UPJOKE
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Tried starting a hermits association club in my neighborhood

It was really nice. No one turned up. Think I'm on to something.

What does D.N.A. stand for?

National Dyslexic Association

Why is the National Rifle Association filing for bankruptcy?

Because schools are closed.

The Paradox Association has fragmented due to internal conflicts.

Many members have subsequently joined The Irony Society, but leaders of both organizations have issued statements clarifying that simultaneous membership remains an unresolved issue.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Why does the bar association code of ethics prevent sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The American Medical Association has weighed in on Trump's Coronavirus strategy

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologist had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.    Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring unde...

You’ve reached the answering machine for the tinnitus association

Please leave your message after the beep.

The Washington Redskins finally decided to change their name to get rid of the association with historical racism

They'll now be known as the Arlington Redskins.

An association football player and hockey player walk into a bar...

...and sit next to each other. The two only order one beer each, and at one point an argument occurred. The two, deciding not to disturb the rest of the visitors, took it outside and prepared for a fight.

Before any punches could be thrown the football player fell to the ground and called for...

Why did the dyslexic association of America stop having their meetings at the YMCA?

They all showed up at Macys.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is a road nearby called Berlin Street.

True story, and not quite a joke, but this just happened. All I can say is our daughter pays a lot of attention to things. Anyway, I needed to drop off a letter, and asked my wife, "Isn't the post office on Berlin Street?"

"Yes, but I think I heard it's actually pronounced BERL-in, not ber-LI...

A.A.A.A.A (American Association Against Acronysm Abuse)

NR@AAAAA
(Now recruiting at AAAAA)
FFTJ
(Feel free to join)

A group of dogs is a pack. A group of crows is a murder. What is a group of Karen's?

A Home Owners Association.

I wanted to join the National Mens Association

But got rejected because I was born a broad

A notice from the Psychiatric Association

Dear citizens,
During the QUARANTINE time it is considered normal to talk to your plants and pots.

Kindly contact us only if they reply.

In order to support social distancing, the National Association for Celebacy has cancelled its March meeting.

Please share this message. They want to make sure nobody comes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy knocked on my door and asked if I wanted to donate to the Clock Lovers Association

Signed up immediately, it’s about fucking time.

70% of dishes are under-seasoned, according to a recent survey by the seasoning manufacturers' association. Obviously, this is biased.

Take it with a grain of salt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The homeowner's association keeps telling me I need to cut the grass.

I appreciate the concern, but I haven't smoked since high school, when I mowed lawns for weed money.

I was trying to practice on my guitar by playing some rock and the homeowners association gave me a written warning for the loud noise

Guess paper beats rock again

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got some odd news in my dyslexia association newsletter today... [NSFW]

Turns out everybodies cocks go black this weekend.

Terrorists have taken >500 hostages at the Bar Association annual conference

Unless their demands are met, they'll release one lawyer every hour.

Are you a member of the One Word Sentence Association?

I’m.

The Dyslexia Association of America held an organization-wide toga party.

Everyone came dressed as goats.

I heard the White House Correspondents Association is going to give equal time to a conservative comedian at next year's dinner

I hope a year is long enough to find one.

I'm a member of the American Medical Association...

...AMA.

How many media outlets does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Outrage! as light socket forced into pairing with light bulb. "I just couldn't imagine this would be happening to me". Light socket is quoted as saying after the incident.


Pressure mounts on controversial home owner who refuses to rule out further forced bulb screw ins.


Associ...

I got a letter from my Homeowners Associations too

It just said "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw orgies."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do members of the Fruit Fuckers Association always stick together?

They always cum in pears.

The British Islamic Association has said there is no longer room for extremists within their mosques...

Although a waiting list has been set up.

Two elderly couples have their weekly meet up at a table in their local park.

They take a seat, the ladies chat with one another across the table, as do the gents.

Fred asks Harold "Are you still going to that memory clinic?"

Harold says "Yes, it's been helping my memory a lot, I recommend you come along to our next session"

"What do they do there?" asks ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is no arguing with cowboy logic.

The Sierra Club and the US Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predator, the naturalists had a "more humane" solution. What ...

One day, a family from mexico moves up from Mexico city all the way to Jacksonville Florida

One day, a family from mexico moves up from Mexico city all the way to Jacksonville Florida. They settle in a small little house. The neighbors are a little skeptical, being their race and all, so they keep an eye out on their plot for a few days. To his suprise, he sees that the family is one of th...

Definitions in construction

*Tender submission* - A game of poker in which the losing hand wins
*Tender sum* - A wild guess carried out to two decimal places
*Successful Tenderer* - A contractor wondering what they left out.
*Architect* - A person who knows very little about a great deal and keeps knowing less and le...

One day, a group of friars decides to open a flower shop as a way to raise money for their belfry.

Because they are men of God and pillars of the community, the locals start to buy all of their flowers from them. This draws the anger of another local florist, who sees the holy men as having an unfair advantage due to their association with the church.
After making countless attempts to put p...

Bad Children's Books Titles

Here are some bad children's books titles I found in my jokes archive. Can you think of others?

1. "You Were an Accident"
2. "Strangers Have the Best Candy"
3. "The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
4. "Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
5. "The Attention Deficit Disorder Assoc...

Where did the blonde with a drinking problem go?

To the Automobiles Association.

What do the initials D.S.A.U stand for ?

United States Dyslexic Association

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