set up a company to rid people of vampires.

I'm the main stakeholder.

A new CEO takes over at a struggling company and decides to get rid of all the slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. He can't believe this guy would just stand around on the job. The new CEO walks up to the guy leaning against the wall and asks, "What are you doing here?" "I'm just waiting to get paid," responds the man. Furious, the CEO asks "H...

Why did one camera company buy out the other?

To get their competition out of the picture.

What do you call it when a company that sells milk doesn't have have any cows in roles of power

Lactation without Representation

The Terminator got sick of chasing Sarah Connor, so he started a pest control company.

He became an exterminator.

The University of Kansas football program just traded in all their company vehicles for new ones...

They wanted Les Miles

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was a wealthy Jew who owned a nail company. His only son had just graduated from college and the father wanted to get him involved in the company.

He initially farmed the young man out to each of the departments; first research & development, then manufacturing, then sales, and in each the son was a dismal failure. Determined to find a place for his offspring, the father decided that his son needed his own project.

So the father pla...

A man sued a drug company for making him impotent

but his lawyer got him off

I work at a multi billionaire company

I love McDonalds!

Why did the freelancer sue the company?

Because he charges on Demand

A big internet company now renders donkeys with open-source technology

It's called "Google GL ass"

I started a job picking up trash for a company called Total.

Unfortunately I have to wear a shirt that says “Total Waste” right across the back

John was looking for a good house repairing company, with an affordable price

A friend tells him, "I heard there's this one company that does free repairs if it's your first time using their service!"

John replies, "That's amazing! I'll have them over here immediately."

A few hours later, the repairman arrives.

John greets them at his doorstep, and asks, ...

So you think my lift company is corrupt?

Well, I'm taking you down!

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A scrawny, skinny lumberjack asks a local lumber company if they're hiring

"Sure, but we ain't taking you. You're a skinny little shit and this is work for a big man."

Outraged, the skinny lumberjack rips the hatchet right off the bigger lumberjack's belt, walks over to a redwood tree, and knocks it down with one swing.

"Ok, then, you're hired. Just tell me t...