Stuttering Bible Salesman

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who wo...

I wo der how people used their free time before the internet...

I asked my eight siblings but they didn't know either.

T‌‌eacher: "‌‌If I‌‌ g‌‌ave y‌‌ou 2‌‌ c‌‌ats a‌‌nd a‌‌nother 2‌‌ c‌‌ats a‌‌nd a‌‌nother 2‌‌, h‌‌ow m‌‌any w‌‌ould y‌‌ou h‌‌ave?"

J‌‌ohnny: "‌‌Seven."

T‌‌eacher: "‌‌No, l‌‌isten c‌‌arefully... I‌‌f I‌‌ g‌‌ave y‌‌ou t‌‌wo c‌‌ats, a‌‌nd a‌‌nother t‌‌wo c‌‌ats a‌‌nd a‌‌nother t‌‌wo, h‌‌ow m‌‌any w‌‌ould y‌‌ou h‌‌ave?"

J‌‌ohnny: "‌‌Seven."

T‌‌eacher: "‌‌Let m‌‌e p‌‌ut i‌‌t t‌‌o y‌‌ou d‌‌ifferently. I‌‌f I‌‌ g‌...

The difference between a 21 year-old American and European

An American on their 21st birthday: Wow! I can finally drink!

A European on their 21st birthday: Wo-w-wow! I really ought to cut back on my drinking!

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The (wo)man of the house

Walking into the bar, Bob said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, I just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said John "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Bob replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees.

"Really? Now that's a switch! What di...

I like my (wo)men like I like my coffee: _________ (fill in the blank)

Started [**here**](http://www.reddit.com/r/Coffee/comments/f88l5/i_just_went_black/c1e1vtu), this seems like something that deserves its own thread.

Go.

**Edit**: Ok, apparently [**this was done before**](http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/f294e/finish_this_sentence_i_like_my_coffe...

The main difference between men and women?

The “wo”

Why is building a blonde snow(wo)man so hard?

You'll have to carve the head.

The l‌‌ocal c‌‌harity r‌‌ealized t‌‌hat i‌‌t h‌‌ad n‌‌ever r‌‌eceived a‌‌ d‌‌onation f‌‌rom t‌‌he c‌‌ity's m‌‌ost s‌‌uccessful l‌‌awyer.

So a‌‌ v‌‌olunteer p‌‌aid t‌‌he l‌‌awyer a‌‌ v‌‌isit i‌‌n h‌‌is l‌‌avish o‌‌ffice. T‌‌he v‌‌olunteer o‌‌pened t‌‌he m‌‌eeting b‌‌y s‌‌aying, "‌‌Our r‌‌esearch s‌‌hows t‌‌hat e‌‌ven t‌‌hough y‌‌our a‌‌nnual i‌‌ncome i‌‌s o‌‌ver t‌‌wo m‌‌illion d‌‌ollars, y‌‌ou d‌‌on't g‌‌ive a‌‌ p‌‌enny t‌‌o c‌‌harit...

My parents sat me down and told me I was adopted.

Me: "What! WoW!! Do you know who my biological parents are???"


Parents: "We are your biological parents, you have been adopted by another family. They will be here in 30 mins, go pack your stuff!"

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Chemical Analysis of Women

Item: Chemical Analysis



Subject: Women



Symbol: Wo



Discovered by: Adam



Atomic Weight: Average expected as 150lb, but there are known isotopes ranging from 100lb to 250lb.


Occurrence: Surplus quanti...

A u‌‌niversity s‌‌tudent w‌‌anted t‌‌o s‌‌it n‌‌ext t‌‌o o‌‌ne o‌‌f h‌‌is t‌‌eachers a‌‌t l‌‌unch.

However, t‌‌he t‌‌eacher l‌‌ooked a‌‌t t‌‌he s‌‌tudent w‌‌ith a‌‌n a‌‌rrogant f‌‌ace a‌‌nd s‌‌aid, "A s‌‌wan s‌‌han't b‌‌e f‌‌riends w‌‌ith a‌‌ p‌‌ig."

"Then I‌‌ s‌‌hall f‌‌ly o‌‌n", a‌‌nswered t‌‌he s‌‌tudent w‌‌ith a‌‌ s‌‌mile.

The t‌‌eacher w‌‌as c‌‌learly v‌‌exed b‌‌y t‌‌he c‌‌heek...

Two elitist gamers meet each other and discuss their favorite online games

Gamer 1: "You play WoW? LoL"

Gamer 2: "You play LoL? WoW"

What’s the difference between a man and a woman?

There’s a vas deferens in men

He asked: how do you f‌‌eel a‌‌bout s‌‌ex?

She replied: well I like it i‌‌nfrequently.

He said: is that o‌‌ne word or t‌‌wo?

What's Owen Wilson's favorite MMORPG?

WoW

What’s Owen Wilson’s favorite video game?

WoW.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Guy/Gal walks into a bar with an Ostrich/Race-horse

A good-looking young man (or woman) and an ostrich (or racehorse) walk into a bar. The two sit down, order some nachos and wind up drinking a few beers by the end of the night. When it comes time to pay the tab, the (wo)man reaches into his/her pocket and dumps a slightly-crumpled mess of bills and ...

There are people out there who don't know what World of Warcraft and League of Legends are

WoW, LoL

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So there was this guy

So there was this guy, yeah?

He wakes up in the middle of the night, sees an angel standing at the foot of his bed.

Angel says, "Hey, man! Yeah... hate to tell you this, but, um... it's your, uh... time. Yeah."

Dude's all like, "Wait, what? Whaddya mean it's 'my time'?"

A...

why do girls get a prefex

Because they are the WO of MAN

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Stuttering Problem

A man visits the doctor because of his severe stuttering problem.

The doctor says, "It appears that your penis is four inches too long and is pulling on your vocal cords, thereby causing the stutter."

"D-d-d-oct-t-tor. Wh-ha-a-at c-c-can I d-d-do?"

The doctor tells him that he m...

TIL Owen Wilson is a gamer.

His favourite game of all is WoW!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW - This guy sees his appendage in comparison to the guy next to him in the bathroom.

#NSFW
So this white guy notices that the black guy next to him at the urinal has a larger dick. It's not the first time he noticed the relationship. Finally, he summons the courage to ask. "Why are your black dicks larger than our white dicks ?"

The black guy chuckles. "It's cultura...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW]Four men preparing to become priests...

Four men were preparing to become priests, and they were on the last few trials. They passed all of the trials before the final with flying colors and were considered the elite. The man initiating the final trial told them the scenario. "All of you strip down to nothing and tie this bell around your...

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You are never too old to learn something new

You are never too old to learn something new...

I LOVE YOU IN 10 LANGUAGES

English

I Love You

Spanish

Te Amo

French

Je T'aime

German

Ich Liebe Dich

Japanese

Ai Shite Imasu

Italian

Ti Amo

Chinese

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As my wife lay there, handcuffed to the bed…

…covered in semen with a buttplug hanging out of her ass, wo things occurred to me…

First, since I took her virginity all those years ago, she had become more uninhibited in the bedroom than I could have ever anticipated.

Second, she had clearly forgotten that I was going to be home ea...

What seperates any given man from a woman?

The distance he can howl 'a wo.'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three war veterans were having a beer at a port

They all had other nationalities; one was British, one was American and there was a German. They were having a chat in at a bar just close to the harbour 5 years after the war.

The Brit was telling about how good their motorcycles were. *we could drive almost 100 miles on one tank!*, said the...

Why didn't the monk sell his temple?

*Because it had no monastery value.*

Thought of this one on my own while playing WoW a couple days ago and I'm pretty sure it hasn't been told before. I like corny jokes. I Googled it and didn't find anything (:

3 men go for an interview

3 men go to an interview for a sales job and the boss calls them all in and says “Whoever goes out and sells the most dictionaries can have the job”.


So the first guy goes out, sells a few dictionaries and comes back.


“How many did you manage to sell?”


With an upbea...

A dying granny...

A dying granny was talking to her granddaughter. "I may die any minute so I want you to inherit my farm including the villa, tractor, the farmhouse and all the livestock and $22,389,630.00 cash".

"WoW!!" said the granddaughter 'Thanks granny, I didn't know you even had a farm & all this w...

Everybody was running out of the Old West town...

The Eastern dude watched in amazement as he walked to his saloon to open up for the day. He stopped a passerby to ask what was going on.

"Ain'tcha heard? Big Bad Bob's a-comin' He'll turn this town upside down and I don't wanna be here when that happens!"

The dude can't quit...

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A man is having vulgar aggressive sex with his woman...

She asks him: "Wo wo wo... honey... would you be a little bit more considerate and classy?"

Him: "Like how?"

Her: "Pretend you're at a classy dinner with classy friends..."

Him: "Sure, could you please pass me that tit?"

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