Three spies, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, were captured in the alps and sentenced to death by firing squad.

First they brought out the brunette and stood them against the wall.

"Ready," called the sergeant, "aim..."

"Avalanche!" yelled the brunette.

As the soldiers ran for cover the brunette escaped.

Next they brought out the redhead and stood them against the wall.

"Rea...

3 women before a firing squad

3 women were going before a firing squad, and before they went out they all agreed to yell something disastrous to distract the shooters. The first one, a brunette went out and as they ask her if she had any last words, she yelled as loud as she could, "Tornado......"!!!!!!!! The squad ran for cover...

Ben, Dan and Carl were sentence to death by a firing squad because of treason to the state.

Ben was the first up, the general would give the command to his soldiers to shoot. “Ready..Aim...” Then Ben suddenly shouted “EARTHQUAKE!!” All the soldiers hid for cover and Ben escaped. Dan was next. “Ready...Aim...” Then Dan Screamed “TSUNAMI!!” The soldiers hid for cover again and they lost Ben ...

A man is sentenced to death by firing squad

On the day he is going to get executed, he doesn't ask for a last meal or anything special like that.


When he is standing facing the firing squad he asks the guard one thing


Man: I am a music lover and I didn't ask for anything special on my last day. Can you please let me sing...

My boss is firing me because I'm grasping the subject.

He said that the patients are complaining about being extremely uncomfortable from being held onto.

How many Buzzfeed workers does it take to form a firing squad?

10. But number 5 will blow your mind!

A brunette, redhead, and blonde got sentenced to execution in front of a firing squad.

The brunette went first. Seeing that the soldiers were a little naive, she waited until they raised their rifles and yelled "TORNADO!". The soldiers panicked and ran and in the ensuing confusion the brunette escaped.

They then beought out the redhead. She waited until the soldiers raised thei...

TIFU by firing the wrong employee

Whoops, wrong sub (ordinate)

3 men were sentenced to death by firing.

The day of the execution came, and the firing squad leads the men to the execution grounds.

 

Now, this firing squad was rather well-known to be the most gullible group around, and it’s due to this knowledge that the first man started to hatch a cunning plan to escape.

...

A stormtrooper just got sent to the firing squad.

He will be missed.

A brunette, redhead, and blonde got sentenced to execution in front of a firing squad.

The brunette was dragged, kicking and screaming, to the wall and blindfolded. In desperation, she screamed "TORNADO!". The soldiers, caught by surprise, dropped their guns and covered their heads. The brunette tore off her blindfold and bolted to freedom out of the encampment.

By and by, the ...

3 criminals are about to be executed by firing squad

The first one is told to get in front and the marshal count down. 3! 2! 1! The prisoner shouts TORNADO and points behind the soldiers. When the soldiers turn around the prisoner runs away.

The marshal isn’t pleased and orders the second prisoner to the line. He counts down 3! 2! 1! The priso...

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.

Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a ...

What's the difference between an american school and a firing range?

The school has moving targets.

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A black man was arrested for firing a starting rifle.

They believe it was race related.

3 criminals are about to be executed by a firing squad...

The first criminal is brought out. The captain yells "Arm!" then "Aim!" The criminal thinks quickly and shouts "Tsunami!" Being near a tsunami-prone area, the captain and his men look around. The criminal escapes.

The second criminal is then brought out. The captain orders his men the same as...

The condemned prisoner stood before the firing squad.

The jail warden told him that as per custom, he was to be granted one final request, provided it was something straightforward and easily manageable.

The prisoner explained that he loved singing and requested to sing his favourite childhood song to completion.

The warden motioned to ...

My father always complained about his firing from Lay's after being caught stealing produce.

He always did have a huge chip on his shoulder.

An englishman was sued for discrimination after firing all the redheads from his strip club.

He was able to get off Scot-free.

3 prisoners are to be executed by a firing squad

The first one thinking of ways to escape shouted "EARTHQUAKE!" which caused everyone to panic and allowed the prisoner to escape.
The second prisoner seeing what the first one did shouted "TORNADO!" which caused everyone to panic again and also allowed him to escape
The third prisoner, knowing...

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An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope you're are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. B...

I was at the firing range when a family walked right into the lanes while people were firing to hang their targets.

That’s one family no one will miss.

Three guys are at a firing squad...

...and they will be shot in public. The first guy, not willing to die, thought of a great way to trick the squad. Just as the guns were raised to shoot him, the guy pointed behind the squad and shouted, "Avalanche!" The firing squad was tricked, and as they looked behind them, the guy ran away. The ...

An American, French and Polish man stand before a firing squad

The American is ordered to stand in front of the squad. He steps forward and the commander shouts

Ready, aim..

The American points behind the shooters and screams "tornado"

The firing squad turns around and the American sneaks away.

The French man comes up next and the co...

A nun is put to death by a firing squad....

She lived and died holey.

What did Clint Eastwood say before firing up the ceramic bowl he made in pottery class?

Go ahead, bake my clay.

*walks away slowly*

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At the end of WW 2, three soldiers - an Italian, a Japanese, and a Pole - were facing a Russian firing squad.

The Russians decided to shoot the Italian first. They asked if he had any last words, and he yelled "Il Duce!" The squad leader then gave the command, "Ready... Aim...." and the Italian saw his life flash before his eyes, and remembered his home near Mt. Vesuvius, and yelled out, "Volcano!!!" ...

You're fired!

A company hired a new CEO. This boss wanted to get rid all of the slackers.

One day, he saw a young man against the wall. He wanted to prove himself that he meant business.
The CEO walked up to the man and asked, "How much do you make a week?"

The man replied"$200 a week. Why?"
<...

A physics professor asks this question in his class.

If a plane is flying in South East direction at 795 miles an hour and it takes a torque of 58000 N/m2 to unscrew a nut from the main pillar of Brooklyn Bridge, then calculate my age as of today?

The ivy league geniuses in the class immediately went to work. Firing up thier computers and calc...

The tough CEO

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!


The CEO ...

Three woman are all sentenced to death by firing squad. A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde...

The firing squad was called to shoot all the girls.

The brunette went first. The executor said, "We will shoot you on 3. 1...2..." Before the man said three, the brunette yelled, "TORNADO!"

Everyone looked away, and she ran to safety.

The firing squad then went to the redhead. T...

In the ancient village of Gennemill, there lived the Trids...

The Trids were a happy folk, mostly due to their vast riches. They weren't known for being warriors, or for being artists, or for their architecture, but simply because they had the most gold, an entire mountain of it infact. But one day the powerful dragon, Sorial, swooped down on Gennemill and ove...

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were to be executed during a dictatorship.

Method of execution: Firing squad

The brunette was up, the gunmen readied their weapons, the captain started the countdown ... 3...2...1

The brunette exclaimed : "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

The gunmen were terrified! Fearing their impending doom at the face of such a natural phenomenon, the...

A panda walks into a bar with his bag

The panda takes a seat at a single table and asks the waiter for the menu. The waiter confirms his order and a few minutes later brings him his food. The panda finishes all the food and then whips out his tommy gun fron his bag and starts spraying everywhere. Everyone ducks under their tables or wha...

Captain Smith is an officer of the Union army.

One day, his unit gets overran by an overwhelming ambush by the Confederate army. He is captured and taken to a Confederate garrison where he is brought up to General Jones. To his surprise, he is greeted warmly and served a sumptuous lunch and aged bourbon by his captors.

"I'm sorry, Captain...

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Four Officers are standing next to a cliff..

One officer from the Army, Navy, Marines and Air Force.

The Army officer says "we're the toughest, watch this", and tells one of his troops to jump off the cliff. The troop jumps.

The Navy officer says "that's nothing", and tells one of his troops to do a back flip off the cliff. The t...

A classic one

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Swede are all captured and need to be killed by a firing squad.

The Englishman is the first to go up, and the countdown is given. “3... 2...”but before they can fire, the Englishman yells, “Avalanche!” and all of the firing squad is distracted and then the E...

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This really isn't a good joke but...

In an alternate universe, Hitler gains power of the whole world (somehow) and he is so full of himself, he changes the official title of a man from mister to the first 3 letters of his name.

In this alternate universe, Hitler doesn't believe in Aryan supremacy but supports LGBT (bear with me)...

Three hunters are lost in the woods, and their prospects aren't looking good.

The three men have been trying to find their way out for hours, but none of the landmarks look familiar, and they're starting to get desperate. Finally, one man remembers his Boy Scout training and says, "Fire three shots in the air, and someone will come find us!"

So they fire three shots an...

An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land,

and the leader of the captors said, "We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish."

The Englishman responds, "I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the ...

I HAD A ROUGH YEAR

It was a tough year, but I made it !!!
But not everyone is as lucky as I am......
Economy is so bad, I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
I ordered a burger at McDonald's, and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
CEO's are now playing miniatu...

3 men are about to take a test to become a CIA agent

They were told that they needed to kill a double agent that was captured recently with the gun given to them. However the trick is that the gun fires blanks and the person in the room is the agent to be’s father, so this is merely a test of dedication, and the final step to becoming a CIA agent
<...

At a joint NATO training excercise,

An American officer is overseeing a firing range. There a soldiers of all nationalities present. However, the officer takes particular interest in a young Australian soldier. Whilst his peers are firing at targets, he struggles to load his gun and then it jams. The officer whispers to his fellow Ame...

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A village is invaded by the enemy army

During a war, an army enters a village and the commander decides to execute all villagers by the firing squad. But, he also wants to entertain himself and gathers the men and the women across each other. Then, the soldiers blindfold the women and leave the men butt-naked.

The commander says "...

Three men are sentenced to death.

Each of the three prisoners were brought up one at a time in front of the firing squad.

The first man was up and the captain began to shout " ready... aim...." and the prisoner yelled "Tornado!!!". Everyone ran for cover and the first prisoner got away.

The second man was brought for...

Confused

Two lovers fall on hard times and decided to rob a bank together. The first lover plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second lover in great detail.

The robbery begins. The first lover drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to the other lover, "I want to make abso...

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A ventriloquist walks into a bar (Long)

Starts doing his stand-up routine, where he’s really trying to establish himself. After too many jokes ending with awkward silences punctuated with a few small titters of laughter, he decides to go to ol’ faithful and break out the ol’ ventriloquist dummy. He hones in on the easiest target he can th...

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New CEO

The board of directors at one company decided to hire new executive staff in order to increase the company's profits. The new CEO was a very tough guy who made it his mission to rid the company of slackers. One time he notices a guy in the hallway leaning against the wall picking his nose. As there ...

A blonde, a redhead, & a brunette are about to be executed

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are about to be executed by firing squad. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone ...

No hurry!

Three traitors were captured in the war and were about to face a firing squad. Before their execution they were asked what they would like to eat for their last meal.

The first prisoner asked for a juicy steak. He was served the steak and then taken away to be shot.

The second prison...

Three soldiers are captured when their plane goes down...

Three soldiers are captured when their plane goes down behind enemy lines. They are taken to the enemy's headquarters and informed that the POW camp is full so they will be executed immediately, by firing squad. They are taken out to an open space and sat down. Then, one by one, they are to be lined...

Soviet joke

Three men have to share a hotel room in Chelyabinsk during a congress. Naturally, in the evening, they start drinking. One thing leads to another, and they find themselves telling political jokes. Concerns that any of the others may be KGB informants or that the room may be bugged are readily dissol...

Target practice

Out on the shooting range in an area where hunting is forbidden, I encounter two chinese gentleman curious about what happens at this place.

They politely ask if this is where they can shoot some rabbits. No no, I say, shooting rabbits is not legal here. You are only allowed to practice firin...

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My wife caught me checking out the nanny the other day.

She fired the nanny. Then she told me no more sex for a year!

I said, "You're firing the maid, too?"

Three soldiers are captured by the enemy army and are due to be shot

There's one Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman.

The Englishman is brought out first, and the firing squad takes aim. . .

Suddenly, the Englishman points behind the squad and yells "SANDSTORM!!!" the firing squad turn around to look and the Englishman jumps over the wall and runs aw...

The Russian election system

Where citizens choose between Vladimir Putin or a KGB firing squad.

A blonde and a redhead are taken hostage by terrorists.

The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad.

Just before the squad fires, the redhead points and yells, "Tornado!" The terrorists run in all different directions, and the redhead escapes.

When they realize what has happened, the terrorists come back to where th...

Tupac walked into his boss's office....

His boss said, "Sit down, we need to talk. I am firing you. You need Tupac your things and go."

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are about to be shot...

By a firing squad in a Nazi POW camp. The Nazis line them up, and prepare to shoot the Englishman. Just as they're aiming and about to fire, he shouts "HURRICANE!" And all the Germans run desperately for cover, and the Englishman manages to hop the fence and run off.
The disgruntled Germans come ...

A Jewish military man from Israel told me this joke.

Deep in the desert. Mehmet, an Arab fighter (or militant, if you will) chases an Israeli soldier, let's call him Moshe, with an AK47 gun.

Mehmet closes on Moshe and starts firing at him but misses. The chase continues through the desert, there's quite a lot of firing from Mehmet and quite a l...

There was a Brunette , Redhead and a blonde getting ready for Execution.

The Brunette was marched to her final place, the firing squad's guns on her. The commander said

"Ready"

"Aim"

then the Brunette screamed "EARTHQUAKE", the firing squad looked around, and the brunette ran away and escaped.

The Redhead was marched to her final place, the f...

Agent Smith

A long time ago, when Agent Smith was newly generated, he was tasked to kill the rogue program, The Oracle, and her son. He was new to the Matrix, and was unaware of her capabilities. So he tried to delete her by firing at her with his gun, though the Oracle safely removed herself and her son from d...

Three American Indians get lost in the forest..

Indian No.1: "What do we do?"

Indian No.2: "I don't know, we're Indian, we're not supposed to get lost in the forest!"

Indian No.3: "We could do like the white man and fire three shots into the air."

Indian No.2: "How does that help?"

Indian No.3: "Well, when the white ma...

The Captured Allies

In the final years of the Great War, a Brit, Italian and a Frenchman were captured by the enemy.

So, the Brit was brought up to the pole and has his hands tied around it. The firing squad was told to aim, however the man exclaimed,

"Look, a tornado's behind you!"

While the firin...

Once there was a man named Zade Zazinski...

Once there was a man named Zade Zazinski. Zade was always last for everything due to his name. Everything always seemed to run out before Zade received his portion. Schoolbooks, supplies, food rations. Disappointed, Zade joined the military out of high school thinking that he would be treated eq...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in a Mexican prison.

They committed a crime and have been sentenced to death. The women are instructed to say when they are ready for the firing squad to shoot and kill them. The brunette is called up. She says, "Ready, aim, tornado!" Afraid of an approaching funnel cloud, the police quickly turn around and the brunette...

[Civil servant joke] President Obama wants to know who's better: the CIA, the US Marine Corps, or the LAPD.

The President orders a single, clearly marked white rabbit to be released into the California redwood forests. Whichever service catches the rabbit wins the contest.

The CIA go first. They deploy surveillance drones, spy satellites and analysts to track down the target. The rabbit is small...

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead spy get caught behind enemy lines...

The enemy puts each of them against a fence to be shot.

The general orders his squad, "Ready. Aim."

The brunette spy is quick on her feet and yells, "TORNADO! TORNADO! TORNADO!"

The entire firing squad goes to the bunker to hide and waits for the tornado to pass. The brunette th...

A Russian platoon is hiking through the wood...

...when suddenly the point man drops dead from a bullet through his head. The Commander orders the platoon to halt and take cover, when they hear a voice echo through the forest from behind a nearby ridge.

"1 Finnish sniper is worth 5 Russian soldiers!"

Stunned by this ridiculous claim...

A woman pregnant with triplets gets shot

A 9 month pregnant woman with triplets is waiting in line at the bank when robbers run in and start firing shots. The woman gets shot in the belly 3 times and is taken to the hospital. After the surgery the nurse tells the woman that she will be fine and that her babies are fine too, however, this...

Three men in prison are about to be executed.

There are three men standing in a prison yard, about to be executed for their crimes. They are offered a choice in execution style; beheading via guillotine, death by firing squad or an injection of HIV.

The first man chooses beheading. He's led to the guillotine by the guards, positioned, an...

3 soldiers crash on German territory in World War 2...

They were an American, a Brit and a Belgian soldier.

Since it's 1944 and the Germans still have hope the commanding officer offers them a way out; They can choose between the electric chair, a firing squad or the gallow.

With each penalty comes the rule: survive 3 times and you're fr...

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Little Johnny stories with a moral (long joke)

The teacher tells her students to come up with a story with a moral for homework.

The next day the teacher says, "Okay everyone lets listen to your stories. Susie you are up first."

Susie says "We live on a farm and I was collecting eggs from the hen house one day. I gathered the eggs...

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Timing is Key

During the Japanese Occupation Mike, Sam and Ben were caught for smuggling. They were sentenced to death by firing squad.

That night, Mike came up with a plan. He told the others that the Japanese were afraid of natural disasters. So he would cause them to panic, and escape in the confusion....

A Man is Hunting and Accidentally Shoots His Friend

Surprised and scared, the man calls 911 and the conversation went like this:

Operator: This is 911, state your emergency

Hunter: I shot my friend while hunting and I think I killed him!

Operator: Well the first thing to do is to make sure that he's actually dead

The opera...

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The trip to Home Depot

I went to Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one.

You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to crap yourself' road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point o...

So Joseph Stalin is giving a speech

So Joseph Stalin is giving a speech, and all of a sudden, someone sneezes, interrupting his speech.

Stalin gets mad and asks, "Who sneezed?".

Stalin asks once again, "Who sneezed?"

When nobody comes forward, Stalin says "Very well. First row, stand up!". The first row in the cro...

A panda walks into a bar...

Panda sits down and starts eating some peanuts out of a dish on the bar. A few minutes later, he pulls out an uzi and starts firing at all the customers. Panda gets up, and lumbers out of the bar.

A few days later, the same panda walks back into the same bar. He sits at the bar and starts hav...

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head get caught stealing the Emperor's pig.

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head get caught stealing the Emperor's pig. The punishment for such an offense is obviously death by firing squad. In the holding cell, waiting for their fate, Red head says to the other two, "I have an idea! follow my lead!"
Upon being called, Red head walks up, ...

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A Finnish WWII air force verteran was about to give a talk to an American high school.

He was stereotypically Nordic: pale skin, fair hair, and a heavy accent.


He introduced himself and began with a vivid description of his first dogfight in the Lapland War. "Literally the moment after we take off and got through the fog we saw them. Eight pesky Fokkers were spread out an...

The brunette, the redhead, and the blonde.

One day a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were set to be executed. They lined the three woman up in front of a firing squad. First, they brought the brunette up. Ready, aim. But just before they shoot she shouts "Earthquake!" and in the commotion she escapes. Once the chaos dies down they bring up...

Three German artillerymen were on probation for lackluster performance.

To secure continued enlistment in the military, they had to take a test that involved firing an egg out of a cannon, towards their commanding officer. They needed to use the smallest angle necessary to fire the egg in a way that didn't hit their CO.

The first man fired too low and hit the CO...

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A captain is sent to a new company....

A sergeant shows him around. He points to the firing range and says, " This is where the men practice their shooting. It's also a great way to get rid of stress". The captain nods, then the sergeant points to the cafeteria and says, " This is where the men eat. It's also a great way to get rid of s...

So a young man joins the army..

So a young man joins the army, it was his life plan since he was little because his grandfather and father before him both served. He felt like it was his duty to carry on the family tradition.

So after he joins he goes through all his basic training and testing. A few months later he is bein...

The generals chauffeur was late...

and the general needed to be at a meeting on the other side of the base in ten minutes. The luckless private chauffeuring the jeep was going around corners on two wheels, running red lights and speeding like a maniac.

The general asks the private, "Son, do you know what the penalty is fo...

Blonde, Brunette, and a Redhead

So a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead committed some major crimes and were sentenced to death by the firing squad. The jailer come up to the redhead and takes her to where she needs to stand and asks her,
"Any last words?"
"Nope," replies the redhead.
The jailer says, "ready, aim, ...."...

The policeman and the newspapers

A policeman is assigned to a new central station. His chief command him to buy a newspaper every morning, for a week. The news-stand is a few miles away and he is forbidden to take a car, because he's a rookie. He thinks: "Screw that! Today I'll walk to the news-stand and I'll buy 7 copies of the ne...

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