I have a book on how to keep things organised in your home

Unfortunately I don't know where I stored it

I organised a surprise bukkake party for my girlfriend....

All my mates came.
You should’ve seen her face.

I organised a threesome last night..

There were a couple of no-shows but I still had a good time

What do you call an organised superhero?

Captain Plan It

I organised a secret Santa at work

I put my name on 10 pieces of paper and everybody picked one. Can’t wait till Monday!

A boy says to his dad 'I'm considering a career in organised crime'

His dad responds with 'Government or private sector?'

If you gathered up all the receipts from your wallet and organised them

You would have a little book of why you're broke

Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the mechanics German, the lovers Italian and it's all organised by the Swiss.

Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics French, the
lover's Swiss, the police German and it's all organised by the Italians.

I am extremely proud of my son who chose a career in organised crime

He became the prime minister of the country

I organised a support group meeting for individuals with erectile dysfunction.

Though around 20 people registered, many couldn't come.

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Kim Jong-un has unfortunately died and the North Korean subordinates gathered for a serious meeting.

After hours of discussion, they decided it'd be best to replace him with a look alike to fool the foreign leaders. A Kim Jong-un look alike contest was organised and the winner was to be selected to rule Korea.

Fliers and posters of the contest was all over North Korea and a majority of the...

I organised a day of sponsored bungee jumping for the local disabled group...

Perhaps calling it 'spastic on elastic' wasn't one of my greatest ideas...

My friends who work the fields organised a party for me without me knowing.

It was quite a peasant surprise.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I organised a party for men who suffer from premature ejaculation...

There's no strict dress code, just come in your pants.

A man went to a fish and chip lunch organised by the local monastery...

He strolls up to one guy serving, and with a big grin, asks "Are you the fish friar?"

The guy responds "No, I'm the chip monk!"

What do you call an organised rebellion with twice as many people as usual?

A sedan d'état.

Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia.

You could say I was involved in very organised crime.

Oldie

The UN organised a 30 minutes meeting where they asked one question to all attendees:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

It was a huge failure.

The Africans didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern...

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Nice legs

Once upon a time there was a contest to find those people on Earth who had the best legs. Over six hundred million prizes were available, and each prize was for a life-altering sum of money, so almost every human on Earth took part.

Unbeknownst to them, the contest had been organised by Sata...

People always say I'm late and disorganised.

But wait until they see what I've got organised for tonight's New Year Eve party!!

Two Scots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's forthcoming wedding.

“‘Och, it's all going magic," says Jock. "I've got everything organised already, the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night."


Archie nods approvingly.


"Hell, I've even bought a kilt to be married in," continues Jock.

...

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were playing a round of golf.

They got to the third tee and were delayed by people still playing the hole.

The Scotsman lost his patience, "What's going on? We’ve been here at least 20 minutes!"

The Irishman nodded in agreement.

The Englishman saw the green keeper walking by and shouted to him, "How come t...

What's the difference between the Mafia and the Government.

One of them is organised.

The Head Teacher

Once there was this fantastic head teacher, let's call him... Mr Johnson. He had single-handily turned around the fortunes of three failing schools in his city with his tight intelligent financial control, understanding of the school's inherent needs, and great relationships with all staff/pupils....

What do you find in the filing cabinets of a law firm?

Organised crime.

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A team of sociologists have planned an experiment in isolation.

They send an American, a Frenchman and a Japanese man to a deserted island, and arrange to come back and pick them up in a years time to see how they have adapted. The sociologists leave, and the three men decide to split up the tasks amongst themselves.

"I'm an engineer" says American, "So ...

A Communist dies...

...at home with his family. He was a good man in life, caring for his family and working hard for the good of Socialism and his fellow man. However, being a Communist and therefore an Atheist, he is not allowed entrance into Heaven, and being such a good man, he cannot be consigned to Hell forever, ...

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