UPJOKE
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Thought I won an argument with my wife about how to rearrange our furniture.....

But when I got home, the tables were turned

My wife has this weird ocd where she rearranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought

Its an extremely rare dish-order

If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN

They get VERY ANGRY

Rearrange the letters PNEIS ...

**When I was young I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.** 

**One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when it is erect.  Those who answered SPINE are doctors tod...

I told my friend to rearrange the letters in the word on

He said no

“Feeling strange, Mr. Bond?”

“Feeling strange, Mr. Bond? That’s because I’ve laced your martini with a measles vaccine. The autism should be setting in any second now.”

“Joke’s on you, I already disassembled your doomsday device and rearranged all the parts in order of size.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Gf says I can get anal on my cake day if this post reaches front page

Please upvote because I want to rearrange the whole house furnitures to make them perfectly symmetric from every angle

If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U

Cause you’re blocking the TV

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rearrange these letters to from words

1.pneis
2.buttsxe

Did u get *spine* and *subtext*

yeah neither did i

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone in my apartment rearranged all of the buttons on the elevator

That was wrong on so many levels

I was told I should rearrange my mood.

But that could spell my doom.

In highschool, my girlfriend and I were asked to rearrange PNSEI to form a word

She said Spine and went on to become a doctor.
And the rest of us are reading this on reddit

If Greta Thunberg could rearrange letters in her name

That would be great

I'm not sure if you knew this, but if you rearrange the letters in LGBT...

You'll probably offend someone.

I just realized if you rearrange the letters in Hola, you get Aloha.

It's because I'm Canadian and automatically add an eh.

I bumped into a stranger. He turned around and told me he was gonna rearrange my teeth.

What a great dentist he was - so glad I met him.

“Hey dad, why is my sisters name Teresa?”

“Your mother named her after her love for Easter, and when you rearrange the letters you get Easter.”

“Alright, thanks dad..”

“No problem Alan!”

I rearranged my keyboard today

Now everything's under Control

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together

And then move the rest of them to match the layout of a QWERTY keyboard too.

I told my sister that if you rearrange the letters in 'vanilla' you get 'pirate'

Her: no you don't

Me: yes, 'a villain' with a missing i.



Note: true story

My parents said I could never rearrange furniture for a living

Oh how the tables have turned!

Gurl, if I could rearrange the alphabet

I would make the first twelve letters be E,T,A,O,I,N,S,H,R,D,L and U. Those being the approximate order of the most frequently appearing letters in the English alphabet.

Why did the alphabet smell so bad after its letters were rearranged?

Because it had a vowel movement.

I wanted to rearrange all the spices on my spice rack

But I couldn't find the thyme.

Mama, how did I get my name?

(USA-centric)

"Mama, how did I get my name?"

"Why do you need to know, Loquinda?"

"It's for my homework."

"Well, I was staying at a LaQuinta Inn the night you were conceived. So I just rearranged the letters a bit to make a pretty name."

"Oh. That's cool. How did m...

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One night, the stars had rearranged in the sky

to say "Hello!" The people of Earth were in awe and could not believe their eyes. They all collaborated by turning some lights off and keeping some on. When arranged it said "Welcome. We come in peace" The next night the stars began rearranging again. When finished, they read "Go fuck yourselves ear...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wish I had the sexual power of snow.

People cancel everything and rearrange their entire lives just for three inches coming fast.

Dad, why did you name the new baby Teresa?

Well son, Teresa is an anagram. If you rearrange the letters, it spells “Easter”.

-Oh, so you named her that on account of how much you and mom love Easter.

Yes, that’s right, Alan.

-Thanks, Dad!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to Write a Paper

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair, in a well lit place, with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

2. Check your email.

3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand.

4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you conce...

Cow Jokes

What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean Beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.

Two cows are grazing in the field. One cow says to the other, "Hey Dorris, you worried about this Mad-Cow Disease epidemic?" The other cow turns and says, "Why would I be? I'm a chic...

What does the soil have in common with a mailman?

They both become hostile when you rearrange their letters.

A physicist sits down at a bar and orders two drinks.

He places one in front of the empty seat next to him, while he slowly consumes the other. Upon finishing, he orders another drink. The bartender notices the untouched beverage and motions to it. "Something wrong with this one?" "No," says the physicist, "that one is for my companion." "Oh," say...

The fishing trip

So four high school friends have gone fishing together every year for the last two decades. That was until this year, when Jim had to inform the group he couldn't make it.

"Look, it's the wife. She's been saying I haven't been spending enough time with her."

Of course, the others were...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman frantically calls 9-1-1 and says, "There's a Democrat jerking off on my lawn!"

The dispatcher says, "OK ma'am, I've got a squad car on the way ... but tell me, how do you know he's a Democrat?"

She says, "Well if he was a Republican, wouldn't he be fucking someone?"

*(rearrange political parties to your own preference)*

There was a baby orca that had washed onto land after a huge tidal wave.

When the water receded, the orca found himself out of the water on the beach. A young man happened along and saw the orca struggling along. He always wanted a pet, so he scooped him up in a wagon and took him home; depositing him into his family's well.


This strange upbringing made the b...

I know its slightly distasteful but, what's the best way to punish a blind kid?

rearrange the furniture

Stevie Wonder cheated on his wife.

So she rearranged all the furniture at the house.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do articles by the Washington Post always elicit shock and surprise?

Well, they wanted to be called “Town Gasp: No Shit!” Until management rearranged the spelling to be less offensive.

A miracle birth

A doctor and nurse were having an affair, and the nurse got pregnant. Being a little large, and not very bright, she didn't realize she was pregnant until she was very far along. In a panic she went to the doctor and said, "What should we do?"

The doctor came up with a brilliant plan. A pries...

A few Helen Keller jokes. Feel free to add your own!

1. "Did you know Helen Keller had a really fancy doll house?"
"Neither did she.

2. "Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?"
"You would too if your name was BALLRUGEKLHEBSKLH!"

3. "How do you punish Helen Keller?"
"Rearrange the furniture and keep a plunger in the toilet."

Some (eye-rolling) Chemistry Pick-up Lines for the Valentine's season

* Are you made of Carbon? Because it feels like my world revolves around you.
* You're my Lithium.
* Are you an anion? Because I'm positive we're meant to be together.
* My heart is made of Gallium. It melts when you're close to me.
* Are you Fluorine? Because i can't seem to get myself ...

A dying man

A man is driving to meet a friend at her house, a pretty girl whom he has a crush on. He plans to ask her on a date. He's having second thoughts and is beyond nervous. Suddenly, an 18-wheeler slams into the side of his car, totalling it and nearly killing him.

Around the operating table, surg...

How did Helen Keller get punished?

Her mom rearranged the living room

Nerdy pickup line.

Hey baby, Are you uranium because I'm Iodine and if it was up to me I would rearrange the periodic table around and put U and I together. ;)

Indian wedding

My girlfriend had to go to a wedding. I asked her whose wedding, and she told me that her friend, who is Indian, parents got divorced and now her dad is getting married for the second time. So asked her "Is it a rearranged marriage?"

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