Thanks to being furloughed I have finally had time to clean out my attic.

I haven't cleaned it, but I have had time.

I just talked to a furloughed federal employee and told him McConnell might schedule a vote soon to reopen the government. Was there anything he particularly hoped for?

Mitch better have my money.

I shaved the top half of my cat this morning.

He's been furloughed too.

What do you call a furry that got laid off and laid at the same time.

A furloughed fur load.

A man dies and goes to hell. Once there, he finds that there is a different hell for each country, so he tries to seek out the least painful one.

At the door to German Hell, he is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

He does not like the sound of that, so he checks out British Hell, Russia...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.