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Organised Jokes

Organised a threesome last night

There were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time.

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Me and my friends organised a circlejerk in our local church.

It was a mass turbation.

Why do political parties hate organised crime?

They don't like voter competition.

Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the mechanics German, the lovers Italian and it's all organised by the Swiss.

Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics French, the
lover's Swiss, the police German and it's all organised by the Italians.

I organised an orgy,

but nobody came.

Organised Religion and Mafias have a lot in common...

Both have their respective clubhouses and neither pay taxes

I organised a secret Santa at work

I put my name on 10 pieces of paper and everybody picked one. Can’t wait till Monday!

What do you call an organised superhero?

Captain Plan It

I organised a surprise bukkake party for my girlfriend....

All my mates came.
You should’ve seen her face.

I have a book on how to keep things organised in your home

Unfortunately I don't know where I stored it

I organised a day of sponsored bungee jumping for the local disabled group...

Perhaps calling it 'spastic on elastic' wasn't one of my greatest ideas...

I organised a support group meeting for individuals with erectile dysfunction.

Though around 20 people registered, many couldn't come.

The counties of Devon and Cornwall organised a huge music festival with the reunions of both The Jam and Cream.

The festival was called off due to the two counties not being able to agree which should go on first.

I am extremely proud of my son who chose a career in organised crime

He became the prime minister of the country

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I organised a party for men who suffer from premature ejaculation...

There's no strict dress code, just come in your pants.

My friends who work the fields organised a party for me without me knowing.

It was quite a peasant surprise.

If you gathered up all the receipts from your wallet and organised them

You would have a little book of why you're broke

A man went to a fish and chip lunch organised by the local monastery...

He strolls up to one guy serving, and with a big grin, asks "Are you the fish friar?"

The guy responds "No, I'm the chip monk!"

What do you call an organised rebellion with twice as many people as usual?

A sedan d'état.

Why don't you heart, lungs and intestines get mixed up?

Because they are organised

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The joke store

A guy gets a job at a practical joke store.

To help him learn the ropes, the proprietor has him spend the first week just sorting through all the different practical jokes they sell, learning what they do and making sure everything's correctly labelled and organised. And what a variety! They'...

Little Fritz tells his father he wants to become a criminal when grown up.

His father explained, he would have to choose between a career in organised crime and a political career.

What's the difference between the Mafia and the Government.

One of them is organised.

A stationery store was broken into. Box files, wall calendars and appointment diaries were stolen.

Police suspect highly organised crime.

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A husband died.

The widow organised his funeral and arranged with the undertaker to have him laid out in an open coffin so that she and the family could say their goodbyes before the lid was screwed down.

On the day before the viewing was due to take place the widow received a call from the undertaker advis...

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The Harley & The dishes (NSFW)

A guy named Joe heads into his local Harley Davidson dealership with a fistfull of dollars and starts looking for his dream motorbike. The dealer looks at Joe's choice and states that while Joe's choice in motorcycle was respectable, the older style Harleys not only held their value better, but in m...

When I was little, my Dad built me a giant Scrabble board which was big enough to run around on.

One day I propped up the board on boxes and saw horses.

Then I organised a little show for the neighbourhood kids and their parents, which I presented from my big Scrabble board.

It was a play on words.

Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia.

You could say I was involved in very organised crime.

People always say I'm late and disorganised.

But wait until they see what I've got organised for tonight's New Year Eve party!!

What do you find in the filing cabinets of a law firm?

Organised crime.

Two Scots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's forthcoming wedding.

“‘Och, it's all going magic," says Jock. "I've got everything organised already, the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night."


Archie nods approvingly.


"Hell, I've even bought a kilt to be married in," continues Jock.

...

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Sharon was bored at home with her boyfriend Andrew.

"Andrew, I'm sick of just sitting at home doing nothing. Let's go out for lunch to that nice restaurant." Sharon said.

"That sounds like a great idea", replied Andrew. "BUT... I've already organised to do some gaming with some friends today."

"There is always A BUT! You never put any e...

Oldie

The UN organised a 30 minutes meeting where they asked one question to all attendees:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

It was a huge failure.

The Africans didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern...

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were playing a round of golf.

They got to the third tee and were delayed by people still playing the hole.

The Scotsman lost his patience, "What's going on? We’ve been here at least 20 minutes!"

The Irishman nodded in agreement.

The Englishman saw the green keeper walking by and shouted to him, "How come t...

A Communist dies...

...at home with his family. He was a good man in life, caring for his family and working hard for the good of Socialism and his fellow man. However, being a Communist and therefore an Atheist, he is not allowed entrance into Heaven, and being such a good man, he cannot be consigned to Hell forever, ...

A while ago there was a rebellion in Lapland

A group of three elves were very unhappy with Santa’s treatment of them, and organised an uprising.

Having dealt with the uprising, Santa expelled the three elves from Lapland. He gave each of them a colour to make sure he knew where they were.

The first elf was given the colour yell...

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