Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia.

You could say I was involved in very organised crime.

I organised a threesome last night..

There were a couple of no-shows but I still had a good time

Oldie

The UN organised a 30 minutes meeting where they asked one question to all attendees:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

It was a huge failure.

The Africans didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern...

What do you call an organised superhero?

Captain Plan It

I am extremely proud of my son who chose a career in organised crime

He became the prime minister of the country

If you gathered up all the receipts from your wallet and organised them

You would have a little book of why you're broke

I organised a support group meeting for individuals with erectile dysfunction.

Though around 20 people registered, many couldn't come.

People always say I'm late and disorganised.

But wait until they see what I've got organised for tonight's New Year Eve party!!

I organised a secret Santa at work

I put my name on 10 pieces of paper and everybody picked one. Can’t wait till Monday!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were playing a round of golf.

They got to the third tee and were delayed by people still playing the hole.

The Scotsman lost his patience, "What's going on? We’ve been here at least 20 minutes!"

The Irishman nodded in agreement.

The Englishman saw the green keeper walking by and shouted to him, "How come t...

Two Scots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's forthcoming wedding.

“‘Och, it's all going magic," says Jock. "I've got everything organised already, the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night."


Archie nods approvingly.


"Hell, I've even bought a kilt to be married in," continues Jock.

...

Heaven and Hell

HEAVEN is where:
The police are British
The chefs Italian
The mechanics are German
The lovers are French
and it's all organised by the Swiss.

HELL is where:
The police are German
The chefs are British
The mechanics are French
The lovers are Swiss
and...

My friends who work the fields organised a party for me without me knowing.

It was quite a peasant surprise.

A boy says to his dad 'I'm considering a career in organised crime'

His dad responds with 'Government or private sector?'

A while ago there was a rebellion in Lapland

A group of three elves were very unhappy with Santa’s treatment of them, and organised an uprising.

Having dealt with the uprising, Santa expelled the three elves from Lapland. He gave each of them a colour to make sure he knew where they were.

The first elf was given the colour yell...

I organised a day of sponsored bungee jumping for the local disabled group...

Perhaps calling it 'spastic on elastic' wasn't one of my greatest ideas...

I organised a tantra party.

Nobody came.

What's the difference between the Mafia and the Government.

One of them is organised.

The Head Teacher

Once there was this fantastic head teacher, let's call him... Mr Johnson. He had single-handily turned around the fortunes of three failing schools in his city with his tight intelligent financial control, understanding of the school's inherent needs, and great relationships with all staff/pupils....

What do you find in the filing cabinets of a law firm?

Organised crime.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A team of sociologists have planned an experiment in isolation.

They send an American, a Frenchman and a Japanese man to a deserted island, and arrange to come back and pick them up in a years time to see how they have adapted. The sociologists leave, and the three men decide to split up the tasks amongst themselves.

"I'm an engineer" says American, "So ...

A Communist dies...

...at home with his family. He was a good man in life, caring for his family and working hard for the good of Socialism and his fellow man. However, being a Communist and therefore an Atheist, he is not allowed entrance into Heaven, and being such a good man, he cannot be consigned to Hell forever, ...

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