UPJOKE
breakemploymentfiringceasediscontinuefurloughquitstopemployeecandismissdisplacefiresackterminate

Lay Off Jokes

Everybody needs to lay off the criticism of that Titan submarine guy and give him a break.

He’s under a lot of pressure right now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Boss has to lay off Ann or Jack.

Ann walks into the office, boss say's 'I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off.....'You better jack off, I've got a headache'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jack & Jill

Jack and Jill have grown up. They've graduated from uni, gotten married and got a job at the same firm.
One day, while going through the books and after much deliberation, their boss decides he must lay off one employee. Jack and Jill are the most recent hires, so it must be one of them. The prob...

I wish everyone would lay off Lance Armstrong. What an amazing achievement to recover from testicular cancer and win the tour de France 7 consecutive times. I don't care he used drugs....

when I was on drugs I couldn't even find my bike.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is told to lay off a member of his staff

At a small company, a manager is told that, due to downsizing, he has to lay off someone from his staff. After much agonizing, he narrows his list down to two people. Not sure who to get rid of, he talks to his boss for advice.

"On one hand, Mary is a really great worker," he says. "But on t...

Italians should lay off the penne and linguine for a while.

It's the obvious cause for why so many have pasta way.

Vegans need to lay off attacking others for their eating habits....

The last thing we need is another Spinach Inquisition.

Can we all agree to lay off the fat people jokes?

They have a lot on their plate.

If Trump doesn’t lay off the cheeseburgers...

He’ll be up to 6’5 by next year.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jack off...

Two managers are going over their budget for the next year. After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Jane.

They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off. Finally, one manager decides that th...

The price of oil has dropped so far that...

Exxon-Mobil had to lay off 25 Congressmen.

My doctor sucks. He said if I don't lay off the soda and red meat, I'll destroy my kidneys.

All that education and he can't even tell the difference between kid knees and adult knees.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the penis say to the condom?

“Cover me, I’m going in!”

 

________
*^(Condom: “You need to lay off those action movies, Richard!”)*

I think we really need to lay off North Korea over their failed missile tests...

I think they're developing projectile dysfunction :(

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Layoffs

The boss has to lay off one person from his department and he's narrowed the choice down to Ann or Jack. First he invites Ann in.
The boss says "I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off"
"You better jack off, I've got a headache"

What did the ghost say when it woke up with a bad hangover?

“Man, I really need to lay off the boos.”

We wouldn't have to ban plastic straws if only...

... those turtles would lay off the coke!

My buddy recently said he has "big duck energy"

I told him he needed to lay off the quack...

Yo mama so fat

>!We’re genuinely worried about her. That kind of lifestyle is unhealthy. You should encourage her to walk more and lay off the Ben&Jerry’s.!<

A History of Mazda

(I hope this isn't technically a Rule 6 violation)

Mazda is suffering in car sales, and so begins some new lines of products and tag lines.

They get into gardening, bloom bloom,

The military, boom boom,

Condoms, coom coom,

Textiles, loom loom,

Psychedelics,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sarah and Jack

Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.
Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he w...

What did the lobster say when he saw the mermaid?

Gotta lay off the sea-weed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandfather always used to tell me...

you can lead a horse to water, but if you can teach him to fish, you need to lay off the fucking acid.

My friend made a joke and wants to know if it's good. Let me know what you think

There is two doctors one old and one young, and the old doctor is teaching the younger doctor about house calls, they go to the first house and the old doctors like I’ll teach you how it’s done, and he asks the woman “what’s wrong?” And the woman replies “I’ve been full and not that hungry much”. Th...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.