UPJOKE
contendcompeterivalcontestdueltusslecompetitionbattlewrestleromaniacontenderraceplaymatchequal

Me - “What’s a 3 letter word for compete?”

Dracula - “Vie.”

Me - “It’s for a crossword.”

I saw this on Twitter(@clichedout) and it made me smile so hopefully someone else will get a kick out of it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I accidentally had sex with my French cousin...

Inc'est la vie.

A guy walks into a bar...

A guy walks into a bar and notices that the place is mostly empty. Except for one end of the bar, that is. And there he sees a group of women standing around. All kinds of women - beautiful women, plain-looking women, shapely, skinny, fat, short, tall, blondes, brunettes - just about everything. ...

How does a Millennial weight themselves?

In Instagrams







eta: yes, I saw the typo in the subject, about .01 after I hit "post", of course. Oh well! C'est la vie.

Where does a cow like to go on the weekend?

The Moo-vies!




Ps: I got this from a website about jokes for 5 year olds

I'm a big fan of Karl Marx's books, and if that makes me a communist;

Then So vie It

Two old men, one French and one Spanish were sitting on a park bench.

When a beautiful young girl in a miniskirt walks by. Just as she passes them a breeze comes along and lifts the girl's skirt up revealing she's not wearing panties. The French man looks at the Spanish man and says "C'est la vie" and the Spanish man exclaims back "Se la vi, tambien."

What do cows do on weekends ?

They go to the moo-vies.

What do you say to a lemon that just lost his job and went through a divorce?

Zest la vie.

A Plane Has Engine Trouble

and the pilot tells the passengers that they need to unload some weight or the plane will crash. Unfortunately they can't get to the luggage and there are no parachutes, so in order to save the plane, three volunteers need to jump out of the plane and sacrifice their lives to save the others.
...

Why did the cows cross the road?

They wanted to go to the mooo....vies

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