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Association Jokes

Why is the National Rifle Association filing for bankruptcy?

Because schools are closed.
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What’s the motto of the association of boomerang owners?

What goes around, comes around.
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A single Karen is called a Karen. A group of Karens is called ...

a homeowners association.
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What does D.N.A. stand for?

National Dyslexic Association
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A Jewish man buys a lottery ticket and wins.

After the news heard about this amazing stroke of luck, they went to go and interview him.

The news reporter asked, "Mr. Goldberg, you have just won $1 million. What are you going to do with all this money?"

The Jewish man responds with, "Well, I'm going to give half of it to my family...

I used to be a member of the Secret Vegetable Association Cult. But i was banished last week

Because i spilled the beans
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Tried starting a hermits association club in my neighborhood

It was really nice. No one turned up. Think I'm on to something.
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A notice from the Psychiatric Association

Dear citizens,
During the QUARANTINE time it is considered normal to talk to your plants and pots.

Kindly contact us only if they reply.
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You’ve reached the answering machine for the tinnitus association

Please leave your message after the beep.
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The American Medical Association has weighed in on Trump's Coronavirus strategy

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologist had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.    Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring unde...

The Washington Redskins finally decided to change their name to get rid of the association with historical racism

They'll now be known as the Arlington Redskins.
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I wanted to join the National Mens Association

But got rejected because I was born a broad
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[NSFW] Why does the bar association code of ethics prevent sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

An association football player and hockey player walk into a bar...

...and sit next to each other. The two only order one beer each, and at one point an argument occurred. The two, deciding not to disturb the rest of the visitors, took it outside and prepared for a fight.

Before any punches could be thrown the football player fell to the ground and called for...
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A guy knocked on my door and asked if I wanted to donate to the Clock Lovers Association

Signed up immediately, it’s about fucking time.

A group of dogs is a pack. A group of crows is a murder. What is a group of Karen's?

A Home Owners Association.
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I'm a member of the American Medical Association...

...AMA.
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Terrorists have taken >500 hostages at the Bar Association annual conference

Unless their demands are met, they'll release one lawyer every hour.
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Got some odd news in my dyslexia association newsletter today... [NSFW]

Turns out everybodies cocks go black this weekend.

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I wanted to volunteer at the tourettes disorder association

But they told me to go fuck myself.

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The homeowner's association keeps telling me I need to cut the grass.

I appreciate the concern, but I haven't smoked since high school, when I mowed lawns for weed money.

Are you a member of the One Word Sentence Association?

I’m.
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The Dyslexia Association of America held an organization-wide toga party.

Everyone came dressed as goats.
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In order to support social distancing, the National Association for Celebacy has cancelled its March meeting.

Please share this message. They want to make sure nobody comes.
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I got a letter from my Homeowners Associations too

It just said "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw orgies."
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Why do members of the Fruit Fuckers Association always stick together?

They always cum in pears.

70% of dishes are under-seasoned, according to a recent survey by the seasoning manufacturers' association. Obviously, this is biased.

Take it with a grain of salt.
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What do you call a large group of Karens?

A Home Owner's Association
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The British Islamic Association has said there is no longer room for extremists within their mosques...

Although a waiting list has been set up.
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Just sued my mom for sending me blanket made by her and her sewing club.

Quilt by Association
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I was trying to practice on my guitar by playing some rock and the homeowners association gave me a written warning for the loud noise

Guess paper beats rock again
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I heard the White House Correspondents Association is going to give equal time to a conservative comedian at next year's dinner

I hope a year is long enough to find one.
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Two elderly couples have their weekly meet up at a table in their local park.

They take a seat, the ladies chat with one another across the table, as do the gents.

Fred asks Harold "Are you still going to that memory clinic?"

Harold says "Yes, it's been helping my memory a lot, I recommend you come along to our next session"

"What do they do there?" asks ...
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A teacher to her students,

"Lets talk about associate, or association. It means things that go together. You can associate plants with soil, and birds with trees. Now, can anyone tell me what we can associate with fish? Yes, Tommy?"

Tommy: "Chips!"



Source: Adapated from a joke in a 1913 newspaper
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Memory trick

Two very elderly couples bump into each other in the street, Jack says " hi there George, how are you?" George says " Great! we've just been to that new memory clinic, they teach you how to remember things using word association, it's really good" Jack asks " really? what's the name of the clinic?" ...

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There is a road nearby called Berlin Street.

True story, and not quite a joke, but this just happened. All I can say is our daughter pays a lot of attention to things. Anyway, I needed to drop off a letter, and asked my wife, "Isn't the post office on Berlin Street?"

"Yes, but I think I heard it's actually pronounced BERL-in, not ber-LI...

What do the initials D.S.A.U stand for ?

United States Dyslexic Association
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Where did the blonde with a drinking problem go?

To the Automobiles Association.
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