Hosting Jokes - 39 Hilarious Hosting Jokes

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I’m hosting a charity for men struggling to ejaculate

If you can’t come let me know

My job is hosting a dating website for insects…….

Don’t judge me. I’m just trying to make ants meet

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Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.

"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

A group of bats were hosting a competition

Three of them would be competing to see which could suck the most blood in 10 minutes.
The first one went to a field with sheep. After ten minutes it returned with blood dripping from its fangs. The judge asked “ how did you get this blood?” The bat responded “see that field with sheep? I drank ...

Jeffrey Dahmer was hosting Thanksgiving dinner

His mother leans over to him and whispers, "I really don't like your neighbors."

So Jeffrey whispers back, "that's OK, just push them to the side and eat your vegetables."

(I haven't told this joke since JD went to jail)

Who is hosting next year’s Oscars?

Jerry Springer.

The Grim Reaper started hosting an art class in their spare time.

They call it, a brush with Death!

Cardi B was hosting a private pool party...

With music bumping, and social media blowing up with post about where it was, tons of fans were trying to get in, but bouncers turned them all away unless Cardi B gave approval herself.

As the party reached its peak, screams started coming from the pool and everyone rushed out getting water ...

My local off-licence has started hosting a book club.

First up is Tequila Mockingbird.

I was hosting a dinner party and everyone thought my food was bad

Exept the smoke detector, that thought it was fire

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A man is hosting an emotions party.

In order to get into the party, guests had to be dressed as their favorite emotion.

As the host is getting ready for the party, he hears the doorbell.

He opens the door and sees a couple dressed all in red. The man says, "And what are you supposed to be?"

The couple replies, "...

I told my wife how nervous I was about hosting the talk on unhealthy relationships.

"I'm terrified of public speaking," I told her, "but my friend gave me a good tip: he said I should imagine the crowd naked."

My wife said, "No, you're only allowed to imagine me naked."

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An old man is hosting his retirement dinner with his family, friends and coworkers

He’d lived a long life- when he was only 25 he went on a mission trip to South America where he met two young boys who he later adopted. Seeing the standard of living in South America prompted him to study medicine- a field he completely excelled in and successfully developed vaccines for over ten d...

Did you hear about that time Einstein panicked while hosting an awards show?

He equals emcee scared.

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I’m hosting a premature ejaculation charity event tonight.

It starts at 7:30 but feel free to come early.

A Mexican and his Chinese friend are hosting a Super Bowl party

I wonder who’s bringing the Corona

One day the king was hosting a competition

He gave every contestant a piece of lined paper, specifically with ten lines. “Write whatever you want on the paper, if you make me laugh, you win a full chest of gold. However if I don’t laugh, you will be sentenced to death” He said.

The first person came and wrote a funny story, using up a...

I’m going to start hosting Christmas orgys

It’s a time when we should all come together

Did you hear Jerry Seinfeld is hosting a new poker show

Its gonna be called "What's the Deal?"

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News story reminds me of old JFK "golden toilet" joke

Read in the news that thieves had been charged with stealing a $6 million gold toilet and it reminded me of this "classic."

For some reason one of the characters in this joke when it was told to me was JFK. The accent maybe made it more humorous.

JFK is on a talk show telling the story...

A certain TV station was a hosting a contest and I happened to be the first caller

The host said, "Congratulations on being our first caller, all you have to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our grand prize."

"That's fantastic!" I shouted in delight.

"Feel confident?" she asked. "It's a basic maths question."

"Well, I've got a master's in ...

Justin and I are taking a course on hosting the news [OC]

"You know, Justin and I are taking a course on hosting the news"

"you don't say! Wait, which Justin?"

"*This* Justin!

(OC: I thought on that while commenting on another Justin pun, but wouldn't be surprised if I'm not the first one to think of that)

ln(x) is hosting a calculus party....

and all the functions are invited. Some of them are radical, at least 1/3 of them are rational, and like all parties, there are a few odd ones talking to their imaginary friends. Amidst all of this revelry, ln(x) is talking to some trig functions, when he sees his friend e^x sulking in a corner.
...

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The boss is hosting a costume party for Halloween

We see all the usual costumes, that you buy at the store, and even a few homemade ones, but I noticed that the intern was only wearing a pair of jeans. We’re all trying to figure out what his costume is, a shitty hulk? That Kylo Ren meme? Nobody knows, until one person walks up to him and asks:
<...

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My band is hosting a benefit concert for women with no legs.

The place will be crawling with pussy.

A woman and her daughter are hosting a dinner party.

When all the guests arrive, the woman asks the little girl to say grace. She says, "But Mommy, I don't know what to say?" The mother says, "You've heard me pray. Just say you've heard me say." So the girl says, "Jesus, what was I thinking inviting all these people over to my house?"

I'm hosting a staring contest next week.

If you're interested keep your eyes open.

What do you call a French website hosting multiple chat rooms?

A *chat*eau.

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I am hosting an annual meeting with people who can't ejaculate.

Please inform us if you cannot come.

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A man is hosting a costume party...

And this years theme is "emotion." The invites instruct the guests to show up dressed as an emotion.

On that note, the first man shows up with an all red jumpsuit from his head to his toes.
"And what emotion might you be symbolizing this evening," asked the host.
"I'm red with rage," re...

Hawaii is hosting a party for all the states. Hawaii says, “be there or be square!”

Unfortunately, Colorado and Wyoming didn’t attend.

Mike Tyson is hosting a spelling bee

A contestant approaches the stage and Mike says, "the word is dictate"

The contestant thinks for a second, clearly pondering the spelling of the word. "Dictate... Mike, could you please use that in a sentence?"

Mike smoothly replies, "Well of course. When I was in prison, Maurice told ...

The Islamic State is hosting a music festival in Iraq.

The first annual Allahpalooza is sure to go off with a bang.

A doctor is hosting a party when suddenly his sink stops working.

He calls a plumber. After the plumber is finished with his work, he hands the doctor a bill.
"This is crazy," says the doctor. "Not even I make this much!"
The plumber says, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

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A radio show is hosting a game where listeners call in with a new word.

Radio Host: Hey all you listeners out there, time for another round of "New Word". As a reminder of the rules, you have to give me a word that does not exist in the dictionary and you have to say a phrase that uses that word.
Caller: Hello?...
Radio Host: Hello caller, you are live on Radi...

People from Boston will never forget that Shaquille O'Neal is hosting Shark Week this year.

They love Shaq Week.

A bar was hosting the ‘Unbeatable’ bucking bronco with a $1000 prize for anyone that lasted more than 7 seconds without being bucked off

The night had seen all comers dispatched off the bull with ease, when a scrawny little man stepped up.

The bull started its revolutions - 1, 2, 3, 4 seconds - most expected him to come off.

5, 6 seconds - the crowd takes notice and starts cheering him on as he hangs on for dear life. <...

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I will be hosting a benefit for men who have problems ejaculating during intercourse tomorrow evening at 6:00.

If you can’t come, let me know.

My wife and I are hosting a get together tonight that ends at 11:30..

We're calling it a before New Year's leave party.

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