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Mothers Jokes

Jewish mothers, right?

The year is 2028 and the United States has elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish president, Sarah Goldstein.
She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says, "So, Mom, I assume you'll be coming to my inauguration?"
"I don't think so. It's a ten-hour drive, your fa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three expectant mothers are sitting in the doctor's office, knitting... [warning: offensive!]

\[I once killed a party with this joke. You have been warned!\]

Three expectant mothers are sitting in the doctor's office, knitting.

The first mother puts down her knitting, picks up her handbag, pulls out a bottle of pills, takes one, then resumes knitting. She sees the other two mot...

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying, "It's not working. I can't take it anymore. I am going to my mothers."

I opened the fridge. The light came on, the beer was cold.

What the hell is she talking about?

I don't understand all these jokes about mothers-in-law.

Mine is sweet, supportive, and a great influence on me and my wife. I can't say anything bad about her.

I’d like to wish all mothers a Happy Mother’s Day!

…and make all the Americans panic.

(It’s Mother’s Day in the UK, for those worriedly looking at their calendar.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between /r/jokes and your mothers vagina?

Your mother's vagina gets some new content every once in a while.

To the Mothers...

_Don’t be so hard on yourself; the mom in ET had an alien living in her house for *weeks* and didn’t notice._

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young amish woman is in a carriage with her mother

She starts complaining to her mother about how cold her hands are.
Her mother says, “Put them between your legs, they’ll warm right up.”
She puts her hands between her thighs and they warm up.

Three days later she’s in a carriage with another person, and this man just won’t shut up abou...

Your mothers' so ugly

When she walks into a bank, they turn off the cameras.

A waiter checks on a table of Jewish mothers and asks:

Is anything ok?

Mothers have Mothers day, father's have Father's day, couples have Valentine's day

and I have Palm Sunday.

On Mothers day my churches handed o7t carnations to all the moms

On Father's day they handed out jumper cables. I kept quiet, because I drive an electric car, and didn't want to start anything.

Mothers day

I gave my mom flowers yesterday for mothers day and she and my dad jokingly asked whose yard I stole them from.

I said I stole them from the graveyard.

It took me a second to realize what I had said, they looked horrified then we all started cracking up laughing.

I'm glad my ...

The teacher wants her students to express their love to their mothers, so she asks them to create a sentence with the phrase "There is only one mom"

Some innocent joke my father told me when I was a child. Not sure if this will make sense in english.

The teacher wants her students to express their love to their mother, so she asks them to create a sentence with the phrase "There is only one mom".

It's the first student's time, and ...

The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife

Thanks, Mom! Happy Mothers' Day!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife is yelling at me for having a boner at her mothers funeral

My response, “I can’t help it, it’s mourning wood”

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