During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that an employee was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why they had such a long password, they rolled their eyes and said: "Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital."

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Louisiana Highway Department employees stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer.

The man in charge told the farmer, 'We need to inspect your farm for a possible new road.'
The old farmer said, 'OK, but don't get out in that pasture over there.'
The Highway Dept. employee flashed out his identification card andsaid, 'I have the authority of the State of Louisiana to go anyw...

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(caution, horrible joke) I once asked an employee of a Pepto factory if they had a secret ingredient.

He told me it was none of my bismuth.

The owner of a restaurant sends his employee undercover...

...to the vastly more successful restaurant across the road.

Before sending him, the owner says "That restaraunt is ruining business here, all because of their famous chowder. I need the recipe and the secret ingredient ASAP!"

The employee manages to infiltrate the kitchen of the succe...

An employee asks his boss, "Can I have two weeks off for Christmas?" His boss replied, "It's May...", to which the employee responded,

"Oh, sorry. May I have two weeks off for Christmas?"

The employees at my bank are soo nice these days!

Occasionally they would call me and remind me that my loans have been outstanding!

An employee was drinking on the job

His boss saw him and said “Hey you can’t be drinking while you are working!”

The employee said “but I’m not working”

They both laughed and then he got fired.

How do McDonald's employees protect their laptops?

They use McAfee

Concerned when one of his most reliable workers doesn't show up, the boss calls the employee's home.

The phone is answered by a giggling child.

"Is your dad home?" the boss asks.

"Yes."

"May I speak to him?"

"No."

"Well can I speak to your mom?"

"No, she's with the policeman."

Alarmed, the boss says, "Gosh. Well then, may I speak with the policeman?"...

My company recently had to let go of an overweight employee

he didn't work out

An employee asks his boss to be transferred to a new department.

"Why, what's wrong with the fan department you're in now?" says the boss.

"Are you kidding me? This department blows!!"

The boss sighs, "Well, there is an opening in the vacuum cleaner department..."

"Hell no!" the employee screams, "that department sucks!"

The boss chas...

A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"

He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.

Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted by a child’s whispered, “Hello.”

“Is your Daddy home?” he asked.

“Yes,” whispered the small voice.

“May I talk with him?”

The child whispered, “No.”

Surprise...

A boss calls a meeting to discuss employees taking sick days when they aren’t sick.

He had suspected that this had been happening, but he finally had his proof. He held up a copy of the newspaper, and in the sports section, there was an article about an employee, who had supposedly been sick, winning a golf tournament.

“Wow” said someone in the back. “Imagine the score he co...

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Monkey arrested for throwing lit feces a zoo employees

3 were hospitalized with turd debris burns

After five months on the job, a new employee believes he deserves a huge raise and decides to ask his boss.

“And how much of a raise do you want?” asks his boss.

“I’m thinking an extra $10,000 a year,” says the employee.

The boss nods. “Sounds about right. And what would you say to a package of ten weeks vacation, 20 paid holidays, and a company car leased every two years, say, a silver Cadi...

I miss the days when 2 Nintendo employees would show up at your house to play Wii

Now they just show up with a lawsuit and a court order.

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What did the sex toy store employee tell the customer that was buying a dildo?

Thank you for your purchase. Go fuck yourself.

People are so desperate for employees now

That the sign say long haired freaky people please apply

An employee at an American weapons manufacturer spots a bear in a conference room...

"Is this a set-up for a Second Amendment joke?"

Another employee : "What? No. That's our new yoga instructor."

A Psychic buying clothes

Employee: How about this one?

Psychic: That shirt is too small.

Employee: You didn't even try it on.

Psychic: I'm a medium.

An employee at the cookie factory fell into the dough mixing vat.

It looks like he's going to make it, but he was badly battered.

Why did the Nabisco employees go on strike?

Because the factories were crumby.

How many Buzzfeed employees does it take to operate an electric chair?

10, but 4 will shock you.

What's the difference between two full time employees in America and a lasagne?

A Lasagne can feed a family of four.

Reddit seems to have a hard time vetting their employees when a simple search would have been sufficient

Nevermind, they must have tried using Reddit search.

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Employees calls his boss to tell him he can't come in for work today because he is sick.

The boss tells the employee "Whenever I get sick, I have sex with my wife. Maybe try that?"

Later that day, the employee calls his boss and said "Thanks for the tip! I feel so much better now! Also, you have a nice house!"

This just in: A Burger King employee in Kalispell, Montana was arrested today after being caught putting vodka in the orange Hi-C.

Local police say it was the first reported case of a Flathead screwdriver.

A man walks up to a store and trys to get in but the door is locked. The store's employee yells through the door "sorry we're closed" "But your sign says open 24 hours!" says the man.

The employee yells back "not in a row"

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The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his Deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.

IRS AUDITOR: “I Need A List Of Your Employees And How Much You Pay Them".


Boat Owner: “Well, There's Clarence, My Deckhand, He's Been With Me For 3 Years. I Pay Him $1,000 A Week Plus Free Room And Board. Then There's The Mentally Challenged Guy. He Works About 18 Hours Every Day And Does...

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The Corporate Ladder

A recent study in USA have found an interesting relationship between a man social status and the sport he watches

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employee is BOWLING
3. The sport of choice for front line workers is Ame...

Get a job

A young man in a small town graduates from high school. His father comes to him that evening and tells him “Son, you’re a man now. You need to start contributing to this household. Go get a job.”

The young man is rightfully concerned. Work prospects in his town are slim. The only jobs availab...

Why did the Pepsi employee get fired

They did to much coke

My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

An employee sees his boss arrive at work one day in a brand new Lamborghini.

The employee goes out to the car park and says to his boss “Wow that’s an amazing car! I wish I had one just like it, that must have cost you a pretty penny!”

The boss stands up, looks the employee in the face and says “Yes, it did. And do you know something? Next year, if you work really har...

A large corporation hires a Tribe of cannibals...

And they tell them: "You have full rights as employees, but you're not allowed to eat anybody."

Things go well for several weeks and then the CEO calls the Tribe into his office. The CEO says:

"Somebody has been reported missing. Did you eat them?"

The chief of the Tribe checks ...

A State Government Employee sits in his office, and out of boredom decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet

He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This would look nice on my mantelpiece," he thinks, so he takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice-cold diet Pepsi right now!" POOF! A Pepsi appears before him ...

After hearing a speech on how to motivate employees,

the business owner posted signs that read "Do It Now" in every department
It was impossible for the employees not to see them all through the day.

A friend dropped by a week later. Seeing the signs, he asked if the scheme really worked.

"Well," said the business owner, "not exactly ...

Don't make a decision before you have studied all its aspects ! Don't make a decision when you are angry !

An iron company manager, while touring the company noticed a young man leaning against the wall and doing nothing.

He approached him and said softly, "How much is your salary?"

The young man was calm and surprised by the personal question.

He answered, "2500 dollars a month, sir...

A guy took his small daughter with him to work one day...

After he introduced all the other employees to her she began to cry. He asked her what the matter was and she said, "You told Mom that you work with a bunch of clowns. Where are they?"

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Hilarious, subversive memo sent to 20,000 federal employees early in computer mass-messaging age

This memo was sent out to 20,000 federal employees in my agency in the early 1990s, when federal computer systems first got mass messaging. The first incarnation of this system allowed *any employee* to mass message. Some low-level employee sent this to all. Needless to say, the agency immediatel...

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A woman walks into a pet shop looking for a bird. The employee of the pet shop walks up to her and asks, "What are you looking for?"

The woman explains she wants a bird who can sing. The employee explains "We have one, but he only sings Christmas songs". The womans says "well I'd love to see it!" The employee walks into the backroom and brings out a pretty, brown parrot. "His name is Chet and he only sings when you light a fire u...

John was returning from work when he remembered that today was his daughter's birthday...

There was still time so he decided to quickly drive and buy a gift for her.
He went to the local supermarket and headed straight to the toys section in search of a toy his daughter would cherish.

He found employee there and asked his advise on which Barbie doll would make the best gift. ...

Some losses may be your gain

An unemployed man applies for a job as a toilet cleaner at a large computer company and takes an appointment for an interview with the company's manager.

During the interview, the manager told the unemployed person: You have been accepted for the job.

But we need your email to send you...

Why was the Samsung employee astonished?

Because I swallowed a tablet without water.

I had to scold my employee for leaving the air conditioning on for the night

We had a very heated argument.

A chef asks an employee to grab him some cilantro

He quickly grabs the herb and returns to his boss. When he returns the chef is busy doing something and can’t take the cilantro right away.

“Give me a second,” he says

“Take your time,” the employee responds patiently.

The chef snaps back “I told you to give me a second! Also ...

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A boss calls one of his male employees into the office

Boss: I want you to go into the bathroom and masturbate.
Employee: ...excuse me sir?
Boss: Do as I say. Now go.
5 minutes later, guy comes back a bit sweaty and relaxed.
Employee: Ok done sir.
Boss: very well. Now go and do it again.
Employee: what? Really?
Boss: Just go ...

I was browsing in a liquor store when an employee asked me “Do you need help?”

I said, “Yes, but I’m here to get whiskey instead.”

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An adult toy shop hired a new employee

The boss welcomes him on his first day and tells him that he has to leave for a while. "Will you be able to handle the store alone today?"

The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's motivation, he finally agrees. The boss leaves.

After some time a white woman walks in....

When a Gamestop employee dies and goes to Heaven...

Do you think God says "Well you have 3,000 good deeds, but I'm only gonna give you credit for 14 of them."

What did the disgruntled birdwatcher say to the employee of the bird sanctuary?

I’d like to speak to your Tanager.

A thug walks into a bar.

He sees a lone man sitting in front of his beer, crying.
He walks up to him, pushes him off the chair, slaps him left and right in the face and drinks his beer.

The man then started crying even louder and sobbing in absolute desperation.
The thug, annoyed, yelled: Why are you crying lik...

A employee calls his boss...

He asks, "Can I have the week of Thanksgiving off this year?"

The boss replies, "Don' you know, it's May?"

The employee rephrases, "Sorry sir, may I have the week of Thanksgiving off this year?"

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Why did the dyslexic employee at the concession stand at the movie theatre get arrested?

For bootlegging copporn !!!

A little girl walks into a pet store and tells an employee that she’d like to buy a rabbit.

The employee smiles down at the little girl and says, “Right this way! We have lots of different rabbits to choose from depending on what you’re looking for.” She leads the little girl over to a large enclosure where a huge collection of bunnies of all different sizes and colors are hopping about or...

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A company hires a new employee....

A company hires a new employee. The boss meets him on his first day, looks him over and decides that he's going to be a good worker.

And he was right. Starting on Monday, the new employee finished all his tasks in record time. The boss was impressed. On Tuesday he did the same. Wednesday cam...

Me: Thank you for that glass of milk earlier.

Sperm bank employee: What glass of milk?

Me: That glass of milk that was sitting on your desk.

Sperm bank employee: Oh my God.

Me: What?

Sperm bank employee: You drank my glass of milk.

How did the Scottish bakery employee go undefeated in the 100-yard dash?

Because run, run, as fast as they can. They can't catch him. He's the ginger bread man.

A man is told the local bank offers mortgages with no interest

The man enters the bank.

Man: I’m here to find out about the mortgage

Employee: I don’t really care.

What did Microsoft employees say to Bill Gates after his motivational speech?

Word.

Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory?

He took a day off.

What did Darth Vader say when the record store employee told him they were out of George Michael albums?

I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing.

Why did the scarecrow win employee of the month?

He was outstanding in his field

Daryl was sitting in his house when came a loud knock on his door. He went to the door and a salesman was standing there with an unfamiliar object in his hand. “What’s that?” asked Daryl. “It’s a Thermos.”

Intrigued, Daryl asked, “What does it do?”

Shifting into the sales pitch he said, “This little jewel is amazing. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”

After some discussion Daryl purchased one thinking it would really help with his lunch situation at work. The next day he arr...

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An employee stole my credit card and used it to buy porn. I had to fire him for poor judgement....

WHO PAYS FOR PORN?!?

The boss approaches the new employee...

...and tells him to sweep the office.

"I'm sorry but I went to Harvard" the employee replies

The boss responds "Oh, my bad. In this case I have to show you how to do this"

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[NSFW] A HR employee was sent an anonymous dick pic within the company network

Right away, she called the Packaging Design Manager. The man was shocked. "How did you know it was me?!"

She pointed to the caption on the picture: "Enlarged to Show Texture".

I don't understand it. My company told all employees to get tested for COVID-19, and to stay home until they get the test results. I got tested and called my boss to tell him I'm coming back to work on Monday. He asked me if I'm sure my test came back negative.

I told him I was positive. He told me to stay home.

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In the next few months, Jeff Bezos plans to go into space. There he will be forced to stay inside a small metal room and piss in a tube.

I guess he is just trying to relate to his employees.

What do Superman and constantly watched employees have in common?

supervision

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A small business owner is filling out some forms for the government.

One of the questions asks: please list the employees you have, broken down by sex.

The man replied: None. Although a few do sometimes come in late.

A store manager is doing the rounds one day when he comes upon a new employee talking to a customer

The customer wants a TV, but the employee says they don't have any so the customer walks away.

The manager, annoyed, calls the employee to his office and tells him "We never say no to a customer. Next time, tell him you need to fetch it from the back. Then go buy it from the store next door a...

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What's one thing both a pet store employee and a doctor can say to a normal person?

I've seen more pussy than you ever will

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An employee was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and
important document here and my Secretary has gone for
the night. Can you make this thing work?"

“Certainly,” said the employee. He turned the machine
on, inserted the paper and pressed the start button.
“Excellent, excellent!” ...

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Damn Ham

A preacher was invited to a dinner by a nice family. When the preacher arrived the mother realized they did not have a ham for the dinner. She then asked the preacher if he could go to the store to grab a ham. Preacher agrees and heads to the grocery store. The preacher asked a stocker if they had a...

Have you heard about the IT employee who got hacked weeks ago?

Well, he is in pieces now.

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, a...

Ordering at Starbucks. Employee: Your name please. Man: Stephen with a ph

Pheteven it is.

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With quarantine over, I decided to book a flight, and foolishly hoped that Delta’s customer service would’ve improved after the down time.

Instead, when I got to the airport, I waited forever in a line while a Delta employee physically assaulted each and every customer who approached the desk. When my turn came, the employee gave me a right hook to the jaw and waved the next customer forward.

“What the fuck?!” I shouted. “I w...

Brain fart

Boss: Does your wife want to go skiing with my wife in North America?

Employee: Alaska?

Boss: Great, the and let me know by Monday.

The employees at Lowe's will ignore you for a full 25 minutes...

... until you start a chainsaw.

Jeff Bezos' Advice

An Amazon employee greets Bezos shortly after his successful spaceflight and gives him a hearty congratulations. Jeff responds, "Well, if you work hard, set yourself goals and work with determination, I should be able to squeeze in 2 more flights before Christmas."

A man walks into a resort and the first sign he sees says “Lool Area”. He was confused and asked one of the employees about it.



“Yes, we have this tradition here, where we replace the first ‘P’ of a word that starts with P with an ‘L’."

The man thought this was strange, but as long as there were no other rules, he’d be fine. The man toured the resort and eventually came upon the cafeteria.

There was a s...

Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, recently received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.

On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy.

"Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.

Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.

There's...

As an employee in the health care industry, I make it a point to keep up with all the latest medical news. Just the other day I read about a man who had the entire left side of his body amputated.

After that, he was alright.

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How to fire an Employee...

All the members of the company's Board of Directors were called into the Chairman's office, one after another, until only Ted, the junior member, was left sitting outside.

Finally it was his turn to be summoned.

Ted entered the office to find the Chairman and the other four Directors s...

An employee hadn't showed up for work, and it was getting pretty late.

The boss had a meeting in some time, and this particular employee was supposed to present the pitch to the clients. Ten minutes go by, twenty minutes go by... and there's no sign of the employee.

The boss decided to call him. However, the employee did not answer so the boss tried his wife's ...

Gotta take the local brothel to court. They said their employees would do *anything* for a hundred each, so I hired the whole joint.

Not a single log got chopped up, despite clear instructions.

how come your employees are always on time in the mornings?”

One company owner asks another: “Tell me, Bill, how come your employees are always on time in the mornings?”

Bill replies: “Easy. 30 employees and 20 parking spaces.”

Question: “How many Apple employees does it take to change a light bulb?”

Answer: “Seven. One to change the bulb and six to design the T-shirt.”

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I complained to my boss about how disgusting the employee bathroom was.

He called the janitor and said, "I found out who keeps shitting in the maintenance closet mop bucket."

An employee who was being let go for poor performance asked his boss to help him out with a letter of recommendation

The boss didn't want to refuse, but he was too honest to lie. So he wrote: "You will be very fortunate to get John to work for you!"

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A Laotian businessman opened a small shop in London.

He was very quiet and diligent with his bookkeeping. He always made sure to help out his employees when he could, typically hiring other Laotian immigrants in the area who were struggling to find work.

Among these employees was a group of three friends from Surrey. Although they were rowdy an...

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I asked an employee at the bank if they had any specials or promotions on loans and she said "Yeah! Zero interest!"

To which I responded, "Uhhhh, then can you maybe fuckin go find someone who's *interested* in helping me?"

People can be so rude.

My boss came to me at lunch,

Where the hell have you been? I've been trying to find you all morning!"


I shrugged and said, "Good employees are hard to find!"

Amazon Employee in Seattle Confirmed to have Coronavirus.

Prime customers expected to have it by Tomorrow if they order within the next 1 hr and 21 mins

A new employee on his first day working at Walmart.

A new employee is being trained on the first day of his job. His supervisor explains to him how to do his job.

“The trick is to lead customers to products based on what they want. Let me demonstrate.”

A customer approaches and explains that he needs something for his garden, and the tr...

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A man walks into an auto shop.

He walks straight up to the front desk and says, “Listen, I need some repairs, but I’ve got a really suped up, high powered, custom car, so I don’t know if you’ll be able to handle it.”
The employee says, “I can see if it’s something we can manage, how many pistons does it have?”
The customer ...

Two elderly gentlemen sit inside of a nursing home, casually sipping their coffee...

The one facing the door glances up at the night shift tech who’s leaving for the day, glimpsing him press the code 1749* into the door before opening it and leaving.
He softly says to the other one, 1749*.
The second man smiles contentedly, “We’re breaking out tonight.” They winked and let o...

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There's a man who hates his wife

He is reading the newspaper and sees an ad for a hitman named Arti who only costs a dollar! The man calls Arti and tells him that his wife goes to Walmart every Saturday at 10:00 AM. Arti goes to Walmart and waits. Then he sees the man's wife so Arti jumps over and choked her to death. But somebody ...

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There is a factory that makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.

The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.   Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.   The next day at 8:45 is there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new E...

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Jack & Jill

Jack and Jill have grown up. They've graduated from uni, gotten married and got a job at the same firm.
One day, while going through the books and after much deliberation, their boss decides he must lay off one employee. Jack and Jill are the most recent hires, so it must be one of them. The prob...

The lobby of my local Dairy Queen was closed due to short staff.

They should've hired taller employees


(Joke brought to you by my 9yo sister)

A man gets a new job as manager of an office and decides to go to each employees house for dinner to get to know them.

First he goes to his assistant Joe’s house. He sits down for dinner and notices that the plates don’t quite look clean. He says “Joe are you sure these plates have been washed?”
Joe answers somewhat offended “they are as clean as soap and water can get them”
So the man decides to let it go and...

When an Amazon employee is on maternity leave...

Are they out for delivery?

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The boss demands to know why his employee was late.

"Sorry boss, I was masturbating. But I came as quick as I could."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a self-employed, work-at-home guy during the pandemic

I'd like you to meet the employee of the month, Dick!

Please stand up and be recognized.

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A man tells his friend he just opened a brothel.

“$100 for anal and $50 for a blow job”, says the man.

His friend asks “How much for the pussy?”.

“Nah” says the man, “I don’t have any employees yet”.

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Wife sent me to the store to buy tampons.

As I'm standing there confused, a worker approached me and asked, "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Yeah. What are these tampons made out? They are so expensive."


"Well basically just cotton, string, and cardboard." replies the employee.

After thinking for a minute...

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A man walks into a pet shop

He asks the employee: "Show me a pet like nobody else has!". The employee thinks for am moment and goes: "Well, I do have this parrot." "Forget it,", says the man, "anyone can have parrot." "But not this one, this one is special!". The man takes a look at the parrot, sitting in his cage and the parr...

A Brazilian Jiu Jitsu teacher and black belt told his Purple belt employee,

"We're going to have a match. If you can avoid being submitted for 10 minutes, I'll award you a black belt and I'll give you a raise. If I can get you in a chokehold and you can't escape, I'm going to fire you."

The employee agreed, and they started the match. Five minutes in, the teacher loc...

Did you hear about the grocery store employee who poured a bunch of spices into his pockets?

They fired him for thyme theft

I received an award at work for being the most secretive employee.

I can’t tell you how much this means to me.

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Did you hear about the sex worker who got Employee of the Month?

She did a really good fucking job.

A woman goes up to an employee at a garden shop.

“How much for this goth cucumber” she asks,
“Ma’am that’s a catcus”

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A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a major asshole to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees.

None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth...

A Mortal Kombat character walks into a store..

Employee: "Finding everything okay, sir?"

Character: "Yes, I'm just Lui Kang."

What do you call the employees of Elon Musk ?

The Musketeers

What did the block mason say before he fired his employee for doing a poor job making sewer covers?

I'm about to end his manhole's career

I was voted the worst employee in the nursing home recently.

I don't care.

Did you hear about the crematorium employee who took a nap on a gurney during his break?

He got fired for sleeping on the job.

What Is the Number One Complaint from Tesla Employees?

No matter where you are in the facility it always smells a little musky.

Due to COVID-19 a grocery store started paying its employees in vegetables

It was a weird celery

A blind fella is in a department store walking up and down the aisles with a white cane in one hand while swinging a service dog on a leash above his head with the other hand. A store employee asks if he needs assistance.

The blind fella replies, “No thanks, just looking.”

What do you call an essential Walmart employee?

A Walmartyr.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I ever had sex with a GameStop employee...

...I'd offer them protection for $2.99

What happens when a Google employee breaks his arm?

He gets a Chrome Cast.

A jewelry store owner and his two employees go on lunch break together

At the restaurant they find a lamp on the booth seat.

The owner rubs it and a genie appears; "Ye who have summoned me, I will grant three wishes. Since there's three of you here, you each get one wish."

The first employee says "I wish I was riding a jetski by a tropical beach crowded ...

A woman goes on a date with an NSA employee,

And says, "So, tell me about myself."

A CEO went on a rock climbing trip with one of his employees.

The CEO, an experienced climber, reached the top of a difficult section and was holding a rope tied to both men. As the employee was climbing up, he lost his grip, and was only saved by the strength of the CEO who was barely able to hang on. The CEO yelled, "Hurry, I'm losing my grip!", but the empl...

Customer service at restaurants is HORRIBLE.

Every time I use one of their restrooms, I see "Employees must wash hands" on the mirror. So I wait for HOURS, but not ONCE has an employee EVER showed up to wash them for me.

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